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Offbeat Weddings

Inmate husnand to be- How do we get married!

First things first. Please don't comment with things like "Don't do it!" , because I've had several long, hard coversations with myself and I still want to marry my fiancee. Secondly, don't ask his charges, because I can't dicuss them. But. If anyone has married an inmate before, has had family who has married an inmate, or has in any way observed the process, and would like to give advice, I would be eternally grateful. I would love to have some general idea of what I need to do. And if anyone is a prison wife on here, I'd love to get to know you.

Re: Inmate husnand to be- How do we get married!

  • I think you might have better luck on your local board (check under the Local Wedding Boards menu on you left).  This board isn't the most lively and as far as I know marriage laws differ by state so the ladies from your area would know best of all. Also don't be shy about posting in the main wedding boards.  As you probably know, many would not make the same choice in spouse you are but that doesn't mean you will be treated differently than any other bride.  Feel free to lurk around for a bit and get a good feel for the atmosphere on the different boards and get to know everyone. 

    Happy posting, congrats on your engagement and welcome to The Knot!
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  • Well, because of the many technical glitches on this site my reply was eaten but I'll reply again...

    You'll have better luck with marriage law questions on your local board (find your area under Local Wedding Boards on your left), since the laws differ by state/province/country.  The forums are international so anyone not in your area isn't going to have a clue.

    Don't be afraid to post on the more active boards. As you already know, most people wouldn't choose to marry an inmate, but that doesn't mean you'll be exhiled.  There may be a few others who are marrying inmates who are afraid to post for this reason and you may get them out of lurking. Your posts may also be helpful to future brides.

    Anyways, congrats on your engagement and welcome to The Knot!
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  • I also want to add that we also chat about tons of non-wedding related (NWR) topics on here too so if you're not quite comfortable discussing your wedding plans yet feel free to jump in on NWR conversations.
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  • Thank you soo much!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_offbeat-weddings_inmate-husnand-to-be-how-do-we-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:43453af6-2ee4-412a-99fb-cbb447240911Discussion:f3079e27-a648-4411-824f-6b01beccadd4Post:1de5031c-b6e5-4790-9a0a-68e24c566351">Re: Inmate husnand to be- How do we get married!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wonder if there is some online group specially dedicated to wives and families of the incarcerated. <strong>I do think you should be careful to get thorough premarital counseling, though</strong>. My fiance has a friend who was in that situation, and it turned out that her husband was incarcerated for behaviors stemming from a serious mental disorder. It didn't end well.
    Posted by AFP07[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this....I have no idea what the technicalities are of it, but if you are going to do it, get some pre-marital counselling done, as its not going to be an easy marraige...

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  • I agree with pre-martial counseling for ANYONE, but especially in your case, because it helps to outline what your expectations are from each other. Like for instance, does he have any problems with you going out and partying with girlfriends while he's away? Does he expect you to remain faithful sexually while until he comes home? (A friend of mine was married to a convict, and they had a "no fluids, no phone numbers policy while he was locked away for 5 years.) 

    Also, google is your friend! I'm sure the legalities are listed on your state or county's website. I'd start with googling "Marrying an inmate in South Carolina prison". I've heard of inmates being able to wear a suit, and the bride wear a dress, with a small amount of guests (less than 10) and I've also heard of them being married in front of a judge, and not even being able to kiss. 
  • Hi, I don't typically post on this board (sorry for the intrusion!!!), but I couldn't help but click on this thread. My mom married a guy that was just released from prision about a year ago. (We live in SC too). As far as I know, they had to wait until he got out, but I think that's because all of his identification (DL, SS card, birth certificate, etc) were destroyed in a house fire. Sorry I can't give you more details, but like PP I would probably start with Google. I think there's some non-profits that help out a prisions that would be willing to help, too.

    I will say this though. I wouldn't marry anyone that was still in and I would wait until we had marriage counselling first. My mom was determined and married him the day after he got out. They had (and still have) SO many issues. They had even known each other for a long time before he had gone in. I know you've probably heard it (like my mom did) and feel like you can't go back because you'll look stupid/wrong/whatever, but at least get counselling first. Plus, if you have kids, you need to let him get to know him first. My mom didn't do that and now that I've seen him outside of prison, I can't stand him and won't go around him.

    Okay, I know that turned into a slightly longer post thann intended (=P) but I hope I gave you a little helpful advice. =)
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