Donation to the church?

achiduck · August 2012

This is going to be a bit of a P&R but to get married in my church we have to pay $450 total that breaks down into an officiant fee, a sexton fee (the guy that rings the bells, makes sure the church is open, etc) and a cleaning fee.

I'm debating on whether it's necessary or not to give a donation on top of this. What would you do?

My shower is also being held at the church and my Dad is giving a donation for that since they're not charging us for use of the common room.

Miss_2010 · August 2012

Hi

Our church is $525, same concept as yours. $250 of that is for the minister and donation is worked in.

Had the church not been such a ridiculous price with a donation "worked in", we would have done a donation. But now we are simply not.

[Deleted User] · August 2012

I didn't donate anything extra because they kept saying the fee was a donation. It irritated me. Just call it a fee. I know it's expensive to turn the lights on and keep everything clean and the building secure. We ended up paying over $850; $500 Church 'donation', $300 for the musician and the rest for pre-cana.

Maybe I'm being ridiculous, but something that is mandatory to pay is not a donation. Just call it a fee. I have no problem paying for something, but don't disguise it as a donation.

julibug86 · August 2012

I agree with PPs that it depends on the fee. My church only charges $150, so we were going to do a $100 donation on top of that. They are SO much lower than every other church in the area! I was shocked when I heard what other churches charge! They don't provide music, so we have to find someone ourselves, but luckily my grandfather had a lot of musical church connections.

Meegles4 · August 2012

Our church fee was $500 and we weren't told how that broke down, it was just the flat fee (we did pay extra to hire the music minister).

If anything, we might have given a donation to the priest specifically on top of the $500. But because the fee was so high, I was adamant about doing that. I still sort of regret it and wish I would have thrown him another bit of money. But not the church as a whole.

raes19 · August 2012

Even though we aren't members at the church we got married in, there was no fee for getting married there because H's mom brought him there a couple of times when he was a child and the minister remembered him. The only thing we had to pay for was the organist, which was $100. Because of that, we did a donation of $250. I think if we had to pay more to get married there, we probably wouldn't have done a donation or it would have at least been less money.

achiduck · August 2012

My church didn't try to pass the fees off as a "donation" the piece of paper we were given very clearly said "Schedule of Fees." They did waive the $250 rental space because I'm a member of the church and have gone there all my life. That makes me feel like we should give a donation, but at the same time it's definitely not free.

We would have had to pay an additional $175 for the organist but I've always wanted a string quartet so we hired one instead.

ericaandtom2012 · August 2012

Our church has a $500 "donation" that you can get out of, if you can claim financial hardship. We did not get the breakdown for the donation. We also have to pay a $125 bench fee on top of that for not using their music director (which would have cost $175) for our ceremony. I don't think we will be making an additional donation.

achiduck · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_donation-to-the-church-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:28e169b9-5ca8-4915-bcac-2d8c71cd4815Post:ebacecef-7952-4c67-8506-5265bd49f0c0">Re: Donation to the church?</a>:
[QUOTE]Our church has a $500 "donation" that you can get out of, if you can claim financial hardship. We did not get the breakdown for the donation. <strong>We also have to pay a $125 bench fee on top of that for not using their music director</strong> (which would have cost $175) for our ceremony. I don't think we will be making an additional donation.
Posted by ericaandtom2012[/QUOTE]

I'm glad we don't have to deal with that. We just had to get the music director to approve our choice (and since it's a string quartet and not a death metal band it wasn't a problem).

ericaandtom2012 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_donation-to-the-church-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28e169b9-5ca8-4915-bcac-2d8c71cd4815Post:f3696fa4-8f03-4692-8783-48fef019ee46">Re: Donation to the church?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation to the church? : I'm glad we don't have to deal with that. We just had to get the music director to approve our choice (and since it's a string quartet and not a death metal band it wasn't a problem).
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, I'm pretty peeved by it, but I really do not like the music director at the church. I'm actually using his predecessor because I like her more (as a person and musically). At this point though, my mantra is becoming "let it go".</div>

MoxieMickie · August 2012

If it's a donation, you should be able to deduct it consult your tax advisor. For PP considering donating directly to the priest, be sure the religion doesn't require them to take a vow of poverty. If so, you could still make a donation in his name to some cause close to his heart.

HockeyFan4 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_donation-to-the-church-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28e169b9-5ca8-4915-bcac-2d8c71cd4815Post:f3696fa4-8f03-4692-8783-48fef019ee46">Re: Donation to the church?</a>:
[QUOTE](and since it's a string quartet and not a death metal band it wasn't a problem).
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]
This is why we didn't get married in a church...I wanted the death metal band ;)

I was going to say not to add to your amount with an additional donation, but I think that you might throw in a little something, since you don't have to pay the rental fee.

achiduck · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_donation-to-the-church-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:28e169b9-5ca8-4915-bcac-2d8c71cd4815Post:319883a1-1a4f-4cc4-b92f-7244cf573aa2">Re: Donation to the church?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation to the church? : This is why we didn't get married in a church...I wanted the death metal band ;) I was going to say not to add to your amount with an additional donation, but I think that you might throw in a little something, since you don't have to pay the rental fee.
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

LOL.

Ya, once the pastor told me she was waiving the rental fee I kind of felt like we needed to make SOME kind of donation.

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_donation-to-the-church-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28e169b9-5ca8-4915-bcac-2d8c71cd4815Post:c8e76774-6311-4583-965c-a04b408c9461">Re:Donation to the church?</a>:
[QUOTE]If it's a donation, you should be able to deduct it consult your tax advisor. For PP considering donating directly to the priest, be sure the religion doesn't require them to take a vow of poverty. <strong>If so, you could still make a donation in his name to some cause close to his heart.</strong>
Posted by MoxieMickie[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Is this what is considered an 'honorarium"? </div><div>
</div><div>Oh, and Hockey? You'll be happy to know there will indeed be a Metallica song played (on the piano) at my DD's nuptials. Pretty sure THAT's gonna shake up those Lutherans, youbetchya! </div>

HockeyFan4 · August 2012

wally: haha we actually ended up cutting most of the death metal as we knew only a handful of our guests would appreciate it...we did have a bunch of hard rock and I did manage to get the dj to play this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQpVvyzfXRY

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_donation-to-the-church-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28e169b9-5ca8-4915-bcac-2d8c71cd4815Post:f0f50097-9e75-4549-80e2-a6c3fb99fd66">Re: Donation to the church?</a>:
[QUOTE]wally: haha we actually ended up cutting most of the death metal as we knew only a handful of our guests would appreciate it...we did have a bunch of hard rock and I did manage to get the dj to play this: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQpVvyzfXRY" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQpVvyzfXRY</a>
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

<div>That's awesome!</div>

julibug86 · August 2012

Our donation is to the church in general. We are inviting our priest to the reception (I've also known him since I was 6). Our fee is also a little lower because I've been going to the church my whole life and was baptized and confirmed there! Plus, they are aware of my parents financial situation and know that FI and I are paying for our entire wedding ourselves. I have a sneaking suspicion that it's usually more like $350 and that they coordinator just dropped it for us (my sister remembered paying more for her wedding 6 years ago, but my parents were in a better financial state then and paid for half of her wedding). To be fair, my family has done a lot of volunteering there over the years with youth group, being altar servers, and teaching religious ed. I feel like that's the way it should be - if you are an active parishoner over the years you should be able to get married there, no matter your budget!

getaclue44 · August 2012

We have to pay $300 for the church itself and since we are bringing in our own priest, we are not doing a separate donation. We are going to give our priest something instead.

mica178 · August 2012

We donated on top of the required donation/fees, both to the church (we were parishioners) and to the two priests (well, we gave each of them gifts and made donations to their charities). Donations are never required, but we wanted to help support the church, especially since so many parishioners can't donate as much in this economic environment and we could afford to.

Gatorsgirl731 · August 2012

I read in a paper one time that sometimes with non-for profit groups the word "fee" is replaced with words like "donation" for tax reasons. I can not confirm anything because the Lutheran Papa (dear ole Dad who by the way wants "stairway to heaven" to be our dance song) is at church right now and won't answer.

em105 · August 2012

We are planning on giving the required fees which break down something like this:

200 Donation to Pastor (encouraged, not required. the rest of the fees are required if you want their help)

200 Music Fee

50 Sexton's fee

50 Parish secretary (who is making and printing the programs for us.)

Also, we plan on giving an additional cash donation as well as spending several hours doing various fix-it projects around the church.

loca4pook · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_donation-to-the-church-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:28e169b9-5ca8-4915-bcac-2d8c71cd4815Post:978ea648-1b8a-4f68-bbb6-c5ff6b8df579">Re: Donation to the church?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't donate anything extra because they kept saying the fee was a donation. It irritated me. Just call it a fee. I know it's expensive to turn the lights on and keep everything clean and the building secure. We ended up paying over $850; $500 Church 'donation', $300 for the musician and the rest for pre-cana. Maybe I'm being ridiculous, but something that is mandatory to pay is not a donation. Just call it a fee. I have no problem paying for something, but don't disguise it as a donation.
Posted by schlagetermari[/QUOTE]

Be happy it is a "donation", then you can now write it off on your taxes!

tmwishful · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_donation-to-the-church-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28e169b9-5ca8-4915-bcac-2d8c71cd4815Post:978ea648-1b8a-4f68-bbb6-c5ff6b8df579">Re: Donation to the church?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I didn't donate anything extra because they kept saying the fee was a donation. It irritated me. Just call it a fee.</strong> I know it's expensive to turn the lights on and keep everything clean and the building secure. We ended up paying over $850; $500 Church 'donation', $300 for the musician and the rest for pre-cana. Maybe I'm being ridiculous, but something that is mandatory to pay is not a donation. Just call it a fee. I have no problem paying for something, but don't disguise it as a donation.
Posted by schlagetermari[/QUOTE]

<div>REALLY! If they tell you what to pay, it's a fee. There's no need to pay anything on top of that, unless you really want to. I've seen required tipping too, in that case, it's not a freakin' tip, but don't get me started on that topic. </div>

Kath1083 · August 2012

After reading this maybe my fiance was right.....our church was very steep. I had to join the church for 1000 dollars and then we needed to spend an additional 500 for the actual wedding. It was my church as a kid so it was very important that I got married there.

DisneyAsh · August 2012

This is all good info for me! We're in the just-now-planning stages. We're members of the church we're getting married in, but we need to sit down and discuss things with our Reverend. I wasn't quite sure what to expect for costs, but budgeted $1k.

Donation to the church?

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