Heartbroken....

AmandaSC1988 · June 2011

I have lurked for a while, but I never post on this board. To be completely honest I am scared to post here from fear of being yelled at...

But I am completely heartbroken and lets face it the month boards really don't understand. In fact, I don't really know how many of you lady's are Long Distance and would understand. But, I'm sure most have you have been here before. My FI and I are long distance, I in Oklahoma, he in Florida..

A couple months ago, he found out he had a four day weekend for 4th of July for the command he is in. That is almost exactly a year from our wedding (or at least the date we selected) so we had made plans for him to come home to do wedding stuff. for the past month he has been at C School and he didn't think anything of it because he actually graduates Thursday and it was going to work out perfectly. Apparently the CO for the training command decided that he was only giving out 3 day weekends and was holding all the people that graduate this week until Friday. My FI told me this last week and it has been a back and forth game all week. He told me earlier today that his instructor assured him that he would be graduating tomorrow...well, as luck would have it... his instructor texted him at 9pm to tell him that no matter how hard he tried, they can't graduate tomorrow, the CO won't allow it.

I have seen my FI 48hours since he proposed in March, and I'm working full time at an internship so I don't have time to fly out and see him, and he can't come home but on long weekends.

I know other people have it way worse. But I would almost rather have him on a boat and know he can't come back because it is his JOB. Than have my heart broken when it is less than 24hrs before he is supposed to come home and have him jerked away for no real apparent reason.

I feel completely alone.

kyrgyzstan · June 2011

First of all, I'm sorry you're so disappointed. That would be hard, and you have every right to be very bummed out.

However, if he's graduating soon, that means he will end up with some leave fairly soon. The CO (despite seeming like the most evil guy in the world at the moment) has his reasons for what he's done. This stage of your fiance's career is probably the most important. He's learning (as are you) that mistakes are paid for by the entire team, which is what happens in combat, on the ship, etc. The Navy comes first, and if cutting short their days off teaches them a lesson, then it has to be done. Think of it this way, the CO probably wanted those days off too. The instructors as well. They don't get it either, and they're probably bummed. But they are using it as a teachable moment. You can use it personally as a teachable moment as well. This is what you're marrying into, for better and for worse. FI has been in 10 years, and he got his 96 cut into a 72 this weekend as well. Not over a mistake, just because it had to happen. C'est la vie. I allowed myself to be annoyed for a few minutes, then I just had to get over it. Now, instead of him cleaning the house and picking up his family super late at the airport, I get to do it. It's just life. And if you let yourself wallow in any of the disappointments, military or other, you'll make yourself miserable. Which stinks.

While I totally understand being super bummed, I bet you'll see him soon, and you're getting married next year! Yay!

kara811 · June 2011

It's okay to feel bummed out, I think we've all somewhat gone through something like this since there's so many last minute change in the military all the time. What Stan said is right, this is something that you'll have to understand and get used to. This is what you'll be marrying into, so be prepared for the last minute changes.

I do understand being in LDR, H has been stationed in Japan for almost 3 years now. I have been in a situation as well when I'm about to go see him and then it gets cancelled because their ship's schedule would change or something. Or there are times when he would have to be stuck at work instead of having a day off. Especially in his division, the rest of the ship might get 3-4 day weekends when they only get 2, or the rest of the ship are on 5 or 6 day duty sections when H's department are only on 4. You're definitely not alone in this situation but just know that things don't always work out and this is the lifestyle you'll be marrying into very soon.

zimgsgirl26 · June 2011

I understand you're bummed. I got told at least 3 different times my fiance would be coming home and it didn't happen. Now I don't get my hopes up until I see his itinerary. It happens it's the military. I know it sucks and takes some getting used to but you gotta look at the positives. You've found the man of your dreams and you're marrying him in a year!

SamiJoeB · June 2011

We're Military, SO's... who would understand this better than us? Just because we are blunt about certain topics, doesn't mean we're out to get every Newb that posts here.

Everyone is right, you have every reason to be bummed out. I'm sorry this is happening, I know how much it can suck to get your hopes up, and then have your bubble popped suddenly. Take Stan's advice though, and learn from this. Better to learn now, and make allowances for your Wedding Day, then to have this happen then.. My H and I were married for 2 weeks before he went back to Japan. We are hoping that he comes home in early 2012, but I'm not counting on him coming home before Valentines Day. If he comes home earlier, Great! I'll be really excited!! We'll PCS and finally get to really be married. But like I said, I'm not counting on anything. You're allowed to be bummed, but don't let it ruin your weekend. Thats a bad habit to get into..

heather0711 · June 2011

Hate when this stuff happens, getting your hopes up and then it all gets shot to hell. Just focus on positives of when he DOES get to come home, don't let it get to you too much.

SarahP787 · June 2011

Sometimes being apart can hurt so bad!!!

Every so often I give myself time to hurt and mope and be angry and all that, and this sounds like a good time for that for you. Being strong and positive all the time is just not always reasonable! But afterwards there's nothing to do but get back to being strong and positive.

MissesLee · July 2011

Military life is going to be hard. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you. Me and mine are mil to mil, and life will have it's ups and downs.

I HIGHLY suggest forming a group of friends that are also in the same type of relationship. Ask FI if he has any married/engagged friends. Even if they're older than you! They help so much.

The military has TONS of support groups for situations like this, and I really suggest looking into that if you can. I know you aren't at a base near him (and I'm no NAVY expert, as I am in the AF) but see if they have online groups or something to help you!

It gets easeir to deal with and once you know why CO's do what they do, it becomes more "understandable" I guess?

Best wishes!

jenajjthr · July 2011

I see that you said boat, so that means he's going into subs...correct?

My first marriage was to a Navy guy, in submarines, and for many many years I lived the life of a Navy wife. There were many times that we were told we would have X, and then we would get Y.

The best advice I got from another wife who told me that don't expect anything and you will never be dissappointed. Take everything you get for what it is, a precious moment.

As a PP stated, military life is hard, being a military wife/spouse is harder. But it is not without it's benefits. My favorite memories are of his homecomings, seeing him for the first time in months, holding him close, being with him. The times you get with him will be special, don't take any for granted.

KQtobe · July 2011

I've never posted on here either. I've been a lurker, but am FINALLY engaged, so I'm officially a military bride now and the effects are already kicking in! I'm in somehwat of the same boat (baha, no pun intended).

We got engaged on June 9, and he flew back to NV June 10 (I'm in WV). We had 24 hours together. We started making wedding plans, and decided on early June 2012. This past week, he found out he's going on a ship in May 2012...talk about being BUMMED! I knew it could happen, of course. But its still been hard. I will finish my MEd in May so I'm going to be busy before he goes, and then he will leave as soon as I'm done. Another 18 months of being away from one another. Not easy. But as earlier posters have said, it helps so much to have a friend who is currently or who has been in the same position. I'm lucky to have a friend from home who has been through several deployments and I can always turn to her for advice and encouragement. It seems like this board is also a great place to come!

I know its hard, but keep your chin up.

"It's a long road, but I've got big wheels"

Heartbroken....

Re: Heartbroken....

Choose Another Board

Search Boards