help me not be BSC!!!!

swimlib · July 2011

Hi there,

I've lurked for a while now but the suspense is killing me a little! MY BF bought a ring already (I helped pick it out). I knew he was going to take his time asking me so no rush in that area. He let it slip last night that he has already spoken to my parents about proposing and his parents as well to let them know it is happening.

Help me take my mind off of this for a little bit please! I know he will do it when he is ready and I'm fine with that but now the suspense is really killing me here.

AudgiePodge · July 2011

He's going to torture you by leaving it in view and not propose for another year.

becunning2 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:938af80e-8e8d-4b22-9c0c-7863cc637565Post:969a803e-7dbc-45d2-b1ae-eb39b65a952d">Re: help me not be BSC!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]He's going to torture you by leaving it in view and not propose for another year.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

True story.

I hate it when boyfriends make us crazy. Just try to forget he told you. And tell him once he starts to let things slip, to STOP.

swimlib · July 2011

Thanks! I know it's coming relatively soon (by the end of the year) so I keep telling myself he's not going to do it until 11:59 on New Year's Eve to remind me that he could be waiting that long!

AnneR15 · July 2011

I would recommend you not keep any sort of date/deadline in mind for the proposal. What happends if New Years rolls around and he hasn't done it yet? It sucks that he has all the power in this situation, but you should just enjoy your relationship where it is now and not worry about when the proposal is going to happen.

My BF told me in 2008 that he was going to propose that December. Now it's 2011. I can't imagine how BSC I would be right now if I had taken him at his word and expected something then. Instead, I've thoroughly enjoyed our relationship and all the time we've had together.

All I'm sayin' is, he's not going to propose until he proposes, and you don't have any say over whether he changes his mind, decides on different timing, etc. Just try not to think about it at all. I know that's hard, but try focusing on your relationship in the present. Get a hobby to keep your mind off it!

wink0erin · July 2011

Tell him to STFU if he mentions anything about it again! Or put your ears over your head and say "LALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!"

No really, it's best to not have a deadline in your head, because I swear boys don't understand the concept of time. My bf said "by next January!" and a week later said "after I graduate!" which is MONTHS after January. And I figure I can tack a couple years on to that.

Best thing to do is get your mind off of it!!

cu97tiger · July 2011

I love all the new people on this thread! Hello everone

Yes, swim, listen to what they have to say. It's easy to focus on the future, but then you miss all the fun things now. So just relax and enjoy this time with your wonderful boyfriend!

jspeed83 · July 2011

Frusterating...

If he wants it to be a suprise he should stop talking about it. I often wonder what goes on in their minds!

Try a new hobby or something to get your mind off of it. When he talks about it, tell him that you don't want to hear about it.

Good Luck. I am sure it will happen soon!

kaitlynmichelle · July 2011

I agree, do not set a deadline in your head. Just in case. BF told me in late 2009 he would probably propose by the end of 2010. He changed it in summer 2010 to summer 2011. Our financial state has changed and we are nowhere near a proposal right now.

I've told him not to give me any more dates. :P

Just keep busy, focus on your relationship as it is, and talk to us on here! The ladies here are really nice and will keep you distracted.

Welcome to the boards!

deburnin · July 2011

BF's had a ring for over a year now and he teases about it all the time. Personally, I think it's sweet when he teases, but the best solution is to try to forget he has a ring and go on with life as normal.

loves2shop4shoes · July 2011

Have you smelled horse shiit recently? If not, he's not ready to propose because he's gotta buy the pony first.

IrishDreamer · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:938af80e-8e8d-4b22-9c0c-7863cc637565Post:6ae27ba9-d23a-42a8-98fa-6dc0e1ef4945">Re: help me not be BSC!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you smelled horse shiit recently? If not, he's not ready to propose because he's gotta buy the pony first.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

LMFAO :) I <3 you, shoes. :)

Totes. He is buying an engagement pony first - so unless you smell horse crap...no pony = no engagement :)

Seriously. Dates suck. BF has changed his "timeframe" probaby 4-6 times. I told him to just shut up. Now he is asking all kinds of questions about how I'd like it, and i keep telling him to shut up!! LOL

SilverLining1 · July 2011

Is this normal? I wouldn't push my BF to propose by a certain time, but if he had told me that he was going to do it by a certain date, I'd be pretty POed if it didn't happened for months or years after. Of course, there are certain situations where I would understand (financial difficulties, for example).

bethsmiles · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:938af80e-8e8d-4b22-9c0c-7863cc637565Post:b3ff304b-f6d3-4e89-82e8-b3ccf99005cc">Re: help me not be BSC!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Is this normal? I wouldn't push my BF to propose by a certain time, but if he had told me that he was going to do it by a certain date, Is be pretty POed if it didn't happened for months or years after. Of course, therefore certain situations where I would understand (financial difficulties, for example).
Posted by SilverLining1[/QUOTE]

That would bother me too. BF has never told me he would propose by a specific date he just always says he will do it soon. Apparently his definition of soon is different than mine but it's better than him saying I'll do it by X date and then falling through.

kaitlynmichelle · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:938af80e-8e8d-4b22-9c0c-7863cc637565Post:b3ff304b-f6d3-4e89-82e8-b3ccf99005cc">Re: help me not be BSC!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Is this normal? I wouldn't push my BF to propose by a certain time, but if he had told me that he was going to do it by a certain date, I'd be pretty POed if it didn't happened for months or years after. Of course, there are certain situations where I would understand (financial difficulties, for example).
Posted by SilverLining1[/QUOTE]

<div>It bugged me but we realized that a) while we've been dating a long time we're still young and b) I want to pay off my student loans before we get engaged. BF has said many times that if we didn't have financial issues right now he would be seriously considering it. I was upset about it but I know that if I have trouble coming up with rent money right now, I am in no way able to consider marriage.</div><div>If he had said it would be soon or by x date and there was no financial issues I would be a lot more frustrated.</div>

lilphillips14 · July 2011

I have a -hunch- on when BF will propose, but I'm pretty sure that's only in my head, hoping/wishing that it'll be that time.

If he had told me a certain time, explicitly when it was going to happen and it didn't happen for -years- after (I'll give him months, sure) I might start to feel like he was just stringing me along. Everyone's situation is different, I know, but I might get a bit annoyed that he would say that and tell me about it and then not do it.

AnneR15 · July 2011

In my situation, BF only gave a specific timeframe when he was drunk. (Like shiitty drunk - he was walking around introducing me to people I already knew as his "fiancee." Talk about BSC.) So that's why I took it with a grain of salt and wasn't upset when it didn't happen.

But he would say things like "soon" until I told him to knock it off before it drove me crazy. We've always had honest (and sober) conversations about where we stand and our future, so I definitely don't feel like I've ever been strung along.

I didn't start expecting anything until we went ring shopping, which was not that long ago.

ETA: Oh, and I did give him a talking to about the specific date thing. I told him I didn't think it respected my feelings, because what if I had gotten my hopes up and would've ended up really disappointed? I think he just got carried away at the time and didn't think about how throwing something like that out there meant he would need to either a) follow through or b) own up and apologize.

desertsun · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:938af80e-8e8d-4b22-9c0c-7863cc637565Post:f702f346-0507-4e4a-be74-458f870e5501">help me not be BSC!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi there, I've lurked for a while now but the suspense is killing me a little! MY BF bought a ring already (I helped pick it out). I knew he was going to take his time asking me so no rush in that area. He let it slip last night that he has already spoken to my parents about proposing and his parents as well to let them know it is happening. Help me take my mind off of this for a little bit please! <strong>I know he will do it when he is ready and I'm fine with that but now the suspense is really killing me here.</strong>
Posted by swimlib[/QUOTE]

See, it doesn't really sound like you're "fine" with knowing he'll do it when he's ready.

You need to let him do his thing and stop being so tense about it.

Seriously.

This anxiety accomplishes nothing but making YOU not enjoy life right now.

It is a waste of your energy to stress about it.

I feel like I write a post every week about how to NOT be BSC. I'm feeling lazy today, so I'm just going to tell you to go back several pages and see what you can find.

ETA: it drives me bananas when someone claims to have lurked but still asks a question that has been asked approximately 18 million times before.

bethsmiles · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:938af80e-8e8d-4b22-9c0c-7863cc637565Post:ad1d2fb7-c9ba-4f9c-a6ef-25930c6f3ae2">Re: help me not be BSC!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to help me not be BSC!!!! : See, it doesn't really sound like you're "fine" with knowing he'll do it when he's ready. You need to let him do his thing and stop being so tense about it. Seriously. This anxiety accomplishes nothing but making YOU not enjoy life right now. It is a waste of your energy to stress about it. I feel like I write a post every week about how to NOT be BSC. I'm feeling lazy today, so I'm just going to tell you to go back several pages and see what you can find.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

Maybe we just need a sticky called Desert's Awesome Advice, then you can just refer people there.

Of course we already have the Read This Before Posting sticky and I don't think many people really do read it.

Peaseblossom55 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:938af80e-8e8d-4b22-9c0c-7863cc637565Post:5748c77d-41a9-4b98-b300-b601617a8cf4">Re: help me not be BSC!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: help me not be BSC!!!! : Maybe we just need a sticky called Desert's Awesome Advice, then you can just refer people there. Of course we already have the Read This Before Posting sticky and I don't think many people really do read it.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>We need this!!!!!!!!!!!

</div>

desertsun · July 2011

These were actually quite a lot of pages back, but full of good advice for you, Swim:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_speaking-of-bsc-2

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_there-stages-bsc

PaigeMcC · July 2011

It's a pony. The ring was just to throw you off.

alanna91 · July 2011

If you stick around here that will be plenty help for your BSC. Trust me.
Oh, and Granite State love! I lived there once.

swimlib · July 2011

Thanks everyone for the advice. I know that it may seem like I'm not fine with waiting for him to take his time, it was just a little vent in regards to letting things like talking to my parents slip into conversation that was bugging me. It wasn't so much the not proposing as much as teasing me with the little tidbits such as that which cause me to be a little crazy.

And as to timelines, I think that if new years passed and there was no proposal, I would happily stay where I am, which is the best relationship of my life. He could take 5 years to get around to proposing and as long as he treated me the same I would be good with it.

AnneR15 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:938af80e-8e8d-4b22-9c0c-7863cc637565Post:619b5d10-9eb0-4443-a6ee-20e0fe5b11ce">Re: help me not be BSC!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone for the advice. I know that it may seem like I'm not fine with waiting for him to take his time, it was just a little vent in regards to letting things like talking to my parents slip into conversation that was bugging me. It wasn't so much the not proposing as much as teasing me with the little tidbits such as that which cause me to be a little crazy. <strong>And as to timelines, I think that if new years passed and there was no proposal, I would happily stay where I am, which is the best relationship of my life. He could take 5 years to get around to proposing and as long as he treated me the same I would be good with it.</strong>
Posted by swimlib[/QUOTE]

That's an awesome attitude to have. And in regards to him bringing it up, tell him to cut it out, for the sake of your sanity!

help me not be BSC!!!!

Re: help me not be BSC!!!!

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