Altar flowers? Really?

angel2210 · August 2010

I don't want them, I don't care about them, but all of the suddden FMIL is insistant that we just have to have them or our marriage won't be valid or whatever. And, of course, FI's all "well she's done this wedding thing twice before with my sisters" so apparently she knows everything about everything about weddings. She has offered to pay for them, fins. But the way I see it, if she wants them she can deal with ordering them because I don't care.

Anyone else not have any altar flowers? Does the state still recognize your marriage?

Mrs.B6302007 · August 2010

I didn't even have an altar so I guess I'm really not legal. ;-)

angel2210 · August 2010

For shame.

Manwaithiel · August 2010

How odd.

We're not having an altar OR flowers. Of course we're getting married in a garden so there will be flowers. But I paid a pretty penny for the flowers that are already there so I will not be adding more.

I hope to God we are still married at the end of it

ootmother2 · August 2010

Some Catholic churches don't even allow them so you could be off the hook. If you're not Catholic, convert!

angel2210 · August 2010

Close, we're doing it in a Lutheran church. (Don't tell any Lutherans I said that, apparently that's a stake-worthy offense)

They definitely allow flowers. Damn it.

Birdie1483 · August 2010

We aren't getting married in a church so we won't be doing altar flowers. We might try to do some type of gazebo/arch thing though, depending on funds. I even thought about hay bails and pumpkins since the wedding will be in November, but FI warned that we might look back and think that was kind of ridiculous.

I don't want to look back in twenty years and feel the same way that I do when I see pics of weddings from the 80's.

michaelandjulie2 · August 2010

We did a gazebo arch thing and some things that hung on the stairs of the gazebo. My mother insisted it "just needed something". I gave in, but all I did was call the florist and say "Can you make something for the gazebo?". I didn't want to deal with it either. I don't think it was worth the extra money, but it wasn't my money so I wasn't going to argue.

WildRumpus · August 2010

We don't have an altar either, but we're using flowers to spruce it up a little. I'm with you though-if she's so concerned about them, she can pay for them.

banana468 · August 2010

Oot, when my uncle died, (he dropped dead of a heart attack at 45) his parish wouldn't allow any life flowers at the altar because he died during Lent. So all the flowers that tons of people purchased had to be placed at the grave. Looking back, I think they had the same policy when I attended the wedding of a couple there during Lent a few years later.

The other policy some churches have (ours did) is that if you want flowers on the altar, they stay there. Our church considered placing flowers there to be a gift to the church so they could not be removed.

angel2210 · August 2010

It wouldn't be such a terrible thing if it weren't TEN DAYS before the wedding. I already have so much to deal with the next few days, you know?

banana468 · August 2010

Then let FMIL handle it. :-)

BeeBee22 · August 2010

Call the church and ask them. Sounds like BS to me.

Edit: If she's willing to order and pay for them (and they don't turn out to be hideous), I'd say give in on this one. But still, call the church so you know the truth. good luck!

angel2210 · August 2010

So I know the truth about what?

She's willing to pay but wants me to call "so I can have what I want." What I want is to forget the conversations about flowers have even happened.

jnic0319 · August 2010

Personal opinion, I always think they look like funeral flowers and so no I'm not doing them. I think your FMIL is off he rocker.

angel2210 · August 2010

The main thing that bothers me the most about this is that she knows I'm doing Real Touch flowers for the bouquets and bouts because I have terrible allergies and asthma and I can't really handle real flowers. And yet..

clearheavens · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_altar-flowers-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:47293b1a-7274-429d-83e2-7a3b485f2f66Post:55c1f699-5365-4ab3-9779-cac60302b2b2">Re: Altar flowers? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]Then let FMIL handle it. :-)
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto this. If you don't care for them, then you won't be bothered by them much if they're there. Family peace is sometimes more important than arguing who's right or who's wrong.</div><div>
</div><div>You could also have them transferred to your reception to make the entrance or bar area nicer, too.</div>

jnic0319 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_altar-flowers-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:47293b1a-7274-429d-83e2-7a3b485f2f66Post:70b08eb0-733e-4d62-811a-9aa1316559bb">Re: Altar flowers? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]The main thing that bothers me the most about this is that she knows I'm doing Real Touch flowers for the bouquets and bouts because I have terrible allergies and asthma and I can't really handle real flowers. And yet..
Posted by angel2210[/QUOTE]

Well that changes everything. Sorry I would put my foot down on this one.

angel2210 · August 2010

I'm thinking....wait for it... Edible Arrangements. Fashion AND function. Wonder how she'd feel about that.

missy68 · August 2010

We left them in the church (this was for my first marriage) and it was written in the program that they were there from our wedding in honor of our parents or something like that. It was a Methodist church.

I didn't decorate the chapel at the Luxor; it was already decorated nicely.

BeeBee22 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_altar-flowers-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:47293b1a-7274-429d-83e2-7a3b485f2f66Post:c12cebd6-47c5-43c2-923b-e7900a219c31">Re: Altar flowers? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I know the truth about what?
Posted by angel2210[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The truth about whether they're somehow "required." It sounds insane to me, but it might help to be able to tell her you spoke to the church and they said flowers are NOT required.</div><div>
</div><div>Better yet, have her son tell her that you both refuse to have you spend your wedding day incapacitated by allergies, so you're not having flowers. He can't choose her whim over your health. Period.

</div>

Birdie1483 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_altar-flowers-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:47293b1a-7274-429d-83e2-7a3b485f2f66Post:70b08eb0-733e-4d62-811a-9aa1316559bb">Re: Altar flowers? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]The main thing that bothers me the most about this is that she knows I'm doing Real Touch flowers for the bouquets and bouts because <strong>I have terrible allergies and asthma and I can't really handle real flowers</strong>. And yet..
Posted by angel2210[/QUOTE]

That would bug me too. Have you explained this to her? If you have and she still insists on them, then I would try not to worry about it, even though I'm sure that will be impossible if you're sneezing. You could possibly request the florist take certain measures to try to reduce pollen, such as picking off the Carpel or Stamen of a Lilly (the parts that carry the messy pollen). Florists often do this to make the flowers last longer, but it will also greatly reduce the amount of pollen on and coming off of the flower.

And I've also thought altar flowers can look like funeral flowers. I'm on the fence because we're going to have a 15-20 minutes ceremony tops, so I don't want to spend an arm and a leg on decorations. I don't know if a decorated arch would be worth $5/minute. However, I don't want it to be bare. Oh the decisions...

angel2210 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_altar-flowers-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:47293b1a-7274-429d-83e2-7a3b485f2f66Post:8297da91-b713-4de0-adf8-48de7f6aad1e">Re: Altar flowers? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Altar flowers? Really? : The truth about whether they're somehow "required." It sounds insane to me, but it might help to be able to tell her you spoke to the church and they said flowers are NOT required.
Posted by BeeBee22[/QUOTE]

I was being extreme and mildly sarcastic with that comment. I just meant she was making it seem like if we didn't have flowers we'd be doomed or something.

BeeBee22 · August 2010

Gotcha... Maybe the Edible Arrangement thing will work then, or muffin baskets!

Seriously, though, your health is a deal breaker. She's being ridiculous.

mysticl · August 2010

The chapel we are using has such strict rules about decorating that I have decided not to deal with decorations at all.

Normally I would say pick your battles and if she wants them she can order and pay for them. But your alleriges are a whole different issue. She should absolutely respect that you don't want to be incapacitated on your wedding day.

Kristin789 · August 2010

It's my understanding that the parents buy the alter flowers which are delivered and installed on Sat afternoon.

Then the alter flowers stay there through the night and through the morning services on Sunday - and the church does not buy flowers for each week that there is a wedding the night before, which saves the church some considerable money.

Then after the service, the minister of visitation takes the alter flowers down, and loads them into his van/station wagon, and takes them with him to the local nursing home. The flowers are set up in their dining room, and he does a service for all the residents there on Sunday afternoon. Then the flowers stay there and brighten up the Sunday night dinner.

Maybe instead of pissing on the entire concept of alter flowers, you need to find out the entirety of what those flowers are designed to do after your wedding ceremony.

angel2210 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_altar-flowers-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:47293b1a-7274-429d-83e2-7a3b485f2f66Post:10683f58-87c0-4115-aaad-c98948391b18">Re: Altar flowers? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's my understanding that the parents buy the alter flowers which are delivered and installed on Sat afternoon. Then the alter flowers stay there through the night and through the morning services on Sunday - and the church does not buy flowers for each week that there is a wedding the night before, which saves the church some considerable money. Then after the service, the minister of visitation takes the alter flowers down, and loads them into his van/station wagon, and takes them with him to the local nursing home. The flowers are set up in their dining room, and he does a service for all the residents there on Sunday afternoon. Then the flowers stay there and brighten up the Sunday night dinner. Maybe instead of pissing on the entire concept of alter flowers, you need to find out the entirety of what those flowers are designed to do after your wedding ceremony.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

It's also your understanding that the entire world is still living in the 50s. So maybe instead of pissing on the concept of the modern world, you could just can it. ;)

Jelenny · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_altar-flowers-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:47293b1a-7274-429d-83e2-7a3b485f2f66Post:70b08eb0-733e-4d62-811a-9aa1316559bb">Re: Altar flowers? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]The main thing that bothers me the most about this is that she knows I'm doing Real Touch flowers for the bouquets and bouts because I have terrible allergies and asthma and I can't really handle real flowers. And yet..
Posted by angel2210[/QUOTE]

then point that out....i am in your boat i am going to see if the flowers i want will kill me an then weigh out what i like vs health hazard

but i dont think flowers or not will make or break the marriage - my cousin is lutheran and they didnt have flowers...seems "off"

squirrly · August 2010

I'd tell her your doctor said no real flowers, and that you don't have the time for more of the real touch ones. And stand your ground. And remind your FI that you'd prefer to NOT go to the hospital. And stand your ground some more.

She's being obnoxious.

wadingmoose · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_altar-flowers-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:47293b1a-7274-429d-83e2-7a3b485f2f66Post:fdf90241-46ee-4787-a618-24ff24d26fe7">Re: Altar flowers? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't even have an altar so I guess I'm really not legal. ;-)
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

Ditto.

mysticl · August 2010

Kristin, that is not every single church in the country and I have never heard of a church requiring that a bride and groom have flowers at their wedding. Especially considering the fact that the bride is highly allergic. Alter flowers will be at the alter as will she. Therefore I think a compassionate minister (which they are supposed to be) would not expect her to suffer just so the church doesn't have to buy flowers one week.

Actually, the only time I know for sure that the flowers at a wedding went to a nursing home was when the bride made arrangements for them to be donated to the nursing home she used to work at.

Altar flowers? Really?

Re: Altar flowers? Really?

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