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gifts when you're not going to the wedding

holtzerjonasholtzerjonas
First Comment
in New York-New York City
Do you give/spend the same amount if you are not attending the wedding as you would if you were going?  My friend came to my wedding last year, but I can't make it to hers b/c of religious obligations.  I would normally give her back the same amount she gave me.  I'm afraid that if I give less, it will look cheap, but then i'm afraid if I give the same amount, it might be awkward. 
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Re: gifts when you're not going to the wedding

  • adamnkeladamnkel
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I usually give less. It would depend on my relationship with the person but for a friend i would give $150 if I was not attending
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  • junglelandjungleland
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    simple rule about gift giving.... whether you go, or not...Give what you can afford to give...  you do that and you can't go wrong...Sure some people might be seriously disappointed with your small gift, or blown away by the generosity of your big gift, but that's their issue....Never judge a gift, accept it graciously... the end
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  • slbriz34slbriz34
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think because you are friends, she attended your wedding, and you'd be attending hers if not for your religious obligation, you should give the same or just slightly less.  I certainly think $150 sounds fair, but not sure what she gave you, so you can adjust accordingly.
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  • CAEidCAEid
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    it all depends on the relationship I have with someone - if it's a close family/friend - then I give the same as if I were going.  If it's someone a bit more distant, than I usually give less.
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  • MrsKocalMrsKocal member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I usually give half of what I would have given if I went.  They are saving money by not having me there, so I figure I should save money too!

    honestly, I think that any gift you give would be fine.  I would say about 40% of our guests who didn't come didn't send us anything, and I don't hold it against them (the guests who DID come and didn't give anything....now THOSE I have a grudge against!)
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  • yaayetyaayet
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I usually just spend what I would have spent no matter what, it's what you wish for them.. It's doesn't matter if you are not going to go or not... Just pick something off of their registry and you are definitely in the safe zone with that.. I agree with others that 150 should kind of be the good amount bc it's generous enough and not too much. At least your friend knows you love her and are feeling bad bc you can't make it..
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  • bheartsbbheartsb member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    depends on the relationship.  There are people that no matter what...the plan was to give $xxx amount of dollars, because they are my bff, cousin, sister, etc.  But if it was a co-worker or aquaintance that I wasn't THAT close to I would probably give less, as the idea (if I was going...) would be to cover my plate, so since you are not attending you could give less, and still be ok.  BUT, you should definitely factor in the relationship.
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  • megandjaymegandjay member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't think you should consider what she gave you as a factor.

    Give what you feel comfortable giving, I would also usually give about 150, but I usually buy something off the registry as well.
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