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I have joined the club: MOB who wants to wear white (long)

chrryblndchickchrryblndchick
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in Moms and Maids
So my mother texted me that she has found a MOB dress. And it's cream. Midly irriated, but thanks to this site I just remainded myself of these things:

1) The only people who we can tell what to wear are those in the wedding party.
2) She's a grown woman and can dress herself.
3) No one is going to mistake her for the bride.
4) She's the one that will look bad.
5) Not a hill I want to die on.

Everyone else, however, can't get over this. No one is really surprised she is considering this (my dad, stepmom, friends, etc), but FI in particular is extremely pissed. He wants to talk to her himself. I told him all of the above things, but he's not hearing it. I also firmly believe in "she's my mother, I'll deal with her" and honestly, he's pissing me off more than her at this point. He told me I have a month to talk to her or he's going to. He even half jokingly said she's not invited if she insits on wearing white. I'm sorry, she's my mother and even if she is a PITA, she's still coming to the wedding.

I told him I'm use to being the bigger person when it comes to her and my step-dad (whole other issue) and if I want to spend time with her and have contact with her, this is the type of thing I have to deal with. FI thinks it's not a matter being the bigger person, but that I don't stand up to my mother, which is also partially true. His heart is in the right place, but I really don't think this is one of the situations were I should put my foot down with her.

Sorry this is so long, I guess my round about questions are this: 1) Is there anything I can say to FI to get him to calm down about this? 2) Should I follow my first instincts and let it go or should I say something to her?
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Re: I have joined the club: MOB who wants to wear white (long)

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    blues28blues28 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    If your mom wearing cream doesn't bother you,  than express that to your fi and tell him to get over it. It's your mom. 
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    afeliz79afeliz79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    1) it seems like you have already told him what you need to tell him and he won't listen. That would super piss me off. I'd tell him "it's my fight to have and I'll have it if I want to or let it go if I want to. " 2) yes, follow your first instinct and let it go. You are right for all the reasons you've listed. From your description of your mother, it probably won't be long until she does something so you can confront her like your FI wants. That's another thing you can tell him. Good luck.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    1 - I'd tell FI "If you go behind my back after I expressley told you not to talk to my mother then YOU may not be invited to the wedding either."

    2 - The only thing I might tell my mother is, "Mom, I think you'll look lovely in that dress but please be prepared that some people may be whispering about you for wearing a color similar to my gown.  I'm not asking you to do anything and just wanted to let you know this just in case."

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    SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_i-have-joined-the-club-mob-who-wants-to-wear-white-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:eede86df-26dc-4e48-b376-161d4903de7fPost:d477528e-a1fa-4626-be83-f2f3a69b5736">Re: I have joined the club: MOB who wants to wear white (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]1 -<strong> I'd tell FI "If you go behind my back after I expressley told you not to talk to my mother then YOU may not be invited to the wedding either."</strong>
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    This!
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    scorpgirl1120scorpgirl1120 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    Ok, while I do agree with the girls above I'm going to play devil's advocate here...

    It's your FH's wedding too.  If something bothers him you should address it....whether it bothers you or not.  You would harp on him about his mom doing this and expect him to handle it so I think you should take his feelings into consideration and explain to your mom and while you love the dress she purchased you would feel more comfortable if she were in a different color.  Your mother is an adult (hopefully) and should understand that her daughter is taking a big step and deserves to shine on her day.  Without talking to her you're going to have a bigger argument with your FH and do you really want to start out your marriage that way?  I say talk to mom (or even one of mom's friends/sisters/etc) and see if you guys can get her to change her mind. 

    If not, well you tried. 

    I do completely agree the FH shouldn't say anything though!  Tell him you will have the talk....maybe he can be with you?
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    chrryblndchickchrryblndchick
    First Comment
    In Response to Re:I have joined the club: MOB who wants to wear white long:[QUOTE]1 I'd tell FI "If you go behind my back after I expressley told you not to talk to my mother then YOU may not be invited to the wedding either."2 The only thing I might tell my mother is, "Mom, I think you'll look lovely in that dress but please be prepared that some people may be whispering about you for wearing a color similar to my gown.nbsp; I'm not asking you to do anything and just wanted to let you know this just in case." Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    I love 1! That's perfect and I think I will tell him that.

    As for 2, I did tell her something close to that and her response was "Well, if people are going to judge me, then those aren't people I want to be friends with."
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    chrryblndchickchrryblndchick
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    In Response to Re:I have joined the club: MOB who wants to wear white long:[QUOTE]I say talk to mom or even one of mom's friends/sisters/etc and see if you guys can get her to change her mind.Posted by scorpgirl1120[/QUOTE]


    My stepmom suggested talking to my aunt her sister, who is also my godmother, but would that be crossing any lines? Part of me is hoping she shows the dress to other people and they say something to her.
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I think you need to drop it since you have already mentioned to her that people may comment on the color of her dress and she has said she doesn't care.  If you continue to find ways to talk her out of it she may get pretty angry about it.  I wouldn't talk to your aunt about it.

    FWIW, I do think she could have chosen much better colorwise.
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    Reios mumReios mum member
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    Sounds like mommy dearest is probably in the habit of trying to draw attention to herself...so sad she can't grow up and let you have your day.  I want to look nice on my daughter's wedding day but wouldn't DREAM of wearing white!  
    While I agree that it would be a good idea for you to side with your FH on things that are important to him, I also applaude your maturity in dealing with mom.  
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    scorpgirl1120scorpgirl1120 member
    First Comment
    I think having your aunt handle it is a great way for her to get other insight!
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    Cortney1982Cortney1982 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I also agree on the fact that it is also FI's wedding day and he wants everything to be perfect for him too.  I think he's probably paranoid that people will mistake your mother as his bride or he's really sweet and is sticking up for you because your too nice.
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