Wedding Etiquette Forum

Adults only, 21 years and older, wedding and reception

We are having some trouble with wording on the invitations to explain to our guests that the wedding and ceremony (for good reason) will have only guests 21 years and older invited.  We decided this b/c we are having a small wedding, tight budget, and the ceremony is in my mother's backyard that we don't want to have two lists, one of those invited to the ceremony and another for the reception, so....everyone who is getting an invite is invited to both.  Alcohol will be served and we don't feel it's appropriate to have children present, nor do I want to worry about underage drinking at my wedding on my parents property.  Does anyone have a suggestion on how we can write/explain in a kind way that we are inviting adults 21 years and older only, children under 21 years are not to come?  I have a few family members with teenage kids that I think might assume their children are invited and just bring them no matter how I address the envelope.  My mother and father were kind enough to let us have the reception at their home, and I do not want to create guests over their budgeted means or possible trouble with minors drinking on their property.  Please help me!  Thank you in advance!

Re: Adults only, 21 years and older, wedding and reception

  • edited June 2010
    You cannot write on the invitation 21+. Just mail the invitation to John and Jane Doe - not the Doe Family.

    People will find out word of mouth that it's 21 and over.
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  • Address the envelopes to the adults (21+). If they RSVP with their children, call and politely say that the envelope was only for X and Y because of the over 21 policy.
  • Thank you very much! 
  • Ditto shoegal.

    If I did this at my wedding, I wouldn't be allowed there, that weirds me out :P
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  • alyssalowealyssalowe member
    First Comment
    edited June 2010
    We are doing this as well. Having no one under 21 made my parents more at ease having their name on the liquor license liability. I have a few close friends gettnig married soon and they have come to grips with doing this as well. Having no children is seeming to become more popular as brides have tight guest liimits and would rather have more friends in the place of allowing children (unless they have children themselves or are younger then 21 when getting marred as pp is) We passed the word by mouth as well as only addressing envelopes to the adults.
  • We're having an adults only wedding and I have a message on our wedding Website that states "While we love children this event will be Adults-Only. Please let us know if you need assistance finding childcare." Word of mouth is also one of your best options.
  • We are only having guests aged 18+ at our ceremony & reception. We are using word of mouth and a note on our wedding website to get the message across. Etiquette states you don't put this information on an invitation.
  • Just address the invitation to those you intend to invite.

    But be prepared for the side eye from some.  I just came from a Father's Day celebration at my parents' home.  My younger teenaged cousins were there and booze was served.  I totally understand the desire for an adult event but call BS on the "alcohol will be served line".  Say you want an adult event, but don't use the alcohol reason or you'll have people like me saying, "They'll understand that they cant' drink since every family event is like this."
  • My fiance and I are having some similar troubles. I have a different question though. Our ring bearer and flower girl are very young. Is it alright to have them invited to the reception eventhough we said no children. For example, my sister will be coming from out of town. Her daughter will be a junior bridesmaid. My sister also has a son who will be 2 by that time. Is it alright for both of them to be at the reception? Our wedding is a destination wedding and she won't have anyone to take care of the kids. We have the same issue with our ring bearer. I am lost here.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adults-only-21-years-older-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:35b3d4a7-9c55-42bc-bd82-75df89ad3d5fPost:58fd5e12-a094-47ad-9886-be04905735e7">Re: Adults only, 21 years and older, wedding and reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I are having some similar troubles. I have a different question though. Our ring bearer and flower girl are very young. Is it alright to have them invited to the reception eventhough we said no children. For example, my sister will be coming from out of town. Her daughter will be a junior bridesmaid. My sister also has a son who will be 2 by that time. Is it alright for both of them to be at the reception? Our wedding is a destination wedding and she won't have anyone to take care of the kids. We have the same issue with our ring bearer. I am lost here.
    Posted by merabith[/QUOTE]
    Because your ring bearer and flower girl are IN the bridal party, I personally believe they are the excpetion to the "no adult" rule.
    As far as other kids go... if you say no to some and yes to some, those you said no to might get really annoyed. Understand, though, because it's a DW wedding, some parents might be hesitant to leave the kids alone overnight if they have to travel a far distance. This might cause them to turn down an invitation.
    Does the hotel you're all staying at have a baby-sitting service? That could be something to check into for them.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adults-only-21-years-older-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:35b3d4a7-9c55-42bc-bd82-75df89ad3d5fPost:921bd7ee-f1ea-4806-9f87-70a11a07b03b">Re: Adults only, 21 years and older, wedding and reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just address the invitation to those you intend to invite. But be prepared for the side eye from some.  I just came from a Father's Day celebration at my parents' home.  My younger teenaged cousins were there and booze was served. <strong> I totally understand the desire for an adult event but call BS on the "alcohol will be served line".  Say you want an adult event, but don't use the alcohol reason or you'll have people like me saying, "They'll understand that they cant' drink since every family event is like this."</strong>
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    <div>Agreed. I also have to say I think "21 plus" is a little extreme for an adult only wedding. If I were 20 and living on my own but heard through the Grapevine that I was too young to attend your wedding I would be pretty weirded out by that. I can see 16 or 18 as a cutoff, but 21? I also think it is highly unlikely that the cops are going to show up in your mom's backyard to card anyone. </div>
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