Love-Birds Table or Wedding Party table?

amyderrah · May 2011

So what do you think are the pros and cons for these layouts? I'd like for the BMs and GM to be able to sit with their dates. I like the idea of us (B&G) having some "alone" time to chat in between everything, but I also don't know how I'd feel to be separated from the other guests at dinner.

Alternatively, I was thinking of having the traditional wedding party table (Long, BM on my side, Gm on his side) but sit everyone's date across from them on the other side of the table so they can still talk and eat together. We would be in the middle and everyone would still be able to see us. Anyone who is thinking about this or has done it? Did you like it? What do you prefer?

Soon2BeMrsTing · May 2011

Please don't have a wedding party table (aka "head table"). Let your WP members sit with their dates/families, if applicable, and with their friends if they are coming solo. Friends don't let friends make WP members sit apart from their loved ones!

crystal8503 · May 2011

I have family drama and that has weighed heavily into my decision. I am not fond of wedding party tables to begin with, so it was easy for me to decide. Two of my sisters are married and each have a child, his brother is married and will have 3 children by the wedding. I am doing assigned tables for immediate family due to my mother's inability to behave like an adult the majority of the time. I'm going to have a sweetheart table that is in the middle of my wedding party tables. There will be one round table with the Groomsmen and their families, Bridesmaids and their family, Dad's immediate family, Mom's immediate family and the important members of my Step-mom's immediate family, Fiance's Dad's immediate family and FI's Mom's immediate family. All of the rest of my guests will have open seating at long tables.

All of our nieces and nephews are at the age of still needing help from their parents and I didn't think it would be fair to demand them at a wedding party table and leave the other parent to care for feeding their children.

My seating arrangement might sound bridezillaish but being but separating everyone so my mom doesn't feel targeted or "attacked" it's the easiest way and all of my family understands. Drama Drama.

Be considerate of your wedding party and especially their guests. Sorry this was a bit long but those are my reasons for the sweetheart table. It's also more intimate for the bride and groom, in my opinion.

trix1223 · May 2011

Sweetheart table. The "Last Supper" style wedding tables are thankfully disappearing as people realize how rude they really are to your friends and family.

daveANDkristen · May 2011

I'm just wondering why a head table is rude to your friends and family? I'm not being snarky but I honestly have never been to a wedding that didn't have a head table. Maybe it's different because the girls and guys we want in the WP are all pretty much friends with each other and only one of my BMs has children, but her husband and parents will be at the wedding too. I wouldn't want to separate the WP from the rest of the guests for the whole night, but it's only for dinner...

MelissaAnne88 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_love-birds-table-wedding-party-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b51501dc-b8d4-4d1a-a2a2-f8133413bdb8Post:0d98542b-5dd2-4972-a794-d3261eb9e40d">Re: Love-Birds Table or Wedding Party table?</a>:
[QUOTE]H and I had a sweetheart table. It was really nice because it allowed us a few minutes to just talk to each other during dinner and reflect on our wedding day. Our WP, and their SOs, were seated at round tables on either side of us.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
Same here...worked out great!

lazydayz2003 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_love-birds-table-wedding-party-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:b51501dc-b8d4-4d1a-a2a2-f8133413bdb8Post:9eb3c876-499f-4eb7-9f84-57f22102ef3a">Re: Love-Birds Table or Wedding Party table?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm just wondering why a head table is rude to your friends and family? I'm not being snarky but I honestly have never been to a wedding that didn't have a head table. Maybe it's different because the girls and guys we want in the WP are all pretty much friends with each other and only one of my BMs has children, but her husband and parents will be at the wedding too. I wouldn't want to separate the WP from the rest of the guests for the whole night, but it's only for dinner...
Posted by daveANDkristen[/QUOTE]

I second this. Well said. We are doing the bridal party table. It's okay, you can say we are rude but it's what we are doing.

enbraun · May 2011

I am doing a sweetheart table for the groom and I

brianabrad · May 2011

We are doing the normal wedding party head table. I personally like the idea of a sweatheart table but FMIL and FI are very traditional and didn't like the idea in the least. A friend of mine did the sweatheart table and then had a table close by with the WP. It worked out well for her and allowed her and DH a few minutes to eat and just be together. I hope FI and I will get this even with a headtable but you just never know.

daveANDkristen · May 2011

I understand that the WP will have been with us throughout the day (isn't that why they are the WP?). I just meant they would only be at the head table during dinner at the reception. After that, everyone is free to go wherever they like. But again, maybe it's just because of my particular WP, I don't see it as rude or strange in the least to have a head table. I don't have any problems with a sweetheart table, it's just not my personal preference.

jessicabessica · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_love-birds-table-wedding-party-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b51501dc-b8d4-4d1a-a2a2-f8133413bdb8Post:3e8c1f53-70df-49b1-9c5f-b5deb0b72653">Re: Love-Birds Table or Wedding Party table?</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand that the WP will have been with us throughout the day (isn't that why they are the WP?). I just meant they would only be at the head table during dinner at the reception . After that, everyone is free to go wherever they like. But again, maybe it's just because of my particular WP, I don't see it as rude or strange in the least to have a head table. I don't have any problems with a sweetheart table, it's just not my personal preference.
Posted by daveANDkristen[/QUOTE]

Another issue I have with separating WP from their dates at the reception is that you are hosting the dates as your guests, too, and I don't think it's very nice to the dates to separate them because the WP has some duty to all sit at a head table.

katheriner89 · May 2011

I knew in my head that we would already have a sweetheart table. But I did the right thing and asked everyone in the WP & FI what they wanted to do. Thankfully they all said sweetheart table. We will be having a round table on each side of our table reserved for our BM & GM so their guests can sit with them.

Headtables to me are kind of rude, but some people don't see it..

daveANDkristen · May 2011

Well, agree to disagree LOL. Like I said, I've never been to a wedding with a sweetheart table so a "last supper style table" (<-- that made me smile haha) is pretty common in my circle I guess. If my WP members weren't friends with eachother I would consider changing it up. And regarding the WP's SOs, they are all friends with other people at the wedding too so I don't think it is a concern in my particular case. But nevertheless as PP said, I will ask my FI and WP when the time comes and we'll probably go with whichever is the overall preference.

zazelle · May 2011

We are doing a sweetheart table, and letting our wedding party sit with their SOs and friends. Our parents, grandparents, etc. will be at the two tables closest to us.

The sweetheart table was appealing for a few reasons: it lets us be "on display" for all the guests to see; we can get up and sit down easily and as often as we like without disturbing anyone else at the table; it's a little oasis and me/him time in the middle of a crazy day; it makes us more accessible to anyone who wants to talk to us.

I never saw the head table as rude; I think that's because any wedding that has had one has included all the WP's SOs. I agree that you shouldn't split couples up.

ajroark · May 2011

We were going to have a head table with the WP, but now I'm re-thinking this since one of my bridesmaids is married and her husband won't know anyone else at the wedding. I don't want him to sit awkwardly among a table of people he's never met, so now I'm leaning towards the sweetheart table.

jemmini6 · May 2011

FI and I attended a wedding a few months ago where they did a head table. One of the GM's GF's was seated at our table and we got to talking with her. The GM had to be at the venue at 2PM, and since they lived so far, she just came with him and sat in the car for 2 hours until the ceremony started. Then she had to sit at the ceremony by herself because she didn't know anyone there. Then she was at the cocktail hour by herself because her BF was off taking pictures. Finally, she was at dinner by herself. They did all of their spotlight dances before dinner too, so by the time dinner was over, it was 8PM. That meant she was by herself at a wedding where she didn't know a single person (not even the B&G) for over 6 hours!

I'm sorry, but I just think that's rude. Being a part of the WP means that yes, you expect to have the time before the ceremony alone, but now you won't even let them talk to their date at dinner???

I know head tables are still pretty popular, but that doesn't mean that your WP's dates appreciate it.

butterflyroy78 · May 2011

We are having a sweetheart table. FI wanted a head table, but after reading a few posts on this topic, we chose not to, in consideration of our WP and thier SO's.

stardreamer1223 · May 2011

I like the servants and grapes idea, but we're kinda going with a wedding part + dates table. It's only 50 people and so number of tables is small. Plus we're only have 1 attendant each (Matron of Honor and Best Man).

daveANDkristen · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_love-birds-table-wedding-party-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:b51501dc-b8d4-4d1a-a2a2-f8133413bdb8Post:a07e2830-f052-4251-aa72-51fe4aaf476a">Re: Love-Birds Table or Wedding Party table?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I attended a wedding a few months ago where they did a head table. One of the GM's GF's was seated at our table and we got to talking with her. The GM had to be at the venue at 2PM, and since they lived so far, she just came with him and sat in the car for 2 hours until the ceremony started. Then she had to sit at the ceremony by herself because she didn't know anyone there. Then she was at the cocktail hour by herself because her BF was off taking pictures. Finally, she was at dinner by herself. They did all of their spotlight dances before dinner too, so by the time dinner was over, it was 8PM. That meant she was by herself at a wedding where she didn't know a single person (not even the B&G) for over 6 hours! I'm sorry, but I just think that's rude. Being a part of the WP means that yes, you expect to have the time before the ceremony alone, but now you won't even let them talk to their date at dinner??? I know head tables are still pretty popular, but that doesn't mean that your WP's dates appreciate it.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Yes, in this instance, of course it would be prefered to have the WP sit with their dates. I'm just saying only you know your WP and their SOs. Everyone in our WP is from pretty much the same social circle (the WP and their SOs) so in our particular case there is nothing rude about it. Everyone will be comfortable visiting with everyone else just as they are any other time our friends get together. I understand the points everyone else is making, and again I have no objection to a sweetheart table. I just don't agree that head tables are necessarily rude (depending on the individual circumstances).

banana468 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_love-birds-table-wedding-party-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b51501dc-b8d4-4d1a-a2a2-f8133413bdb8Post:56878b94-6c5c-4cb6-888b-9fad17f8177c">Re: Love-Birds Table or Wedding Party table?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Love-Birds Table or Wedding Party table? : Yes, in this instance, of course it would be prefered to have the WP sit with their dates. I'm just saying only you know your WP and their SOs. Everyone in our WP is from pretty much the same social circle (the WP and their SOs) so in our particular case there is nothing rude about it. Everyone will be comfortable visiting with everyone else just as they are any other time our friends get together. I understand the points everyone else is making, and again I have no objection to a sweetheart table. I just don't agree that head tables are necessarily rude (depending on the individual circumstances).
Posted by daveANDkristen[/QUOTE]

No, in your particular instance, the rudness isn't as apparent.

However would you find it appropriate to sit split from your husband at the wedding reception?

If not, then why is it different for the people who are giving up their time and money to be with you?

And the 'that's how it's done' reasoning doesn't make any sense. If that was the case then I'd be a SAHM and women wouldn't be able to vote because 'that's how it is'. There comes a time that you have to question the things that simply don't make sense.

The head table where your WP are split from their dates is one of those things that just doesn't make sense.

daveANDkristen · May 2011

Comparing the head table with suffrage is a little extreme. I realize your point is that the old way isn't necessarily the best way, but I wasn't arguing that the head table is the best way. I just said I don't think there's anything wrong with it (and there's nothing wrong with a sweetheart table either). And to answer your question, yes, if I was a bridesmaid again I would expect to sit at the head table as I have in every other wedding I've been in. Which is not to say one or the other is right, I really think it depends on who is in your wedding party.

What if it were the other way around, and your bridesmaids didn't have a date and didn't know anyone else at the wedding? In that case I would think they'd be most comfortable sitting with you. So it's not that cut and dry either way.

Allieycat · May 2011

Wow. I was just going to have my new hubby and I suspended in the air and have everyone eat in their own seperate booths that only open to the ceiling so that they have no choice but to watch us. I mean, it is our day afterall, what's anyone doing talking to anyone else? I'm going to need full attention at all times!

I think a lot of this is a bit of an overreaction. Stating that a head table is "rude" is going a bit far. I don't think any wedding is supposed to make anyone feel segrigated from anyone. It all has to do with the dynamic of your wedding party. I think the head table is supposed to honor those special people that have put time, money and effort into making your day and lives together special. No one is quarantining them off for the night and not allowing them to interact with everyone else.
As for the poor girl left in the car/evening - if her date sounds as unattentive as he sounds, maybe it's a sign that he doesn't want her there. You can invite her into the church before the ceremony. You can bring her along to the photo shoot. You can talk to her before the dinner and maybe even introduce her to someone so that she's not so alone all the time.
For Pete's sake, the only time the wedding party is really required to be at the head table is for the dinner.
And if you have a venue that gives champain toasts to the wedding party, the head table strongly suggested.

I'm not taking sides on the issue, it really is a personal preference. I'm having a sweetheart table because it works for our situation, but all of the other weddings I have been to have head tables and no one I know felt isolated during the event.

BTW, if you're going to start thinking that head tables are "rude" despite the situation, you might want to rethink having a wedding party. Those happy couples will be seperated during the ceremony as well.

July2012bride · May 2011

Our venue only has round tables that fit 8-10 people so we are doing 2 tables.

At one table it will be FI and I, MOH & her BF, BM (Fi's brother) & his date, and My Brother & his GF. At the 2nd table will be the rest of the WP & their dates.

I think we found a nice split in the WP since 2 out of the 3 WP members at our table are siblings and the 3rd is my best friend who I've known forever.

I personally don't like Sweetheart tables but I can't really put my finger on why.

I wouldn't do a head table without SO's.

If we could, we would do a large rectangular table with WP & SO's. (I think in that case it is called a King's table but I could be wrong).

lazydayz2003 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_love-birds-table-wedding-party-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:b51501dc-b8d4-4d1a-a2a2-f8133413bdb8Post:73ef97d1-866e-421a-98f4-977456205379">Re: Love-Birds Table or Wedding Party table?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. I was just going to have my new hubby and I suspended in the air and have everyone eat in their own seperate booths that only open to the ceiling so that they have no choice but to watch us. I mean, it is our day afterall, what's anyone doing talking to anyone else? I'm going to need full attention at all times! I think a lot of this is a bit of an overreaction. Stating that a head table is "rude" is going a bit far. I don't think any wedding is supposed to make anyone feel segrigated from anyone. It all has to do with the dynamic of your wedding party. I think the head table is supposed to honor those special people that have put time, money and effort into making your day and lives together special. No one is quarantining them off for the night and not allowing them to interact with everyone else. As for the poor girl left in the car/evening - if her date sounds as unattentive as he sounds, maybe it's a sign that he doesn't want her there. You can invite her into the church before the ceremony. You can bring her along to the photo shoot. You can talk to her before the dinner and maybe even introduce her to someone so that she's not so alone all the time. For Pete's sake, the only time the wedding party is really required to be at the head table is for the dinner. And if you have a venue that gives champain toasts to the wedding party, the head table strongly suggested. I'm not taking sides on the issue, it really is a personal preference. I'm having a sweetheart table because it works for our situation, but all of the other weddings I have been to have head tables and no one I know felt isolated during the event. BTW, if you're going to start thinking that head tables are "rude" despite the situation, you might want to rethink having a wedding party. Those happy couples will be seperated during the ceremony as well.
Posted by Allieycat[/QUOTE]

Well said. Why do people feel they need to be attached to the hip of their SO? Some people really need to get a grip/life. It's called socializing. Try it some time.

trix1223 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_love-birds-table-wedding-party-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b51501dc-b8d4-4d1a-a2a2-f8133413bdb8Post:73ef97d1-866e-421a-98f4-977456205379">Re: Love-Birds Table or Wedding Party table?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. I was just going to have my new hubby and I suspended in the air and have everyone eat in their own seperate booths that only open to the ceiling so that they have no choice but to watch us. I mean, it is our day afterall, what's anyone doing talking to anyone else? I'm going to need full attention at all times! I think a lot of this is a bit of an overreaction. Stating that a head table is "rude" is going a bit far. I don't think any wedding is supposed to make anyone feel segrigated from anyone. It all has to do with the dynamic of your wedding party. I think the head table is supposed to honor those special people that have put time, money and effort into making your day and lives together special. No one is quarantining them off for the night and not allowing them to interact with everyone else. As for the poor girl left in the car/evening - if her date sounds as unattentive as he sounds, maybe it's a sign that he doesn't want her there. You can invite her into the church before the ceremony. You can bring her along to the photo shoot. You can talk to her before the dinner and maybe even introduce her to someone so that she's not so alone all the time. For Pete's sake, the only time the wedding party is really required to be at the head table is for the dinner. And if you have a venue that gives champain toasts to the wedding party, the head table strongly suggested. I'm not taking sides on the issue, it really is a personal preference. I'm having a sweetheart table because it works for our situation, but all of the other weddings I have been to have head tables and no one I know felt isolated during the event. BTW, if you're going to start thinking that head tables are "rude" despite the situation, you might want to rethink having a wedding party. Those happy couples will be seperated during the ceremony as well.
Posted by Allieycat[/QUOTE]

Is there really a venue that gives champagne only to WP members and stiffs the rest of the guests? Isn't that special?

[Deleted User] · May 2011

I am doing a combo of both. We are having a round table for my and my FH. Then 2 long tables on either side for the bridal party.

SeptemberLadie · May 2011

I asked my fiance what he would prefer for our wedding because I hated being left with his family (who aren't fond of me) while he was in the wedding party. It's very uncomfortable being away from date in those circumstances. However if the date was close to other family or friends it would be different. With my reasoning I didn't want a wedding party table. He did however because he liked the idea of having those special people he chose to be up there with us. So we compromised. We are having a wedding party table, but those with dates are allowed to have their dates next to them. Example: my sister, then her bf, then the next bridesmaid (her date) ect. That sorta thing. Maybe consider that.

banana468 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_love-birds-table-wedding-party-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:b51501dc-b8d4-4d1a-a2a2-f8133413bdb8Post:ebfdf6e8-f7fc-4770-9f2b-3c2bd9a7169c">Re: Love-Birds Table or Wedding Party table?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Love-Birds Table or Wedding Party table? : Well said. Why do people feel they need to be attached to the hip of their SO? Some people really need to get a grip/life. It's called socializing. Try it some time.
Posted by lazydayz2003[/QUOTE]

Ok. So don't sit with your husband at your wedding. What's good for the goose right?

amyderrah · May 2011

Good thoughts! I just asked my Fi about the 3 ideas. We both like the idea of letting the wedding party sit with their dates. He didn't like the idea of the dates sitting at the traditional long table (across from the wedding party) because their backs will be towards the crowd. I think we'll do a sweethearts table (ooops, not love-birds table?) with two wedding party + date tables.

I just wanted to make sure that it didn't feel strange to sit alone or like you were put on display. We're planning on going to each table during the last part of dinner anyway and saying a quick hi, thanks for coming.

arrabelle · May 2011

i agree not to separate WP from their dates but i don't know if FI and i would want a sweetheart table? i worry we would feel like zoo animals. but i do like the idea of having some intimate time, i never thought of it that way.

another option we might consider is sitting at a normal round table, with our siblings (all in the WP), their SO's and kids. ????? i don't know.

banana468 · May 2011

There are tons of options! Just don't split your WP from their dates. The rest is up to you.

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