I don't know what to do...

Re: I don't know what to do...

• baileyleev member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  I would sit and talk to her about it, or a phone call. Give her an out, maybe she is too busy or feels to overwhelmed. But I would be SOOOO annoyed! Sorry you're dealing with this!

  

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• Allycat11

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  I'd be annoyed too.  I would also sit and talk to her and see what is going on. 
  She doesn't have to be there to pick out a dress though.  If she is busy, select a dress without her and then tell her the date it needs to be ordered by.
  
  You can kick her out, but only if you want to lose the friendship. 

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• TheFutureMrsB81 member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Thanks ladies.
  
  I've tried calling her many many MANY times. Tried texting. Sending her a note on FB to call me. Nothing in return. This isn't the first time it's happened with her either. The dress is already picked out for her. She just wanted me to go with her to see how she looks in it since I havent seen her in it because of her being pregnant last time. I'm just frustrated cause I'm always there for her (and her kids parties, events, her marriages) and I'm alone.

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• emarston1 member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Just to be sure, are you calling/texting her about wedding stuff or to make sure she's ok?  If it's just about wedding stuff, that may be why she's not responding.  If I was having a true family emergency/extremely overwhelmed with life, I would be upset that someone is calling/texting me about a dress.
  
  If you're calling/texting her to make sure she is ok and if she needs anything from you and she's not returning your messages, that's another story.  Just make sure you're putting your friendship above any wedding planning (and make it known that you care more about the friendship than the dress).  Yes, I understand you're stressed about the dress but in reality, it's just a dress.  You can order it without it being seen and it will all work out.
  
  Hopefully she's ok and things will work themselves out.

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• larzhope member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  totally agree with Liz.  If she really is going through a family emergency, she is probably overwhelmed and stressed.  Yes, it sucks that she flaked out on you but shizz happens.  Talk to her.

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• klreese0213 member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  IMO- if the dress is already picked out and you're just going to see what it looks like on her, i wouldn't go. You've attempted twice with her being a no-show. Understandably, i would not have gone if i had a family emergency- however i would have told you before you went or asap.
  
  i was MOH in my sister wedding last summer. i went once with her and her girls to look at dresses at which time i couldn't find one. i later when back without my sister and with another plus size girlfriend who would give me insight (my sister is a size 2, im definitely not). It worked out fine. she ended up loving the dress i picked out.
  
  i think you should try and talk with her/get together and not do wedding stuff. just go to dinner and talk about LIFE. obviously her life is stressful right now as well: new baby, family emergency, etc.
  
  As i have read many many times on the boards: your wedding is not nearly as important to others as it is you sadly it's true.
  
  

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• TheFutureMrsB81 member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Thanks ladies. I've tried texting/calling about just life. She just got remarried and told me the day before. I tried to call/text to get details so I could go to the BBQ after but no response. I try calling to see if her and her hubby want to hang out, bring the kids over so all of ours can play, etc. I get nothing in return. This is going to sound bad, but she has a bad bad habit of lying about things. We're not even sure if she had something going on or if she just forgot. She tells alot of stories and some times its hard to tell whats true with her anymore.
  
  When I have gotten ahold of her and we make plans to do lunch or something just to catch up, she doesn't show. Doesn't call. Nothing. I try and try with her and it's like it's not good enough. She was like this even before I got engaged.

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• raesmaid

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Why do you need to go with her? I mean, given the certain circumstances *now*, I would go just to ensure she got the dress....but what was the need to get everyone together? Maybe there's a way you can delve into a solution that benefits the both of you. If not, you'll have to tell her that unfortch you need a MOH 100% dedicated to YOU and YOUR DAY and while you appreciate your friendship, you understand life throws you curveballs and no hard feelings if she needs to back out. Explain she's still more than welcome at your big day, you'd love to have her share your moment, but you totally understand her urgent situation. Give her the out, let her think it's her idea and that's she's doing you the favor (cause, really, she is. She won't be a headache anymore) and then ask someone else. Good luck!!!

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• larzhope member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:946c695e-25a4-4bda-80d1-d805dccf5de1Post:5dcb2a02-8d5a-428b-b9ec-ddf3063cb1b2">Re: I don't know what to do...</a>:
  [QUOTE]Thanks ladies. I've tried texting/calling about just life. She just got remarried and told me the day before. I tried to call/text to get details so I could go to the BBQ after but no response. I try calling to see if her and her hubby want to hang out, bring the kids over so all of ours can play, etc. I get nothing in return. This is going to sound bad, but she has a bad bad habit of lying about things. We're not even sure if she had something going on or if she just forgot. She tells alot of stories and some times its hard to tell whats true with her anymore. When I have gotten ahold of her and we make plans to do lunch or something just to catch up, she doesn't show. Doesn't call. Nothing. I try and try with her and it's like it's not good enough.<strong> She was like this even before I got engaged.
  </strong>Posted by TheFutureMrsB81[/QUOTE]
  
  
  You kind of knew what you were getting yourself into then.  Tell her the dress and when it has to be ordered by, and if she doesn't have a dress by the time the wedding rolls around, then she doesn't stand up. plain and simple.

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• emarston1 member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:946c695e-25a4-4bda-80d1-d805dccf5de1Post:e50e9463-37a5-4c41-bc04-ec909bdfefa0">Re: I don't know what to do...</a>:
  [QUOTE]Why do you need to go with her? I mean, given the certain circumstances *now*, I would go just to ensure she got the dress....but what was the need to get everyone together? Maybe there's a way you can delve into a solution that benefits the both of you. <strong>If not, you'll have to tell her that unfortch you need a MOH 100% dedicated to YOU and YOUR DAY</strong> and while you appreciate your friendship, you understand life throws you curveballs and no hard feelings if she needs to back out. Explain she's still more than welcome at your big day, you'd love to have her share your moment, but you totally understand her urgent situation. Give her the out, let her think it's her idea and that's she's doing you the favor (cause, really, she is. She won't be a headache anymore) and then ask someone else. Good luck!!! :)
  Posted by raesmaid[/QUOTE]
  No, do not do this!  I beg of you, do not do this!  This is telling your friend of 22 years that one day, ONE DAY, is more important than 22 years of friendship.  If your wedding is worth ending a frienship over, they should never have been your MOH in the first place.  You choose people to be in your wedding party because of their relatrionship to you, not based on what planning they will help you with.
  
  If you kick someone out of your wedding party, it is a friendship ending move.  Plain and simple.

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• TheFutureMrsB81 member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  I wanted to go with all the ladies so I could see them in the dressses and if I didn't like what I saw, I could change the dress to something that might be better for their body, and to have a ladies day including girl time and some lunch.
  
  When I said she was like this before I meant with the little things. She didn't act like this for major activities. I don't want to kick her out. She has been like my sister, but I just don't know what to do. One of my bridesmaids, that I've known for 2 years, has done more to help me than the MOH. When the MOH would bring up the subject of helping she seems excited, then when I mention something she's no where to be found. I'm just confused.

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• Milsey32

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Talk it out with her sooner than later... I know what it's like to have a BM drop out and while I get annoyed by it, I just sit back and say "life goes on" and I'm happier that she told me 3 months before the wedding than 3 weeks or 3 days.

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• Sue-n-Kevin member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  As i have read many many times on the boards: your wedding is not nearly as important to others as it is you sadly it's true.
  
  The above statement (thanks klreese) and Liz's posts agree with my own advice. Someone who has been a friend of yours for 22 years means you are in your late 20's or in your 30's. She has three kids, you mention you also have kids. ALL of these things are more important than wearing one dress for one day, or helping out with "MOH stuff". It really is.
  
  I totally understand your frustration and wanting to vent. But it sounds as though the two of you have shared so many major life events, and even if she has a tendency to not always be truthful, that's something you knew when you asked her to be your MOH.
  
  IMO when you are a bride later in life, or again, the whole "MOH being involved" thing probably is not the true involvement a bride should expect. Planning a wedding is a LOT of work (I've been doing it for 18 months), and never once did I expect anyone to take over any aspect of it but myself.
  
  She should go on her own to get fitted for the dress. If she doesn't, that is not your problem. She can wear what she wants, probably  feel self conscious about not matching the rest of your bridal party, but your friend of 22 years will be your MOH. And it will NOT be your job to save her from that embarrassment.... she can't expect you to put a rush on a dress she was delinquent in being fitted for.
  
  I'd stop trying to get in touch with her.........and I agree with Liz: I would NOT FIRE HER as your MOH.......it really is not that important.

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