Any other brides feeling lonely?

kpennoc2011 · June 2012

I hate to be a downer, because I am so very in love and excited to be married... but my bridesmaid are (geographically) all over the place, and other than my pushy FMIL and my well-meaning but opinionless fiance, I am basically doing everything alone. His groomsmen are totally worthless (for the wedding- I love them as friends!) so I'm also planning the bachelor and bachelorette parties. To top it all off, we are only having a four month engagement, so everything is happening really fast.

So I'm wondering if I'm alone in feeling very isolated. The worst part is, I'm not even sure what I want from anyone. The root of the whole thing is that I don't even want a traditional wedding. I have said from the beginning that I would prefer to elope or have a destination wedding, and my lovely future husband and his family nearly died from shock... Of course, none of them want to help plan anything, they just want to have attitudes when I don't magically read their minds. I have been criticized on entertainment (I wanted a band, was then told to book a specific DJ), venues (I chose a place not owned by a family friend), flowers (the number I want the bridesmaids to carry! I cannot make this up.), bridal party selection, and even colors! (which, by the way, are gorgeous- a deep red, gold, ivory, and black.) My fiance is trying to be very supportive, he just isn't really into this stuff. He has spent evenings stuffing envelopes and doing a LOT of smiling and nodding- the things I would expect from bridesmaids, normally... All I can say is that I don't think I'm going to enjoy my own wedding, and I cannot wait for the marriage part of this nonsense.

so back to the original point- does anyone feel like they are stranded on some sort of bridal island? Am I taking crazy pills?

pinkprincess1952 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_any-other-brides-feeling-lonely?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ca5e044f-e05c-4bbe-bc40-c10f1e27c544Post:eab459f8-cf0d-4d12-99c1-4872a9d5e456">Any other brides feeling lonely?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate to be a downer, because I am so very in love and excited to be married... but my bridesmaid are (geographically) all over the place, and other than my pushy FMIL and my well-meaning but opinionless fiance, I am basically doing everything alone. His groomsmen are totally worthless (for the wedding- I love them as friends!) so I'm also planning the bachelor and bachelorette parties. To top it all off, we are only having a four month engagement, so everything is happening really fast. So I'm wondering if I'm alone in feeling very isolated. The worst part is, I'm not even sure what I want from anyone. The root of the whole thing is that I don't even want a traditional wedding. I have said from the beginning that I would prefer to elope or have a destination wedding, and my lovely future husband and his family nearly died from shock... Of course, none of them want to help plan anything, they just want to have attitudes when I don't magically read their minds. I have been criticized on entertainment (I wanted a band, was then told to book a specific DJ), venues (I chose a place not owned by a family friend), flowers (the number I want the bridesmaids to carry! I cannot make this up.), bridal party selection, and even colors! (which, by the way, are gorgeous- a deep red, gold, ivory, and black.) My fiance is trying to be very supportive, he just isn't really into this stuff. He has spent evenings stuffing envelopes and doing a LOT of smiling and nodding- the things I would expect from bridesmaids, normally... All I can say is that I don't think I'm going to enjoy my own wedding, and I cannot wait for the marriage part of this nonsense. so back to the original point- does anyone feel like they are stranded on some sort of bridal island? Am I taking crazy pills?
Posted by kpennoc2011[/QUOTE]

First of all... Remember this is your day!!!! and if your honey doesnt wanna help you make descisons then decide on your own, like sit down and figure out what you want, how when and where and then run it by him... Bc mine is the same way, he says its your day... my maid of honor is opionless too... and my parents, I dont think they realize im serious about getting married yet! No one wants to help me bc I think they think I am gonna chicken out or get cold feet... but I am gonna prove them all wrong and have the wedding I want... so you do the same thing... I hope that helps :)

SB1512 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_any-other-brides-feeling-lonely?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ca5e044f-e05c-4bbe-bc40-c10f1e27c544Post:eab459f8-cf0d-4d12-99c1-4872a9d5e456">Any other brides feeling lonely?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate to be a downer, because I am so very in love and excited to be married... but my bridesmaid are (geographically) all over the place, and other than my pushy FMIL and my well-meaning but opinionless fiance, I am basically doing everything alone. His groomsmen are totally worthless (for the wedding- I love them as friends!) <strong>so I'm also planning the bachelor and bachelorette parties.</strong> To top it all off, we are only having a four month engagement, so everything is happening really fast. So I'm wondering if I'm alone in feeling very isolated. The worst part is, I'm not even sure what I want from anyone. The root of the whole thing is that I don't even want a traditional wedding. I have said from the beginning that I would prefer to elope or have a destination wedding, and my lovely future husband and his family nearly died from shock... Of course, none of them want to help plan anything, they just want to have attitudes when I don't magically read their minds. I have been criticized on entertainment (I wanted a band, was then told to book a specific DJ), venues (I chose a place not owned by a family friend), flowers (the number I want the bridesmaids to carry! I cannot make this up.), bridal party selection, and even colors! (which, by the way, are gorgeous- a deep red, gold, ivory, and black.) My fiance is trying to be very supportive, he just isn't really into this stuff. He has spent evenings stuffing envelopes and doing a LOT of smiling and nodding- the things I would expect from bridesmaids, normally... All I can say is that I don't think I'm going to enjoy my own wedding, and I cannot wait for the marriage part of this nonsense. so back to the original point- does anyone feel like they are stranded on some sort of bridal island? Am I taking crazy pills?
Posted by kpennoc2011[/QUOTE]

It's rude to plan your own bachelor and bachelorrette parties. They are not requirements of getting married. If someone offers to throw you one, great. If not, you don't get one. Same logic applies for bridal showers, do not plan one for yourself. As far as bridesmaids, their only repsonsibility is to buy the dress and show up to your ceremony sober. So even if they were close by to you, they wouldn't be responsible to help you plan your wedding, stuff envelopes, etc. Are you and your FI paying for this wedding yourself? If so, you have the final say in everything, from the venue to the music, etc. If not, those who are paying have some say, but you should still be able to put your foot down about some things (colors, flowers being carried, who is in the bridal party for example)

JaxInBlue · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_any-other-brides-feeling-lonely?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ca5e044f-e05c-4bbe-bc40-c10f1e27c544Post:59a6e557-4225-4c66-b277-7cd8486964af">Re: Any other brides feeling lonely?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Any other brides feeling lonely? : It's rude to plan your own bachelor and bachelorrette parties. They are not requirements of getting married. If someone offers to throw you one, great. If not, you don't get one. Same logic applies for bridal showers, do not plan one for yourself. As far as bridesmaids, their only repsonsibility is to buy the dress and show up to your ceremony sober. So even if they were close by to you, they wouldn't be responsible to help you plan your wedding, stuff envelopes, etc. Are you and your FI paying for this wedding yourself? If so, you have the final say in everything, from the venue to the music, etc. If not, those who are paying have some say, but you should still be able to put your foot down about some things (colors, flowers being carried, who is in the bridal party for example)
Posted by SB1512[/QUOTE]

Agree with all of this. If you need help making decisions, you need to have a heart-to-heart with your FI about how the smiling and nodding isn't going to cut in any more. Ask him what is most important to him and talk together about how he could take the lead in some of those areas in the time you have left. For us, DH took care of our reception music, all the tux stuff and coordinating the RD with his folks (the hosts), in addition to helping with the DIY projects we picked out.

Take everything the bachelor/bachelorette parties completely off your plate - the bridal shower. They aren't necessary. For other projects, really look at your plan and the time you have left and determine what is absolutely necessary, what would be nice, and what you can live without. Take some time away from the wedding and wedding stuff so you don't feel its all you do.

Helsy85 · June 2012

Im not in the same situation as you, but i am feeling lonely! I am currently in Australia waiting for my VISA approval to marry my fiance in America. Apart from a two week visit in August, i will not see my fiance for over a year before the wedding. If all goes well with th VISA we are getting married in May!

So i am planning as much as i can via skype and email from Australia, so i cant really involve my friends and family. I give them my ideas and they give opinions and thats about it. Mt fiance is awesome and is doing as much as he can from his end but its all very overwhelming.

I do often feel im doing this all alone and it is very scary. My bestfriend told me yesterday she may not be able to make it to USA for the wedding now which is a huge blow. i cried for hours and my other bestfriend doesnt seem interested much when i talk to her about it all, but i think she is still coming!

So, i just keep focusing on the fact that in under a year (hopefully) i will be marrying the man of my dreams, and the sadness, stress and loneliness now will all be worth it when im looking in his eyes saying "i do".

AshnRobo · June 2012

If you would rather elope then do that. If you FI does not want to elope, he needs to help plan. It is not cool to say he wants a wedding, but you have to do all the work. Especially when you didn't want a wedding in the first place.

MelissaJB22 · June 2012

OP- I'm with you! (On colors too-mine are ivory, red and gold ) I sort of feel "lonely" sometimes too.

1. Two of my bridesmaids are getting married before me (I am the MOH for one this weekend and a bridesmaid in the other one) and I am TOTALLY excited for both them, but I haven't gotten much help/excitement from them.... yet! I'm hoping that after they are happily married that they will get a little excited for me too.

2. My guest list is wildly out of control in my opinion. We are inviting (as of now) 368!!! I wanted something a little smaller, but my FI has a large family.  This may sound awful, but I hope not everyone wants to come. My FI doesn't even know some of them-FMIL is insisting they all get invited.  Luckily, my venue can hold that many people, and we are dealing with the budget if everyone does want to come.  We are paying for most of the wedding (with a little help from both sets of parents) and I know it is our day. I am hoping that because it is a winter wedding in Wisconsin, that people may not want to travel.

This is not the way I pictured my wedding, but it is something I have to deal with. I am marrying the man of my dreams and I knew he had a VERY LARGE family when I met him.  If this is the one thing I have to compromise on to marry the most. amazing person ever, I will.... gladly.

I understand what you are going through and sometimes it just helps to vent a little bit. It helped me! Keep posting and hang on TK! Oh, and if you need opinions.... there is no shortage of them here!

lw007 · June 2012

I can agree with you, I am getting married in December , short engagment and best friends dont live in the same city..or State. FI is great with helping but missing the sisterhood part of the equation! Agreed with the above post...its OUR DAY so dont let anyone ruin it for you. Congrats and good luck

NikkiLee11 · June 2012

I can certainly relate...my fiance, too, is prone to the smile and nod move. He will help me with tasks, when asked, but decision making is certainly not his strong suit. The only input I was given was when I asked about colors, he replied with "Packers gold and yellow" (I'm marrying an avid Packers football fan

), unfortunately I couldn't let him make even that decision. I usually get a chorus of "whatever you'd like is fine." Haha.
My bridesmaids are also spread apart across the state, so I haven't gotten to do a whole lot of the bonding stuff that you hope to do at this point in your life. Even worse, there has been drama between them as a result of them trying to work together to plan my bachelorette party.
I can totally relate with everyone having advice and opinions, but not helping with anything. It seems like everyone is quick to tell me, also, what I should be doing and how there were better options than the ones I chose. It gets so frustrating because this is supposed to be an enjoyable time.
With all of the drama, decision making, and planning in my court, I feel constantly alone. I don't think the regular person understands how stressful trying to do everything on your own becomes...especially when juggling it with work and other life obligations. You do not need crazy pills, just take a breath and a nice long bath and remind yourself that this is your big day. It should be what you and your husband-to-be want it to be, everyone else can have opinions but you are the one who has to live with the memory for the rest of your life.
Good luck, try not to stress (easier said than done, I know), and remember at the end of the day you will be married to the love of your life!

GinaD523 · June 2012

Let me put this as simply and bluntly as I possibly can; there are only 2 people who should be making decisions. YOU and HIM. If anybody else has a problem with anything (music, venue, colors, etc.) TOO BAD FOR THEM. DO NOT LET ANYBODY ELSE DICTATE HOW YOUR WEDDING WILL BE!!!!!
If your FI doesn't want to have any say in it, thats his loss. You should still at least run things by him just because but if he has no oppinion, do what YOU want to do, NOT WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE SAYS YOU "SHOULD" DO!

fleab2oo3 · June 2012

i feel you on this one. all of my bridesmaids are at least 4 hours away so i hardly ever get to see them. My MOH lives near me but never seems to be available to even chat, (she recently found out she was pregnant so she is busy with baby stuff) im excited for her, but i wish i had someone to talk about wedding stuff with. Or go shopping for decorations and such. it does get lonely. My FI works constantly so is rarely around to help and when i do ask his opinion its "whatever you want hun"

Any other brides feeling lonely?

Re: Any other brides feeling lonely?

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