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May 2012 Weddings
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Need some advice...

Shari 86Shari 86 member
100 Comments
in May 2012 Weddings
So wedding plans were speeding right along, up until yesterday when we got some horrible news. MIL was in emergency surgery. We spent all night waiting at the hospital and basically she had a large tumor in her small stomach blocking all of her food for a very long time,most likely began about a year ago as she has lost 100lbs in that time. They think she may have more issues in her Colen. Surgery went well but she will be in hospital for at least 6 weeks. That is if we are lucky, she is critical right now. After that she will have to be in Chemo. 

Where we are going to the Dominican  MIL will obviously not be able to come nor can FIL where he will be taking care of MIL.  Which means T only has his brother there with all of my family. She was so excited to walk down with T. 

So basically I'm lost with what to do. We have so much money put into it but if his parents won't be there do we really want to go? Is it disrespectful to continue without them?? My parents are funding part of it so of course they are pissed with us for even thinking about  not doing it. 

I'm lost right now. What would you ladies do?? Are we overreactting by wanting to put things on hold and concentrate on MIL?? 
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Re: Need some advice...

  • AurorasEnvyAurorasEnvy
    2500 Comments
    So sorry to hear about your FMIL.

    That being said, I'd find out about how your FMIL/FFIL feel about you guys still going.  They may be feel terrible if you go without them, they might feel terrible if they think that you guys are postponing the entire thing and possibly losing a lot of money on account of them.

    I'd also find out if you could postpone the wedding without losing any money?  Is it realistic that FMIL will ever be able to attend a destination wedding?  If not, I might just go ahead (depending on her feelings and prognosis).

    I understand why your parents would be somewhat upset if you postponed & they lost money, but I also think they could be a little more understanding about the situation.  Maybe ask your mom how she would feel if you went off to get married without her because she was ill?

    So in summary...I would wait to make a decision until you find out FMIL's prognosis and what your options are for either postponing the wedding or getting most of your money back.  Hope it all works out, keep us posted =\
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  • mancila60mancila60
    1000 Comments
    I agree 100% with PP. I know several places say they will refund you money minus the deposit if you cancel within a certain about of time. That may be the case here. 1st and foremost I'd talk to FFIL about things first. Also how does your FI feel about his parents not being there? I would think that would be a big deal to him just as it would you if your parents wouldn't be there. FWIW if it were me I'd at least try to postpone things or try to change plans to being at home for a wedding instead. Not having FMIL there would be a big deal to me. Also I just wanted to say my T&P are with you and your FI right now I know how hard a situation like this can be.
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  • amandad18amandad18
    100 Comments
    I agree with everything AurorasEnvy has said.

    Another thing to keep in mind- Technology is awesome. My grandmother's doctor isn't letter her travel to our wedding, so we're going to Skype her in for the ceremony and all of the traditional reception stuff- Something like that could be an option for you guys.

    I hope she has a speedy recovery!
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  • pantherRNpantherRN member
    1000 Comments
    Ditto everyone else, I would wait and see what the rest of her intestines/GI tract look like and then talk to the doctors about her prognosis.

    No one can tell you exactly what to do, but I would probably postpone. I'd also be rather upset with my parents for thinking of the $$$ first. And even if FFIL/FMIL tell you to go anyway, I'd be concerned with how my FI would feel about not having his parents there. 

    I'll be thinking of you guys, I hope this all turns out as best as it can.
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  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    I agree 100% with all PPs. I will be keeping your FMIL in my thoughts.
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  • Shari 86Shari 86 member
    100 Comments
    Thank you for your responses. And Thank you for letting me vent.
     
    I feel like you guys validadted how I have been feeling. MIL and FIL would tell us to go regardless of how they really feel, but I don't think I should take advantage of that just because. All I keep thinking about is if that was my mom there would not be a question about postponeing and if it was DD getting married and I couldn't go it would break my heart. I Checked my contract and I have about 10 days until I  become liable for everyones trip fares if we cancel which is about $38 000.00 I don't have. The other guests would obviously not pay it unless they wanted to still take the vacation.  

    I want to wait a week to first see how the healing is going where she may need to have further surgery and her high chance of infection. 

    T just doesn't seem to get it. He just wants me to decide what to do and tell him. I know he wants to go on the trip and we have all been looking forward to it for over a year but its not about the trip its about the wedding and for that I somewhat want to shake him. I also don't think the reality of his mothers situation has sunk in. Bare minimum we are looking at 6 weeks in hospital and 3 years of chemo due to the type of tumor.  If the colen is also cancerous I worry she won't have all that much time. I have lost 3 family members form Colen cancer in the last few years so I know how quickly it comes on.

    Another reason why I think we should is that we do have a plan B of sorts. We have a full reception taking place May 26th, 2 weeks after the wedding in the Dominican. I know that the date is also curently available at our church. So we could have all the venues rather quickly and MIL could be granted time out from the hospital that day if still in there but again depending on the situation. 

    A bit of backstory I didn't include before / why my parents are being weird. My family has a very starined relationship with MIL. She has done quite a bit to our family. From trying to get T to leave me KTFU, calling social services on me, ( for no reason) stalking my parents. and much much more craziness. She suffers form mental illness but refuses to be treated.My family doesn't understand why I would make such a sacrifice for someone who has caused us so much hardship. 

    However I do not think now, when she is this sick that our past is what this should be based on. That seems so petty. We have also been rebuilding the relationship and DD has been back in their lives for a little over 6 months now. 

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  • Killa2979Killa2979
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:f785b3a3-7d34-49d2-9e77-c167485f7e70Post:1abdbefd-f976-48e5-bfa0-daee2038f8ff">Re: Need some advice...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree 100% with all PPs. I will be keeping your FMIL in my thoughts.
    Posted by mandi921vh[/QUOTE]

    <div>This sums it up. :-)</div>
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