Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette

Ladies, I need some help. I'm thinking about a bachelorette party ahead of my wedding in Sept. 2013, and I have 8 bridesmaids from across the country with varying budgets, interests, and constraints when thinking of a destination and travel requirements.

Originally, Fi & I thought a joint bachelor/bachelorette party in Vegas would be a fun way for everyone to get to know each other and it seemed like everyone was onboard with it after some initial discussions- and everyone would have to travel there from another state. However, we visited Vegas recently and decided it would probably end up being too costly overall. So Fi went his own way and is now planning a ski trip for his guys, all enthusiastic about it. I'd love to do the same, but not all my girls ski or would like trying to learn. 

Coming up with a new plan has been a challenge with half my girls saying they will go anywhere/do anything regardless of location or cost, and half trying to convince me to have an event near them - tough when some are in CA, some OH, IL, FL or NJ. The wedding is in OH. I want to play to everyone's finances & interests, but that is proving futile. Should I forget the event entirely? I don't want to burden them when half will already be driving or flying to OH for the day itself, but I'd like to spend time together as a group, too.
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Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette

  • You don't get to plan your own Bach parties.  Someone should offer to throw them for you.  Toss the idea, your BMs will throw you one if they can/want to.  If they don't offer, you don't get one.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:1f18aa3e-1ab1-4d2c-94b4-6061327f3da1">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]You don't get to plan your own Bach parties.  Someone should offer to throw them for you.  Toss the idea, your BMs will throw you one if they can/want to.  If they don't offer, you don't get one.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]
    This. <div>If you insist on continuing, maybe you should pay for those who have to travel.</div>
    image
  • I appreciate your thought. It seems like everyone I have met or known recently has invited their friends out for an evening of fun, often as a vacation or neutral city (no one lives there, no advantage) for meet-up/drinks/etc. Personally, I see nothing wrong with someone saying, "I'm celebrating my (figurative) last night of being single with all my favorites, so let's all do something!" 


    problem - 50% of my girls at odds with what THEY want to do / where to go.




  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:4beaf510-990a-453a-af49-29551fd71181">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]I appreciate your thought. It seems like everyone I have met or known recently has invited their friends out for an evening of fun, often as a vacation or neutral city (no one lives there, no advantage) for meet-up/drinks/etc. Personally, I see nothing wrong with someone saying, "I'm celebrating my (figurative) last night of being single with all my favorites, so let's all do something!"  problem - 50% of my girls at odds with what THEY want to do / where to go.
    Posted by mdd123082[/QUOTE]

    <div>You asked on the etiquette board.  I don't really care what your group of friends normally does.  Proper etiquette dictates that you don't throw parties in your honor.  Someone else offers to do so.  Being the guest of honor at your own party is AWish.</div>
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  • I think etiquette can be debatable, and this is why I'm asking. And also looking for other opinions and suggestions.

    I guess I just disagree because I see this from another perspective. 
    I have seen this done plenty of times before and don't think my any of my friends or family who have had input into such parties have taken the stance of throwing their own events in their own honor. That would be ridiculous.

    Let me explain and different way.

    Example:
    "I'm turning 30 soon and am thinking of going on a cruise around that time. Would you like to come? We can have drinks, hang out on the beach, and have some great nights!" 
    I don't think anyone would say, "What a jerk she is going on a cruise for herself!" 
    The focus doesn't have to be how special someone is or if there is even a reason to have an event in the first place - just hanging out together, talking, in this case getting to know one another, is reason enough. That's the point.

    Bachelor or bachelorette, it is surely not meant to be giving event, so I don't see a problem.

    Thanks for your input, I guess I will just go with my gut and get together with my girls for drinks and fun closer to the time of the wedding when everyone is together anyway. 

  • emeejeeayenemeejeeayen member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited October 2012
    I'm 100% on the team that I don't see why people can't "throw" their own B parties. You're not asking for gifts. You're not asking for people to pay for you. You're just coordinating your best friends to get together and do something fun. I completely understand with engagement parties and showers, but I just don't see B parties as part of that group. 

    I also don't see how B parties can get thrown into etiquette at all since most of them involve getting s-faced drunk and watching strangers get naked. Why on earth would there be an etiquette rule that says, "No, Honey, you are only to go to strip clubs if one of your friends asks you to go first and they pay for your lap dances." 

    As far as I'm concerned, in many circles, the B parties are a thank you to the wedding party since it's what they look forward to most (if the group is single). In what world are they honoring the bride or groom? I would never buy a B sash or plastic tiara for myself - that I could see as AWish - but just getting drunk with your BFFs? Who cares. 

    No one in the history of the world is going to say, "You RUDE B! I have to get drunk with you and I don't have to plan anything! Eff you. Friendship over." 

    I'm not planning mine because my MOH is more in love with wedding related activities than I am, but I have no problem with anyone who plans their own. 

    ETA: right, also, some advice for your situation - not entirely sure what your options are. You might have to be okay with not having everyone there or throwing in some extra money for those who can't afford the trip. Or if you can afford it, maybe do a west coast trip with those on the west coast and an east coast trip with those on the east coast. I know it's not your ideal, but at least you'll get to see your friends a bit? Or if anyone is planning a vacation for the summer, see if people want to go to a beach-y place or on a cruise? 
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  • If you want a girls night, there's nothing wrong with that. 
    However, it should be "hey Let's get together for drinks and go out" kind of thing..not "Come to my bach party".

    It looks like the ones who have to travel aren't willing to travel an extra time. While that sucks, it's their choice. Either do something with those who are willing to go or just do something closer to the wedding.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:ed40f6a0-b61f-4d26-b5a2-3753bee7b3f9">Re:Bachelorette Party Ideas</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bachelorette Party Ideas : Traditionally, the guests foot the bill for the bride or groom at a bparty, so it really is the equivalent of asking others to buy you dinner, drinks, etc.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>But that's tradition, not etiquette, and tradition varies greatly group to group. I've never heard of anyone having their friends foot the bill for the B party, and even though my MOH is planning mine, I'm not letting her buy me drinks. </div><div>
    </div><div>So, yes, agreed. If it's tradition in your group for guests to foot the bill, then 100% inappropriate. I just haven't experienced that, and it didn't sound like OP had any intention to have her friends pay for her portion of the trip. </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:ed40f6a0-b61f-4d26-b5a2-3753bee7b3f9">Re:Bachelorette Party Ideas</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bachelorette Party Ideas : Traditionally, the guests foot the bill for the bride or groom at a bparty, so it really is the equivalent of asking others to buy you dinner, drinks, etc.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]


    Agreed. However if you want to combat this assumption you can pay for everyone's travel expenses, and food and alcohol. If you pay you can plan.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:3b3fedcd-c35c-4916-9c34-e43219a412e5">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm 100% on the team that I don't see why people can't "throw" their own B parties. You're not asking for gifts. You're not asking for people to pay for you. You're just coordinating your best friends to get together and do something fun. I completely understand with engagement parties and showers, but I just don't see B parties as part of that group.  <strong>I also don't see how B parties can get thrown into etiquette at all since most of them involve getting s-faced drunk and watching strangers get naked.</strong> Why on earth would there be an etiquette rule that says, "No, Honey, you are only to go to strip clubs if one of your friends asks you to go first and they pay  for your lap dances."  As far as I'm concerned, in many circles, the B parties are a thank you to the wedding party since it's what they look forward to most (if the group is single). In what world are they honoring the bride or groom? I would never buy a B sash or plastic tiara for myself - that I could see as AWish - but just getting drunk with your BFFs? Who cares.  No one in the history of the world is going to say, "You RUDE B! I have to get drunk with you and I don't have to plan anything! Eff you. Friendship over."  I'm not planning mine because my MOH is more in love with wedding related activities than I am, but I have no problem with anyone who plans their own.  ETA: right, also, some advice for your situation - not entirely sure what your options are. You might have to be okay with not having everyone there or throwing in some extra money for those who can't afford the trip. Or if you can afford it, maybe do a west coast trip with those on the west coast and an east coast trip with those on the east coast. I know it's not your ideal, but at least you'll get to see your friends a bit? Or if anyone is planning a vacation for the summer, see if people want to go to a beach-y place or on a cruise? 
    Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]
    WTF?<div>
    </div><div>Since, the WP pays for most all of the bride's expenses it's the equivelent of saying "Hey, I'm going to plan this party, but I expect you to pay my expenses." That's just rude. </div><div>
    </div><div>Now, If you want to present it as a girls night rather than a Bach party go for it because then you won't be presenting the front that you expect your stuff to be paid for.</div>
    image
  • The bride shouldn't have any part in the planning of pre-wedding parties (except maybe the RD if she & her FI are hosting) thrown in her honor other than providing the host with a guest list that accommodates his/her budget.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:865e51e2-2950-41ef-8545-ac5dbbb6c1a2">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : WTF? Since, the WP pays for most all of the bride's expenses it's the equivelent of saying "Hey, I'm going to plan this party, but I expect you to pay my expenses." That's just rude.  Now, If you want to present it as a girls night rather than a Bach party go for it because then you won't be presenting the front that you expect your stuff to be paid for.
    Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

    <div>(See above response to SM) In my circle it's not customary to expect people to pay your bill as a bride/groom. I 100% see how if it is in yours, you shouldn't expect people to pay for you if you're planning. I don't think planning and paying are synonymous, though, and from the description of the OP, it doesn't sound like she had any intention of having her girls pay for her. I don't think being the one to initiate planning with regards to B parties is somehow against etiquette, I guess is my point. I just would never in a million years expect the WP to pay for me, and I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with it, so it's a foreign idea to me. Again, I accept that in cirlces where it <em>is </em>customary, planning should to left to those who are paying, but I don't see those 2 groups overlapping much on this site or in life. </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:d4eb6328-d348-4a34-b422-5d8c6d5b9594">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : (See above response to SM) In my circle it's not customary to expect people to pay your bill as a bride/groom. I 100% see how if it is in yours, you shouldn't expect people to pay for you if you're planning. I don't think planning and paying are synonymous, though, and from the description of the OP, it doesn't sound like she had any intention of having her girls pay for her. I don't think being the one to initiate planning with regards to B parties is somehow against etiquette, I guess is my point. I just would never in a million years expect the WP to pay for me, and I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with it, so it's a foreign idea to me.<strong> Again, I accept that in cirlces where it is  customary, planning should to left to those who are paying, but I don't see those 2 groups overlapping much on this site or in life.</strong> 
    Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]

    I disagree with the bolded. Cash bars are considered to be rude according to etiquette standards, but are considered to be acceptable practice in some areas.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:e3d20f5d-73c1-4a53-b8b2-e5170bcbd24c">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : I disagree with the bolded. Cash bars are considered to be rude according to etiquette standards, but are considered to be acceptable practice in some areas.
    Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]

    <div>Sorry, I'm not sure how the two relate? Are you saying cash bars are an example of where the two groups overlap? </div><div>
    </div><div>I think cash bars are sucky, but I'm not clear on how it relates to B parties?</div>
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  • Yes.  We get a lot of people around here asking about cash bars.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:8073e543-08b8-470a-bf71-fb3dc77aa2d6">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes.  We get a lot of people around here asking about cash bars.
    Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]

    <div>Right, but how does that relate to b parties?</div>
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:855529f4-98c6-4c68-9749-29df377ecdd9">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : Right, but how does that relate to b parties?
    Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]

    <div>Because both cash bars and planning your own bach party are rude.</div><div>
    </div><div>Edited for grammar fail.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:855529f4-98c6-4c68-9749-29df377ecdd9">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : Right, but how does that relate to b parties?
    Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]
    Cash bars and throwing your own bach parties are against etiquette, but people do them anyway.
    Just because people do things, doesn't mean they should.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:d4eb6328-d348-4a34-b422-5d8c6d5b9594">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : (See above response to SM) In my circle it's not customary to expect people to pay your bill as a bride/groom. I 100% see how if it is in yours, you shouldn't expect people to pay for you if you're planning. I don't think planning and paying are synonymous, though, and from the description of the OP, it doesn't sound like she had any intention of having her girls pay for her. I don't think being the one to initiate planning with regards to B parties is somehow against etiquette, I guess is my point. I just would never in a million years expect the WP to pay for me, and I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with it, so it's a foreign idea to me. Again, I accept that in cirlces where it is  customary, planning should to left to those who are paying, but I don't see those 2 groups overlapping much on this site or in life. 
    Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]<div>Then why not just call it a girls trip or something, in OPs case? </div><div>
    </div><div>Personally, I think it's a bit AW-ish to throw a party in your own honor. </div><div>I feel the same way about birthdays.

    </div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:df5ca7e5-4072-4f40-8b97-8fe9a5e246b2">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : Then why not just call it a girls trip or something, in OPs case?  Personally, I think it's a bit AW-ish to throw a party in your own honor.  I feel the same way about birthdays.
    Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think it depends on how you view it. Is it AWish to throw your own bday party and open gifts in front of everyone? Absolutely. Is it AWish to use your bday party as an excuse to get together with busy friends? I would say no. When it's your friends' birthdays they don't send out emails/texts/facebook messages saying, "It's my birthday! I'll be drinking at XYZ bar, would love to see you!" or something? </div><div>
    </div><div>And yea, you can call it a girls trip, but then you're talking about semantics because it's the same thing either way. Everyone knows it's a b party. </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:44824bdd-bbad-45cd-a428-fb8181ef7727">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : Because both cash bars and planning your own bach party are rude. Edited for grammar fail.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>Sorry, I meant to also ask how that ties into what she bolded in my previous statement. </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:40345ecb-b5cc-4606-b827-3b037d476fc2">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : Sorry, I meant to also ask how that ties into what she bolded in my previous statement. 
    Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]

    <div>It doesn't matter if we're talking about cash bars or throwing your own bach party - both are rude, despite the fact that they may be "accepted" in some circles.</div><div>
    </div><div>Going against etiquette may be "accepted", but that's not the purpose of this board.  The purpose of this board is to tell you if something is against etiquette to prevent you looking like a jerk to your family/friends.</div>
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:1a506bf2-5b84-41fa-8279-0dbe221cc16f">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : I think it depends on how you view it. Is it AWish to throw your own bday party and open gifts in front of everyone? Absolutely. Is it AWish to use your bday party as an excuse to get together with busy friends? I would say no. When it's your friends' birthdays they don't send out emails/texts/facebook messages saying, "It's my birthday! I'll be drinking at XYZ bar, would love to see you!" or something?  And yea, you can call it a girls trip, but then you're talking about semantics because it's the same thing either way. Everyone knows it's a b party. 
    Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]
    I don't see the difference between those two parties. I mean, either way you're throwing your own birthday party, which you shouldn't do.
    I mean, if you want to see your friends, why do you need your birthday as an excuse? Just invite them for drinks and leave "birthday" out of it.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:40345ecb-b5cc-4606-b827-3b037d476fc2">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : Sorry, I meant to also ask how that ties into what she bolded in my previous statement. 
    Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]

    You said that you don't see groups on opposite sides of etiquette-related issues interacting online or IRL.  Clearly we have established through your posts as well as OP's posts that two sides of this issue are interacting.  My sister almost had a cash bar at her wedding.  Once it was pointed out to her how rude it was, she opted not to have one.  Clearly, two sides of the issue interacting IRL.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:2c2bacb1-02e1-4183-9f64-31900e3715dd">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : You said that you don't see groups on opposite sides of etiquette-related issues interacting online or IRL.  Clearly we have established through your posts as well as OP's posts that two sides of this issue are interacting.  My sister almost had a cash bar at her wedding.  Once it was pointed out to her how rude it was, she opted not to have one.  Clearly, two sides of the issue interacting IRL.
    Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]

    <div>Oh ok, there's the misunderstanding.</div><div>
    </div><div>I meant in the specific instance of B parties, I rarely see people BOTH wanting to plan their own B parties AND expecting everyone to pay for them. Sorry for the confusion. </div>
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  • I can see be flexible about tradition, but you have to be careful about how you approach this.

    The Bachelorette party is a party honoring the bride to be, so NORMALLY, her drinks and expenses for the night are paid for by the rest of the attendants. IF this is the scenario, then is it absolutely 1000000000% disgustingly rude for the bride to be like "hay betches, I've scheduled for you to pay for my a$$ on such day in such manner,do it or you're a bad person."

    However, if the BRIDE is footing the bill, and inviting everyone to the event, while it is a bit on the 'look at me' side of things, nobody really has a place to complain since they are getting drinks for free, and partying for free.

    I'd personally be pretty disappointed to have to plan my own party, though.  It kind of has the lonely girl in highschool feel to it. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:33fb6e3e-2dfa-4bd1-a16a-e23e1a462039">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : I don't see the difference between those two parties. I mean, either way you're throwing your own birthday party, which you shouldn't do. <strong>I mean, if you want to see your friends, why do you need your birthday as an excuse? Just invite them for drinks and leave "birthday" out of it.</strong>
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
    This is what I've been trying to say. 
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2012
    I am in the "you don't throw your own bparty" camp.nbsp;nbsp; It is rude, and AWish.nbsp; It is very similar to throwing your own bridal shower.nbsp; Just because a bparty doesn't typically include gifts, doesn't really make it different.nbsp;nbsp; If you are close with your BMs, one of them will likely offer to throw you a party, but if they don't, then don't have one.My BMs didn't know this etiquette rule and asked me a couple of times in the early stages of wedding planning "so, where is the bparty?"nbsp;nbsp; Or, "I can't wait to see what you have planned for your bparty".nbsp;nbsp; The last time they said it, I said "well, the bride isn't really supposed to plan her own bparty".nbsp;nbsp;nbsp; They figured it out and planned a very low key party for me.nbsp;nbsp;
  • It's not just about asking people to pay for YOU. If you're asking them to do what you want to do and spend their own money doing it, that's rude. If you want to treat people to dinner and drinks all night on your own dime, you can ask them to do whatever you want. But saying, "Hey, we're going on in celebration of me, and I'll even not make you pay for my dinner! But you'll have to pay for your own." is rude. Come on, this is an etiquette board. We know this.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-ideas-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c19f3ccb-a52e-4c03-93c5-baf1f53de023Post:33fb6e3e-2dfa-4bd1-a16a-e23e1a462039">Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Ideas & Ettiquette : I don't see the difference between those two parties. I mean, either way you're throwing your own birthday party, which you shouldn't do. I<strong> mean, if you want to see your friends, why do you need your birthday as an excuse? Just invite them for drinks and leave "birthday" out of it.
    </strong>Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    This is just simply ridiculous. Sometimes I swear that "etiquette" has completely brain washed some of you. No common sense left, just the voice of Emily Post echoing through your head.
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