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brides advice please

bubbblez0504bubbblez0504 member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
I'm moh for my bride. I'm a little concerned because the date isn't set and a few other pretty MAJOR details. Am I as bad as what I feel after I talk to her because I'm pointing out she needs a budget and a date, venue and such before we go dress shopping?? I am now known as bridesmaidzilla because I'm concerned and want her to have the day she wants and I do, I honestly get shes excited who wouldn't be? I'm just confused...Help please slap me if I'm as horrible as she is thinking I'm being..
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Re: brides advice please

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    girl4182girl4182 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Shopping for her dress or bridesmaids dresses? If it's her dress than let her do what she wants.
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Your bride is doing things backwards. I've never heard of anybody choosing bridesmaids, let alone bm dresses before the date and venues were set. Has the bride ordered her own dress?
                       
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Her dress or yours? If it's yours, just tell her your budget. If it's hers, then why do you need to know her budget? You kinda sound like you might be nagging. You're concerned and that's great, but I'm not sure why you need to know some of those details. The date you need to know, obviously. And the location. Otherwise, leave it alone.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    You're not horrible but I do think you have to back off. She shouldn't have asked you to be her MOH until she had a date, but what's done is done. The planning of the rest of the party is really none of your business unless she asks for your advice on it - it's on her and her future husband to plan. So, you can offer to help but that's about it. Frankly, I'm very organized but I do things in my way and in my time. It was pretty frustrating to have people offering unsolicited advice as to how all my timing was "wrong."

    As for the dress, if it's for yours, just tell her you're not comfortable with shopping for a dress until you're closer to the date, but you'll be excited to go once that's set and you're about 6 months out. If it's hers, so what if she goes before she has a date? My mom and I definitely did a couple before we had the venue and date 100% set because it was something fun to do amidst the more serious decisions that we had to make.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e3f84fa-ef5d-4920-9786-940c8513f9afPost:682e572f-bfbd-4cff-9e9f-2db8ce2072da">Re: brides advice please</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're not horrible but I do think you have to back off. She shouldn't have asked you to be her MOH until she had a date, but what's done is done. The planning of the rest of the party is really none of your business unless she asks for your advice on it - it's on her and her future husband to plan. So, you can offer to help but that's about it. Frankly, I'm very organized but I do things in my way and in my time. It was pretty frustrating to have people offering unsolicited advice as to how all my timing was "wrong." As for the dress, if it's for yours, just tell her you're not comfortable with shopping for a dress until you're closer to the date, but you'll be excited to go once that's set and you're about 6 months out. If it's hers, so what if she goes before she has a date? My mom and I definitely did a couple before we had the venue and date 100% set because it was something fun to do amidst the more serious decisions that we had to make.
    Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]

    This.

    It is nice that you are being a concerned friend but everyone has their own way of doing things so I would suggest to just back off a bit.

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    GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e3f84fa-ef5d-4920-9786-940c8513f9afPost:e27b0134-632b-4d4d-8851-074918f27ccd">brides advice please</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm moh for my bride. I'm a little concerned because the date isn't set and a few other pretty MAJOR details. Am I as bad as what I feel after I talk to her because I'm pointing out she needs a budget and a date, venue and such before we go dress shopping?? I am now known as bridesmaidzilla because I'm concerned and want her to have the day she wants and I do, I honestly get shes excited who wouldn't be? I'm just confused...Help please slap me if I'm as horrible as she is thinking I'm being..
    Posted by bubbblez0504[/QUOTE]

    For whose dress?  Some women like looking for a while before settling on their wedding dress.  If it is your dress, tell her that nobody should be buying a dress more than six months out because body sizes sometimes change and nobody should have a paid for dress hanging in their closet unworn for months on end.

    As for the date and the major details (really any details beyond the BM dresses) these are none of your business.  Back off.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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    winelover123winelover123 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment First Answer
    I asked my BMs before we had a date. We had a month and a year, but didn't nail down the specific date or venue. Let it be - it sounds like you're nagging. I'm assuming she's awhile out from her wedding (meaning it doesn't sound like she'll be getting married in 3 months). As for the dress, I went shopping for my dress without a budget too. I ended up getting a custom made dress because I didn't like any of the ones - expensive or inexpensive - that I tried on and it gave me a good idea of what looks good on me. Let her figure everything out - she'll let you know the date and venue when she figures it out. And it really isn't your business as to what her dress budget is......but do tell her yours.
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    bubbblez0504bubbblez0504 member
    First Comment
    Its every dress. Hers and Bridesmaids. I told her to start a book. Rip pictures out one month of what she likes and the next month, do it again and compare the pictures. That way come six months or so to the wedding she has an idea of what she wants.  I've told her about the six months but anything I say gets thrown at me. If I tell her what my roles are I get yelled at. If I don't go to a venue I'm not a good friend. I've tried to back off but then she gets mad at me, I can't win.
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    bubbblez0504bubbblez0504 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e3f84fa-ef5d-4920-9786-940c8513f9afPost:93e6ddac-ccd3-448a-b553-1342c8515720">Re: brides advice please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Shopping for her dress or bridesmaids dresses? If it's her dress than let her do what she wants.
    Posted by girl4182[/QUOTE]

    It is for everyone, but mainly so she can try on wedding dresses. I suggested her to go and try on, by herself, if that's what she wanted to do and it wasn't pretty...
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    LiLe422LiLe422 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e3f84fa-ef5d-4920-9786-940c8513f9afPost:9e35fd3f-e1b4-4fd4-8faa-b446fcf358bd">Re: brides advice please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Its every dress. Hers and Bridesmaids. I told her to start a book. Rip pictures out one month of what she likes and the next month, do it again and compare the pictures. <strong>That way come six months or so to the wedding she has an idea of what she wants.</strong>  I've told her about the six months but anything I say gets thrown at me. If I tell her what my roles are I get yelled at. If I don't go to a venue I'm not a good friend. I've tried to back off but then she gets mad at me, I can't win.
    Posted by bubbblez0504[/QUOTE]

    6 months for the bm dresses are fine, but certainly not the brides.  Some bridal gowns can take 9+ months depending on designer/style. 
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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e3f84fa-ef5d-4920-9786-940c8513f9afPost:9e35fd3f-e1b4-4fd4-8faa-b446fcf358bd">Re: brides advice please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Its every dress. Hers and Bridesmaids. I told her to start a book. Rip pictures out one month of what she likes and the next month, do it again and compare the pictures. That way come six months or so to the wedding she has an idea of what she wants.  I've told her about the six months but anything I say gets thrown at me. If I tell her what my roles are I get yelled at. If I don't go to a venue I'm not a good friend. I've tried to back off but then she gets mad at me, I can't win.
    Posted by bubbblez0504[/QUOTE]

    okay, so you can't win. I suggest you stop being involved as much as possible, with the exception of your dress. If she wants you to shop for it, go with her but don't order until you have to. If she wants you to shop for her dress, venue, florist, etc., then go to as few as you can get away with. Again, you can't win, so limit your involvement.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e3f84fa-ef5d-4920-9786-940c8513f9afPost:9e35fd3f-e1b4-4fd4-8faa-b446fcf358bd">Re: brides advice please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Its every dress. Hers and Bridesmaids. I told her to start a book. Rip pictures out one month of what she likes and the next month, do it again and compare the pictures. That way come six months or so to the wedding she has an idea of what she wants.  I've told her about the six months but anything I say gets thrown at me. If I tell her what my roles are I get yelled at. If I don't go to a venue I'm not a good friend. I've tried to back off but then she gets mad at me, I can't win.
    Posted by bubbblez0504[/QUOTE]

    Honestly, I would be snappy with you too.  You are trying to tell this bride what she should do and how she should do it.  Your way not be the way she wants to do things.  There is nothing wrong with her wanting to go look at dresses.  And for you to tell her to wait and look through books and then go look at wedding dresses by herself is a bit much.  Would you really want to go look at wedding dresses by yourself?

    Stop telling her how to do things and just be a supportive friend.  There may be more going on with her then just wedding planning stress.  So stop trying to be the wedding planner and start being her friend.

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    bubbblez0504bubbblez0504 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e3f84fa-ef5d-4920-9786-940c8513f9afPost:2f71e7a4-7fd2-41e9-b49f-af3cff5f10a3">Re: brides advice please</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: brides advice please : Honestly, I would be snappy with you too.  You are trying to tell this bride what she should do and how she should do it.  Your way not be the way she wants to do things.  There is nothing wrong with her wanting to go look at dresses.  And for you to tell her to wait and look through books and then go look at wedding dresses by herself is a bit much.  Would you really want to go look at wedding dresses by yourself? Stop telling her how to do things and just be a supportive friend.  There may be more going on with her then just wedding planning stress.  So stop trying to be the wedding planner and start being her friend.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    Thank you, you're absolutely right. Unfortunately I was told to plan the entire wedding recently. The book was a suggestion, writing told was the wrong word to put when I wrote that. But you're right.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e3f84fa-ef5d-4920-9786-940c8513f9afPost:b7833b42-7300-44c5-bb2b-cfa98535ef46">Re: brides advice please</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: brides advice please : Thank you, you're absolutely right. <strong>Unfortunately I was told to plan the entire wedding recently.</strong> The book was a suggestion, writing told was the wrong word to put when I wrote that. But you're right.
    Posted by bubbblez0504[/QUOTE]

    She told you to plan her entire wedding?  Yeah, if she says this again tell her you are more then happy to help when you can but seeing as it isn't your wedding then you don't think it would be appropriate to plan it unless she decides to write up a contract and pay you for your time.

    She sounds like she may be a bit overwhelmed.  I think she just needs some time to calm down and breathe.

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    GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e3f84fa-ef5d-4920-9786-940c8513f9afPost:ad9de672-e5ce-4e30-acbe-f7039a8bc074">Re: brides advice please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Did she tell you to plan her whole wedding seriously, or in an irritated "fine, then you plan it" retort to your constant henpenning?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Stage has custody of our brain today.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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    bubbblez0504bubbblez0504 member
    First Comment
    Yes she told me I needed to plan the wedding. When I asked the date she threw a random one at me and said I needed to hurry up. The Theme has been changed by everyone she speaks to. Her IDEA was winterwonder land. She asked me what mine would be and I said beachy and then she spoke to a gf thats getting married in October and now she wants a fall themed wedding. It's not the first time that I've been told I'm planning the wedding. I'm only pushing for information from her because I am so out of the loop and confusing idk what to do. Each time I speak to her something new is said that changes everything from what we left of the day before. Ideas keep changing and im trying to help her find the idea SHE wants. I've stepped back and sadly haven't talked to her in two days. Thank you all for all the advice. Hopefully the tital as 'Bridesmaidzilla' doesn't last long :/
    We'll see what happeneds...
    "I swears to only voice my opinion when asked!!"
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