Wedding Woes

Using deceased FIL's ring for ceremony?

So I need a little advice concerning an issue my fiance and I are having mixed feelings about.  Or maybe I'm just being a total b!@$% about it. Back in March, my fiance's father died from cancer.  He got really sick starting December, so we basically spent every free moment at his parents' house or at the hospital helping his family or his father.  Even after his father's death we've been spending quite a bit of time at his mom's because she constantly needs help around the house doing things her husband used to do.  I really got along well with his father and I was glad we were there through the whole situation.  I won't lie though.. it was hard to give up every free moment of time every weekend and putting all wedding plans aside.  I kept my mouth shut though and tried to be as supportive as possible.  So now we're getting married in a few weeks and we just picked up our wedding rings.  Today my fiance's mom approached him and asked him if we would use my FIL's wedding ring for the ceremony.  Then. after the ceremony, he could switch rings back to the one we bought together for him.  On the way home, my fiance introduced the idea to me.  At first my reaction was "oh great!  I think that's nice sweet way to remember him."  But the more I think about it, the less I like it.  To me, it means a lot to have HIS ring blessed.. I wonder if I'd look at the ring he's wearing every day and think that it's not the one that was used during the ceremony.  Am I being totally ridiculous?  I guess my feels are also compiled by the fact that I feel like my FMIL is constantly giving him guilt trips even though he's been at her becking call.. Advice??
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Re: Using deceased FIL's ring for ceremony?

  • Talk to FI about how you feel. You want the ring he will wear every day to be the one you put on his hand on your wedding day. Nothing wrong with that. I completely agree.

    Maybe, you could put both rings on him, get both blessed... Like "With these rings, I thee wed" I don't know if you think that's really weird, but if it's important to him to have his dad's ring be there, and you want your FI's ring there.... Just a thought.
  • I think it's ridiculous that you would rather have been planning a party than supporting your FI and his family during a very difficult time. Your priest can bless both rings for you if it's that big a deal.
  • I am so sorry to hear of FIL's passing.  I can tell you being on the other side of that situation how much your support meant to FI's family.  My dad had been sick for quite some time as well, and passed in November.  It was difficult to put all the planning on hold.  It is a very sweet gesture that your FMIL wants to have her husbands ring used in the ceremony.  And I understand your concerns as well.  Maybe you can incorportate the ring into the ceremony some how.  Even just having FI carry it with him in his pocket. 

    I have my dad's ring and a charm with is picture on a ribbon and having that wrapped on my bouquet.  Just a way to keep him close.  I'm sure that is all FMIL was intending.  Like PP said, discuss your feelings with FI.  I bet you will come up with something wonderful and everyone will be happy =)

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  • I appreciate all the kind advice.  It's not that I would rather be planning a party.  I don't care who you are, it would be hard for anyone to put their life on hold for 6 months, whether you are planning a wedding or not.  Of course, I would never say anything because I want my fiance to be there for his family.  Not to mention, his father was probably person I was closest to in his family.   I even suggested getting married in a small simple ceremony months ago, just so his father could be there.  Blondie, I'm so sorry to hear about your father.  I'm glad you were able to incorporate his ring into your ceremony.   I'm sure that will make him feel closer to you in such an important moment of your life.

    Anyway, I ended up talking to my fiance, and low and behold, he had the same feelings about the whole thing.  We decided that he would wear his father's ring during the whole ceremony, but then we'd have his own ring blessed and placed on his finger on top of his father's.  Hopefully his mom will be okay with the compromise.
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