My Mom and I are throwing a shower for my future sister in law. I'm not in the wedding party, which I say just for clarification on my role. We plan to invite the bridesmaids and maid of honour (they are all in her family and have indicated that they are not throwing her a shower). Is there certain etiquette around how we should include the MOH and maids in the planning, considering they are not hosting?
I checked with the MOH before going ahead with the decision to throw the shower, to see if she was planning one that would include the same guests and make ours unnecessary. She is not planning one (We were relatively sure before hand that she wouldn't). After that, she went ahead and initially told the bride that we were planning a shower before I had a chance to. The MOH also told the bride to put together her own guest list (which doubled our planned guest list) and then sent this to me, even though we were only planning a small shower with close family. Each time I connect with the bride about the shower, she includes her MOH in her email responses.
I'm not sure if I've missed some etiquette here. Am I not allowed to talk to the bride about the shower that we are hosting without going through her MOH? Have I done something wrong by not including her MOH in a more formal way? Given that my Mom and I are hosting, shoud the MOH have a role in the planning?