Somewhat taboo topic: Money received from wedding

peaches85 · August 2010

I've never posted about this before because I know it's super taboo to talk about and kind of flame-worthy. However, since it's a slow day and a request was made for a hot topic I guess it's as good a time as any (not sure if it'll really get people talking or not).

Here's my confession: Throughout wedding planning the thought occasionally crosses my mind about how much money we'll get from our guests. We're not in any way, shape, or form determining our guest list based on how much we expect to receive (though I know some people do that) and we're not expecting anything to help us out after the wedding so it's not determing how much we spend on the big day.

However, I do wonder about it and so I'm curious what the MGs made back on their weddings in terms of percentages. Obviously every wedding is different and the economy definitely affects this, but approximately what percentage of the money you spent on your wedding did you get back in cash and checks from guests?

And, if you had to be COMPLETLEY honest, were you a bit disappointed by how little you received or thrilled by how much you received? Of course we're all going to be happy just to have friends and family there to celebrate with us and we're not expecting anything monetarily, but when all was said and done what did you and FI think of it all?

No nasty flaming allowed in response to anyone's post, please, because I'd really like honest answers.

ffbride_0813 · August 2010

I will openly say. I recieved back approximatly 30% of what we spent. 50% of our guest list was from out of town and lower cost parts of the country. Truthfully I thought it would be closer to 50% back but I was thrilled that everyone came out and was there to join us.

mbcdefg · August 2010

I'd estimate maybe 60%? I forget how much exactly, but I know that it pretty much covered the reception costs. It was definitely more than what we were expecting to get and we were pleasantly surprised - and, yes, we talked about it beforehand and guessed at what percentage we might get back.

We had a few extra-generous gifts, and a few guests who gave little/nothing, and most people are from this area and know how a "Jersey wedding" works. Plus our total budget was lower than most NJ weddings, just because we did without a few things and skimped on a few things (mainly to save money but also because we didn't particularly care to have super-fancy flowers, invites, a video, etc.). And my parents generously helped us out a bit along the way, so our "out of pocket" expenses weren't a big loss in the end. We were very happy with the wedding we had and we don't feel like we missed out on anything.

cutiepie12702 · August 2010

It's funny you should bring this up because FI's mother made a comment to me the other day about how she gave some people's children thousands of dollars and she's expecting them to give us thousands of dollars. The idea of someone writing me a check for a couple of grand seems completely absurd, so I also wonder how often something like this occurs. Totally not looking for it of course and I know my side of the family is DEF. not like that (we use the general rule of cover your plate), but his family is from a different culture so maybe they do things differently.

gymchick05 · August 2010

Im glad you asked too, because like you, I am just excited to have everyone celebrate w/ us, but of course it crosses my mind how much me may potentially get back vs what we spend. I was looking at the wedding recap board and there was a thread on this (of course this includes all parts of the country) and people were saying they had weddings with 160+ people and received a total of $2k in case, and to be honest that made me worried haha. Either way, it is money well spent and we are only spending what we can afford now and not what we plan on getting back, but it would be awesome to get a bit back

Just Jen · August 2010

About 50% of the wedding proper (ie, not including the honeymoon).

We were thrilled. People were very generous, and now we have the beginnings of a nice little "house fund" for when we're ready.

demarcosjd · August 2010

We received about 35% back. We also had a lot of OOT guests that just didn't give much or anything at all. I will say I had more of a hard time with this than MH did. I was shocked when we opened some of our cards. I didn't want to sound like a brat but when it's people who we know go out and spend all the time like it's no big deal and then give $50 for 2 people it just didn't sit well with me. What we realized from our particular guest list was those that had it to give didn't and those that didn't have much gave more. Overall I am very grateful for what we received but also made a mental note when it comes time for some people to get married.

akmackay · August 2010

We received back maybe 25%. DH thought we'd get back 50%... I laughed at him, but never thought it would be as low as 25%. Of course, this is not including the money his parents gave us, which was a good amount (but most is still owed to us if I remember correctly...). We were a little shocked by some people, both good and bad, honestly mainly bad. I thought my boss would give more, and some of our friends were cheap (as in $25 gifts), but in the end we had an amazing time and they had an amazing time so that's all that matters. We were in no way thinking of our wedding as a way to make money, so we knew we'd be out a good amount.

Honestly, to be able to buy a house and pay for a majority of our wedding in the same year, plus have a very good amount left in savings is more than we could have hoped for.

Belle2Be · August 2010

I haven't gotten married yet, but we don't want any $$, or stuff for that matter. But we're having a DW, so its already going to cost a bit for everyone to come.

raangoli · August 2010

Our wedding is still almost 3 months away, but I don't have high hopes really. I know though that I will be frustrated like demarcosjd was, but it is what it is. I will just be happy that people came and were able to party with us.

NJgurl19 · August 2010

FI sister received $15,000 at her wedding i was very surprised! Do i expect the same thing no.... would it be nice honestly yes!

kwilkinson14 · August 2010

My FI and I have definitely talked about this topic. We don't really care how much money we get back. Again, we are just looking forward to being married and having a great day celebrating with friends and family. My FI's siblings are both married and I remember the family gossip with who gave what. I do have to say somethings surprised me but at least I know what to expect.

leah2b · August 2010

I would say about 30% of wedding proper (not honeymoon, rings, dress, clothing etc). This was actually more than we expected , which really was due to a few very generous gifts that were somewhat unexpected. We were just happen to have something to put back into that savings account after writing out all of the big checks

rlb81 · August 2010

We received about 40% (not including the money his parents gave us that went toward the wedding). I was surprised both good and bad... one single friend gave us a very generous $350 while another person brought a date that was NOT her boyfriend and didn't even give us a card. I'm still kind of hanging onto hope that she might mail one but I'm not holding my breath. We noticed a difference in our NJ/NY friends gifts from our CT/PA etc. friends. In the end we were able to pay off MH's car and the credit card bills from the honeymoon with a little bit to spare for leftover registry gifts. No complaints here.

Lola Minnie · August 2010

We made back 50% excl honeymoon, maybe a little bit more. We had very generous guests - but we (and my parents) always give good gifts so it came back in return. I expected us to make back about that # but it didn't really matter in the end since this was the type of wedding I wanted no matter the return.

Danes983 · August 2010

FI is hoping to make back what we personally put in. Which is a little less than 1/2 of the cost of the wedding. I sure hope it happens or he may kill me.

misschristinec · August 2010

I am more interested in people we have given wedding gifts too. I'd like to see if they give the same amount or give more/less.

We are paying for 85% of our wedding so yes it would be nice to help recoup our savings.. but if guests cannot afford a gift, then I would rather them come to the wedding with just a card.

I also feel like family and friends have already been extremely generous.. My registry has been getting gobbled up and we've only had an engagement party to date. (I think my shower invitations went out this week!)...

Most of my guests will be staying over in the hotel even though they live less than 2 hrs away, maybe this will effect their gift - who knows.

clarereedy · August 2010

FI and I have had this discussion with my parents and it's interesting to see what everyone had to say. My parents have given a thousand to most of my cousins who have already gotten married (I'm the youngest) and have asked to see the list of gifts we receive. They want to see if the family is equally as generous to me as they were. FI's family tends to give gifts at weddings (as in actual wrapped presents) which my side never does, so it should be interesting to see what happens with that.

My parents anticipate about 40K (they actually guessed 43,700....long story how they came up with such and exact number) in presents - keep in mind we have a guest list of 364. This would be a little under 60% of what is being spent on the wedding (including everything except the honeymoon). Whatever we get, it will be a nice start towards our deposit towards our house!!

We just sent out our invitations today, so we'll wait and see what responses we get....this will be an interesting two and a half months!!

jaimelody · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_somewhat-taboo-topic-money-received-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:d727715e-4da0-451a-85b7-05bf8f4dff27Post:c1f53adb-edcf-4b13-90c7-d251382061ff">Re: Somewhat taboo topic: Money received from wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]It's funny you should bring this up because FI's mother made a comment to me the other day about how she gave some people's children thousands of dollars and she's expecting them to give us thousands of dollars. The idea of someone writing me a check for a couple of grand seems completely absurd, so I also wonder how often something like this occurs. Totally not looking for it of course and I know my side of the family is DEF. not like that (we use the general rule of cover your plate), but his family is from a different culture so maybe they do things differently. FMIL is being extremely worried about perception and making sure we have top of the line everything since all her people are bringing "lots of money".
Posted by cutiepie12702[/QUOTE]

Funny you should say that - because that's what my mother thought and that was not the case. Not to say people weren't generous, and I wasn't pleasantly surprised, but my mother thought we would have gotten more from some people because of what she gave at their childrens weddings.

akmackay · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_somewhat-taboo-topic-money-received-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:d727715e-4da0-451a-85b7-05bf8f4dff27Post:1bf1186d-4e6b-4f50-be3f-36f1fe718c42">Re: Somewhat taboo topic: Money received from wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Somewhat taboo topic: Money received from wedding : Funny you should say that - because that's what my mother thought and that was not the case. Not to say people weren't generous, and I wasn't pleasantly surprised, but my mother thought we would have gotten more from some people because of what she gave at their childrens weddings.
Posted by jaimelody[/QUOTE]

Ditto- our parents (both sides) were more upset about the monetary amounts than we were. My mom especially was shocked at how little some people gave when she gave big amounts to their kids. Just goes to show... you never know!

tinydancer842 · August 2010

I don't know the exact total yet because most of the checks are still at my parents house (we left immediately on our HM) - but so far I believe over 4k however there is a check from his grandpa we didn't get yet which I'm pretty sure will bump us up a fair amt....

MIL & FIL paid for our HM which was def. the most generous gift.

The weirdest one was my aunt who gave us like one big towel, one hand towel, & one washcloth as our wedding gift when my friend who is still in school got us 1/2 of the towels we wanted & she has a low paying job. However I can't complain too much this same aunt gave my sister a passion of the christ coffee table book as her wedding gift!

StefaniBel · August 2010

FI and I talked about this. We are paying for everything ourselves. But we are putting in the wedding an amount of money that we can afford to spend. So it doesn't really mater to us how much we will get back because we won't have anything to pay for after the wedding. We just want to enjoy our wedding and want our guests to have a good time too.
We are kind of curious, just like some of you are or were, that's all. And to be sincere... yeah, would be nice to get some money back so we can put towards our future house. But we are not worried or anything like that.

carlaspeed · August 2010

OMG, fiance's cousin got 30K back in her May wedding from 200 people, like $150 per head! Their culture is very generous, so we'll see in 5 weeks!

mcgoveer · August 2010

I'm very surprised after seeing some of these. I was thinking we'd get back close to 70%... For our engagement party with 45 people, we received about 2K, GC's and some china... and that was after we asked them not to bring gifts. I'm the first to get married in my family out of all of my cousins and so is FI. I don't really don't mind if I get only a little back as long as it's a good time but just thought that the percentages would be a little more.

Somewhat taboo topic: Money received from wedding

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