QOTD 10/18

SSaltzman87 · October 2012

What's been your biggest challenge with your FILs?

bburkel · October 2012

Getting them to give answers to questions or making decisions. Apparently there is some family trait of anxiety where they shut down when you make them plan ahead. My FI has some of the same issues, but we've learned to deal with those.

SSaltzman87 · October 2012

FI's parents themselves are awesome, but unfortunately his mom's side is full of inconsiderate jerks that don't communicate well. That's been a struggle for me since my family's pretty close and wouldn't imagine doing half the crap FI's extended family has done to other people. I completely get why FI doesn't want much to do with them.

Annas2013 · October 2012

The rehearsal dinner. But we fixed it. His parents are also very conservative compared to my family, and sometimes it's difficult to get their opinion on things.

turtleslove · October 2012

It gets hard to stay positive around them. They don't seem to be happy unless they are arguing about something (and everything.) It is depressing and draining and really makes me not want to be aorund them.
They also have the awesomely frustraing habit of talking to everyone but the person they have a problem with. I love hearing after the fact that someone misunderstood something and was mad at me. My family is open and honest even when it hurts and I don't appreciate people talking about me behind my back.

They are actually very fun loving and generous people so it's frustrating because I don't always know which family is showing up to dinner...

shano06 · October 2012

No problems with my FILs. They are completely into the wedding. My family on the other hand, some still haven't given up addresses, some don't care, don't even want to talk about it. So whatever.

FLGatorGal88 · October 2012

Believe it or not NOTHING... Everyone is on board with the wedding and they are excited. I must say I love my FIL's.

beckyh77 · October 2012

My FIL's are fine really. His mom is planning the rehearsal dinner and all I've done is give her a head count. She sent us some CNN article about things to talk about before you get married (ie kids, money, how to fight, bucket list, etc)....I thought that it wasn't bad, just different.

The only realy concern is his dad has severe health issues and may not even be alive for our wedding......but that's a whole 'nother story.

MamaBear904 · October 2012

Im very scared because I havent had any real issues yet. I mean, we are paying for everything, so there really isn't any room for them to get involved. Initially when we announced our engagement, FMIL was a little vocal about needing to have a bigger wedding (so all the family can go) and I was pretty much ok with it because I decided that I too wanted a bit of a bigger wedding (at least compared our initial 10 guest count, lol).

FI said that FMIL was horrendous at his first wedding and called his ex-wife's mother a
b!tch because she tried to put the bouts on the men. I am hoping and praying that we don't have any wedding day drama. FI says that I (and my family) are NOTHING like his ex so he does not forsee it, but you never know...

MamaBear904 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_qotd-1018?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c0034659-f0e5-4f4a-a6d0-f1990bb3288cPost:d468d60a-b719-4aef-912c-c2bb8543464a">Re: QOTD 10/18</a>:
[QUOTE]Getting them to give answers to questions or making decisions. Apparently there is some family trait of anxiety where they shut down when you make them plan ahead. My FI has some of the same issues, but we've learned to deal with those.
Posted by bburkel[/QUOTE]

My FI has issues with this too. I've learned to give him less options. I narrow it down to two or three options max and make him decide.

Where would you like to have the RD? I've researched and found these three... bam.

VJones1981 · October 2012

I'l start by saying that I really do love my IL's. The only issues we've had been with FMIL. She has an opinion on everything related to the wedding, and we disagree on a lot of those opinions. Ex.....I was raised by my grandfather, who passed away several years ago. FMIL says that I must find someone to walk me down the aisle, do a dance with, etc...she even suggested that FFIL fill that role!....She wants to pick out the reception decor, and tells me she "doesn't think" she likes my ideas....She also wants to add a ton of people to the guest list just because they were invited to FBIL's wedding. The difference is, we are paying for everything ourselves. FIL's contributed 10000 to FBIL's wedding and her parents paid the other 25000 plus! I love the woman, but she is driving me crazy!

melb2013 · October 2012

Ummmm is this a trick question? lol! I suggest you all just look back at my venting posts... ha!

ameliah19 · October 2012

Nothing. My FI's mother passed away a few years ago and FFIL is so chill he doesn't try to push us to do anything we don't want to.

Ggoughen · October 2012

I really like my future in laws. They are very sweet and laid back. Best of all, they treat me like family and not a guest. I imagine we will butt heads at some point, especially once we have kids. But hey, I expect to argue with my parents over that too!

TogetherPerfect · October 2012

I don't have much to complain about. They have been so supportive and very involved (way more than my parents...) and are helping us out as much as they can financially, which we appreciate tremendously. I guess the only thing is that FMIL and FSIL are pretty dramatic, but that usually doesn't affect me any.

RebCappon · October 2012

The very large guest list and the fight for some kind of open bar.

ETA: Wiith non-wedding things they are awesome people. His dad is very quiet though so you always think he's mad because he has this face. He's not, just not a talkative guy.

Sundaylou · October 2012

I am incredibly lucky to have amazing in-laws. My only issue has been with my FI's grandmother on his dads side. When we first got engaged (3ish years ago) her only response was "please tell me you're not really engaged". Even 6 months later during thanksgiving she told my FI that he was not getting married. Honestly, it hurt, but I am very thankful that is the only issue we've had.

samantha24p · October 2012

Invitation list.

Mangotini · October 2012

FSIL got married a few years ago and had a HUGE wedding, so FMIL has that in mind when we discuss our wedding, and it's been a battle to constantly remind her that we want a smaaaalllll wedding. For example, FSIL's rehearsal dinner had about 65 people. That's over half of the people who will be at our entire wedding! FMIL was talking about having all the extended family there, like grandmas, aunts, uncles, cousins etc... which wouldn't be a huge deal if it was just FI's family since there just aren't that many of them. In cousins alone though, I've got 13. I just want the rehearsal dinner to be wedding party, officiant, readers, and immediate family. FMIL kept saying she didn't mind paying for more people blah blah blah. But it's not about the money. I love that she's paying for it and I appreciate it.. but I just don't want to feel like half of my wedding is there the day before the wedding, ya know?

Our issues are all things like that. Nothing terrible or life ruining, just annoying.

CamiB30 · October 2012

My FI's Mom passed away a little over a year ago, and she was always very involved in his life. It makes me sad she isn't here to help us or be there for the wedding. That being said, I adore my FI's family. They have been so happy and excited for us! Sometimes more so than my family.

SRRL18 · October 2012

We have no relationship what so ever with FMIL. She will get an invite to the wedding, as a guest, not as the mother of the groom. We doubt she will come.

FFIL is great, he's so easy going and laid back.

charbakes · October 2012

They're bourgeoise. They're the type of family that follows strict traditions for the sake of tradition. We're not a traditional couple and that bothers them. They want the wedding their way, not our way. They want us to get married in a church, even though we're both atheists. They want us to have meat, even though we're both vegetarians. They want us to have a garter toss, even though we both think it's gross. They want us to have his brother there, even though my FI has been estranged from his brother for years because he's an alcoholic and drug addict who has stolen from my FI multiple times. They want it to be where they live, even though we both live within 5 minutes of our venue.

Oh, and they're both homophobes and racists, which is pretty whack since a lot of our guests are of varying race, appearance, culture, orientation, gender identity, etc.

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