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Mom is being a downer

Seestar01Seestar01 member
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in Moms and Maids
My fiance and I are paying for our wedding entirely yet my mom still finds it her place to tell me what I can and can't afford. She is even trying to manipulate how many people should attend and whether or not we should allow alcohol at our wedding? I have had to stop discussing plans with her as she is taking the fun out of everything I am planning by making it about her. Nice to see I'm not the only one having trouble with my mom on things.
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Re: Mom is being a downer

  • lharri12lharri12 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yep, sounds like you did what you had to do.  Since you and your FI are paying for it, she has no say in how much money to spend, what you spend it on, and who you invite.  Good luck, and happy planning!
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Sounds like my mom, she is a manipulating and control freak. She tried a little bit to pull that crap with me, and I told her like it is. I know this may sound bad and we don't really get along (if you couldn't tell) but it had to be done. Is all she did was keep me a constant wreck and it is almost better that she is out of the planning all together. I look at it as her loss, not mine that she wasn't there for her daughters wedding planning.
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  • smileybesmileybe member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ha, that sounds like my family.  I'm paying for the whole wedding, but every time I mention buying something they question it.  I'm not even spending very much money.  It's mostly my dad though.  I'm doing the same thing as you and keeping the wedding talks to a minimum.  
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Since you are paying for your own wedding, just thank mom for her suggestions and do it your way.
                       
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  • CraftyKateCraftyKate member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My Mom is driving me crazy too.  She wants to be involved in every descion (and has been) but seems to ruin everything for me. 

    So for example - when trying on wedding dresses she keeps saying that I look too fat, that as I'm bigger then average I can't have nice dresses 'like other girls' so much that it made me embarressed infront of the shop assistant.  Even in the dress I choose - she made comments to undermine me,  so although I love it, I don't feel pretty in it.

    She's made comments and digs at everything else too and when I suggest that my FI or his family get involved she's like "why?" - because it's their wedding too!!!

    We're getting married in August and will have been engaged for 15 mths by then, so thats 15mths of feeling stressed, being put down and made to feel bad about my wedding.  I've had lots of nights in tears and have wanted to cancel the wedding several times.

    But I've tried to be a good daughter and compromise and bite my tounge so as not to upset her.  Last week she came to the florist - and kept saying things like "you don't like those" or "that's horrid" before I got a chance to think about things. I asked her to stop being negative about everything (I was at breaking point). She said "I thought you wanted my opinion" and then got cross and walked out.

    I haven't seen her since, I have spoken to my Dad who has got stuck in the middle, and he has been really nice.  Mom is cross that I was rude to her at the florist but I feel I've finally stood up to her (she's been like this for years).  I know it would be easier to apologise and go back to biting my tounge - but I finally feel like I've stood up to her and I've felt much better and more confident for it.

    Any suggestions on where to go next please?
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  • cb1387cb1387 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I totally get this! My mom says she does not like my fiance, yet she has never taken the time to get to know him. She also does not like that we are having a small wedding with just parents, siblings, and grandparents, and has told us many times "You have to live with your decisions." She has basically taken all the fun out of planning, and we really don't even want her around.
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  • cb1387cb1387 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    To CraftyKate: Good for you for standing up to your mom! Trust me, I've had to do the same thing. My mom has even gone so far as to say that she doesn't want my fiance's mother at the wedding. She has also said that I am ruining "her moment" and "her big day." So, I suggest if you are not happy with something, keep standing up to her! She will continue to walk all over you the rest of your life if you don't. I know how much it must hurt you to have to hurt your mom, but this is YOUR day and YOU need to do what is best for you and your fiance. Your mother needs to understand that you are an adult now and that this day is not all about her. My mother also ruined my dress fitting by constantly making it all about her. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask...stand up for yourself!
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  • tanabrighttanabright member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My mom is like the total opposite. She doesn't want to help. She doesn't want me to get married. Its really hard to deal with the lack of support too. She won't talk about it, she doesn't want to know anything and she doesn't want to help.
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