Shower and Bachelorette Etiquette

Earls0511 · October 2012

I have 5 bridesmaids, 4 of whom are my college friends and all know each other very well and one of whom is my friend from high school. My friend from high school and one of my friends from college are co maids of honor, but don't know each other very well. I haven't been very pushy about dresses and making plans for everyone to do things together (like crafting, etc) because most of us live at least 2 hours from each other. I tried planning a weekend for everyone to meet in the middle and dress shop, but everyone backed out at the last second (which I was a little hurt by, but didn't make a big deal out of it).

Now we about 6 months out from the wedding date and I don't think anything has been planned as far as a shower or bachelorette party goes. I know it's not a requirement for the bridesmaids to plan anything and it is incredibly tacky to plan your own, but I think these things are a fun part of the wedding experience!

Would it be acceptable to send the maids of honor each other's contact information along with my mom's information and just throw it out there that if they want to plan anything these are the people they should get in contact with? I don't want to be pushy, but I don't want the fact that they don't know each other very well to be the reason they don't plan anything. Is it selfish to want them to plan something? This bride thing is complicated sometimes!

renegade gaucho · October 2012

I would wait at least another three months before assuming that nothing is in the works. It's entirely possible that your MOHs do want to host something for you but haven't put much thought into the specifics yet. Even then, it doesn't matter what the reason is, showers and bachelorette parties are never mandatory. Your MOHs are presumably adults who are capable of asking you for contact information and working with someone they don't know very well if they are interested in hosting, so I wouldn't worry about any of this until they ask you about it.

SB1512 · October 2012

Agree with PP. But, I don't think it's wrong of you to want a shower or bparty, those are fun parties leading up to the wedding. Unfortunately, not everyone is given those parties and if that's the case you'll just have to accept that you didn't get one, I wouldn't hold it against your bridesmaids if they don't throw one for you.

freebread03 · October 2012

Nothing wrong with connecting your bridesmaids, but don't do so under the guise of "if you want to plan something" or "if you're thinking of planning something." 6 months out is still pretty far out to be planning a shower or bachelorette, so I think it's premature to assume that nothing is in the works.

arco13 · October 2012

In Response to Re: Shower and Bachelorette Etiquette:
[QUOTE]Nothing wrong with connecting your bridesmaids, but don't do so under the guise of "if you want to plan something" or "if you're thinking of planning something." 6 months out is still pretty far out to be planning a shower or bachelorette, so I think it's premature to assume that nothing is in the works.
Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

This. What I did was set up a closed facebook group and added everyone to it, just as a place to easily share any information about dress shopping, etc., and my sister/MOH used that to get each one's contact info.

allychase · October 2012

I'm 5 months out and doubt anyone's planning anything so far, it seems VERY early to be planning anything. It only takes a few weeks to plan a party. I wouldn't worry about this til 12 months before the wedding.

allychase · October 2012

Sorry I meant 1 to 2 months, phone deletes all the symbols I use.

[Deleted User] · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-and-bachelorette-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33ccf78f-92a4-4669-98f4-1613b32be8e8Post:d725cfb4-06f4-4b9b-bd78-f89d61aceec4">Shower and Bachelorette Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I have 5 bridesmaids, 4 of whom are my college friends and all know each other very well and one of whom is my friend from high school. My friend from high school and one of my friends from college are co maids of honor, <strong>but don't know each other very well. I haven't been very pushy about dresses and making plans for everyone to do things together (like crafting, etc)</strong> because most of us live at least 2 hours from each other. I tried planning a weekend for everyone to meet in the middle and dress shop, but everyone backed out at the last second (which I was a little hurt by, but didn't make a big deal out of it). Now we about 6 months out from the wedding date and I don't think anything has been planned as far as a shower or bachelorette party goes. I know it's not a requirement for the bridesmaids to plan anything and it is incredibly tacky to plan your own, but I think these things are a fun part of the wedding experience! Would it be acceptable to send the maids of honor each other's contact information along with my mom's information and just throw it out there that if they want to plan anything these are the people they should get in contact with? I don't want to be pushy, but I don't want the fact that they don't know each other very well to be the reason they don't plan anything. Is it selfish to want them to plan something? This bride thing is complicated sometimes!
Posted by Earls0511[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Why would you make plans for them to craft? You craft your own stuff. I wouldn't dream of saying "hey bridesmaids, come lick envelopes."

</div>

beardownbchs · October 2012

Has your mother mentioned anything? The mother of the bride has had a huge part in planning and pulling off most showers I have been to (or organized). If you're that anxious now or don't hear anything in the next month or two, I would talk to your mom about it. My mom and I are very close so I wouldn't be afraid of coming off rude in front of her and letting her know that I'm worried I'm not going to have a shower. And none of your BMs would think anything is wrong with your mother contacting them about the shower. Maybe they're all waiting for someone else to initiate and a lot of the time, the MOB is just the person.

Not sure how this could help your bachelorette party (LOL) but if they all get together for the shower planning, maybe that'll get them closer so they'll feel comfortable calling and emailing each other directly.

Jen4948 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-and-bachelorette-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33ccf78f-92a4-4669-98f4-1613b32be8e8Post:e593ce4e-8369-4809-8efe-201a36698348">Re: Shower and Bachelorette Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Has your mother mentioned anything? The mother of the bride has had a huge part in planning and pulling off most showers I have been to (or organized).</strong> If you're that anxious now or don't hear anything in the next month or two, I would talk to your mom about it. My mom and I are very close so I wouldn't be afraid of coming off rude in front of her and letting her know that I'm worried I'm not going to have a shower. And none of your BMs would think anything is wrong with your mother contacting them about the shower. Maybe they're all waiting for someone else to initiate and a lot of the time, the MOB is just the person. Not sure how this could help your bachelorette party (LOL) but if they all get together for the shower planning, maybe that'll get them closer so they'll feel comfortable calling and emailing each other directly.
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

Not criticizing, but strict etiquette actually holds that mothers and MILs-to-be of the bride aren't supposed to host showers. This might be why the OP's mother isn't involved (since it doesn't sound like she is).

Summer2011Bride · October 2012

I don't think there's anything wrong with having them each have the others' contact info. I sent out a group email (I only had four BMs) a couple times with dress info and rehearsal info, etc. From these e-mails on totally different topics, they were able to contact each other minus me when they decided to plan a shower/b-party. I did not mention them planning anything. So I think disseminating emails/phone numbers (if they're all OK with you giving out this info) is fine, but don't do it under the guise of them planning parties for you.

beardownbchs · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-and-bachelorette-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33ccf78f-92a4-4669-98f4-1613b32be8e8Post:2da0f1d0-713a-49ef-99b8-d8f9cf902429">Re: Shower and Bachelorette Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Shower and Bachelorette Etiquette : Not criticizing, but strict etiquette actually holds that mothers and MILs-to-be of the bride aren't supposed to host showers. This might be why the OP's mother isn't involved (since it doesn't sound like she is).
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh, I really didn't know this. Thanks! LOL I'm gunna have to tell my mother!! :)</div>

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