Name too long?

SKPM · February 2013

I know this is random but I would like some outside opinions. H and I got married last summer and I'm still undecided on what to do with my last name. I haven't legally changed anything at this point, and I want my maiden name to remain a significant part of my name on a daily basis (i.e., not move it to a middle name). But I'm starting to feel like I might like to have his name in there too, so the ideal option seems to be hyphenating -- which I'm fine with, except my name would be SO long. Like this (names changed, lengths same):

Christina Ann Kohler-MacIverson, using Christina Kohler-MacIverson on a daily basis.

Does it seem too cumbersome for everyday life? I'm envisioning forms, licenses, signature lines, etc. where it might not fit properly. The other most plausible option seems to be what I do now, with my legal name unchanged and socially using the hyphenated name or even just his name.

Any suggestions? Or experiences from others with stupidly long names? TIA.

MrsGandthebeag · February 2013

I have no experience with hypenated names, but if you want my opinion I'd say skip it.

SKPM · February 2013

Thanks for responding. I'm so on the fence about it. I want my name and his name, but my first name and his last are so long. If I ever have kids (and who knows what last name they would get), I'm doling out short first names.

bridalmarch · February 2013

My last name is short, somewhat common, and easy to spell and pronounce. FI's last name is none of those things. I always figured I'd keep my name.

However, our daughter has his last name and it's SUCH a PITA that I can't wait to change my name.

Whatever you decide, I think you should do the same for legal and social matters. I think it can get too confusing otherwise.

cwaggoner07 · February 2013

My .02, I don't really like hyphenated names, for the reasons Lia listed. I don't think they're wrong or weird, it just seems like a hassle. It's a hassle enough that H goes by a nickname version of his middle name. His name is (for example) Jameson William and goes by Billy. It's extremely confusing just on that front.

I LOVED my maiden name, as it's a lot less common than my married name, and I have strong family history. I guess growing up in the South, I just knew one day I would have to let it go. I hated it, especially since I went to such a common last name.

Either way, there's no wrong way to go, but that's my opinion.

Good luck.

SKPM · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_name-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a94bcf19-4f4b-4c9c-a0b6-843901439c12Post:417b4b67-72d8-46db-b6c9-72fcc81a783d">Re: Name too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]Depending on your state's laws, you can also change it to add his last name without the hyphen so that you have 2 last names. At that point, unless it is a legally binding contract or a court document, you can use either name or both names together, your choice.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Oh interesting, I wasn't aware of that. I may look into it, thanks! Is that different, on paper, than having two middle names? I'll have to see if our SS and DMV recognize a difference.

arrestclementine · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_name-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a94bcf19-4f4b-4c9c-a0b6-843901439c12Post:417b4b67-72d8-46db-b6c9-72fcc81a783d">Re: Name too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]Depending on your state's laws, you can also change it to add his last name without the hyphen so that you have 2 last names. At that point, unless it is a legally binding contract or a court document, you can use either name or both names together, your choice.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

This is what I did. It's called a double-barrelled last name So for all of our banking it's Amber DH's LastName, but as for work I still use Amber MaidenName. But as far as social security and the DMV are concerned my legal name is Amber Middle Maiden DH's LastName.

SKPM · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_name-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a94bcf19-4f4b-4c9c-a0b6-843901439c12Post:1a91f02c-2b9c-4058-b1bf-052e668bbb6a">Re: Name too long?</a>:
[QUOTE] I LOVED my maiden name, as it's a lot less common than my married name, and I have strong family history.
Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

This is my feeling too. But I guess growing up in northern California, people seem to be a little more flexible with traditions, so I feel like any of these options are viable. I'm just not sure the hassle is worth the sentimentality of having his name.

JennaMichelle88 · February 2013

The way I'm mentally preparing myself to change my name is this: my parent's didn't GIVE me my last name. That's just what came with. They gave me my first and middle names, which aren't changing.

Hopefully if I think this way for the next 6 months I won't be as sad to change it.

SKPM · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_name-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a94bcf19-4f4b-4c9c-a0b6-843901439c12Post:cff88898-91d8-43d7-ad65-dbc4ec816495">Re: Name too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]The way I'm mentally preparing myself to change my name is this: my parent's didn't GIVE me my last name. That's just what came with. They gave me my first and middle names, which aren't changing. Hopefully if I think this way for the next 6 months I won't be as sad to change it.
Posted by JennaMichelle88[/QUOTE]

Good luck! I wish I had a clear mindset like that about it. But I feel like my H and I each brought our last names to this marriage, and I do like the idea of us sharing a name, but why should the name with the penis automatically trump all? (And no, H won't change his either, but I don't think he minds much either way what I do with mine.)

warpedredpenguin · February 2013

Cwag, I live in the same area you do, and I'm wondering why you feel you had to change your name if you didn't want to? I mean, I kept my name, and while most people are a bit taken aback by it, no one has thrown holy water on me and condemned me to hell, and my husband is fine with it. No judging, just honestly curious.

ETA: Sorry, OP I totally ignored you. I like hyphenated names myself, I always assume you file them under the first letter of the beginning of the name. I imagine it can be a hassle if it's longer, but I know plenty of people with 4 or 5 middle names legally, and though they complain about filling out legal forms, they still like their names. I kept my name without changing at all, but we are hyphenating our children's names, which is how it is done in many Latin countries (I'm Hispanic). I also like the two last names idea, but personally I just go by his last name socially because it's not worth correcting people, and legally I'm still my maiden name. Our last names are also short enough that hyphenated our childrens' last name won't be too long, so everybody is happy. If you don't have to fill out official forms too terribly often, I don't see why hyphenating or having two last names would be a huge issue.

JennaMichelle88 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_name-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a94bcf19-4f4b-4c9c-a0b6-843901439c12Post:bf25091e-72ea-4c76-bbda-35f2d440e7a2">Re: Name too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Name too long? : This is not just directed to you PP but when I read something like this it makes me wonder. If you're really sad about changing your name why are you doing it? You know you can keep the name you were born with and still be just as married and just as much a family unit right?
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

Maybe sad isn't the right word. More like nostalgic and realizing that I've passed into a new part of my life. If I was really sad I would definitely think about it more.

SKPM · February 2013

BTW, in full disclosure, I secretly hoped someone/everyone would validate hyphenation and say, "oh no, it's not that big a PITA in real life," etc etc. because I think it is the best representation of how I feel -- not losing my name, just adding his. But I really am apprehensive about the hassle of it.

Angelface225 · February 2013

I'm hyphenating for professional reasons, I don't want to lose my professional reputation. I think it's a totally valid choice! :-)

mrsjmwolfe · February 2013

My mother did what StageManager said. She has two last names. She used my father's socially and her name on credit cards and such. On legal things, she has both names. It has gotten to the point, however, where she gets confused about what name is used on certain things. She's organized, but it gets confusing. I think the hassle is worth it to hyphenate and have "one" last name rather than legally taking two, KWIM? Good luck!

thejucheidea · February 2013

One of my teachers in high school just created a new last name by jamming their names together. Her maiden name was Leach and his name was Moorhead, so they just made the last name Lea-Mord.

I'm kind of relieved that my surname doesn't hyphenate well so I don't have to deal with this, heh. I'm just keeping my maiden name as my middle name and tossing my (disliked) middle name.

rsfan23 · February 2013

I had a hyphenated name before I got married. My mom decided to keep her name and when I was born, my parents couldn't decide what last name to use, so they hyphenated. It was 12 letters. I didn't mind when I was younger, but it got to be more and more of a hassle as I got older. My name never fit on tests. People were always filing it under the second part of the name. I always got questioned whether I was married or not when I'd been born with it. I couldn't wait to get married and take my husband's name. I'm still the same person. Oh, and I know one pp said they would hyphenate their children's name. I personally wouldn't do it, but I don't judge anyone who does.

lauralaur · February 2013

My parents divorced when I was young and my mother remarried and took my step-father's last name. We were always. always. explaining that my mother had a different last name than my Brother and me. I found it annoying. That was one of the big reasons that I decided to change my name. I did move my maiden name to my middle name though. I had no real attachment to my middle name but I loved my maiden name and wanted to keep it around.

Whether or not it will be a pain is really up to you. My grandfather had his name legally changed from Theodore to Ted because he was in real estate and constantly signing his name. He went by Ted anyway. I think that's a bit much but it made him happier.

HobokensFury · February 2013

I was screwed up as a kid. I didn't have the same last name as either of my parents. I had my grandparents last name because I lived with them and it was always easier on official paperwork. I always swore I would never that than to my children so I changed my name to DH's 10 days after the wedding. But I'll admit I'm scarred and biased.

SKPM · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_name-too-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a94bcf19-4f4b-4c9c-a0b6-843901439c12Post:bccf50d4-ac70-44f2-b268-e10d96f5a39f">Re: Name too long?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Name too long? : There will be at leats some hassle no matter what you decide. Do what makes you happy. IT will make the hassle worthwhile.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

Thanks for this :)

I think I may suck it up and hyphenate it one of these days. If we were to have kids, which we are not 100% sure on either way, they would probably get H's name, so it would be nice to have that as part of my name too.

MoonlightSilver · February 2013

I have the Double Barrel last names. I use both names for work, banking, credit cards, etc. But if I make a car maintenance appointment or ask people at work to look up something under my name, I usually just give my maiden name (because mine is pronouncable and easy to spell, unlike DH's). My double last name is one letter shorter than OP's, but my first name is shorter.

It's a hassle in the sense that every time I introduce myself or have to give my name, I intentionally question whether I should give one name and which one, or two names.

HuckSC · February 2013

I go by both my first and middle name so I can understand the "I have a long name that won't fit on anything" club. Think Emily Josephine Jones

Not engaged, but have been thinking about what I would do if I get married. I always vowed I would keep my name unless the man had a short name, because I am sure not adding Luetzenkirchen to Emily Josephine. That would be rediculous. But BF has a last name of Smith so I'm now tempted to just do the Double Barrel name and go with Emily Josephine Jones Smith because I already have it difficult with the "Emily Josephine" that when adding the Smith to the Jones isn't adding that much letter wise.

Name too long?

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