MOH problem

Re: MOH problem

• MyNameIsNot member

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-problem-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:390cf837-cf36-4285-8ce3-10c02548e051Post:de636e96-a87f-42a7-86f5-6de05f6739b3">MOH problem</a>:
  [QUOTE]I have been best friends with my MOH since 1st grade. We started working together about a year ago. Things were great! Then she got a promotion and that's when things went down hill!! Work was fun before. Now I dread it bc of her. My fiancé says that she is probably extra hard on me so the others don't think she's going easy on me cause we've been friends for so long. But I'm tired of it!!! Please help what should I do? I don't want her to be on my wedging anymore cause I've grown to hate her. But I also don't want to loose my friend but it's definitely headed that way.
  Posted by chelle7620[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Kicking her out of your wedding is a friendship ending move.  If you want to keep the friendship, put that thought out of your head right now.</div><div>
  </div><div>I would suggest trying to transfer to a different department or looking for another job where I wasn't working under her.  It's often difficult to go from a position where you are equals and friends to one where someone is your superior, and even more so if it's your best friend.  I would try to change the job situation and go back to being friends, not coworkers.  </div><div>
  </div><div>ETA: In any event, this is a friendship problem, not a wedding problem.  Keep that in mind.</div>

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• quiggels219

  

  December 2011

  Well kicking her out will break the friendship - I was kicked out of being moh once (because I wasn't helpful enough in the planning while I was studying abroad with a program that moved countries every two weeks and had no computer) anyways - my eventual response to that kick out email was harsh and we have never spoken since. So be prepared for some backlash if that's the route you take. I have to ask have you tried to sit down with her and talk about it? Maybe go to dinner (something outside of work) and discuss it like adults? Maybe she doesn't realize maybe there is a reason who knows? The only way to figure it out is to talk to her and if she's your bf you should be able to.

  

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• rebarobert2012

  

  December 2011

  If you kick her out of your wedding, it will most likely end your friendship.  You said that you do not want to end the friendship, so I would strongly suggest not kicking her out of the wedding.  Plus, how awkward would that make things at work?
  
  It also sounds to me like this is a friendship problem, not a wedding problem.

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• CowgirlK39 member

  

  December 2011

  I agree that the wedding stuff should be left out of this. You can try talking to her by going somewhere as friends, and casually pointing out that you often feel like she is tougher on you than the others. Think of good examples before hand, and try not to use it as an attack but rather just ask her why she is like that. If she doesnt understand, talk to your HR department if you have one. They may have suggestions.
  
  I know how it feels though. I recently got a friend of mine a job with me and now he lectures me on work stuff, and even stops over my house before and after work to talk about how great he is at our job. He is beginning to aggrivate our bosses though because he thinks he runs the show. Its hard to tell a friend they need to get off their high horse, but if you don't it can make many people miserable.

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• slpankuch member

  

  December 2011

  If she was as good of a friend as you say she is. Try talking to her. Heart to heart about everything. I would no kick her out of the wedding just yet. Talk first.
  
  Try switching departments if it seems to get that bad. You have to remember how much of a friend she was before all this. Ppl let power go to their head. Talk to her first about how she treats you at work and tell her how it's making you feel (not mentioning the wedding).  See how that goes first then if she doesn't change maybe you two have grown apart.

  

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• mbcdefg member

  

  December 2011

  I don't get why you'd be O.K. with her out of your wedding but not O.K. with losing her friendship. Why is she good enough to be your friend but not good enough to be a bridesmaid? Bridesmaids aren't on some different level than regular friends.
  
  Talk to her at work and leave the wedding 100% out of it ... "Friend, I think our roles here at work are affecting our friendship. I don't think it's healthy for friends to work together so closely, and I don't want to lose you. Is there a way that things can be readjusted so that we aren't directly reporting to each other?"

  

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• graysquirrel member

  

  December 2011

  I agree with others that this is a friendship issue. It has nothing to do with your wedding and it would not be good to let it wick over into your planning. She hasn't done anything wrong as a BM, so why remove her?
  
  I would suggest spending some time one-on-one with her to talk about your issues. I understand how hard it can be to be best friends and then someone's underling. Some of my friends have had the same problem and ended up not being friends for years because of the problems involved. What they didn't do and what I think would have been best would be to go to dinner or something with the other person and work it out. Explain to her that you are having a hard time juggling your friend relationship and your boss relationship. Maybe you could work together on ways to resolve the tensions and define your work and home relationships so that you have boundaries. I also agree with pps that if it is possible to transfer to another department it would be a good idea.

  

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• lbarr088

  

  December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-problem-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:390cf837-cf36-4285-8ce3-10c02548e051Post:e7e52642-913a-4768-bdff-493174b223a1">Re: MOH problem</a>:
  [QUOTE]I  ETA: In any event, this is a friendship problem, not a wedding problem.  Keep that in mind.
  Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>This.  Try working on the friendship and forget about the wedding stuff at the  moment.  As MNIN said, it's tough going from a position of equality to now being the inferior.  If you can switch departments try and do that.  Mainly, since you were such good friends I would get together with her and talk about it.  Hopefully it will all work out, GL!</div>

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• cebrady89 member

  

  December 2011

  Talk to her before you make any decisions!

  She may not realize how much things have changed, and bringing it to her attention could help. Don't threaten her with being kicked out of the wedding. 

  It sounds like since you've been friends for so long, you must have gone through issues before...don't throw away a friendship over something that can be worked out. you might regret not having her be your maid of honor if you do kick her out. Plus, work will probably be A LOT more awkward if you do....

  Sleep on it, talk it over with her, and go from there.

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• kaitlyn&henry member

  

  December 2011

  Have you tried talking to her about your work relationship and how youre feeling? Do not jump the gun on kicking her out of your wedding. Talk to her first...maybe she has a good explanation

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