Bridesmaid problems

starvandy · March 2012

My FI's best friend is one of my Brides Maids but she has yet to participate in the planning in any way. She doesn't show up when we have planning meetings or working on decorations. She did not even show up when we went shopping for dresses so she is the only one without a dress. I kinda get the feeling that she is in love with him and it pains her to be involved. How can I get her to give up her spot as a bridesmaid without upsetting her? I love her very much but if she doesn't want to be a part of the wedding then I don't want her to feel obligated. Help.

mbody · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:5fa38b2b-824e-43f7-aba1-08390599b41f">Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI's best friend is one of my Brides Maids but she has yet to participate in the planning in any way. She doesn't show up when we have planning meetings or working on decorations. She did not even show up when we went shopping for dresses so she is the only one without a dress. I kinda get the feeling that she is in love with him and it pains her to be involved. How can I get her to give up her spot as a bridesmaid without upsetting her? I love her very much but if she doesn't want to be a part of the wedding <strong>then I don't want her to feel obligated. </strong> Help.
Posted by starvandy[/QUOTE]
Clearly she doesn't feel obligated because she isn't coming to anything. If she felt obligated, she'd be at all your BM events every time.

Bridesmaids don't have to come to any planning meetings (redic to even have them) or work on decorations, or even go dress shopping. Tell her the dress you decided on and the final order date and leave it at that.

She hasn't done anything wrong.

rlavach · March 2012

Planning meetings? And these involve people other than you and your vendor? Interesting. Yeah, it's annoying that she doesn't want to participate, but a bridesmaid doesn't need to do any of the things you listed. Like PP said, tell her what dress you chose & when to order it by.

You really can't kick her out, unless you're willing to severely damage & possibly lose the friendship. Maybe she's just really busy & doesn't have the time? Try to call her & chat as friends, leaving the wedding out. Sometimes we can have a tendancy of letting the wedding take over our minds & conversations 24/7. Other people don't want to hear about our weddings all day long.

starvandy · March 2012

She is the only BM that doesn't show up. She always texts prior to when we are meeting but then doesn't show up. The Wedding is only 50 days away and I have lots of other things to freak out about without worrying about her not showing up. The MOH & both BM's agreed to help with planning and decorating when asked to be a part of the wedding. I guess I'm a little hurt that she has bailed on me.

starvandy · March 2012

There are no vendors lol. The entire wedding is do it yourself kind of stuff, very low budget. Everything has been created from scratch except dresses.

jemmini6 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:6e02ae37-dfa6-45ea-8c02-6e399692a4c8">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]There are no vendors lol. The entire wedding is do it yourself kind of stuff, very low budget. Everything has been created from scratch except dresses.
Posted by starvandy[/QUOTE]

It is NOT your BMs job to plan YOUR wedding. Plan it yourself (you and your FI), or hire someone to plan it for you. Sure, some BMs like to be involved, but it's not their duty to be involved if they don't want to.

You can't kick her out because she isn't helping. It will make you look like a bridezilla and will end your friendship forever.

jemmini6 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:5fa38b2b-824e-43f7-aba1-08390599b41f">Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI's best friend is one of my Brides Maids but she has yet to participate in the planning in any way. She doesn't show up when we have planning meetings or working on decorations. She did not even show up when we went shopping for dresses so she is the only one without a dress. <strong> I kinda get the feeling that she is in love with him and it pains her to be involved.</strong> How can I get her to give up her spot as a bridesmaid without upsetting her? I love her very much but if she doesn't want to be a part of the wedding then I don't want her to feel obligated. Help.
Posted by starvandy[/QUOTE]

Wait...what? In love with who?

starvandy · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:a2f3b1ed-4383-4b0f-ae70-e53566243cd9">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid problems : Wait...what? In love with who?
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

The Groom...my future husband...her best friend.

jemmini6 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:e665886c-3618-4465-8797-85d5406805c1">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid problems : The Groom...my future husband...her best friend.
Posted by starvandy[/QUOTE]

Oh FFS, are you really that full of yourself that you think just because she isn't interested in planning your wedding that she's in love with your FI? ::headdesk::

Meghannsix · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:e665886c-3618-4465-8797-85d5406805c1">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid problems : The Groom...my future husband...her best friend.
Posted by starvandy[/QUOTE]

Based on?

rlavach · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:8126c14f-5506-469c-a57e-d0390d2a2c73">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid problems : Oh FFS, are you really that full of yourself that you think just because she isn't interested in planning your wedding that she's in love with your FI? ::headdesk::
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]
<div>Yikes, that was harsh. It is a bit difficult to believe that story. OP, what proof do you have behind these ideas? Anything OTHER than the fact that she doesn't want to help out? </div><div>
</div><div>Bridesmaids really don't have to help plan or make any decorations. I was a BM only once and wasn't asked to do anything other than buy my dress. I didn't ask my BM to do anything other than buy a dress also. My one BM offered, several times, to help me with some of my DIY project. So, I eventually took her up on the offer & gave her 2 small projects. </div><div>
</div><div>Really, don't get so bent out of shape. She is either busy personally, busy at her job, low on funds, or generally disinterested. Weddings bring out people's true colors. Maybe your seeing that she isn't as close of a friend as you thought?</div>

jemmini6 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:b283b6cc-ba66-4dec-8724-eda5fab8bfea">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid problems : <strong> Yikes, that was harsh. It is a bit difficult to believe that story. OP, what proof do you have behind these ideas? Anything OTHER than the fact that she doesn't want to help out?</strong> Bridesmaids really don't have to help plan or make any decorations. I was a BM only once and wasn't asked to do anything other than buy my dress. I didn't ask my BM to do anything other than buy a dress also. My one BM offered, several times, to help me with some of my DIY project. So, I eventually took her up on the offer & gave her 2 small projects. Really, don't get so bent out of shape. She is either busy personally, busy at her job, low on funds, or generally disinterested. Weddings bring out people's true colors. Maybe your seeing that she isn't as close of a friend as you thought?
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

If there is another reason or other extenuating circumstances, I'd be happy to amend my opinion. But I can only post on the info she's given, and based on what she's given, it's pretty ridiculous.

I'm actually really hoping that's not the only reason she thinks her friend is in love with her FI, because I just can't wrap my head around "she doesn't want to help, so clearly it must just be that she's in love with my FI."

OBX2011 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:5fa38b2b-824e-43f7-aba1-08390599b41f">Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI's best friend is one of my Brides Maids <strong>but she has yet to participate in the planning in any way. </strong>She doesn't show up when we have planning meetings or working on decorations. She did not even show up when we went shopping for dresses so she is the only one without a dress. I kinda get the feeling that she is in love with him and it pains her to be involved. How can I get her to give up her spot as a bridesmaid without upsetting her? I love her very much but if she doesn't want to be a part of the wedding then I don't want her to feel obligated. Help.
Posted by starvandy[/QUOTE]

I stopped reading right after the bolded part.

This is your wedding, not hers. Why would she participate in the planning of your wedding? Just b/c she is a BM does not mean she is your lackey. You have a FI, ask him for help.

You kick her out and you have thus ruined a friendship and possibly the one with her and FI as well....and he would probably be pretty upset with you for this.

If you need help, ask your FI or hire a coordinator.

starvandy · March 2012

Never mind I will figure it out myself. I was not trying to be unkind about her and no I am not full of myself. I am upset because everyone was excited to help in the beginning and she became disinterested suddenly. I really think that remark by jemmini6 was unkind and I won't be posting again. Sorry for asking for help.

jemmini6 · March 2012

I'm sorry I was unkind, but I really am curious why you think she's in love with your FI? If you really think that it's because she doesn't want to help, then I really think you need to evaluate the importance of your wedding in other people's lives, because that does come across as really full of yourself.

That issue aside, it is still no one's responsibility to help plan your wedding. Yes, it's disappointing when people are originally excited and then lose interest, but that's how it goes. No one will ever be as excited for your wedding as you are, which makes sense because it's not about them. There are many reasons why someone could choose not to help: busy schedule, lack of interest, etc, but being in love with the groom? Kind of a far out there assumption.

The bottom line is that she doesn't have to help, and it would be really rude to kick her out of the wedding for it. It will irreperably damage your friendship, and cast you in a very negative light to everyone involved.

OBX2011 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:4f52b0fe-a882-4003-97e9-5befba8ecab1">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Never mind I will figure it out myself</strong>. I was not trying to be unkind about her and no I am not full of myself. I am upset because everyone was excited to help in the beginning and she became disinterested suddenly. I really think that remark by jemmini6 was unkind and I won't be posting again. Sorry for asking for help.
Posted by starvandy[/QUOTE]

Which equates to I will do whatever I want and probably kick her out anyways.

Sorry you didn't get the validation you were looking for. You cannot kick her out. Period.

And btw, if ONE poster said something that you thought was unkind, you have a rude awakening for the world ahead. Don't let one comment that you personally don't like cause you to run off so quickly.

graysquirrel · March 2012

It may seem odd to you that she isn't interested, but many women just aren't interested in wedding plans. Being a BM is an honor, not a job that requires one to come to any meetings, do crafts, research, or plan. Any help that a BM gives is a gift to be accepted graciously, not work that is to be expected. Don't take it personally that she is not involved because she doesn't have to be. Think of it as if you had another huge project, painting your home maybe. Some friends might volunteer because they want to, but others wont. That doesn't make them bad friends because it is your house to paint, not theirs. This is the exact same thing.

mbody · March 2012

I'm also curious as to why you think she is in love with your FI. Because from the post it does kinda seem like you're coming to that conclusion just because she doesn't want to help you DIY your wedding.

Just because she doesn't show up to your DIY parties/meetings whatever, isn't a reason to kick her out.

ckozlowski91 · March 2012

I know how your feeling...not about the BM being in the with the FI...but about being frustrated when one of your girls isnt interested. I would be unhappy and worried too. It almost feels like, well if she cant come to a simple gathering to plam, how can i not worry about whether or not she will even be in the wedding at the end. Talk to her. It wont be easy, but if your close enough to her to have her in your wedding, then you shouldnt have to hide your feelings about how you feel if she doesnt show up to stuff...tho i wouldnt mention anything about your suspicion about her lovin your man...no drama before wedding!

And if you think shes in love with him, NONE OF US SHOULD JUDGE. We dont know your situation hun. Therefore, we should focus on your question. Only you can see how she acts around him.

And even if she does love him, guess what chica??

YOUR MARRYING THE MAN, HES ALLLLL YOURS.

youll find a way around it. it just may take a deep breath and a hot (or alcoholic, your preference) beverage first

Good luck hun!

graysquirrel · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:8c6f5de8-5ddb-4123-939e-6003ae283b47">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]I know how your feeling...not about the BM being in the with the FI...but about being frustrated when one of your girls isnt interested. I would be unhappy and worried too. It almost feels like, well if she cant come to a simple gathering to plam, how can i not worry about whether or not she will even be in the wedding at the end.<strong> Talk to her. It wont be easy, but if your close enough to her to have her in your wedding, then you shouldnt have to hide your feelings about how you feel if she doesnt show up to stuff.</strong>..tho i wouldnt mention anything about your suspicion about her lovin your man...no drama before wedding! :) And if you think shes in love with him, NONE OF US SHOULD JUDGE. We dont know your situation hun. Therefore, we should focus on your question. Only you can see how she acts around him. And even if she does love him, guess what chica?? YOUR MARRYING THE MAN, HES ALLLLL YOURS. youll find a way around it. it just may take a deep breath and a hot (or alcoholic, your preference) beverage first :) Good luck hun!
Posted by ckozlowski91[/QUOTE]

Think about how this would come across, though. A bride talking to her BM and being upset that the girl isn't helping her more would come across as zilla and entitled. It is ok to be sad to not see a friend. If that is what it is about, then talk to her about how you miss her, but don't make your wedding the issue. And just because she doesn't want to help plan doesn't mean that she will flake out on the actual wedding.

MyNameIsNot · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:7129d1e7-2359-4e9a-884b-10756a760165">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry I was unkind, bu<strong>t I really am curious why you think she's in love with your FI?</strong> If you really think that it's because she doesn't want to help, then I really think you need to evaluate the importance of your wedding in other people's lives, because that does come across as really full of yourself. That issue aside, it is still no one's responsibility to help plan your wedding.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>It's because she's the FI's friend, not the OP's. (It's illogical, but I see where she made the connection. It's a common leap for insecure girls.)</div><div>
</div><div>OP, if you kick her out, you ruin any chance of having a relationship with her in the future, and it's a giant slap in the face to your FI. It comes off that you are trying to ruin their relationship. Give a lot of thought before you hurt him so badly over her not doing anything wrong. If my H tried to ruin one of my friendships over something so selfish, it would have been a deal breaker. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, you need to adjust your expectations for all of your BMs. The others may be doing what you ask and working your wedding, but you are asking way to much of them, and it is likely to have a lasting effect, even if they don't have the guts to tell you how demanding you are being. </div>

ckozlowski91 · March 2012

im not saying to kick her out, im saying i understand how its hard not to get upset when your trying to plan a wedding and someone is missing. and especially if its the guys best friend. my best friend is a guy, and if i was in his wedding ud be all in! if it was just a "good" friend itd be one thing, but to be a "best" friend and not even act as if the wedding is important. i can see how this would be upsetting. weddings are stressful enough...

MyNameIsNot · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:611fae4e-e8d4-4dd4-bc74-c83c22d83669">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]im not saying to kick her out, im saying i understand how its hard not to get upset when your trying to plan a wedding and someone is missing. and especially if its the guys best friend. my best friend is a guy, and if i was in his wedding ud be all in! if it was just a "good" friend itd be one thing, but to be a "best" friend and not even act as if the wedding is important. i can see how this would be upsetting. weddings are stressful enough...
Posted by ckozlowski91[/QUOTE]

<div>But it's not the friend's responsibility. Some people just aren't that in to weddings. Some people have other things to do. Getting frustrated because a friend isn't helping you plan your wedding makes as much sense as getting frustrated that your friend isn't having your oil changed or vaccuuming your living room. It's not the friend's job. </div>

Viczaesar · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:8c6f5de8-5ddb-4123-939e-6003ae283b47">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]I know how your feeling...not about the BM being in the with the FI...but about being frustrated when one of your girls isnt interested. I would be unhappy and worried too. <strong>It almost feels like, well if she cant come to a simple gathering to plam, how can i not worry about whether or not she will even be in the wedding at the end. </strong>Talk to her. It wont be easy, but if your close enough to her to have her in your wedding, then you shouldnt have to hide your feelings about how you feel if she doesnt show up to stuff...tho i wouldnt mention anything about your suspicion about her lovin your man...no drama before wedding! :) And if you think shes in love with him, NONE OF US SHOULD JUDGE. We dont know your situation hun. Therefore, we should focus on your question. Only you can see how she acts around him. And even if she does love him, guess what chica?? YOUR MARRYING THE MAN, HES ALLLLL YOURS. youll find a way around it. it just may take a deep breath and a hot (or alcoholic, your preference) beverage first :) Good luck hun!
Posted by ckozlowski91[/QUOTE]
That makes about as much sense as worrying that your student won't show to take the final exam when he chooses to skip the optional review session.

ckozlowski91 · March 2012

if shes not into it, fine. everyone is different, but dont say your gonna come and then not. thats just rude, wedding or no wedding. and to not say your not coming? its not even about her not being into the wedding, shes putting more stress on the bride. one time, ok. a few times, fine. but when shes not even buying her dress? i dont know the entire story, but thatd be irritating for that to happen often. i have a bridesmaid living in italy right now n even she has paid for her dress,

jemmini6 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:611fae4e-e8d4-4dd4-bc74-c83c22d83669">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]im not saying to kick her out, im saying i understand how its hard not to get upset when your trying to plan a wedding and someone is missing. and especially if its the guys best friend. my best friend is a guy, and if i was in his wedding ud be all in! if it was just a "good" friend itd be one thing, but to be a "best" friend and not even act as if the wedding is important. i can see how this would be upsetting. weddings are stressful enough...
Posted by ckozlowski91[/QUOTE]

But it's not about being close, or being a best friend, or being excited for them. It's that it's not her job, and if she's just not into wedding planning, then she has zero obligation to help. Heck...I hated planning my own wedding, I sure wouldn't want to attend countless 'planning meetings' and 'decoration parties' for someone else's wedding.

It's like buying a new house. You can be excited that someone bought a new house, and be excited to see it all done and attend their housewarming party, but that doesn't mean you have to want to help them paint and move all their crap. Sure, they can ask for help if they need it, and if you are available and willing, you can help them out, but if you are busy, or you just plain old don't want to help, they can't get mad at you...because it's THEIR house, not yours.

MyNameIsNot · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:eba90c36-9a91-4411-b4c9-c5e7aa5af126">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]if shes not into it, fine. everyone is different, but dont say your gonna come and then not. thats just rude, wedding or no wedding. and to not say your not coming? its not even about her not being into the wedding, shes putting more stress on the bride. one time, ok. a few times, fine. but when shes not even buying her dress? i dont know the entire story, but thatd be irritating for that to happen often. i have a bridesmaid living in italy right now n even she has paid for her dress,
Posted by ckozlowski91[/QUOTE]

<div>It wouldn't be stressful if the bride didn't have unreasonable expectations to start with. If the bride realized that this wedding was her responsibility and quit trying to make her BMs into staff, she wouldn't be stressed. This bride is creating problems. </div>

ckozlowski91 · March 2012

if she doesnt wanna help, she shouldnt say she would n then not show up without saying shes not coming. id understand if she was like, this isnt my thing. but to say one thing n do another....n to a bride...not cool

Viczaesar · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:faaa6657-5884-4654-afeb-5ccedcc753f7">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]if she doesnt wanna help, she shouldnt say she would n then not show up without saying shes not coming. id understand if she was like, this isnt my thing. but to say one thing n do another....<strong>n to a bride</strong>...not cool
Posted by ckozlowski91[/QUOTE]
n?

Her being a bride doesn't make this anything special. If the bridesmaid said "Sure, I'll be there" and then didn't show with no warning, then she's being rude - as a friend, not as a bridesmaid. It's not extra rude because one of the people in this situation is a bride.

mparkes · March 2012

Instead of making you feel as though you are being attack, I would like to offer some advice as to what I would do if I was in your situation.

I would just call her or meet with her one on one. Explain that you don't want her to feel obligated to be in the wedding if she is for any reason uncomfortable with it. Also remind her that you asked her to be a part of your special day for a reason, because she is important to you.

Even if she is "in love" with her FI, keep in mind who HE is marrying. You. You have to trust him and trust that he asked you to share the rest of his life with him because he wants you there. Not anyone else.

You sound similar to me in that I tend to overlook things or read too deeply into things. So, everytime I do this, this is the advice I tend to get.

Hope this helps!

Viczaesar · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:284a3114-8ba6-476d-a4c0-95b7cdbd5292Post:1ace6ea9-c088-4ddc-993b-81c16c4540c0">Re: Bridesmaid problems</a>:
[QUOTE]Instead of making you feel as though you are being attack, I would like to offer some advice as to what I would do if I was in your situation. I would just call her or meet with her one on one. E<strong>xplain that you don't want her to feel obligated to be in the wedding if she is for any reason uncomfortable with it.</strong> Also remind her that you asked her to be a part of your special day for a reason, because she is important to you. Even if she is "in love" with her FI, keep in mind who HE is marrying. You. You have to trust him and trust that he asked you to share the rest of his life with him because he wants you there. Not anyone else. You sound similar to me in that I tend to overlook things or read too deeply into things. So, everytime I do this, this is the advice I tend to get. Hope this helps!
Posted by mparkes[/QUOTE]
Bad idea. This is code for "I want you gone, beyotch!" It's really the same thing as kicking her out, and will have the same repercussions.

OP, the only thing you can really do in this situation is to let her know the information about the dress, and then leave her alone. If she shows up to the wedding without said dress (as long as it's within the budget parameters she gave you), then she's taken herself out of the wedding. Easy peasy. There's no reason to get all ZOMG about the situation now. Just stop expecting her to show up to anything pre-wedding and you won't be disappointed.

mparkes, is being attack anything like being a jar? Is it a state of being?

Bridesmaid problems

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