Last names

felicia220 · March 2010

For your safety you should not post your last name, its what most people recommend on these boards.

jrpetrik · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ce4d5cd9-c0d4-4cb2-94aa-b78291a9f3f9Post:61cecbae-6f2d-43fc-baf1-079a7580c4da">Re: Last names</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last names : Could you clarify what you mean by "symbolism?" I'm curious.
Posted by impslave[/QUOTE]

While I'm sure that there <em>are </em>exceptions, for the most part, when women don't change their last names, it's symbolising a degree of autonomy and independence that has no business entering a marriage. The two have become one, and marriages aren't about asserting rights but about loving each other sacrificially and unconditionally.

While I'm grateful for the advances made by the first-wave feminists, by no means do I believe that feminism as it exists today is a good thing for women–and there're studies to back it up (such as how the relative happiness of women has fallen considerably compared to men, etc.). I definitely don't go so far as to say that patriarchy movements have it right, either, though (I think they're wrong about how the marriage and familial relationships actually work), but I am a solid complementarian who thinks that two equals can have different roles without damaging that equality.

doubleH2010 · March 2010

I haven't decided if I'm keeping my last name or changing it. My FI doesn't care. He actually suggested we make our own last name (he voted for Awesome so he could be called Dr. Awesome....).

I don't have strong feelings either way. I must admit, if the FI insisted I change my name I would probably have strong feelings about NOT changing it. I do like the idea that we share a last name. It seems more like we are a family that way (to me). We aren't having kids so we don't have that to worry about.

I'm guessing I will keep my maiden name legally and use his socially.

rubyjem00 · March 2010

I am keeping my last name. While I am a professional in one of "those" fields - one of the fields mentioned where women commonly keep their last name - that is not the reason I am keeping mine. First, there are no more men in my family and, while this is still a topic of discussion, there is a chance that our children will have my last name. Second, my FI's name is incredibly common and while he prefers the anonymity that comes with having a common name, I do not.

FI and I discussed my chaning my name OR his changing his name. He is not comfortable changing his and neither am I. Fine with me. But I agree with impslave - I would have reconsidered the marriage if FI insisted that I take his last name.

I can assure you that my commitment to my relationship and my FI has absolutely nothing to do with what my last name is. If you want to change your name, that's awesome. If you want to hyphenate, that's great. But the argument that my relationship is any less real or committed because I didn't take his last name is frankly, a bit childish and immature.

SarahElizabeth523 · March 2010

I am dropping my current last name altogether when we get married. I am very tradtional and I think that it is a little rude not to take your husbands last name as your own.

*BeachBride0410* · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ce4d5cd9-c0d4-4cb2-94aa-b78291a9f3f9Post:af352c55-66f6-4ebc-bd9f-f205c2be1e6c">Re: Last names</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last names : Seriously? So if a woman doesn't have a professional career she shouldn't be able to make her own decisions?
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

No I never said that.... I understand women wanting to keep their last name because of professional reasons. And its absolutely the womens decision whether they want to keep it or not. I simple said IMO I think it is silly for a women who says she likes her name better then her husbands. I have nothing against women who have their reasons, but that reason is silly to me.

sf00041 · March 2010

I think I am taking his last name but I'm a little disappointed about it. His last name is the last name of his biological father who I have met only once. He was never there for my fi growing up and only calls him now when he is drunk. Fi's mom and his step dad have a different last name. His step dad has raised him since he was 3 yrs old. I would feel proud to take their last name but they never changed fi's last name. I'm not really sentimental about these things so I dont think its worth making a big deal out of, but its not the ideal situation to me, either.

impslave · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ce4d5cd9-c0d4-4cb2-94aa-b78291a9f3f9Post:1521d6b0-0199-4cca-90ce-c86ff121f08f">Re: Last names</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last names : While I'm sure that there are exceptions, for the most part, when women don't change their last names, it's symbolising a degree of autonomy and independence that has no business entering a marriage. The two have become one, and marriages aren't about asserting rights but about loving each other sacrificially and unconditionally. [/QUOTE]

*Jumping back in late*

Guess this is going to be one of those "we'll agree to disagree" things :)

I fully believe that I can enter my marriage and join emotionally with my husband, yet still maintain my autonomy, indepedence and identity. I love him completely, yet I will not see myself as Mrs. Hislastname. FI fully supports me and loves me no matter what my last name might be. That, to me, is a good example of unconditional love.

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