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Moms and Maids

MOH-zilla

I feel awful writing this post.  My MOH is my best friend of 6 years.  We were roomates in college and have been inseperable ever since.  We even live in the same house (separate apartments).  We promised each other we would be each other's MOH's when it came to that time, and once my fiancee proposed, she was the obvious choice.  
Now that it's planning time, though...she is being difficult.  When I was trying to find an outfit for engagement photos and invited her to go shopping with me, her response was, "I don't have any money right now, so going shopping wouldn't be any fun for me."  When I brought her to a bridal show with my mom and sister (my matron of honor), she acted so strangely that my mom actually asked me if she was on drugs.  The clincher, though, was today when I showed her the invitations I picked out and she outright LAUGHED at them.  It really hurt me.  I'm not sure if this is because her boyfriend of 5 years has not proposed to her yet (he is planning to) and she is jealous, or if she just has no clue at all.  

My response to these situations is usually to just let things roll off my back, but should I make a stand and say something?

Re: MOH-zilla

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    It does sound like she might be feeling jealous. Two of my college roommates were best friends and 1 of them acted similarly when the other got engaged. You should probably lay off inviting her to wedding related stuff or talking about the wedding with her for awhile. Instead, just do friend things like before.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to MOH-zilla:
    [QUOTE]I feel awful writing this post.  My MOH is my best friend of 6 years.  We were roomates in college and have been inseperable ever since.  We even live in the same house (separate apartments).  We promised each other we would be each other's MOH's when it came to that time, and once my fiancee proposed, she was the obvious choice.   Now that it's planning time, though...she is being difficult.  When I was trying to find an outfit for engagement photos and invited her to go shopping with me, her response was, "I don't have any money right now, so going shopping wouldn't be any fun for me."  When I brought her to a bridal show with my mom and sister (my matron of honor), she acted so strangely that my mom actually asked me if she was on drugs.  The clincher, though, was today when I showed her the invitations I picked out and she outright LAUGHED at them.  It really hurt me.  I'm not sure if this is because her boyfriend of 5 years has not proposed to her yet (he is planning to) and she is jealous, or if she just has no clue at all.   My response to these situations is usually to just let things roll off my back, but should I make a stand and say something?
    Posted by AliBe24[/QUOTE]
    Just stop involving her in wedding things.  It doesn't sound like she wants to go shopping with you, go to bridal shows with you, or look at your invitations.  She doesn't need to.  The only thing she needs to do is get the dress and show up on time. 



  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited November 2012
    I agree - stop including her in wedding related shopping trips and stop asking her opinions.  I do think you could let her know your feelings were hurt when she laughed at your invitations.  That is not what a super close friend does.  You may well be correct that she is jealous.

    As far as how she acted on the shopping trip - I would watch for repeats of this.  If this only happens when something is wedding related then I would be mindful of that and again wonder if she isn't dealing with this well because her BF hasn't proposed yet.  If you see this random strange behavior at other times too, I would be even more concerned that something is up with her.

    Your biggest job here with her is to be a good friend and to make sure your wedding doesn't damage the friendship.  You have a few months before you have to choose BM dresses, so just keep the wedding talk out of things for awhile and make sure your friendship is well connected.  If something is going on in her life, she will need her good friend.
  • In Response to MOH-zilla:
    [QUOTE]I feel awful writing this post.  My MOH is my best friend of 6 years.  We were roomates in college and have been inseperable ever since.  We even live in the same house (separate apartments).  We promised each other we would be each other's MOH's when it came to that time, and once my fiancee proposed, she was the obvious choice.   Now that it's planning time, though...she is being difficult.  When I was trying to find an outfit for engagement photos and invited her to go shopping with me, her response was, "I don't have any money right now, so going shopping wouldn't be any fun for me."  When I brought her to a bridal show with my mom and sister (my matron of honor), she acted so strangely that my mom actually asked me if she was on drugs.  The clincher, though, was today when I showed her the invitations I picked out and she outright LAUGHED at them.  It really hurt me.  I'm not sure if this is because her boyfriend of 5 years has not proposed to her yet (he is planning to) and she is jealous, or if she just has no clue at all.   My response to these situations is usually to just let things roll off my back, but should I make a stand and say something?
    Posted by AliBe24[/QUOTE]

    She isn't required to do any of these things with you so stop being so butt hurt and calling her names. Maybe she is jealous, so then stop asking her for her opinion on your wedding, that is where your FI comes into play.

     

  • The only offcolor thing she's done is laugh at your invites. Not having money on command for shopping is not a failing by any sane person's standards. Also, take the wedding blinders off, you are making your friend do things that clearly hurt her. Would you normally do this to her? Your friendship will last years if you treat it right. Your wedding is one day. Stop exposing her to things that are hurting her if you care for her. She's only going along with it because she cares for you, but that will only go so far.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • In Response to Re:MOHzilla:
    [QUOTE]The only offcolor thing she's done is laugh at your invites. Not having money on command for shopping is not a failing by any sane person's standards. Also, take the wedding blinders off, you are making your friend do things that clearly hurt her. Would you normally do this to her? Your friendship will last years if you treat it right. Your wedding is one day. Stop exposing her to things that are hurting her if you care for her. She's only going along with it because she cares for you, but that will only go so far.
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]
    I agree with this 100%. Yes, she was out of line to laugh at your invites, as it was clearly hurtful to you and not acceptable behavior of a friend. That said, you can't expect her or anyone else to be as excited about your wedding as you are. Treat her like a friend, and stop expecting she does these things you ask of her. If you invite her and she declines, leave it at that. If she obviously isn't interested, then stop wedding talk and inviting to wedding associated things, and just be her friend. Afterall, at the end of the day your friendship with her is more important than whether or not she goes shopping with you, right?
    Praying for a miracle!
  • edited November 2012
    I agree with all PPs. The only thing that seems wrong is that she laughed at your invites, which, you can ask her why she did that. Other than that, though, she hasn't done anything wrong. I think you need to take a step back, take a couple deep breaths, and realize that your wedding is only an all consuming thing for you, not for her. Also, if she has been with someone that long and is sort of waiting on a proposal, it may be making her insecure. Not jealous but just not feeling like jumping up and down and singing songs about your wedding that's 9 months away. As for the bridal show, honestly, I went to one and after about 30 minutes I was so stressed out by it I practically dragged my FI out of there at top speed. So, she may just have not liked that scene (I found it awful and claustrophobic and hence never went to another).

    So...while I really do get that it's hurtful (trust me, been there, had that "no one cares!!" freak out), I think you also need to realize that your wedding is, to her, a long way away and she may just not want to deal with it right now. Stop talking about wedding stuff, go grab a bottle of wine and a box of cookies, and maybe see what's going on in her life that might be making her act stressed and weird. Or just have a girls night with a silly movie (Bring It On is always a good choice). It'll probably make both of you feel a lot better.
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  • As a current MOH, I hate when my 'bride to be' invites me to do wedding related things that I don't even need to be apart of. As happy as I am for her wedding, my opinion shouldn't matter unless it's about the bachelorette party. Plus, I get annoyed with her when she CONSTANTLY talks about her wedding. We seriously can't go two minutes without her bringing it up. Maybe you're doing that too? though there certainly isn't anything wrong with being excited about your wedding :)  just remember people having to always hear about it is more exhausting than anything else.
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