Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?

annakb8 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:cccafbaa-4d49-4adb-88f4-3e09ae238978">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]My other issue is like Anna touched on. If anything, the ad seems to say "GUYS ARE BAD." When, really? What if I go out and get drunk and have sex with a guy who's also super drunk. Wake up the next morning and I don't remember what happened. I can press rape charges against the guy. And, honestly, he'll probably be convicted. Even though, if he was drunk too, it's just as much my fault as his. I'm not saying that's how all date rape happens. Not even close. But there are those examples (I know friends who have personally experienced them.) I dont' like the idea that men are always bad and women are always victims, either.
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree. To be honest, I had a situation like that in college. I was really drunk and did not know what was going on, but I really don't think he did either. We were both stupid 18 year olds who couldn't hold our liquor. I felt shitty about it for a while, and while I don't blame myself, I don't really blame him either. I don't think the guys are always maliciously planning some attack on an unsuspecting drunk girl, sometimes they are just as out of it themselves. Basically we all need to be more careful and more aware.

</div>

marriedfilingjointly · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:cccafbaa-4d49-4adb-88f4-3e09ae238978">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]My other issue is like Anna touched on. If anything, the ad seems to say "GUYS ARE BAD." When, really? What if I go out and get drunk and have sex with a guy who's also super drunk. Wake up the next morning and I don't remember what happened. I can press rape charges against the guy. And, honestly, he'll probably be convicted. Even though, if he was drunk too, it's just as much my fault as his. I'm not saying that's how all date rape happens. Not even close. But there are those examples (I know friends who have personally experienced them.) I dont' like the idea that men are always bad and women are always victims, either.
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I taught freshman seminar and we would discuss this factor, too. Laws vary by state, but the way the NC law reads, an intoxicated woman can never give consent, so basically any woman who has a drunken one night stand can go to the police and press rape charges the next day. So the education factor was just as important to stress to the guys to protect themselves, too. </div>

Blueyed228 · December 2011

I agree Stef.

Men are not always the one doing the raping.

Steph0871 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:d88ee9e9-a21e-40be-81e5-785f3478ce28">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"? :<strong> I personally don't think I need a reminder on how to "not get raped" at a party. I think this just makes women look helpless and uninformed. I</strong> do agree however that we don't need billboards to teach that rape is wrong. That should be a given.
Posted by lbarr088[/QUOTE]

This poster isn't geared toward you. And if you think every other 18 year-old out there who gets drunk for the first time out of college DOESN"T think they're invincible, you're sorely naive.

lbarr088 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:2e59cec0-cf19-4214-b61f-095b37061eaf">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"? : You might not, but the 18 year old fresh out of HS who drinks for the first time might need to know.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

<div>That's true. Maybe I'm just being hard-assed because we talked about this in my 10th grade health class. The whole sex, safe sex, and sex when drinking topics were covered. I can't assume that all females know that drinking too much has the potential to leave them vulnerable. </div><div>
</div><div>I had an interesting experience where I only had a drink and maybe a shot. And next thing I know, I woke up in an ER. I never put my drink down, never did anything against the "warnings" but I was drugged. No bueno.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Steph - That's why I said "personally" :)</div>

SarahPLiz · December 2011

I take it as the same as the posters in the parking garage that tell you to lock your car and hide/remove your valuables. It doesn't guarantee that your car won't be broken in to, but it does reduce the risk. And it certainly doesn't tell the burglar that its ok to break into cars.

There are lots of girls AND guys who don't realize the consequences of binge drinking. This might also serve as a reminder to a guy to not get so drunk that he misreads someone's intent and essentially rapes someone, thereby ruining both of their lives. Yes, that happens. Its rare, but in the example Steph used, both could be uncontrolably drunk but the guy will shoulder the blame.

I also think there should be posters reminding people to buy their own drinks and not lose sight of them at any point in the night.

Steph0871 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:320702c3-a51a-429e-9cfd-8e5b4d4b9304">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"? : That's true. Maybe I'm just being hard-assed because we talked about this in my 10th grade health class. The whole sex, safe sex, and sex when drinking topics were covered. I can't assume that all females know that drinking too much has the potential to leave them vulnerable. I had an interesting experience where I only had a drink and maybe a shot. And next thing I know, I woke up in an ER. I never put my drink down, never did anything against the "warnings" but I was drugged. No bueno.
Posted by lbarr088[/QUOTE]

Guess you DID need a reminder on how to drink safely then.

Steph0871 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:ec54b21c-d73d-401a-a9f6-efed9cb8a62b">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]I take it as the same as the posters in the parking garage that tell you to lock your car and hide/remove your valuables. It doesn't guarantee that your car won't be broken in to, but it does reduce the risk. And it certainly doesn't tell the burglar that its ok to break into cars.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

If you don't mind, I'm stealing this as a response to use on fb. ;)

SarahPLiz · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:439c4b2f-132b-4d93-b005-1bd8c332d58c">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"? : If you don't mind, I'm stealing this as a response to use on fb. ;)
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]
Use it.

marriedfilingjointly · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:320702c3-a51a-429e-9cfd-8e5b4d4b9304">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"? : That's true. Maybe I'm just being hard-assed because we talked about this in my 10th grade health class. The whole sex, safe sex, and sex when drinking topics were covered. I can't assume that all females know that drinking too much has the potential to leave them vulnerable. I had an interesting experience where I only had a drink and maybe a shot. And next thing I know, I woke up in an ER. I never put my drink down, never did anything against the "warnings" but I was drugged. No bueno.
Posted by lbarr088[/QUOTE]

<div>Yikes! I'm sorry.</div><div>
</div><div>That's awesome that you guys talked about it in HS sex ed. We basically got the Mean Girls PE teacher standing up and telling us that if we have sex, we will get herpes, get pregnant, and DIE! And here, everyone, take some condoms. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" /></div>

lbarr088 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:e6467175-5c6c-4c26-85c7-0e041ca5c339">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"? : Guess you DID need a reminder on how to drink safely then.
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

<div>Yup! Sneak in my own flask and don't even trust the bar tender with my drinks! :) Found out later it happend a lot at that particular bar so I didn't go back. Too bad there wasn't a poster that warned me about that bar...</div>

SarahPLiz · December 2011

We didn't get any sex ed in HS that I remembered. Maybe that's why there were 6 babies at graduation in our class of 107.

lbarr088 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:ebe52f5b-b3d1-4bf8-98de-07cec9c4173d">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"? : Yikes! I'm sorry. That's awesome that you guys talked about it in HS sex ed. We basically got the Mean Girls PE teacher standing up and telling us that if we have sex, we will get herpes, get pregnant, and DIE! And here, everyone, take some condoms.
Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]

<div>OH wow! That sounds wonderful... </div>

annakb8 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:5e951c2b-fe14-4e73-a870-f51f6ebbe0a4">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]We didn't get any sex ed in HS that I remembered. Maybe that's why there were 6 babies at graduation in our class of 107.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

<div>A few of them must have been homeschooling that subject. </div>

Steph0871 · December 2011

I think this hits close to me, because my sister is 18. She just started college this fall, and I KNOW she's drinking. I made her swear to me that she would call me (I live about 20 minutes away from campus) if she was ever in a situation that she wasn't comfortable with. She's texted me a few times while she's been drinking, but it's always been coherent, and she always goes out in a group.

I've had down-to-earth conversations with her... as a sister, not her mom, so I think it 'sticks' a little better. She's a smart girl, but she never drank before this. You don't know how you're going to react to a few drinks.

I look at what MFJ said. If seeing this poster can make a few girls go "oh, wait. Maybe I've had enough" then it's good. If it can keep a few girls safe, then I don't see the problem.

betrothed123 · December 2011

I agree with pretty much everything MFJ said. Having been through this myself, I was in high school at the time. Knowing how to protect myself would have gone a long way to preventing what happened to me.

I had a therapist actually blame me for what happened to me (chick was crazy). That's not what this poster does at all, IMO. I don't see how it can hurt to provide women with information that could help them protect themselves.

So maybe the ladies here don't need this information, but some people really could benefit from it. I most certainly could have.

Steph0871 · December 2011

We had the puberty talk in 5th-6th grade. (Which, if I remember right, included a little of 'this is how your body works.')

7th and 8th grade were the REAL sex ed talks. Birth video, slideshows of STIs, etc. The whole nine yards.

MRSBJS · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:ebe52f5b-b3d1-4bf8-98de-07cec9c4173d">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"? : Yikes! I'm sorry. That's awesome that you guys talked about it in HS sex ed. We basically got the Mean Girls PE teacher standing up and telling us that if we have sex, <strong>we will get herpes, get pregnant, and DIE! And here, everyone, take some condoms.
</strong>Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]

This. Exactly this.

Our Sex Ed teacher basically told the guys not to rely on the pull-out method, and told the girls not to let the guys touch them. Well, thanks for that, Dr. Ruth! lol

BecW2be · December 2011

Ditto MFJ and Steph and SarahP. I think the more prepared people are for any situation the better chances they have at preventing it. I see nothing wrong with the ads.

MRSBJS · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:8482d891-6d41-47b1-bc61-2b26689776ab">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto MFJ and Steph and SarahP. I think the more prepared people are for any situation the better chances they have at preventing it. I see nothing wrong with the ads.
Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

Well good morning, Bec! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

marriedfilingjointly · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:4942285b-5a2f-422b-97ca-608e4190565c">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think we had sex ed in 8th grade, which at the time, seemed really early. From what I understand now, 8th grade may be too late. But again, invincibility. At 13 or 14 years old, I was still very idealistic. <strong> I could wait to have sex until I was married, so none of that stuff applied to me. </strong> I'm sure many girls had that same reaction. Waiting didn't happen, and I still did stupid things (usually while rip-roaring drunk). Sex ed in high school, as a refresher, may have been a really good idea.
Posted by Holly4212011[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, that was so me. Sigh.</div><div>
</div><div>Steph, you're an awesome big sister. I partied hard in HS and I know my sister saw it, and then she went on to do some very stupid stuff herself. Then it hit me that I had been a terrible example. Ugh. </div>

BecW2be · December 2011

Hi MRSBJS!

lbarr088 · December 2011

When I stated that I didn't need a reminder, I realize it was because of that health class that I didn't think I did... I had learned it already, while some girls might not when they are first introduced to the whole social/drinking atmosphere.

Also, the point I made with my situation was basically, that unfortunately you can use all of the reminders or do all of the things that you were "warned" about, but sometimes things cannot be prevented. It sucks, but it's true. This brings me back to the original point about the poster is that I felt it should include more with both sexes, not just female legs. That way both sexes are brought into the situation and can be more aware.

I'm really bad at getting my point across today. Ballz. Intense science experiments + Friday = fried brain.

Steph0871 · December 2011

Thanks.

I didn't drink in HS at all. Honestly, it was just as entertaining to be the DD.

(that, and I didn't like the cheapass beer everyone had anyway.)

But, I drank in college. A lot. Thankgod nothing ever happend, and I don't think it would have, because H was usually with me (as a bf at the time.) But. My college roommate blacked out a lot, and it scared me a lot. So I think that was a good wakeup call for me.

ETA: We're also 7 years apart, so I've had a little more time to be reflective of it.

marriedfilingjointly · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:8a03987c-a26f-4829-bb99-10732cdca09e">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with pretty much everything MFJ said. Having been through this myself, I was in high school at the time. Knowing how to protect myself would have gone a long way to preventing what happened to me. I had a therapist actually blame me for what happened to me (chick was crazy). That's not what this poster does at all, IMO. I don't see how it can hurt to provide women with information that could help them protect themselves. So maybe the ladies here don't need this information, but some people really could benefit from it. I most certainly could have.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

<div>I'd like to kick your theraptist's ass.</div>

betrothed123 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:f6d8ee76-512a-4b47-9232-d0a1e5f5040e">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"? : Wow. Bad therapist award. I'm sorry you went through that B
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]
Thanks, Chels. It was a long time ago, so I've gotten past it for the most part, but I can vividly remember how it felt to be blamed for what happened, and that's not how that poster makes me feel at all.

SarahPLiz · December 2011

My little sister is about to graduate college. She's on a prescription that won't allow her to drink, but I know she does anyway. She posted a status the other day on FB about having beer for breakfast. Made me want to break her toes!

Steph0871 · December 2011

Holly- exactly. It's the same with drinking as it is sex, IMO. Tell a 16-17 year old "don't do it" only makes them want to do it. Talking about it and explaining the consequences? Hopefully will lead them to making a better example. (Not necessarily avoiding it completely, but rather, teaching them how to do it more safely.)

MRSBJS · December 2011

WTF TK!?!?!?!?!?!!!

Holly, I just replied to you, and quoted you, and it went to the first page - balls!

J&K10910 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_teaching-dont-raped-instead-of-dont-rape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:12b2c785-17f3-4ae9-b9c9-12f1946b11ddPost:d88ee9e9-a21e-40be-81e5-785f3478ce28">Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Teaching "Don't Get Raped" instead of "Don't Rape"? : I personally don't think I need a reminder on how to "not get raped" at a party. I think this just makes women look helpless and uninformed. I do agree however that we don't need billboards to teach that rape is wrong. That should be a given.
Posted by lbarr088[/QUOTE]

Well, that's good for you, but CLEARLY there are women out there that could use a reminder. Because it happens way more than it should. And it's not just about getting shitfaced drunk around strangers. It's about being ditched by your friends, it's about not paying enough attention to your drink and getting drugged, etc.

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