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Florida-West Coast

Fustrated

Let me preface by saying YES, I know weddings aren’t about getting gifts. But, let’s face it, wedding are expensive and you hope to make some of your money back in gifts. Fiance & I were having a conversation last night and trying to figure out on average how much per person we would hope to get to pay the remainder of our balance that is sitting my credit card. My parents gave us a big check after we got engaged for our wedding gift. We used this money gift to pay for a good half of the wedding, plus my parents bought my dress, shoes, and anything having to do with me. And my mom has been going out and picking up everything else (favors, welcome bags, décor, etc).

Fiances parents are divorced. His dad is single and did call my dad and offer to pay for the rehersal dinner. Since my parents are hosting it at their house and cooking, my dad didn’t feel comfortable with his dad paying for a party at their own house. My dad thanked him and said to put that money towards fiancé and I since we need it more. Other than that, his dad has not offered anything else. Fiance has 1 sibling, his sister who is also a bridesmaid. Her boyfriend is also invited and coming. We pretty much know that they won’t be giving us ANY sort of gift because she always complains about never having money. She is 24. We have a feeling she will ask her dad to just write her and her BF’s name on a card and act like whatever he gives us will be from them.

Also, his mom (who is remarried). He has not seen or talked to his mom in years due to her walking out on their family when he was a kid. He decided to invite her and try to begin some sort of a relationship. She has had some problems and is a little ‘loopy’ to put it nicely. She has already told him over the phone “I don’t have any money for a gift”.

OK, the above is the only family he has. Anyone else he has invited that is coming are friends. Am I in the wrong for being annoyed that people are prepping us for not being surprised that they aren’t bringing gifts…especially FAMILY?? I have no idea what his dad is giving us, but finace said he hasn’t been to a wedding in a long time and worries he will give us like $100.  AND his dad gives his sister EVERYTHING. She totaled her car last month and ran to him and he bought her a new car.
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Re: Fustrated

  • edited December 2011
  • Christinab22Christinab22 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I feel like maybe you're getting a bit ahead of yourself. Even if his dad hasn't gone to a wedding in a long time, going to just any wedding is different from your son's wedding. Also, he did offer to contribute to the wedding, but was respectfully declined. The bottom line is, no one knows what any guest is going to give. Is it worth it to be unhappy in the weeks before your wedding because you are spending time thinking about something that you have no control over? I just feel like you can't let yourself lose sight of what is important. You only get this day once....
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-west-coast_fustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:62Discussion:1d0e0008-7f5a-412e-942d-1b5deac95e1ePost:88d09209-3597-4482-b1d8-8de99ad054d2">Re: Fustrated</a>:
    [QUOTE]yeah...you're wrong...
    Posted by g8rbride2010[/QUOTE]

    Why is it that the only time I ever see you ever respond is when you have a snarky one line comment?  I appreciate honesty, even blunt honesty, but simply saying someone is wrong but not offering any helpful advice or suggestions doesn't accomplish much. 

    Kristy - I understand where you are coming from.  FI's dad hasn't offered to help with ANYTHING and he is the Best Man!  It's not like he doesn't have the resources either.   I decided a long time ago that if people don't give with their hearts and it's only out of an obligation, then I'd rather not receive anything at all.

    Honestly, the chances of you breaking even on this wedding are pretty slim.  Gifts are great and all, but relationships are what last and you don't want to create any negativity over whether or not you guys get a food processor or some linens, ya know?  Just try to remember that at the end of the day you are marrying the man you love. When you look back on your wedding, you are going to remeber the moments, not the gifts. 
    Brooke + Chavis
    est. 10/10/10


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  • ufsweetiebearufsweetiebear member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    You're not going to break even... and many of your gifts are likely to be under $100. Are many of your guests also travelling to FL? That will cut some gifts down too.

    I took note of the people who didn't give anything before I even considered the amount someone gave (we would've appreciated an acknowledgement of their happiness for us- even and empty card). But you never know what someone could be going through financially. Delight in the joy of your day - that's what you're planning/paying for.

  • edited December 2011
    how is answering her question snarky?  She specifically asked if she's in the wrong and since I'm on my phone and it's hard to write a long response  I wrote yes.  I used to be more active on here, but I'm too busy at work to post like I used to.  
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks guys.... After I wrote that out of fustration this morning, I've been thinking about it all day. I am obsessive complusive and I focus on 1 thing and worry about it until I know I don't have to worry anymore. I am stressed out, excited, nervous, happy.... 11 days from my wedding- LOTS of emotions going on here!!

    It is totally our own fault, but we did go over budget. Not majorly, but more then I wanted. So, I am just trying to figure things out in my head because there is nothing I can change or return. Bottom line is I am getting my dream wedding and marrying the one I love & know I will not have to look back and say "I wish I did that or got that".

    Oh, and fiance's dad called my fiance's dad to say he got an email from his sister saying that her boyfriend can't come now.... Ummm, why didn't she call us to tell us???!!!! grrrrrr Lucikly there is still time to take him off.  
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  • Christinab22Christinab22 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sure it is a super overwhelming tme being so close to the big day. Just try and relax and enjoy. Smile
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  • edited December 2011
    i was under the impression that the bridesmaids gift was being in the wedding. and im also a completely broke 24 year old, so i too depend on being able to sign cards my mom gets LOL. you're freaking out. it's just money. you'll make it back one way or another. have a glass of wine and relax. ENJOY YOUR LAST FEW DAYS AS A SINGLE WOMAN! ;]

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