Bridesmaids Hair

Luthien720 · October 2010

I have a question about what I can request of a bridesmaid as far as hair. My sister is one of the bridesmaids in my wedding and she recently asked me what I wanted eon with their hair for the wedding. Her hair is currently above the shoulder and dark red in color (this is dyed she's actually a blonde). She got angry with me when I said that I wanted everyones hair to be up since this one mean that she has to grow her hair out.

I'm not asking her to change the color (even though I'm not a fan), is it unreasonable to ask that she lets it grow out so it can be pulled back in some form of bun? I'm having a very formal wedding so I feel like having everyone's hair done and up is more formal. Also I'm paying to have her hair done so that is not an issue.

trix1223 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaids-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:63b2d170-1dbb-4900-a0cd-f9ac9c0fd83dPost:94d2fb1f-8a72-47f4-afd8-891553f93916">Bridesmaids Hair</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a question about what I can request of a bridesmaid as far as hair. My sister is one of the bridesmaids in my wedding and she recently asked me what I wanted eon with their hair for the wedding. Her hair is currently above the shoulder and dark red in color (this is dyed she's actually a blonde). She got angry with me when I said that I wanted everyones hair to be up since this one mean that she has to grow her hair out. I'm not asking her to change the color (even though I'm not a fan), is it unreasonable to ask that she lets it grow out so it can be pulled back in some form of bun? I'm having a very formal wedding so I feel like having everyone's hair done and up is more formal. Also I'm paying to have her hair done so that is not an issue.
Posted by Luthien720[/QUOTE]

You're seriously micro-managing this to demand that your sister grow her hair out for a party. I'd be p!ssed as well.

I assume you picked your sister to be your MOH because you love her, not because of what she looks like.

What if another BM decides to cut her hair? Will you kick her out of your WP? Suppose another gains weight? Or finds she needs glasses? Or breaks her arm and it's in a cast?

It's someone's heart that matters, not their appearances. I suggest that you tell you sister that you had a momentary case of the wedding "crazies", but you're over it, and want nothing more than her standing by your side, regardless of what her hair looks like.

heyimbren · October 2010

You can look formal with short hair or wearing your hair down.

I do think it's really unreasonable to ask her to grow out her hair. This is her HAIR. You really want her to grow it out for months just for "your one day"? Technically if you're paying you can have some say, but it's just hair. No one's going to care if the BMs' hair is worn up or down. No one will care what colour it is.

deepcovejackie · October 2010

Please tell me you're kidding. Pleasepleaseplease.

No. You don't get to dictate to your sister that she GROW her hair specifically for your wedding.

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

You can request she wear her hair in a way that makes her feel fabulous. That's it.

No, seriously, that's it. Any sort of specific requests in regards to style or hair color (even just "an updo") is over the bridezilla line. Period.

lalap69 · October 2010

Yes, it's unreasonable. It's her hair and making her grow it out is a bridezilla move. Let her wear it however she wants. The excuse that your wedding is formal doesn't hold water. Short hair can be formal too.

CaseyandSalley · October 2010

If I was told to wear my hair up, Id say no I HATE how I look with my hair up especially when Im all dressed up. Not a good idea there. Just let them wear their hair however they want especially the length

jeanna85 · October 2010

you cant ask someone to grow their hair out for one day. that's outrageous.

jagore08 · October 2010

Leave her hair the way she wants it. It's rude to ask someone to grow or cut their hair for one day. This is her decision. And her hair can still be pulled up somehow if it's above her shoulders. My BM had hair just below her chin and she pulled hers back for my wedding (that was her decision).

futurepivko · October 2010

please remember that your bridesmaids are people too, not your doll or your acessory. i agree, it is a bit of a bridezilla move. having all hair up doesnt make it more formal, IMO.

lharri12 · October 2010

Wow. And if it doesn't grow out in time, just make her get extensions. The expensive kind.

Ashes_3 · October 2010

You can let the girls who have short hair wear theirs down with a similar style. Those that have longer, have them wear it up if you want. Do not go telling people that you want them to grow their hair our if they don't want to!!!!!

tldh · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaids-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:63b2d170-1dbb-4900-a0cd-f9ac9c0fd83dPost:94d2fb1f-8a72-47f4-afd8-891553f93916">Bridesmaids Hair</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a question about what I can request of a bridesmaid as far as hair. My sister is one of the bridesmaids in my wedding and she recently asked me what I wanted eon with their hair for the wedding. Her hair is currently above the shoulder and dark red in color (this is dyed she's actually a blonde). She got angry with me when I said that I wanted everyones hair to be up since this one mean that she has to grow her hair out. I'm not asking her to change the color (even though I'm not a fan), is it unreasonable to ask that she lets it grow out so it can be pulled back in some form of bun? I'm having a very formal wedding so I feel like having everyone's hair done and up is more formal. Also I'm paying to have her hair done so that is not an issue.
Posted by Luthien720[/QUOTE]

Yes.Yes. And Yes this is unreasonable.

Good lord. Wow. My hair is below my shoulders and SIL didn't have a problem with the fact that I wore my hair down and a BM whose hair was just above her shoulders wore hers down also. There were five others who had their's in a french twist and it was all fine.

It doesn't matter that you are paying for the day of stylist. Pay the stylist to make sis's short hair beautiful (in sis's eyes, not yours).

trix1223 · October 2010

This made me think about DD's wedding. She had 6 BMs. One wore her hair down. One wore a low side ponytail, 3 wore updos, and one had very short hair. They all looked gorgeous.

Serious micromanaging on your part, Luthien.

As for this statementby Ashes:
You can let the girls who have short hair wear theirs down with a similar style. Those that have longer, have them wear it up if you want. Do not go telling people that you want them to grow their hair our if they don't want to!!!!!

I think even that is over the line. Why do the BMs have to have similar hairstyles? Why do they even need to be told how to wear their hair? These are grown women who have been doing their own hair for probably well over a decade. Telling them how to wear their hair is just making them into 7 year olds.

Amisslis · October 2010

This is very, very offensive for every reason laid out above. Please listen to these women--they know what they are talking about.

tlbattaglia · October 2010

I would not request someone to grow their hair out. I won't even tell them how to fix it, as long as they feel great.

andamu · October 2010

Should your sister decide of her own accord that she wants to wear her hair up, I would think that a talented hairstylist can work with hair that's above the shoulder to make it both "up" and chic.

I hate growing out my hair, so I'm on her side here. My hair doesn't look nice when I grow it out, and it's time-consuming to care for it, so I'd be really annoyed to be doing it for someone else's wedding.

banana468 · October 2010

Ditto PPs. You're out of line to request that anyone do things with their appearance as preparation for your wedding day.

graysquirrel · October 2010

While I can understand how you want people to look similar, I agree that is isn't reasonable to ask someone to grow her hair out. She has a lot of living to do before your wedding and might want to do that with short hair. This being said, why couldn't she get an updo with short hair? I've seen friends with really short, thin hair get amazing updos using pincurls. It isn't like you can't do anything with hair of her length. Since it is your sister I think it would be OK to talk casually about wedding hair and how it would be neat if the BMs had updos, but it isn't fair to demand it from her.

tpender13 · October 2010

I think you should make all of your bridesmaids buy identical wigs along w/their dresses. Problem solved!

Muffin'sMom · October 2010

They've said it all...and because I've had a long week and it's only Monday...I will add one more thing. If this is what you are worried about, you need to grow up, and grow some humanity, before you get married.

beamer84 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaids-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:63b2d170-1dbb-4900-a0cd-f9ac9c0fd83dPost:a5576a40-9e51-4aff-b9f1-372c2cc9e280">Re: Bridesmaids Hair</a>:
[QUOTE]You can look formal with short hair or wearing your hair down. I do think it's really unreasonable to ask her to grow out her hair. This is her HAIR. You really want her to grow it out for months just for "your one day"? Technically if you're paying you can have some say, but it's just hair. No one's going to care if the BMs' hair is worn up or down. No one will care what colour it is.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Agreed. My BMs' hair ranged from full up-do to half up-do to all down, and one BM had short hair and she just put a few clips in her hair. They ALL looked appropriately formal for the wedding, and they all had unique hairstyles.

girlpoet10 · October 2010

Interesting question, interesting responses. I'm not an expert by far on weddings, but all the women that I know who were BM's were requested to have hair a certain way and all of them seemed to understand why. I know 2 women right now who are growing theirs out at the request of the bride. I myself won't really care what my BM's do with theirs but I don't think, just from my own limited experience with my friends, that the OP is trying to be rude or hateful about it, just wants a uniform look. We can all get caught up in the details at some time. OP- I'm sure they will all look beautiful but you want them to feel beautiful too right? Maybe you could have a get together where you look at pics, talk about different styles, etc and include them. You might find they have really lovely ideas for formal hair that's still short (or however) that you love but that they will love as well and can live with.

heyimbren · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaids-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:63b2d170-1dbb-4900-a0cd-f9ac9c0fd83dPost:be07e300-23de-4a3c-99b8-01bb4d271400">Re: Bridesmaids Hair</a>:
[QUOTE]Interesting question, interesting responses. I'm not an expert by far on weddings, but all the women that I know who were BM's were requested to have hair a certain way and all of them seemed to understand why. I know 2 women right now who are growing theirs out at the request of the bride. I myself won't really care what my BM's do with theirs but I don't think, just from my own limited experience with my friends, that the OP is trying to be rude or hateful about it, just wants a uniform look. We can all get caught up in the details at some time. OP- I'm sure they will all look beautiful but you want them to feel beautiful too right? Maybe you could have a get together where you look at pics, talk about different styles, etc and include them. You might find they have really lovely ideas for formal hair that's still short (or however) that you love but that they will love as well and can live with.
Posted by girlpoet10[/QUOTE]

It does happen a lot, but that doesn't make it right. I fail to see why getting married is any reason to ask your friends to grow out their hair. If people are so worried about a "uniform" look then just hire models. That's the problem with that logic. I think too many girls don't question the wedding "norms" and just go along with whatever the bride wants without thinking it through. And why do girls need to look the same for a wedding? What is the purpose? What does it add to the wedding day?

girlpoet10 · October 2010

Nowhere did I say they were clones, but it's in the same vein as having them wear the same color, or same style or have the same bouquet. To my friends it wasn't about not questioning norms (they're not mindless idiots), it was about understanding that this was a hopefully once in a lifetime thing for their friend, the bride, and understanding that, okay, it might be a little extreme, but they love her and want it to be just as she envisions so they're okay with doing it. To each her own...if they don't want to, they of course don't have to. But I don't think politely asking about having their hair a certain way would somehow deny them their individuality and turn them into brainless clones. It's hair. Not sure why there has to be arguing over it or so much aggressiveness. You all have your opinion which is fine, but the OP has hers too and the right to say, and ask, whatever she likes. The BM's then have the right to decline or agree.

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaids-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:63b2d170-1dbb-4900-a0cd-f9ac9c0fd83dPost:7f71f892-7dcc-47b7-8646-0858215f3c40">Re: Bridesmaids Hair</a>:
[QUOTE]Nowhere did I say they were clones, but it's in the same vein as having them wear the same color, or same style or have the same bouquet. To my friends it wasn't about not questioning norms (they're not mindless idiots), it was about understanding that this was a hopefully once in a lifetime thing for their friend, the bride, and understanding that, okay, it might be a little extreme, but they love her and want it to be just as she envisions so they're okay with doing it. To each her own...if they don't want to, they of course don't have to. But I don't think politely asking about having their hair a certain way would somehow deny them their individuality and turn them into brainless clones. It's hair. Not sure why there has to be arguing over it or so much aggressiveness. You all have your opinion which is fine, but the OP has hers too and the right to say, and ask, whatever she likes. The BM's then have the right to decline or agree.
Posted by girlpoet10[/QUOTE]
It's also part of her body, and can be a huge comfort issue. A lot of girls get headaches from updos, or just can't wear them for one reason or another. In addition, caring for your hair while it's growing out can be an expensive pain in the ass, and you'd have to be submitting to be unhappy with your appearance for MONTHS leading up to the wedding. Are you really suggesting that it's okay to cause your friends pain and other forms of discomfort because it will make you happy??

TheCranberry · October 2010

I don't think it's a big deal to ask them to have an updo or a similar style. However, why do you think it's okay to ask someone to so something for your wedding that will alter how they look for longer than your wedding? Dying the hair, growing the hair, cutting the hair, etc. All of those last so much longer than one day and goes too far IMO. Just google "formal short hairstyles" or something, and you'll a lot of pretty formal styles for people with short hair.

I know you want them to look pretty, but did you ever think about the fact that each girl will look pretty in a different way? "Pretty" doesn't only mean updo or a specific type of updo.

Luthien720 · October 2010

Wow, I'm surprised so many people are against the all up-do thing...I didn't realize asking this question would automatically make me horrible and shallow. Thank you to those that did not jump to this conclusion from one post.

Let me explain some... My BM's have picked out their own dresses and will be wearing shoes they already own. All I picked was the color and I'm requesting for everyone's hair to be up. That being said, they can style it however they like once up. All of my other bridesmaids are ok with wearing their hair up and my hair will be up as well.

As for my sister, she literally only gets her hair cut every three or four months, so I didn't see an issue. She wouldn't have to be growing her hair out for the wedding, just doing what she normally does...which is why I was confused at her anger. However, I will look into short hair up-do's and show her those as well so then she won't feel pressure.

trix1223 · October 2010

My younger DD was in a wedding last Saturday. Every BM had a different hairstyle: some half up/half down, short naturally hair that was worn as the girl wears it every day. My DD and her roomie, both BMs simply had their hair blow dried, and even though I'm her mom, I have to say that in the photos I saw, my DD and her roomie looked gorgeous.

And part of the reason all the girls looked gorgeous was that they were happy and confident because they looked the way they wanted to.

I just am stunned to think that people demand specific hair styles. I just can't imagine why it's necessary at all?

heyimbren · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaids-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:63b2d170-1dbb-4900-a0cd-f9ac9c0fd83dPost:569da196-1ad1-459c-9742-e8c0b4f7c351">Re: Bridesmaids Hair</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I'm surprised so many people are against the all up-do thing...I didn't realize asking this question would automatically make me horrible and shallow. Thank you to those that did not jump to this conclusion from one post. Let me explain some... My BM's have picked out their own dresses and will be wearing shoes they already own. All I picked was the color and I'm requesting for everyone's hair to be up. That being said, they can style it however they like once up. All of my other bridesmaids are ok with wearing their hair up and my hair will be up as well. As for my sister, she literally only gets her hair cut every three or four months, so I didn't see an issue. She wouldn't have to be growing her hair out for the wedding, just doing what she normally does...which is why I was confused at her anger. However, I will look into short hair up-do's and show her those as well so then she won't feel pressure.
Posted by Luthien720[/QUOTE]

It isn't that anybody thinks you're horrible or shallow- extreme phrases are used to show you just how silly it sounds.

Just like Trix asked and I posted earlier: exactly what does a BM's hair have to do with a wedding? I'm still waiting for an answer on this. Why do they need to all have updos to look similar?

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

Behold, the horrors of the mandated "bridesmaid updo":

http://media.offbeatbride.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/dready-wedding.jpg

Seriously, it's not a one-size-fits-all proposition.

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