Honeymoon Registry

kmetzger0389 · July 2010

I know a lot of people think that the Honeymoon Registries are tacky. My fiance and I have been living together for almost 5 years and don't need new dishes. I'm not worried about offending my guests, I know most of them would love to contribute to a honeymoon that we wouldn't be able to have otherwise. I am facing a small dilemma. I don't want to plan the entire honeymoon expecting my guests to cover the whole thing and then end up getting stuck with the difference. Does anyone know if you can set up a general honeymoon fund and then plan the trip for a later date (say, two months later)?? That way we can plan according to how much we receive.

Thanks!!

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:72dc1b01-ddf7-4115-8462-b24e19dbf41dPost:9c9df6b8-4327-40bb-a4cc-2fc18e39d435">Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]I know a lot of people think that the Honeymoon Registries are tacky. My fiance and I have been living together for almost 5 years and don't need new dishes. I'm not worried about offending my guests, I know most of them would love to contribute to a honeymoon that we wouldn't be able to have otherwise. I am facing a small dilemma. I don't want to plan the entire honeymoon expecting my guests to cover the whole thing and then end up getting stuck with the difference. Does anyone know if you can set up a general honeymoon fund and then plan the trip for a later date (say, two months later)?? That way we can plan according to how much we receive. Thanks!!
Posted by kmetzger0389[/QUOTE]

ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME!? Honeymoon registries are bad enough, but EXPECTING people to pay for the whole thing?? RIDICULOUS. Plan a trip you can afford. If you can't afford it, <strong>DON'T GO. </strong>Christ. How ridiculous.

So, you set up an HR, and you don't get enough money, so.... you just take the cash,, having lied to your guests about what you're going to do with it? That'll go over well!

kmetzger0389 · July 2010

I wouldnt be lying to my guests, I would be taking the money I received (if any) and putting towards a honeymoon that would work with our budget. I never said I would expect my guests to pay for the whole thing. That's why I wanted to do it this way. We are paying for the entire wedding ourselves and won't have the money to pay for the entire honeymoon. Relax. I wasn't asking for someone to jump down my throat. I was asking for advice. If you don't agree with what I'm doing, fine. Plan your wedding the way you want it and keep your rude opions to yourself. I thought these boards were for help not to make people feel ashamed of what they're doing. If anyone has any HELPFUL advice for me...please let me know. If not don't bother posting.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:72dc1b01-ddf7-4115-8462-b24e19dbf41dPost:902fc844-61bf-4281-ba70-23d5f87d6ba6">Re: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldnt be lying to my guests, I would be taking the money I received (if any) and putting towards a honeymoon that would work with our budget. I never said I would expect my guests to pay for the whole thing. That's why I wanted to do it this way. We are paying for the entire wedding ourselves and won't have the money to pay for the entire honeymoon. Relax. I wasn't asking for someone to jump down my throat. I was asking for advice. If you don't agree with what I'm doing, fine. Plan your wedding the way you want it and keep your rude opions to yourself. I thought these boards were for help not to make people feel ashamed of what they're doing. If anyone has any HELPFUL advice for me...please let me know. If not don't bother posting.
Posted by kmetzger0389[/QUOTE]
We paid for our entire wedding ourselves too, and because we couldn't afford it, we didn't take a honeymoon. Cause we didn't sit around expecting our guests to pay for it for us.

I am being helpful, you just don't want to hear what I have to say. HR's are pretty much the worst thing to have ever been "invented" by the wedding industry in order to schyst your guests.

As for details on this, most registry's charge either you or the people giving you money, a fee for using the service. If what you want is cash, just don't register, and be happy with that. But don't force people to give you money.

fallbride1109 · July 2010

I actually did a HM registry and I have to kind of agree with Amoro. You plan the trip you can afford and what gets paid for is a gift. Not the other way around. I mean I see what you are saying, but that's really going about it the wrong way IMO. We planned our entire HM to Maui, booked our room and our flight and some of our excursions and then set up the registry for extras. We didn't set up a fund and go, well we only got $1K, so I guess we'll go to South Padre Island.

All that being said, you can set up a HM registry and instead of including actual things you want people to buy, you can do a "general gift" option or something like that. But I really don't know how well that would go over with your guests. It's not very inviting. Better to just spread through word of mouth that cash is really want you want.

I also did a traditional registry through myregistry.com for my shower. It includes a "general cash gift" fund that you can set up to be applied to whatever (home repair, travel, etc.) (I didn't use it though). You really should also do a traditional registry as well--the registries and gifts board has a great thread on what to register for when you can't think of anything. HTH.

kmetzger0389 · July 2010

Well for me the gift registry is generally silly. I don't NEED anything and I don't want to ask for something from my guests that I would not use. I don't expect my guestd to give me anything. Whether it be money or a toaster. But some get frustrated when the bride and groom aren't registered for anything. So I thought if I am going to ask for anything, it might as well be something that we can use. I'm afraid if I don't register anywhere I am just going to get these random gifts or angry guests that don't know what to give. While it is thoughtful to give any gift at all, I would hate for it to be a waste.

hz80408 · July 2010

Register for gifts and then return them if you really don't need them. People like to have some option.

As far as HM, I agree with the general jist of PPs. Why not wait until after the wedding and see how much money you get as gifts and then plan from there?

fallbride1109 · July 2010

We didn't NEED anything either. We are 40 and 35 and both owned our own homes which we combined. But I still thought of some of things I WANTED--that's the difference.

Really, check out the registry board, it has some great ideas in that thread and if I had seen it before I did my HM registry, I might have reconsidered it altogether.

If you think your crowd will accept a HM registry then do it, but plan the trip first and at least cover your room and flight. Don't ask your guests to completely fund a trip that some of them might not be able to afford themselves.

kmetzger0389 · July 2010

That was the whole point of my post. I was going to wait until after, see how much we received (if any), and then plan from there. Registering for gifts I don't need and then returning them is a waste of my guests time and mine. I'm not trying to justify registering for a honeymoon. The idea is still new to me. It just seemed like a better alternative than just asking for cash. Because there really is no way to do that...

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:72dc1b01-ddf7-4115-8462-b24e19dbf41dPost:91f12ea6-50d0-4249-b96a-b87baf6743c6">Re: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]We didn't NEED anything either. We are 40 and 35 and both owned our own homes which we combined. But I still thought of some of things I WANTED--that's the difference. Really, check out the registry board, it has some great ideas in that thread and if I had seen it before I did my HM registry, I might have reconsidered it altogether. If you think your crowd will accept a HM registry then do it, but plan the trip first and at least cover your room and flight. <strong>Don't ask your guests to completely fund a trip that some of them might not be able to afford themselves.</strong>
Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]
This was worth quoting.

kaesha · July 2010

Out of curiosity, is there some reason that you're writing in bold?

1) Plan to pay for all of your honeymoon. If you need to postpone it, postpone it. Not a big deal.

2) If you must register with a HM registry, do it for excursions, etc. But, be prepared for your guests to be pretty divided on whether the HM registry is tacky or awesome and for the talk to go on behind your back. Stephie is bang on with what she said.

3) Best tactic, hands down, is to get your parents/wedding party/family members to spread, by word of mouth, that cash would be deeply appreciated. Doing that is generally accepted as appropriate by the etiquette gods.

4) Random gifts are awesome. Have a little faith in your guests. I know mine gave me some mindblowingly thoughtful stuff. Be thankful for whatever you get, even if you don't need it.

fallbride1109 · July 2010

You don't need to justify it--I see nothing wrong wtih HM registries if they are done the right way. But IMO this is not the way to go about it and this is part of the reason people don't like them.

But to answer your original question, you can set any of them up as just a general fund where people contribute. It's just not going to be inviting or fun for your guests and you'll probably just end up with cash and random gifts anyway.

kmetzger0389 · July 2010

No reason for the bold. It's just easier to read before I post. Thanks for the advice everyone. Amoro, sorry for getting so offended. It seemed like you were attacking me. It was just a little harsh. Guess I'm just not used to this whole posting thing... Looks like the best option is just to let everyone know we are trying to save up for out honeymoon so cash would be the best thing. And stephie you do have a good point. There are things that I want vs. need and I could register for a few things.

king26 · July 2010

I agree with the PP-don't plan a honeymoon you can't afford. However, don't ask your guests to pay for a honeymoon you haven't planned. People may like to contribute to your honeymoon, but they probobly want to know what they are contributing too. I'd be much more open contributing to a snorkeling trip or a champagne breakfast for the couple then just money to a fund for a honeymoon that noone knows about.
I'm with Stephie on this one-set up a honeymmon registry in addition to a regular registry as well. There are always things you could want. I am 30, my DH is 40 and we just got married this summer. We both had houses and household items. We chose to upgrade some items such as our toaster and our coffeemaker. Even though we had those items, we liked other ones better. YOu can also register for outdoor items (grill items, patio items, camping items) plenty of things that you can use around the house. B

klitkie · July 2010

I am sure I will get blasted for saying this but my fiance and I have been together for 7 years, own our house and have a son. We really didn't need additional househould items so we very politely asked guests that if they felt like giving us a gift to contribute to our honeymoon. That being said we also registered for several items (additional bedding/towels etc) so that those who wanted to give, but were not comfortable giving cash, could get us a more traditional gift.

Our guests have been completely receptive and we have gotten both cash and gifts off of our registry.

We chose not to do the registry because of the fees they charge. Hope this helps...

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:72dc1b01-ddf7-4115-8462-b24e19dbf41dPost:e6f9d1f7-66d6-4bad-a5b0-3ea82f425dd7">Re: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]No reason for the bold. It's just easier to read before I post. :) Thanks for the advice everyone. Amoro, sorry for getting so offended. It seemed like you were attacking me. It was just a little harsh. Guess I'm just not used to this whole posting thing... Looks like the best option is just to let everyone know we are trying to save up for out honeymoon so cash would be the best thing. And stephie you do have a good point. There are things that I want vs. need and I could register for a few things.
Posted by kmetzger0389[/QUOTE]

I just find it really offensive when people think it's perfectly okay to ask people to pay for a vacation they (bride and groom) can't afford on their own, or that the people pony-ing up the dough can't afford either. And if I think it's offensive, and others here think it's offensive, you better believe some of your guests are going to not like it either.

Not to mention, this question gets asked at *least* twice a day, and it grinds my gears.

kmetzger0389 · July 2010

I understand where you are coming from. I don't think my point came accross the right way. I could never expect my guests to pay for my entire vacation. I was trying to find a way around doing that. I think it would be better to make a small registry of some items that I could use and then let it be known that we are saving for a honeymoon so cash would be nice as well. I appreciate your honesty with the way that you feel because you MAY have the same opionion as some of my guests. But at the same time you are only one person.

jemmini6 · July 2010

first off, i LOVE the idea of HM registries, i don't think they are tacky at all. however, in your particular situation, i think perhaps a word of mouth way of asking is probably the best. since you don't necessarily have set in stone HM plans, a HM registry probably isn't going to be very helpful since you won't know what to register for (ie certain excursions, etc). i do agree with the PP's in saying that you should plan the HM you can afford and not rely on gifts. the gifts should be just for fun extras that you may not have been able to afford on your trip.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:72dc1b01-ddf7-4115-8462-b24e19dbf41dPost:fddc1296-f460-497e-a4db-333691603570">Re: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand where you are coming from. I don't think my point came accross the right way. I could never expect my guests to pay for my entire vacation. I was trying to find a way around doing that. I think it would be better to make a small registry of some items that I could use and then let it be known that we are saving for a honeymoon so cash would be nice as well. I appreciate your honesty with the way that you feel because you MAY have the same opionion as some of my guests. But at the same time you are only one person.
Posted by kmetzger0389[/QUOTE]

Absolutely. I'm just one. But so are the rest of the people who posted. ;) But I think your new idea is better.

ETA: Thanks for takin' it like a champ and listening! We appreciate that around here.

weddingbells2010 · July 2010

OP- I didn't do a HR, nor have I ever purchased a gift for someone from one, so I may be misinformed, but I didn't think they worked the way you're describing. For example, at the hotel we're staying at, there is a link to "give a gift to a guest". If you click that link, someone can purchase things for your stay- a plush robe set, flowers, a dinner for two, or a specific excursion. I think the original idea for the HR (from an ideal perspective,anyway, ignoring the comerciality of it), was to ENHANCE your HM- not cover the cost of it.

In that way, I don't think I'm opposed to them. I think it's new, different, more modern than traditional registries, and caters to different circles of people (people, for example, who love to travel or are adventurers- you can buy them a kayak excursion or a horseback ride- more up their alley than a toaster). But If i got a bridal shower invite in the mail with a link to a registry that simply asked me for my paypal account and to type in a dollar amt for the couple, I don't know how that would sit with me. It seems impersonal, thoughtless and uncreative.

My advice is to plan a HM with your fiance that you can afford, assuming no one contributes to it. THEN register for honeymoon "extras" like fancy dinners out, excursions, flowers, and all that other fun stuff. Your friends and family will feel like they've contributed to your HM, you will benefit from their gift, but no one will feel as if the bridal shower was simply a party to fork over cash for your vacation.

MNVegas · July 2010

Personally I do not like HM registries and find them very deceitful. Guests are led to believe they are buying excursion, dinner, spa, etc. but in fact B&G are just cut a check minus the fees. If I want to give someone a cash gift, I will give it. I don't want it disguised as a HM fund.

Also, there will always be some people who will want to do box gifts, so small registry is a good idea. A lot of guests will give you cash gifts without you having to ask, so just use that for the HM. You can also spread word of mouth as others have suggested. Also remember registry information never goes in wedding invitations.

kmetzger0389 · July 2010

I didn't realize what the honeymoon registries actually were. I'm glad I asked. It's pretty much like giving a cash gift and then the registry takes a cut of it. I've started a small registry and then I will let the word spread that we are trying to save up for our honeymoon.

Thanks again for all the info.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

Good for you Metzger! Thank you for listening!

Chrissya03 · July 2010

Amoro, I must ask why you are so harsh when it comes to honeymoon registries?? I understand that you don't agree with them, but is it necessary to lash out at people who actually like them? I have an idea - how about, if you see a topic named anything remotely close to "honeymoon registry" that you just DONT OPEN IT!! And the fact that they are mentioned on here at least twice a day - so are many other things! The same topics are repeated, its just the way it goes. I have to question someone who has over 9 THOUSAND posts in just over a year. Seriously??? Do you do anything else but play on the knot?

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:72dc1b01-ddf7-4115-8462-b24e19dbf41dPost:74b1980c-54cf-4222-a109-ea9924a79762">Re: Honeymoon Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]Amoro, I must ask why you are so harsh when it comes to honeymoon registries?? I understand that you don't agree with them, but is it necessary to lash out at people who actually like them? I have an idea - how about, if you see a topic named anything remotely close to "honeymoon registry" that you just DONT OPEN IT!! And the fact that they are mentioned on here at least twice a day - so are many other things! The same topics are repeated, its just the way it goes. I have to question someone who has over 9 THOUSAND posts in just over a year. Seriously??? Do you do anything else but play on the knot?
Posted by Chrissya03[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Because Chrissy, some people don't really know what they are, and I take time to correct them. And sometimes, like metzger here, they figure out it's not right. If you don't like my responses, just block me.

</div>

reese511 · July 2010

honestly...you know your guests better than anyone on this board. i happen to know that the people in my life are all for HM registries...so i'm doing one. its not "deceitful" at all. that is really dramatic and taking it a bit far. lets all just relax a little bit...this crap is supposed to be fun.

register for your flights and hotel and see what you get....you dont have to add excursions and what not if you dont think you'll end up doing those. just register for what you need...which should be the motto for any registry anyway. or...if you do register for dinners/excursions/etc...add those on later and make sure you use the money for that specific thing instead of "pocketing the cash" like PP seems to think you will do.

kmetzger0389 · July 2010

I'm not worried about being deceitful to our guests

More than half of our guests are friends that we talk to on a weekly basis, I have no problem telling them that we need money for our honeymoon! The only problem I found with the registry, is that they take a chunk of your cash as a fee!!

reese511 · July 2010

not if you use the honey fund....

http://www.honeyfund.com/

or you can register directly with a travel agent.

usc03 · July 2010

there seems to be a lot of angry/bitter people on here!

I would say, just spread the word via parents, friends, whatever, that you would like CASH for your wedding gift.

I realize that some people are not accustomed to giving cash as wedding presents and would rather give a tangible gift, but if they know that what you would really like is cash, then I'm sure they will do it.

kmetzger0389 · July 2010

Thanks everyone for all the good advice! I looked into the honeyfund.com and it seems like a really good idea!! If I do go with the HM registry, I'll book everything beforehand and then register for it on the website.

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