I didn't know I wasn't suppossed to use the gifts!!!

bheartsb · July 2010

Was I NOT supposed to begin using the shower gifts-til after the wedding???

Back-round: FI + I signed a contract 2 years ago in June to purchase a condo (completion date of this new build was Sept '09) it got pushed back to October, then January, then February, then April. (In the meantime he proposed in August of '09). Finally we pulled out of the condo and took a rental at the start of June (we lived separately til then). His mom has since hosted 2 showers in his home town, and we have received our 1st wedding gift from his Aunt + Uncle. I'm figuring the people traveling will not want to lug a gift with them to the wedding, I did tell them we would accept $$$-KIDDING, totally joking

Anyway...I have of course replaced our old stuff with the stuff we got at the 2 showers and have started using the items. Was I supposed to wait?

quotequeen · July 2010

Yes, you were supposed to wait. If the wedding does not take place for any reason, you need to be prepared to replace the gifts that you were given that you have been using.

louisvillebride21 · July 2010

Etiquette wise, no you weren't The idea behind it is if you end up not getting married, you have to return all of the gifts. But H and I moved in together 2 weeks before the wedding and started using everything. I wasn't moving all my old college crap into our new place. I simply didn't see a point.

bheartsb · July 2010

oh man...now what? Pack it back up?

GreenPepperBurger · July 2010

It makes no sense to pack them all up. Just keep using it. I think this is one of the stupider etiquette rules.

parker624 · July 2010

Don't worry about it! We have been using our gifts since we moved into our new house. Like LVB, we weren't going to lug all our old crap to our new house, so we just started using our new stuff. Its really not a big deal, just more superstitous than anything. I'm sure your wedding won't be called off.

Meaghann17 · July 2010

I think since you have already done it just continue using what you have opened and just be sure not to do it with other stuff you get between now and the wedding!

It was just a mistake, and not really a huge deal unless as PP say the wedding doesn't take place. If that happens you will have to replace what you have used, but I imagine that is just one of many unpleasant things you have to deal with if the wedding doesnt occur and hopefully isnt even an issue

quotequeen · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-wasnt-suppossed-use-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be8b7b48-05b1-4b62-8777-3880c26a1d2ePost:96e60d3a-2e37-4e62-89bf-2fbebe1bdd2c">Re: I didn't know I wasn't suppossed to use the gifts!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]oh man...now what? Pack it back up?
Posted by bheartsb[/QUOTE]

There's no point in packing it back up. You can't return used items to the givers, so you might as well keep using them now. But going forward, don't use any additional ones you receive.

bheartsb · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-wasnt-suppossed-use-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:be8b7b48-05b1-4b62-8777-3880c26a1d2ePost:e68b8621-5990-4441-87ce-5336ac7909f4">Re: I didn't know I wasn't suppossed to use the gifts!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Etiquette wise, no you weren't The idea behind it is if you end up not getting married, you have to return all of the gifts. But H and I moved in together 2 weeks before the wedding and started using everything. I wasn't moving all my old college crap into our new place. I simply didn't see a point.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

thats the thing...he gave up his lease + my apartment was too small for the 2 of us (he actually moved in w/me into my lil 700 sq ft box, back in March after the condo closing fell thru. My place was WAY too small (good thing was we didn't have 1 fight despite being cramped). So I told him we either found a place to live by July 1st or waited til after the wedding.

Much like you I didn't want to bring/use my old stuff, so I tossed it + started using the nice, pretty, shiny new things <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-sealed.gif" border="0" alt="Sealed" title="Sealed" />

bheartsb · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-wasnt-suppossed-use-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:be8b7b48-05b1-4b62-8777-3880c26a1d2ePost:b1d51af6-57c2-4e01-9069-2d56da98e573">Re: I didn't know I wasn't suppossed to use the gifts!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't know I wasn't suppossed to use the gifts!!! : There's no point in packing it back up. You can't return used items to the givers, so you might as well keep using them now. But going forward, don't use any additional ones you receive.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

Funny thing is...when we got the 1st wedding gift (about 2 weeks ago) after opening the BBB box, I have left the silverware in it's original packing and it's sitting on the island in the kitchen.

louisvillebride21 · July 2010

Eh, it happens. Enjoy your new pots and pans, those were my favorite

bheartsb · July 2010

Yeah, it would certainly suck, if we didn't get married. I couldn't imagine thinking about returning gifts in the midst of a premature 'divorce'.

I'm usually good about these kinda' things. Ggrrr

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

Honestly, just don't TELL people, "I loved the panini press! We made sandwiches last night!" They may give that a side-eye. Feel free to keep using, but now you know the deal.

damaless · July 2010

As far as breaches of etiquette go, this one is not that likely to cause any backlash, I think, since the only time it would be relevant is if the wedding got canceled.

carrieoz_76 · July 2010

I asked the women at my shower, and none of them even knew for sure if I could use the gifts or not. I haven't - because I want to wait until I know what we're getting so I can decide if I want to exchange anything for something we might need more. This is really an old etiquette rule that lots of people break (esp. when they live together) - just don't tell anyone who might care that you're breaking it and you'll be fine.

ZRex · July 2010

I'm going to use my new kitchenaid mixer to make my favors. I am dying to use some of the presents!

danieliza1127 · July 2010

We started using our stuff right after the shower. The reason you aren't supposed to is in case something happened that canceled the wedding, since you'd have to send the gifts back. It's too late now though if you've been using them, you wouldn't return used gifts. Don't worry about it!

akhensley81 · July 2010

Yeah, OP- of all the ettiquette rules we could possibly break, this is not the one to worry about. I couldn't wait to get rid of my old silverware and bakeware and start using the new stuff I got at the shower.

It seems this rule is more prominent in certain social circles anyway... I've had a couple of my shower guests ask me in passing coversation, "Oh hey, how are you liking that new microwave/crock pot/whatever?" As if they're expecting me to be using them already. So yeah, don't worry about it.

L-Bride · July 2010

I wanted to wait, I really did. There was just so much stuff everywhere, there was no way I could just let it sit there in a heaping mess. I put it away and am using it. People who come over don't seem to think anything of it. I wouldn't worry about it

bheartsb · July 2010

we will be hosting an 'open house' for all of oot guests the Thurday before the wedding. I thought it would be nice to have everyone over to our new place + SEE their gifts being used.

So...hopefully FI doesn't pull a fast one...causing me to cancel the wedding...lol.

thanks ladies!!!

ks3pink · July 2010

I had never heard of waiting to use the stuff until TK and considering we have nothing and will be taking turns staying in our new place starting a couple weeks before the wedding i will not be waiting. I would never ask for a gift back no matter what, that is poor taste.

jmucheech21 · July 2010

Yeah, I have to say, even if you do tell someone you opened it, I really think very few people would be offended. I know that after my girlfriends have had showers I expected them to use the stuff. I'd much rather that than have it sit in a box! And I think its kind of morbid for someone to think "i can't believe they used that, what if they don't get married??" And I agree with PP that even if someone's wedding was called off, despite it being "proper ettiquette" I would not expect to get a shower gift back. There is so much pain going on right then I am sure the last thing anyone would be thinking about would be returning the gifts!

banana468 · July 2010

Yeah - don't worry about it. As long as you two actually get married you're fine.

kjhildman · July 2010

If we were finally moved into the house we're in the process of buying we would be using our new stuff but since it is all currently in my parents' house/ my bedroom at their house and that's where we're living, we don't need it just yet! (Problems with our realtor are causing a major headache in closing on our house so we haven't moved yet.) FI is in another city at the police academy so i'm living with my parents and have been using all of their stuff until we are able to close on our house and will be moving everything in about a week before (hopefully not any closer to) the wedding! I think it's okay to keep using the stuff you have been using but maybe wait to use the new things until the wedding.

jsgpenguin · July 2010

Does the same rule apply to engagement gifts? My fiance and I have a stack of stuff in the corner of our living room that we're not using because of this stupid rule. We have been together for 10 years and living together for 5 so I am pretty sure the wedding is really going to happen! I did stick a picture in the frame my friend got me because she was coming over and I thought she'd like to see it in use. But like someone else said, I am planning on having an open house for my out of town guests on the wedding weekend and I intend to show off our new stuff at that time because otherwise a lot of our guests will never see it in use.

brookelynpaisley · July 2010

Eh, we used our stuff. People at my shower actually encouraged me to try my fun new kitchen utensils right away. Someone even asked 2 weeks later (shower was 9 weeks before the wedding) if I'd tried my wine aerator yet. I understand the etiquette behind not opening, but in my case, no one seemed to care at all. Unless you break up, it really doesn't matter.

banana468 · July 2010

It does apply to all gifts but we used the wine that people gave us for our engagement too.

And FWIW, I wouldn't ask for a gift I gave back, but I would think a bit less of someone who kept it if the wedding was called off.

rkstar82 · July 2010

We also just moved into a new house together (the wedding is 2 months out). My FI's mother and grandmother brought over our shower gifts (the dishes and china) even before the shower so that we wouldn't have to unpack our old mismatched stuff.

I'd just keep it on the DL with more traditional family and friends and enjoy your new stuff!

jlmarks83 · July 2010

I think it's a silly "rule" - and yet we're still abiding by it. FI thinks it's stupid. We're not living together and all of our gifts are just sitting/filling up the 3rd bedroom in our house. We did start using our engagement gifts, though. We got a lot of gift cards, wine, and picture frames for our engagement. Though, a week or two before the wedding, I'll start switching things out in our kitchen so that we don't have to do it after the honeymoon.

bheartsb · July 2010

atleast I'm not the only one

JDM143 · July 2010

I know etiquette you're supposed to wait, but personally if I gave a gift and you called off your wedding - I wouldn't want it back. I wonder who would want it back these days? Imagine, can I have that table cloth back please -- and put it out during thanksgiving? haha - I say you're in the clear.

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