Indian meets Irish

wicked_faery · January 2010

I'm of Irish decent & my Man is Trinidadian Indian. I'd really like to incorporate both heritages into the wedding, but I've been told that (with his mother at the least) it's either a hindu ceremony, or it's a plain christian...meaning that u don't mix & match. On top of all of this, i'm not any form of christian. I was raised catholic but i'm now pagan.

My question is, Is it taboo to mix the heritages into one ceremony? & if so how should I go about doing 2 seperate ceremonies...& if it's Not taboo, How can I mix them harmoniously?

waterfly · January 2010

If you're neither one Christian, then a Christian ceremony certainly doesn't make sense. Now, if you were to do a civil ceremony or something, you could certainly incorporate elements from both your heritages...which may annoy your FILs, but isn't generally taboo in the rest of society.

The first thing I'd recommend doing, if you haven't already, is to sit down with your FI and talk things over. Find out what he wants(he may not want the traditional Hindu ceremony, or he may have his heart set on it), explain what you want, and see what you can come up with. You may also want to find out from his family what they consider the most important parts of the ceremony...and figure out what things you absolutely want, too.

In the end, you may not be able to please everyone and still stay true to what the two of you want, but you'll at least have a better starting-out point.

megk8oz · January 2010

I'm a Catholic who married a Buddhist. We wanted both of our faiths represented (Since it's about the 2 joining together). We went with a civil ceremony, and our officiant just made it a point to explain what both faiths believe marriage is and pointed out how similar 2 very different faiths can be. We were both happy with it. Maybe something similar would interest you?

Regarding what his mother has said, don't have a Christian ceremony if neither of you are actually Christian.

handfast4me · January 2010

I'm a Scottish Pagan. We had a full-on Pagan ceremony for our Handfasting, and non-legal wedding, then a legal wedding which was a civil ceremony, with Pagan elements incorporated. If you're in the broom closet, you can google "subtle handfasting" and get lots of ideas on how to incorporate paganism into your ceremony. You could easily blend this with your fi's traditions. I believe, although I could be remembering this incorrectly, that there is no actual buddhist wedding ceremony--it's just sort of like a meditation with friends. If I am remembering that correctly, then you could do that at the start of the ceremony, then do a sort of "civil ceremony meets Paganism" --as Buddhism and Paganism are quite compatible.

We wrote our entire legal ceremony. What we did was just look up hundreds of ceremonies online. We googled phrases that we knew we wanted to include, and then sort of cobbled all of it together, using an outline of Intro, intent (required in some states) vows, ring exchange (we inserted the Pagan cakes and ale here) and then Pronouncement.

Personally, I could never have a Christian ceremony again (I did it when I got married the first time, before I became a Pagan, waaaaaaay back in 1985) because I do not believe in that Faith. But, as many Christian traditions come from Pagan rites, it's entirely up to you.

shwethasrin · February 2010

You could mix elements together, but it would be hard. My FI and I are having a Hindu ceremony in the morning/early noon, followed by light snacks and sweets, and the Christian ceremony and reception in the evening. If your reception site allows an open fire for the havan/agni/fire (you can't have a true Hindu wedding without going around the fire, and it's not just a candle or something) then you could have them both at the same site, change real quick between ceremonies, and move the havan for the fire out of the way.

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

You should absolutely have a ceremony that represents both of your heritages and faiths. It may take a little digging to find an officiant who can create a ceremony that's an appropriate blend (the Universalist Unitarian church is a great place to start). And don't have a wedding that's in a faith you don't believe in. My FI and I were both raised to be very religious (him Protestant, me Catholic), but we've both moved away from that, and we feel it would be disrespectful to pretend to be religious for the ceremony. Our parents haven't really accepted that we're not having a religious ceremony, but they'll deal.

Have you thought about getting your hands hennaed? It's a tradition in many cultures, including Indian and (I think) Celtic. I know I've seen some very lovely Celtic knot henna designs. Something like that would be a perfect way of acknowledging both cultures at once.

Sit down just the two of you, without considering other outside influences, and talk about what you want the ceremony to be like. It may help if you each make a list of three or four "dealbreaker" elements that you absolutely want represented in the ceremony. Once you have that, you'll have an excellent foundation for a ceremony that fully represents both of you and your union.

wicked_faery · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_indian-meets-irish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:592b9c26-5325-4278-b7cc-d64b319adaddPost:ea35034f-1d9f-4d6c-9582-1fe565fc322c">Re: Indian meets Irish</a>:
[QUOTE]You should absolutely have a ceremony that represents both of your heritages and faiths. It may take a little digging to find an officiant who can create a ceremony that's an appropriate blend (the Universalist Unitarian church is a great place to start). And don't have a wedding that's in a faith you don't believe in. My FI and I were both raised to be very religious (him Protestant, me Catholic), but we've both moved away from that, and we feel it would be disrespectful to pretend to be religious for the ceremony. Our parents haven't really accepted that we're not having a religious ceremony, but they'll deal. Have you thought about getting your hands hennaed? It's a tradition in many cultures, including Indian and (I think) Celtic. I know I've seen some very lovely Celtic knot henna designs. Something like that would be a perfect way of acknowledging both cultures at once. Sit down just the two of you, without considering other outside influences, and talk about what you want the ceremony to be like. It may help if you each make a list of three or four "dealbreaker" elements that you absolutely want represented in the ceremony. Once you have that, you'll have an excellent foundation for a ceremony that fully represents both of you and your union.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
thank you for the suggestion. it really makes sense ^_^

Henna isn't related to Ireland at all, but i do intend to do it anyways. I especially like the idea that it's good luck if the groom can find his name in the henna design.

@ <a href="http://community.theknot.com/cs/ks/user/default.aspx?membershipid=5971618166462296&plckUserId=5971618166462296" target="_blank" class="username_knot">megk8oz </a>: there's a Big difference between Hinduism & Bhudism.

Indian meets Irish

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