Hurt by lack of bridesmaid interest?

staycb01 · February 2012

Maybe I'm being overly sensitive but I have 5 bridesmaids and all but one seem interested. The one never asks how the planning is going or anything about the wedding. I obviously don't need her to ask me daily or weekly how the planning is going but if ur close enough as a friend to be a bridesmaid then I think every now and then she could just simply ask how everythings going. I asked her to check her email since I sent dates for a get together and I had to ask her 3 times to even check her email and get back to me on a date that she picked! I'm not asking for much... A little bit of caring and interest goes a long ways. Any other brides have this problem?

sonya+adam · February 2012

No one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. You can't expect them to care about every detail. It's just not going to happen. Talk to them about non wedding things. Just because they're in your wedding doesn't meant that has to be the only topic of conversation.

Simply Fated · February 2012

Do they ask you questions about other topics? What I mean is, you want them to ask you about a very specific topic and that's awkward.

Kate61487 · February 2012

your BM doesn't need to know anything about your wedding except what dress to buy and where to show up/when. So there's no reason for her to ask about any of the planning.

That said, people who don't check their email drive me nuts, so there's that....

TiffannieF · February 2012

I stopped reading after "the one never asks about planning". I had 2 BMs and not a single one asked me about wedding planning. My mother passed away 2 years before the wedding so I never got to share wedding talk or moments with her, and my DH hated wedding talk. So I think you're pretty lucky you have FOUR girls that will pay attention to wedding details. Don't take it personal. She's just not into your wedding...doesn't mean she doesn't love you and won't be there at the wedding!

staycb01 · February 2012

Oh I TOTALLY get that they/she's not going to be as excited about my wedding as I am. I'm just simply stating that once and while... maybe every couple of months or something that she can at least ask ONCE how the planning is going. Like I said, I dont need/want it to be weekly or all the time just to ask once every coupld months like "hey - how's the planning going?" isnt too much to ask for. As a friend, and while planning one of the most biggest events of my life, would she want to know? I would and always have asked people when I stood up or even just friends in general. Seriously, I have customers at work who I barely even know ask me more than she does. So to me, there's no excuse or reason NOT to ask once every few months or whatever. She's married so she knows thats it's nice to have people/friends inquire every now and then. And yes, we talk often and 95% of the time, it's about other things - nothing to do with weddings so it's not like we or I constantly talk about it.

staycb01 · February 2012

And TiffanieF - I'm very sorry to hear about your mother. I couldn't imagaine how difficult that must have been. You are right, I am very lucky in that way.

Meghannsix · February 2012

Maybe she's just not a wedding person? Trust me, lower your expectations, and you will be a happier girl. There are so much better things to worry about.

staycb01 · February 2012

Meghannsix - you are totally right!! Thanks!

Ali092011 · February 2012

I don't blame you for being upset at the thought that she doesn't care about your wedding at all, but I doubt that's the case. I think it depends on the friendship. If a BM and I talked every day and knew everything about each other, and called each other all the time just to talk about anything that comes up in life, and that person NEVER asked about my wedding, yeah, TBH, I'd probably be a little upset. I'd probably wonder if there was a reason she was not excited (does she secretly hate my FI? does she object to marriage altogether and I just never knew?).

Look at it this way: If you started a new job tomorrow, is this the kind of friend who would be checking in with you every so often to ask how the job is going? You can be close friends with someone without checking in on things like this all the time, KWIM? I have friends I spill my guts to when we hang out every few months, but we don't keep in contact about every little thing.

In other words, just because it's your wedding doesn't mean it's going to inspire more involvement than anything else in your life would.

That's just my analysis, FWIW.

jemmini6 · February 2012

I get where you are coming from, but not everyone is really into weddings, maybe even especially already being married herself. Try not to take it too personally, I'm sure she's not doing it to irritate you.

staycb01 · February 2012

Thanks to those that understand both sides for your advice/opinions

Really helped!

Simply Fated · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hurt-by-lack-of-bridesmaid-interest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d35fdf50-eccd-441a-be06-bc53e220a477Post:9f0d1874-65db-42cc-8c0c-21b2abb4b836">Re: Hurt by lack of bridesmaid interest?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh I TOTALLY get that they/she's not going to be as excited about my wedding as I am. I'm just simply stating that once and while... maybe every couple of months or something that she can at least ask ONCE how the planning is going. Like I said, I dont need/want it to be weekly or all the time just to ask once every coupld months like "hey - how's the planning going?" isnt too much to ask for. As a friend, and while planning one of the most biggest events of my life, would she want to know? I would and always have asked people when I stood up or even just friends in general. <strong>Seriously, I have customers at work who I barely even know ask me more than she does.</strong> So to me, there's no excuse or reason NOT to ask once every few months or whatever. She's married so she knows thats it's nice to have people/friends inquire every now and then. And yes, we talk often and 95% of the time, it's about other things - nothing to do with weddings so it's not like we or I constantly talk about it.
Posted by staycb01[/QUOTE]
Because it's easy small talk.

Again, you're expecting people to ask you about a specific topic that's important to you as though you have nothing else going on in your life that they could possibly talk to you about.

Megbo2012 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hurt-by-lack-of-bridesmaid-interest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d35fdf50-eccd-441a-be06-bc53e220a477Post:25a7ff15-fcd1-47ce-a5ba-e059cf576665">Re: Hurt by lack of bridesmaid interest?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Not everyone is a wedding person</strong>. She's not getting married, so she doesn't need to be one.
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

<div>This. Some people will be thrilled to stand next to you, but don't want to hear details. Ditto PP that you should also act like your wedding isn't happening sometimes, and focus on other things or more importantly, them. I purposely try to reach out to my BMs about NWR things (only maybe one or two WR things so far lol) regularly so they know I'm interested in their lives and I'm not wedding crazy and too busy for them.</div>

yamilca16 · February 2012

I think that because we are so happy and excited we expect the same from others (especially those whom we deligently asked to be part of the big day). I totally think that WE NEED some type of "follow up" from our wedding party even if its just to ask how we are doing because it makes the process of planning a little more speacial and even easier (if they offer to help).

Overall, I think that if most of your girls are on the ball with things and seem interested you should be happy, but I get where you are coming and your concern with this one particular person because I went through something similar with one of them (whom at the end of everything decided she could not do it and I had to replace her). Just thank God it wasn't you own sister!

staycb01 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hurt-by-lack-of-bridesmaid-interest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d35fdf50-eccd-441a-be06-bc53e220a477Post:ae4e3e86-4189-433c-8a08-c8cbe68d5e47">Re: Hurt by lack of bridesmaid interest?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hurt by lack of bridesmaid interest? : Because it's easy small talk. Again, you're expecting people to ask you about a specific topic that's important to you as though you have nothing else going on in your life that they could possibly talk to you about.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Yeah not so much. U could not be further from the truth lol

staycb01 · February 2012

That could not be further from the truth lol. As I stated before if u read. We barely have spoken about the wedding. We talk often and 95% of time has nothing to do with wedding actually

staycb01 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hurt-by-lack-of-bridesmaid-interest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d35fdf50-eccd-441a-be06-bc53e220a477Post:9195db96-621c-49b8-86f8-790545ac374d">Re: Hurt by lack of bridesmaid interest?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that because we are so happy and excited we expect the same from others (especially those whom we deligently asked to be part of the big day). I totally think that WE NEED some type of "follow up" from our wedding party even if its just to ask how we are doing because it makes the process of planning a little more speacial and even easier (if they offer to help). Overall, I think that if most of your girls are on the ball with things and seem interested you should be happy, but I get where you are coming and your concern with this one particular person because I went through something similar with one of them (whom at the end of everything decided she could not do it and I had to replace her). Just thank God it wasn't you own sister! :(
Posted by yamilca16[/QUOTE]
Thanks for understanding where I'm coming from. I'm better about things and I do realize that I have 4 other BM that are completely interested in what I'm doing so that I can't let 1 out of the bumch ruin it.

staycb01 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hurt-by-lack-of-bridesmaid-interest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d35fdf50-eccd-441a-be06-bc53e220a477Post:ae4e3e86-4189-433c-8a08-c8cbe68d5e47">Re: Hurt by lack of bridesmaid interest?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hurt by lack of bridesmaid interest? : Because it's easy small talk. Again, you're expecting people to ask you about a specific topic that's important to you as though you have nothing else going on in your life that they could possibly talk to you about.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Yeah not so much. U could not be further from the truth lol

Viczaesar · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hurt-by-lack-of-bridesmaid-interest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d35fdf50-eccd-441a-be06-bc53e220a477Post:78eef2e4-c7cb-4a91-83e0-7cf8bf316d15">Re: Hurt by lack of bridesmaid interest?</a>:
[QUOTE]That could not be further from the truth lol. As I stated before if u read. We barely have spoken about the wedding. We talk often and 95% of time has nothing to do with wedding actually
Posted by staycb01[/QUOTE]
You're pretty much proving Simply Fated's point. You guys talk a lot, about a lot of different things. Why are you upset that she's not asking you about this one thing in your life? It's front and center of your mind, but it's - understandably - not front at center in her mind. It's a party that you're planning sometime in the rather distant future.

staycb01 · February 2012

We don't talk daily or weekly but we do talk a couple times a month. I didn't prove anyone's point. I say over and over that we don't talk about my wedding or weddings in general 95% of the time. So that's def not all we talk about by any means. Anyways I'm over it and some of the other girls have some helpful advice which is what I was hoping for.

Simply Fated · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hurt-by-lack-of-bridesmaid-interest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d35fdf50-eccd-441a-be06-bc53e220a477Post:a577771b-8cb4-4ec7-b3dd-b3d9d0ead924">Re: Hurt by lack of bridesmaid interest?</a>:
[QUOTE]We don't talk daily or weekly but we do talk a couple times a month. I didn't prove anyone's point. I say over and over that we don't talk about my wedding or weddings in general 95% of the time. So that's def not all we talk about by any means. Anyways I'm over it and some of the other girls have some helpful advice which is what I was hoping for.
Posted by staycb01[/QUOTE]
Our advice to "get over it" is helpful.
If you have other things going on in your life, then why do you care that they don't ask about it?

Viczaesar · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_hurt-by-lack-of-bridesmaid-interest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d35fdf50-eccd-441a-be06-bc53e220a477Post:a577771b-8cb4-4ec7-b3dd-b3d9d0ead924">Re: Hurt by lack of bridesmaid interest?</a>:
[QUOTE]We don't talk daily or weekly but we do talk a couple times a month. I didn't prove anyone's point. I say over and over that we don't talk about my wedding or weddings in general 95% of the time. So that's def not all we talk about by any means. Anyways I'm over it and some of the other girls have some helpful advice which is what I was hoping for.
Posted by staycb01[/QUOTE]
Did I say that's all you talk about? I didn't say anything of the sort. I said that you talk about lots of things. This is just something that she's not interested in discussing with you. She's not being a bad friend by not asking you specifically about your wedding.

rebarobert2012 · February 2012

As others said, no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. I can understand why you are hurt, but I wouldn't take it so personally. Some people don't get really into weddings.

Hurt by lack of bridesmaid interest?

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