I know I should be a bigger person and shrug it off, but I'm currently holding a grudge against MIL for sending me a link to diet.com and saying, "I think you and H might need this."
I know she means well and I did mention to her that I had put on a little (like 3 pounds!) of weight, but... really?!
I'm trying to let it go, but I still hold a grudge against my MIL from our wedding 3 months ago
1) we all agreed that the speeches would be no longer than 5 minutes. She got up there and spoke for 30 minutes, no joke. The speech detailed every moment (or so it seemed) of DH's life, from childhood piano lessons, high school sports, and everything in between
2) in the speech, she brought up the one mega-fight that DH and I have ever had. The fight was 3 years ago and was because he went to the States with a friend without telling me (or anyone else) for a weekend. I literally didn't know where he was. He thought he was being spontaneous; I thought he was being disrespectful to our relationship. I didn't care that he went on a trip, I cared that he didn't tell me. Anyway, it caused a big fight at the time, but it was 3 years ago and we're long over it. And yet she thought the would be a good idea to mention in the speech at our wedding and she actually said "when he told me she got mad over that, I reminded him that he needs to be his own person and to never let anyone hold him back!"
I hold a grudge against FI's cousin for a tiny incident that put a damper on our wedding planning/festivities. We were supposed to hang out with said cousin at a party on NYE, as he was being deployed the first week of January. Unfortunately, the weather was awful and the roads were bad, so we opted to stay home instead of driving the hour and a half to the party. We called to say we weren't coming, and cousin flipped, saying he hoped that he died in Afghanistan so he could have his funeral on our wedding day and other classy comments. (I chalked all his anger up to being worried about being deployed because he is otherwise a very rational, down to earth guy.) Anyway, he said some really hurtful things, and I was glad that he wouldn't be around for our wedding so I could avoid the drama of "do we invite him."
Turns out, cousin was home on leave the week of our wedding. We found out he would be home, opted to send him an invite, and leave it at that. The day of our wedding, we noticed a couple of FI's uncles were MIA, and later found out that cousin told FI's family that we had said the comment about him dying and having the funeral on our wedding day. MUD to the extreme. Fi and his mom are still really pissed about the whole thing. I'm just hurt. So, total grudge.
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In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grudges-hold-em?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b4b7b19-acdf-4627-851b-00b01bd29b78Post:4c0c5690-0542-474d-83ac-c975c6ee0293">Re: Grudges: I hold em'</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Grudges: I hold em' : Wow! Does she not like you or the fact that you married her son? Or does she mean well but has no sense of what should/shouldn't be announced in public? That seems kind of hateful. Posted by mgmlove[/QUOTE]
<div>I think it's just that she has no concept of how her words come off. She's pleasant to me in person, but sometimes says passive-aggressive things that I don't know if she means them that way or if I just am sensitive. Plus she's in Toastmasters and kind of approached the wedding speech as her opportunity for the greatest Toastmaster speech ever, instead of the celebration of her son's marriage. She definitely likes to be the centre of attention.</div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grudges-hold-em?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b4b7b19-acdf-4627-851b-00b01bd29b78Post:844b0b76-dd39-4243-8b00-c3972ddef019">Re: Grudges: I hold em'</a>: [QUOTE]Ha, one of my H's ex-girlfriends actually was invited-and came (with her FI)-to our wedding. Posted by cengle[/QUOTE]My ex-husband was invited and came (with his sister) to our wedding. In fact, he gave the blessing over bread.
I go to a small college and everyone tends to know everyone. So it was no surprise when my now FI ended up being one of my ex's closest friends. Not anything crazy or spiteful it just worked out that way several months down the road. So I have always expected that he would be at our wedding. What I didn't expect was that he would end up with a trashy girl who likes to start drama. I really don't want her at my wedding after her causing problems early on in my relationship, but I fear there is no way around it without being plain rude or ruining my FI's friendship.
Next to being married, a girl likes being crossed now and then. - Jane Austen
I can forgive people, but I don't forget. I have a grudge against my mother for the way she acted during most of my engagement, for a variety of things. Beginning with asking us to change our outdoor ceremony location to a church, *after* we put down the deposit (um, no); to throwing a crying, yelling hissy fit tantrum over invites and never apologizing, and wearing an ivory dress to the wedding. Yes, I'm totally aware that everyone knows who the bride is, and logically I know it only reflected poorly on her.. but it pissed me off. For someone who threw a fit about invite etiquette (not having my parent's names on the invites bc they weren't hosting), wearing an all ivory dress is a pretty glaring etiquette no-no.
interesting side note- I found out my fSIL (brother's FI) left during the beginning of the reception bc she threw a tantrum, and didn't come back for almost an hour. After my brother had to drag her back in from the car. They got engaged 6 months before DH and I did, and they're not married yet. It's a touchy subject, needless to say. It might help if she stopped spending her money on clothes and drinking and started saving it for the pretty pretty princess day she wants, though.
I still haven't spoken to Grandma Nugget because of how she acted on our big Vegas trip back in October. I feel horrible but I can't seem to get over it.
I usually don't hold grudges though. I get really angry, yell, storm out of the room, and then I'm fine about 20 minutes later.
If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat.
I am definitely holding a grudge against one of my bridesmaids and her husband, but mainly just for the husband's behavior at our wedding.
He shows up to the Rehearsal dinner drunk as a skunk, acting super creepy to my mom and FI mom (like "you ladies are so hot. I can't believe you are old enough to have grown children. If you weren't married I would.....") thinking he's charming. He leaves his luggage in my husband's car and then calls him at 3:30 am the day of the wedding to go get it. He misses his arranged ride to the ceremony, ends up not coming to the ceremony, and goes to the hotel bar and gets shitcanned before the reception. We show up to the reception and he is sleeping in a chair in the reception room. Acts obnoxiously drunk and inappropriate with every woman at the reception, starts a fight with the groomsmen calling them scum, and then storms off at the end of the reception leaving my BM to chase after him and miss the after party which was really fun with all the other bridal party members and friends. So now my husband and all his friends really dislike this guy and I don't blame them.
She hasn't mentioned it at all which is weird b/c it was really bad. At least 20 people have commented about his behavior and how awful he was. I have tried to stick up for him but after a while I was just like, yeah he was drunk, whatevs.....
I hold a grudge against my FMIL for continuously taking advantage of her son. She has some sort of entitlement complex, and she thinks he's at her beck and call. He fixes her car every now and then, but only because she's too cheap to properly maintain it and he doesn't want her to die because she wouldn't get new brakes.
Last year, for Christmas, she made all sorts of demands about what gifts we should get her. I make most of my gifts, which takes forever, but she thinks she can call me the night before and demand a sweater. She ended up pissed that he didn't "make me" make her a sweater. She didn't think any of her gifts were good enough. Also, in her greedy gift-grabbing frenzy, she never got anything for any of her children. NOTHING.
She also started rocking wildly in our Ikea Poang chair after pushing it into a corner. She knocked a hole in our wall., and I am pissed. No apologies from her.
One of my "friends" hit on my dad, H's dad, a few married friends, our officiant (who got ordained for us, so not a man of the cloth), and a few waiters. She grabbed my dad's ass. Her H just shrugs about it.
So many people asked what was up with her...but she just IS this way. But to not invite her would have meant not inviting her H. And it would have caused a ton of problems in our circle of friends.
Re: Grudges: I hold em'
I know she means well and I did mention to her that I had put on a little (like 3 pounds!) of weight, but... really?!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Grudges: I hold em' : Wow! Does she not like you or the fact that you married her son? Or does she mean well but has no sense of what should/shouldn't be announced in public? That seems kind of hateful.
Posted by mgmlove[/QUOTE]
<div>I think it's just that she has no concept of how her words come off. She's pleasant to me in person, but sometimes says passive-aggressive things that I don't know if she means them that way or if I just am sensitive. Plus she's in Toastmasters and kind of approached the wedding speech as her opportunity for the greatest Toastmaster speech ever, instead of the celebration of her son's marriage. She definitely likes to be the centre of attention.</div>
[QUOTE]Ha, one of my H's ex-girlfriends actually was invited-and came (with her FI)-to our wedding.
Posted by cengle[/QUOTE]My ex-husband was invited and came (with his sister) to our wedding. In fact, he gave the blessing over bread.
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interesting side note- I found out my fSIL (brother's FI) left during the beginning of the reception bc she threw a tantrum, and didn't come back for almost an hour. After my brother had to drag her back in from the car. They got engaged 6 months before DH and I did, and they're not married yet. It's a touchy subject, needless to say. It might help if she stopped spending her money on clothes and drinking and started saving it for the pretty pretty princess day she wants, though.
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I'm not a newb, aka swim1011
I usually don't hold grudges though. I get really angry, yell, storm out of the room, and then I'm fine about 20 minutes later.
So many people asked what was up with her...but she just IS this way. But to not invite her would have meant not inviting her H. And it would have caused a ton of problems in our circle of friends.
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