MOH Dilemma

prncsz · March 2010

I have two best friends. I couldn't decide between the two so I made both of them MOH. Things started out peachy until I asked both girls to go dress shopping with me to get an idea of potential bridesmaids dresses. MOH "A" immediately said well I'm not going since she is going? I asked why she said because MOH "B" doesn't talk to her. I don't understand what the problem is. I'm not asking them to become friends but just be there to support me.

What should I do? I really don't want or need the drama. Not really sure of how to proceed. Anyone else have BM or MOH issues like this, how did you handle?

banana468 · March 2010

"You two don't need to get along but you two will be together on my wedding day. I do hope that you can put your differences aside."

Don't ask them to be best friends. But at the same time, don't do double the wedding planning because one is refusing to go with you if the other is there. Then just say, "OK, we'll look at dresses. What is your budget? Do you have any likes/dislikes? We'll search without you and let you know which ones we like and hopefully you'll like them too. I'll miss you!"

And if she doesn't like what you pick out, work with her. But at the same time, don't turn it into you having to play favorites.

mbcdefg · March 2010

You don't need to shop for bridesmaids' dresses 16 months out. This is something that you should be doing next year, not now. The girls' dresses don't need to be ordered until maybe six months prior to the wedding.

So let the issue go for now. Don't revisit it until maybe February 2011. Plus, maybe things will resolve themselves by then.

In February or so, talk to your BMs about going dress shopping and speak to each of them in private about their budget (so you know what price point you need to stay under). Then throw out a couple dates to them when you're available. If the one MOH is being a baby and won't come along, you have three choices:

1. Pick one date. If everyone can't make it to that date, offer up a second date where the absent ones can go with you. Have everyone try on the desired dresses, make a short list of about two or three favorites from each day, send them to the girls in an e-mail, have them vote, and majority wins and that's the dress you will go with.

2. Pick one date that the majority of girls can make it to. If the MOH refuses to come, just say, "Fine, then you don't get input on the dress. I will let you know what the other BMs have chosen, and you can place your order on your own by the deadline."

3. Pick a designer that they can all afford, then choose a color, a fabric and knee/tea/floor-length. Then let them pick out their own style from within those specifications, and they can order on their own by a deadline. ("Pick out any floor-length Alfred Angelo gown you want, as long as it is in satin and is Apple Red. The shop needs your order by March 30, so get there on your own time to try the dresses on and then place your order.")

gottahavashorti · March 2010

Could you take them shopping separately?

prncsz · March 2010

Thanks for the suggestions. Well orginally I had planned to do the dress shopping later but I was out to lunch with the MOH causing problems now and we decided just to go (look for me) dresses to get an idea of what I would like not make any major decisions or purchases then. Then the next week I suggested getting those two along with another local bm to go just for ideas and that's when this came up. So I'll take your suggestions (and ways of approaching situation) and wait before revisting this again.

sugarplum92473 · March 2010

I am having similiar issues except of have MOHZILLA on my hands!!!!

a) you shouldnt have to wait for any reason, 16 months before, you wanna go look at dresses...then you should go and they should shut up and be supportive. They dont need to be friends, just tolerate each other for your sake!

Tell them that this is causing sad feelings for you and you dont want from now til your wedding day to be like this. You want it to be fun and memorable.

c) It is YOUR WEDDING DAY!!! Tell them to get on board the train or dont, either way your enjoying this ride!!!

Sorry, it makes me so mad when you support everyone else no matter what and when it comes to you people are jerks...thats how my life is though!

mbcdefg · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:77ac2e0d-50ba-4f11-b7dd-d215381f5a71Post:0db98d4a-4215-4d06-ada2-a0c72536f684">Re: MOH Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having similiar issues except of have MOHZILLA on my hands!!!! a) you shouldnt have to wait for any reason, 16 months before, you wanna go look at dresses...then you should go and they should shut up and be supportive. They dont need to be friends, just tolerate each other for your sake! B) Tell them that this is causing sad feelings for you and you dont want from now til your wedding day to be like this. You want it to be fun and memorable. c) It is YOUR WEDDING DAY!!! Tell them to get on board the train or dont, either way your enjoying this ride!!! Sorry, it makes me so mad when you support everyone else no matter what and when it comes to you people are jerks...thats how my life is though!
Posted by sugarplum92473[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0WTefMNw6NLuSQA.86jzbkF/SIG=12evqd5ku/EXP=1269109901/**http%3a//img418.imageshack.us/img418/8941/whambulance3ew.jpg" alt="" />

gottahavashorti · March 2010

[QUOTE]I am having similiar issues except of have MOHZILLA on my hands!!!!

a) you shouldnt have to wait for any reason, 16 months before, you wanna go look at dresses...then you should go and they should shut up and be supportive. They dont need to be friends, just tolerate each other for your sake!
Except that their size may change, their sense of style may change, the styles available may change, and it's way too early. Not to mention that looking at dresses is not a required BM duty. Of course, there's no reason you can't go on your own to look at dresses by yourself.

B) Tell them that this is causing sad feelings for you and you dont want from now til your wedding day to be like this. You want it to be fun and memorable.
Or you could just not bombard them with wedding related talk and shopping trips and not force them to see each other unless necessary so that they can have fun memories as well.

c) It is YOUR WEDDING DAY!!! Tell them to get on board the train or dont, either way your enjoying this ride!!!
That's not a good reason to tell everyone to fall in line or treat your friends poorly. It's one day, not 16 months!

Sorry, it makes me so mad when you support everyone else no matter what and when it comes to you people are jerks...thats how my life is though!
Posted by sugarplum92473[/QUOTE]

trix1223 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:77ac2e0d-50ba-4f11-b7dd-d215381f5a71Post:0db98d4a-4215-4d06-ada2-a0c72536f684">Re: MOH Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having similiar issues except of have MOHZILLA on my hands!!!! a) you shouldnt have to wait for any reason, 16 months before, you wanna go look at dresses...then you should go and they should shut up and be supportive. They dont need to be friends, just tolerate each other for your sake! B) Tell them that this is causing sad feelings for you and you dont want from now til your wedding day to be like this. You want it to be fun and memorable. c) It is YOUR WEDDING DAY!!! Tell them to get on board the train or dont, either way your enjoying this ride!!! Sorry, it makes me so mad when you support everyone else no matter what and when it comes to you people are jerks...thats how my life is though!
Posted by sugarplum92473[/QUOTE]

Well, you've just made it abundantly clear why you're having the problems that you talked about in the subsequent post that you DD. There's a really good reason why "when it comes to you people are jerks." That's some attitude you've got.

Licia&Wayne · March 2010

Malphabet and her wahmbulance = my hero.

lalap69 · March 2010

Sugarplum - you're treating your friends like crap and you want to know why they're not jumping up and down for you? Really? Your wedding is not 16 months long. It's a day. And your friends continue to have their own lives. If everyone is a jerk to you, the common denominator is YOU.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:77ac2e0d-50ba-4f11-b7dd-d215381f5a71Post:0db98d4a-4215-4d06-ada2-a0c72536f684">Re: MOH Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having similiar issues except of have MOHZILLA on my hands!!!! a) you shouldnt have to wait for any reason, 16 months before, you wanna go look at dresses...then you should go and they should shut up and be supportive. They dont need to be friends, just tolerate each other for your sake! B) Tell them that this is causing sad feelings for you and you dont want from now til your wedding day to be like this. You want it to be fun and memorable. c) It is YOUR WEDDING DAY!!! Tell them to get on board the train or dont, either way your enjoying this ride!!! Sorry, it makes me so mad when you support everyone else no matter what and when it comes to you people are jerks...thats how my life is though!
Posted by sugarplum92473[/QUOTE]
If everyone is mean to the bride, the problem is the bride. Your friends are not all in cahoots and deciding to be mean and ruin your day. They're responding to your behaviour.

cherryT87 · March 2010

they need to get over it they are being selfish its not about them. My sister and I have never gotten along but when it came to being our Moms BMs we put our differnces aside to make sure our Mom was happy and to let her know that there will not be any drama at her wedding between us. We may not get along but we are not going to let our Mom suffer because we can't be civil. They just need to realize that they can politly tolerate each other for your sake and that you aren't asking them to be bff's your just asking for support, and friendship

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