BUDGET and the future husband...

mizzicantwait · December 2010

hey girls.. idk why I felt the urge to share this but my FI and I have decided to book the "big" things first.
venue, photography, food, music
(we haven't booked music yet)

even though we got really good deals.. my FI doesn't really know how much a wedding can actually cost. (Side Note:The first wedding he attended was one of my coworkers this past labor day weekend.) So when we met with our now vendors the poor thing almost fainted... We have now used 9K of our 15K budget.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Purple&7 · December 2010

My FI doesn't really want to wedding. He would rather get the money from my parents and spend it on other things. So, we don't really discuss what things cost.

2012JulyBride · December 2010

FI had me look into places and figure out a budget. When I told him that it would/could be approx. 10-12K he flipped out and said that he doesn't want our wedding to cost as much as good down payment on a car. I refigured it for a Monday wedding, instead of a weekend, and took a few other costs out of it and he was more satisfied. I'm still looking at between 8-10K but I've decided not to include the cost of our wedding bands, my dress, hair & make-up, his tux, photos (since I still might be able to get it cheaper), etc. so he's only seeing the price for the venue, meal, cake, and flowers. I actually feel bad for "hiding" these costs from him but if he doesn't see them all at once on one spreadsheet then he won't realize the total amount we're spending...he's going at this as though HE's going to be the one funding this but I'm going to be spending MY money on MY stuff so I feel it's okay to leave that part out.

diamondx423 · December 2010

Our budget is approx 30k, which I still have trouble wrapping my brain around. FI doesn't seem to mind how much its costing, his big issue is his parents contributing. They initially said they would give us 10k, and then it turned into "what we can give", so FIs not happy that more of the burden will fall on my parents.

We booked the church, venue, coordinator and photographer so thoes expenses are already locked in. We're going to scale back on flowers, limo, favors, DJ and lighting, etc.

DodgersBride · December 2010

FI and I have a priced the cost of the reception(except decor) for the venue we want. It looks like the total will be around $20K-$25K. We haven't set a budget yet but we are still far out.

OP- I think you should do a wedding checklist and budget. There is one in TK tools that could help. You should also check out the budget brides board. I know some venues offer cheaper rates for Friday and Sunday weddings, also off seasons months.

2012- It's just my personal opinion but I don't think you should keep the cost of certain items a secret from him. I understand that YOU will be paying for your own personal attire and beauty for that day but I would tell him what you budget for all of that.

cfblechman · December 2010

Yeah budget is kinda important. It should be the first thing you do. Use the knot budget one cause it will split it up into categories for you. I used this as a guide line. and then basically if i find something a little cheaper then i can put that money towards something else. For example we are looking at about 25k wedding possibly 30 if necessary so I had budgted about 2k for photography and another 2k for video. Fi doesnt need/want a huge production and hates being videoed so instead I found a couple of options for video that are more like 1000-1500 so that extra is going toward the photographer who i love (and is already booked

).
Also FI's sister literally just got married in our area so he knew what it would cost even though my parents totally had a different idea!

Just make sure you arent overstepping what you can afford cause that will cause you stress and tension in your relationship and life. The other thing is show the FI what you get for his budget and if he is ok with it then tell him what you want and hopefully you can make a compromise. Good Luck!

2012JulyBride · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_budget-future-husband?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:7ea395e7-7dc0-4bfc-a633-81de650ee417Post:a6ff6d1f-2b1f-4101-a4ba-0f3aabf69f07">Re: BUDGET and the future husband...</a>:
[QUOTE]2012- It's just my personal opinion but I don't think you should keep the cost of certain items a secret from him. I understand that YOU will be paying for your own personal attire and beauty for that day but I would tell him what you budget for all of that.
Posted by DodgersBride[/QUOTE]

I understand that...and if he asks I have no problem telling him. Right now, as we're saving and doing research, his response to all of this money stuff is "I'M going to have to pay for all of this. I don't know if I can afford this. I don't want to put this much money into a wedding when we can make a down payment on a car." When it comes to money he seriously feels as though it's all on him, which is why I'm not coming out and telling him the costs of things that he specifically isn't going to be paying for. Our finances are separate, we don't live together, we have minimal bills each so the things that he's going to be paying for, whether partially or in full, is what I'm presenting him with. It also doesn't help that I showed him several rings that I would be happy with, costing $2-300, but from what I'm gathering through conversation, he's going for a $1000+ solitaire so THAT money choice is all on him! But just like that's his decision, if I want to spend $800 on my dress, that's MY choice. If I want to spend $50 getting my hair styled, that again is my decision. He's also made the choice to buy his suit, rather than renting it, so that extra money is something that needs to budget for. It basically comes down to the things that I know what the exact (or close to exact) price will be, I'm sharing that information. The other things that will vary, or I feel will be more of my responsibility to pay for (dress, hair, make-up, nails, etc), I'm not really coming out with a estimate of how much that will cost, but honestly I don't even know how much it will be yet. He has agreed to a 10K cap on our wedding but is strongly encouraging me to keep it well under that, which I do agree to. Sometimes he's in such a good mood that he says it's whatever I want and other times (jokingly) he tells me my budget is $2, which I have to remind him that the license itself is over that budget...so then he'll extend it to $100. He's more than happy with the venue I want but I can't exactly keep the budget under $4-5000 when the venue itself is a total of $3600.

mayjaygirl21 · December 2010

My current budget is around $7k, but that could definitely change. I'm all about DIY but I haven't booked anything yet. I just feel like I have so much time to book things later.

melissa852 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_budget-future-husband?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:7ea395e7-7dc0-4bfc-a633-81de650ee417Post:9bd1f9c2-45ec-4aa7-9424-5756497cc3b8">BUDGET and the future husband...</a>:
[QUOTE]hey girls.. idk why I felt the urge to share this but my FI and I have decided to book the "big" things first. venue, photography, food, music (we haven't booked music yet) even though we got really good deals.. my FI doesn't really know how much a wedding can actually cost. (Side Note:The first wedding he attended was one of my coworkers this past labor day weekend.) So when we met with our now vendors the poor thing almost fainted... We have now used 9K of our 15K budget. Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Posted by mizzicantwait[/QUOTE]

I have been planning the same way. I booked the church and venue/food. We actually have payed off most of the venue by now. We booked it a month or so after getting engaged lol. The prices for my venue went up the following week by 5K so I knew I had to book it right there and then. My FI has only been to about 5 weddings and had not idea about a cost of a wedding. The day we booked our venue he was trying to bargain with the prices lol. He really couldn't believe how much the venue was, which honestly was pretty cheap for the type of venue we want and everything else we had looked at before. When I showed my FI the photographer I wanted, he nearly fainted. I too had no idea how much photographers cost, so we went shopping around. All other photographers were about the same price and did not offer us the amazing package of the first photographer I LOVED. He could not believe how expensive it was to hire a photographer. He finally agreed to stay with our first choice, which eventually throw in a free "getting ready" session. Sorry for the super long post lol

mizzicantwait · December 2010

melissa.. I am with you on the photographer thing. I did not know how expensive they were I mean when I first did the budget I put down what I thought was a "ridiculous" budget of $2K for pics. Needless to say I totally blew that budget.

So my photography actually turned out to be $3800. Regardless of how much it may seem I am super happy with our photographer and everything included in our package! (We did add tons of extras though!)

slave4dance · December 2010

our budget is 30-35k. that isnt what we wanted to spend but since we are pretty much on our own for the wedding and we live in NY that's just how it is. i could do a lunch or something different but i want the cocktail hour and dinner/dance. im wiling to sacrifice for a year and half to have the wedding of my dreams. i'd regret it if i dont. i started telling my FI what things cost but he flips out and just puts me in a bad mood so i stopped. i think everyones situation is different.

MMRoberts11 · December 2010

Our budget is 10k but since we know where our ceremony and reception will be (and how much) we're more likely going to spend 7-8k. I am also DIYing a ton of stuff to save money.

First things on our list of things to do:
book the venue (ceremony outside and reception inside) meal is included in our package, photographer, and DJ. After we have these booked (in the next few months) we are going to wait and take our time getting the rest of the stuff when it's on sale.

BUDGET and the future husband...

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