I'm calling a "FOUL"!!!

missadee2015 · July 2012

Recently I attended a wedding of a close friend and was floored when I saw many of my own ideas put into action. Now, I realize that I didn't slap a patent on them or anything, but these specific ideas were discussed in length prior to her even getting engaged, all with hopes of me using them at my own wedding. I wouldn't be bothered if it were versions of the same things...but I'm talking down to the smallest detail was copied. I have been engaged for years so that mine and my fiances wedding will be all that we want it to be. I have been planning for what feels like forever just to see someone else get kudos for how "beautiful" it is and how "amazing" it is that they thought of all the little details! Not only that, but we have a large group of mutual friends that will ultimately be attending both weddings. I don't think I can use MY ideas now and have them being compared to another wedding. Or worse, look like I copied one of my "closest" friends. I mean for cryin'-out-loud she's going to be IN my wedding! Am I crazy? Or is this kind-of a low blow for someone to dish out to a fellow bride/friend??

Ali092011 · July 2012

Have you been to many weddings? I ask because you have to remember that people who have been to many weddings will tell you there is nothing new under the sun. Every cute "unique" idea I've ever thought of for a wedding, I see in a wedding magazine or here on TK within weeks.

I can understand being kind of shocked and maybe a little miffed, but remember that your wedding day will be different anyway because you are different people. And it will still be beautiful and perfect.

Also, is your wedding very far off? Chances are, if your wedding isn't for a while, you will change your mind about a lot of things anyway.

banana468 · July 2012

Just out of curiosity, what details are you talking about here?

Ali092011 · July 2012

And what banana said, too.

Mrs.B6302007 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-calling-a-foul?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c34e71aa-1746-4f4d-b90b-b68d4c78442fPost:e18adc4f-d45b-4c45-b948-c3418409cbef">I'm calling a "FOUL"!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Recently I attended a wedding of a close friend and was floored when I saw many of my own ideas put into action. Now, I realize that I didn't slap a patent on them or anything, but these specific ideas were discussed in length prior to her even getting engaged, all with hopes of me using them at my own wedding. I wouldn't be bothered if it were versions of the same things...but I'm talking down to the smallest detail was copied. I have been engaged for years so that mine and my fiances wedding will be all that we want it to be. I have been planning for what feels like forever just to see someone else get kudos for how "beautiful" it is and how "amazing" it is that they thought of all the little details! Not only that, but we have a large group of mutual friends that will ultimately be attending both weddings. I don't think I can use MY ideas now and have them being compared to another wedding. Or worse, look like I copied one of my "closest" friends. I mean for cryin'-out-loud she's going to be IN my wedding! Am I crazy? Or is this kind-of a low blow for someone to dish out to a fellow bride/friend??
Posted by missadee20[/QUOTE]

Wedding details aren't usually as original as we would like to think. Think of it this way - she was so impressed by your style that she wanted to implement those ideas as well. Remember the adage "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." If it really bothers you, there might be some color/detail changes you can make so that they weddings aren't mirror images of each other.

SparrowSong · July 2012

Are we talking about bathroom baskets, flip-flop basket, and candy buffets?

Mrs.B6302007 · July 2012

Oh, and with a year to go still, most of your cross-list guests probably won't remember every detail of hers.

JessAndTrav · July 2012

^^What they said.

Also, lesson learned? Don't overshare every detail of your day?

chelseamb11 · July 2012

If yo udon't want people to steal your ideas, don't share those ideas. Pretty simple.
Your wedding is over a year away, I wouldn't worry about it.

seesawgirl · July 2012

I can see how I would be pissed, if while I was planning my wedding, one of my bridesmaids had used pinwheels instead of bouquets and bouts, and had the groomsmen in suspenders and newsboys caps. Yeah, its been seen and done before on TK, but in my circle, it was unique, and I would have been furious if I had to change things to avoid looking like I had copied someone else's ideas. When you change one of the fundemental things that people are used to seeing (i.e. bridesmaids with bouquets) people will remember it, or at least, I would.

However, I would also like to know what details we're talking about. If its smaller things like what the previous posters mentioned, don't worry about it too much, and be flattered that she thought your idea was that good, and just go with it.

Also, there's a chance that even if she did copy certain big elements, she may not have pulled them off as well as you will. I've seen the same two ideas used, with completely different effects acheived.

lyndausvi · July 2012

I went to a wedding before I got married.   Get this the bride wore an Ivory strapless dress, Just like I wanted to do.   They also picked purple as one of their colors. JUST LIKE ME.

They also had:

an open bar
sit-down dinner
menu cards on the plates
cute pictures in frames for the table numbers
candy bar
first dance
no head table
groom/GM were in silk button down shirts with linen pants
centerpieces with lights on the bottom

EVERYTHING I WANTED !!!

I was really upset, I mean how was my wedding going to be unique now?    Oh that's right, DH and I make it unique. Our guests make it unique.

Only recent brides or brides-to-be notice all those little details. Your average guests notices only the food, bar and the entertainment.     I couldn't tell you much about all the weddings I've been to other than if the food was good and if the overall atmosphere was fun.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

What details did she copy so exactly?

Like others have said, nothing is ever really unique; someone else has done it, or it's wedding magazines or blogs. I can get being a little upset if she copied you. Not WR, but in high school, I'd go shopping with a good friend and we'd each pick out some things to buy. Then she'd go back to that store later without me and purchase the stuff I had and show up the next time we hung out with the same purse/shirt/whatever that I did. It bugged me, but after that happened a couple times, I just stopped buying stuff on our shopping trips together.

So in the same vein, don't discuss details with people that you might be concerned might use those ideas themself. Honestly, if your wedding is still a year away, even your mutual guests will not remember every single thing she did at her wedding that is similar at yours.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-calling-a-foul?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c34e71aa-1746-4f4d-b90b-b68d4c78442fPost:544de099-e383-4b08-9a86-4f3bc85b5f2c">Re: I'm calling a "FOUL"!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]nothing is ever really unique
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
Bull. We had something unique at our wedding. The band that played our reception only played together that one time.

HandBanana · July 2012

Pinterest is an amazing thing.

saacjw · July 2012

My cousin is getting married 3 months before me. We've planned nearly identical weddings. Same bridesmaid dress colors and fabric, ivory dresses with lace, veils with almost the same lace edging. We'll probably have the same hair, similar flowers, and we both sent out post card STDs! I don't know how many other details are going to turn out the same, but it's the joys of Pintrest, trends, and similar personalities.

frantastic12 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-calling-a-foul?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c34e71aa-1746-4f4d-b90b-b68d4c78442fPost:9e4fc915-b5b0-4127-94a6-f4bb1c8f56c8">Re:I'm calling a quot;FOULquot;!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Pinterest is an amazing thing.
Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]

Exactly.

This Buzzfeed article the other day was spot on: <a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/ashleym36/32-signs-youre-addicted-to-pinterest" rel="nofollow">http://www.buzzfeed.com/ashleym36/32-signs-youre-addicted-to-pinterest</a>

Especially 9 & 10.

rsaleh84 · July 2012

I wish we could find out what the details were that were copied! Most of my ideas have come from magazines, pinterest, and TK. In fact, a lot of my ideas are on my pin board on pinterest. If someone's going to copy you, whether it's before or after, it's going to happen whether you like it or not, especially if you're sharing your details. Try to let the anger go...it's not going to change things...BUT, you can change a lot of things...especially since it's a year away...heck I've changed my mind a dozen times in the past 6 months alone!

It will be ok

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-calling-a-foul?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c34e71aa-1746-4f4d-b90b-b68d4c78442fPost:c1b769dc-d3f1-455c-8d0a-eaa15ce07aea">Re: I'm calling a "FOUL"!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm calling a "FOUL"!!! : Bull. We had something unique at our wedding. The band that played our reception only played together that one time.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

Ha I like how 2 or 3 other people said the same thing before me but you made sure to call me out. OK then Jill.

And I seriously doubt that EVERY single thing OP was wanting to do at her wedding was in the same vein as what you described.

andrea2473 · July 2012

I need to know what these details are, too. I'm already married so I promise not to steal your ideas.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-calling-a-foul?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c34e71aa-1746-4f4d-b90b-b68d4c78442fPost:a56ee789-afee-429e-94a5-ec8d643f9527">Re: I'm calling a "FOUL"!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm calling a "FOUL"!!! : Ha I like how 2 or 3 other people said the same thing before me but you made sure to call me out. OK then Jill. And I seriously doubt that EVERY single thing OP was wanting to do at her wedding was in the same vein as what you described.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
Blah blah blah.

annieoldfield · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-calling-a-foul?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c34e71aa-1746-4f4d-b90b-b68d4c78442fPost:c1b769dc-d3f1-455c-8d0a-eaa15ce07aea">Re: I'm calling a "FOUL"!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm calling a "FOUL"!!! : Bull. We had something unique at our wedding. The band that played our reception only played together that one time.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

<div>Did all the guests know/care about this though, otherwise you just had a band playing at your wedding, which definitely isnt unique :)</div>

[Deleted User] · July 2012

A sizable portion of them did, Annie. Either way, that's an odd argument.

LittleMissCutiePie · July 2012

I'm going to laugh if OP comes back and defends her "original" ideas as a candy bar and a processional to Chris Brown's "Forever".

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

Annie I see what you mean. Lots of people have friends/family/special guests perform specifically for their wedding. Are your friends unique? Well yes, but then again you could say every person is "unique." We're talking about ideas and the idea of a special singer or performance is done all the time at weddings.

ems27 · July 2012

I'm also curious exactly what details were copied- and how long before her wedding had you discussed them? There is also the very real possibility that she forgot the source of the idea when she decided to use it, and just thought it was a great one!

missadee2015 · July 2012

Wow, it's crazy how posting stuff on here makes some people jump down your throat...regardless though, I would like to respond to a couple things. First, yes my date wasn't finalized until very recently. However we picked our wedding party earlier because we were originally getting married sooner. That being said, she wasn't engaged when I asked her to be a part of it and she was helping me with my plans since I don't really have family thats able. We discussed in detail special things that I wanted: a table with a special item from/representing the important family and friends that we my FI and I had lost, also including a poem that helped get that message across. Another simularity of many were the recipe cards that guests could right down their "recipes for love and happiness" on for the newlyweds to enjoy also as a guest book... Like I said, I didn't patent those ideas. And I'm not saying that it's impossible for them to be used. What I was trying to get at was that the "close" friend/bridesmaid, didn't have to use so many of those ideas we has discussed and try to say that she just came up with them out of thin air. It bummed me out. Sure I'll get over it. But I'm just a bit confused and a tiny bit sad that I will have to switch things up after planning them for so long. Unlike some brides I haven't changed my mind about what I wanted. Sue me for just needing to vent a smidgen :

Ali092011 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-calling-a-foul?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c34e71aa-1746-4f4d-b90b-b68d4c78442fPost:d3ac70c3-8be5-4ec0-abb7-1ed6086bde93">Re:I'm calling a quot;FOULquot;!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, it's crazy how posting stuff on here makes some people jump down your throat...regardless though, I would like to respond to a couple things. First, yes my date wasn't finalized until very recently. However we picked our wedding party earlier because we were originally getting married sooner. That being said, she wasn't engaged when I asked her to be a part of it and she was helping me with my plans since I don't really have family thats able. We discussed in detail special things that I wanted: a table with a special item from/representing the important family and friends that we my FI and I had lost, also including a poem that helped get that message across. Another simularity of many were the recipe cards that guests could right down their "recipes for love and happiness" on for the newlyweds to enjoy also as a guest book... Like I said, I didn't patent those ideas. And I'm not saying that it's impossible for them to be used. What I was trying to get at was that the "close" friend/bridesmaid, didn't have to use so many of those ideas we has discussed and try to say that she just came up with them out of thin air. It bummed me out. Sure I'll get over it. But I'm just a bit confused and a tiny bit sad that I will have to switch things up after planning them for so long. Unlike some brides I haven't changed my mind about what I wanted. Sue me for just needing to vent a smidgen :
Posted by missadee20[/QUOTE]

No worries, people were just curious. Like I said before, some people haven't been to many weddings, so they are all, "OMG pies instead of cake! A candy bar! A brooch bouquet! So different!" not realizing that those things are done all the time.

In your instance, I think your ideas are different enough that I can see why you'd be upset. How about still using those ideas, but tweaking them a bit? Instead of objects representing family members, what about using relatives' wedding photos and putting them in pretty frames for each table? Honestly, I'm not knocking your idea, but I'd stick with the positive instead of reminding guests of who you've lost. I understand wanting to honor those people, but you also don't want to drag down the mood of your wedding--it's a celebration.

As far as the "recipe" cards, I've seen (on Pinterest, so yes, it has been done before) little booklets placed at each table with cute colored pens. The books had a different question for each table, such as "Where should we go for our first vacation?" or "What should we name our children?" (if you plan on having any). That way you have a bunch of unique answers that reflect your guests' personalities, but you're not doing the same thing as your BM.

There are still plenty of things you can do to make your day special.

missadee2015 · July 2012

Thanks.

Those are great ideas ^^. I can say now that after I posted the first time, it hit me how just getting it off my chest made me feel better. The fact that I said it on here obviously wasn't the right thing to do however. I'm not as heated as I was when I posted the first time, and I realize the way it sounded made me look like a tantrum-throwing bridezilla. Regardless, it's sometimes neccessary to do things like that and in the end I got some good feedback. I'm going to go ahead and tweak my ideas and take the advice that it will be special just because. So thanks ladies!

I'm calling a "FOUL"!!!

Re: I'm calling a &quot;FOUL&quot;!!!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

I'm calling a &quot;FOUL&quot;!!!

Re: I'm calling a &amp;quot;FOUL&amp;quot;!!!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

I'm calling a "FOUL"!!!

Re: I'm calling a "FOUL"!!!