s/o godparents--what is their role?

ac_in_dc · January 2010

So lpstl's post got me thinking about godparents.

And beatle's response where she mentioned that the godparent is the one that would step in and help raise a kid if something happened to the parents made me realize that different folks have different views on what a godparent is.

In my mind it's a pretty specific role and sort of religious. The godparents make sure that a child is raised in a the Christian faith. Secondarily it's an honorary title that you give to someone who you want to be a special part of your child's life. But I wouldn't necessarily choose the same person to be my kid's guardian in the case of my death.

I'm partly curious b/c of my own kid on the way, but also DH's sister and her husband asked us a few months ago to be their son's godparents. I'm honored, but it's weird b/c I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do in the role. They're not planning a christening or anything (I asked them about it once, but I don't want to get too pushy-religious on them).

I am the godmother to two of my other nephews, and usually with them I make a point to give them religious books as an extra holiday present, and talk to them about religion when I get the chance. I don't do much else b/c neither of my sisters are all that religious and I don't want to be pushy, but I want to be there for them if they have any questions about faith, etc.

What do you think?

salt78 · January 2010

I don't even know who my godparents are.

JessAndTrav · January 2010

I don't have godparents, but my parents aren't religious.

I do have cousins with godparents, but they never even see them---so to me it's always just seemed like the extra aunt that sends you presents on important dates.

If DH and I were to decide to do godparents, it would essentially be who I trusted to raise my children if something ever happened to me and DH.

And that trust includes things like raising them in a Christian faith, etc.

SteveandKris · January 2010

My mother's twin and her husband are technically my godparents. I am sure that they would've been appointed my guardian had something happened because I knew them and they lived relatively close by (same school district) - that said, my sister has different god parents. I am pretty sure that my godparents would have been my sister's guardian as well.

As for the Christian thing, I'm pretty sure my father (and later me) would've decked my aunt and uncle if they tried to give me something even semi-religious.

I this its an honorary title that meant a lot more to my mother than it was worth fighting about to my father. As an adult, I try to make sure I send something extra nice on mothers day and father's day.

crfische · January 2010

I've understood it to be a role model and offer guidance and support in the way of being Christian.

But also, it has been my understanding that if something were to happen to the biological parents of the child, the godparents take over the parental role, but that could vary from church to church.

laurenclaire1386 · January 2010

I don't have godparents, per se, but it was written into my parents' wills that if anything happened to them while me and my brother were under 18, my aunt and uncle would be responsible for us. My cousins all have godparents though and it's basically just another set of parents for them. My cousins' godparents were really involved in their lives and still are. They're part of the family.

Kati0105 · January 2010

I have godparents but I think in my family it is more a way to honor special people in your child's life versus a way to educate your child about religion (I'm not religious and I don't think my godparents ever tried to school me in religion). It very well may have been something my parents did to appease my grandparents, as I know they baptised me to appease my dad's mom who was convinced I was going to go to hell otherwise. I will probably not have godparents for my children, as it would seem a little phony to me since I am not religious (and neither is FI).

Kati0105 · January 2010

Also, should something have happened to my parents when we were young, my brother and I would have gone to live with our aunt who was my brother's godmother but not mine since my parents wouldn't have wanted us to be split apart.

baystateapple · January 2010

Neither of my godparents had any religious impact on my life. They divorced when I was very little. My aunt pulled her kids out of religious education, and my uncle passed away in 2007. Still, they were always a part of my life, and I love them both very much. But they weren't really godparents in the sense that people think of when they think "godparents" -- either in a religious sense or in a parental sense.

aMrsin09 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_godparents-their-role?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c5cee61-16d8-4ad8-95dd-dfea759e56a7Post:3c77dd52-96dc-49bc-ba31-059fd59a9790">s/o godparents--what is their role?</a>:
[QUOTE]In my mind it's a pretty specific role and sort of religious. The godparents make sure that a child is raised in a the Christian faith. Secondarily it's an honorary title that you give to someone who you want to be a special part of your child's life. But I wouldn't necessarily choose the same person to be my kid's guardian in the case of my death.
Posted by ac_in_dc[/QUOTE]

That's the way my family views it too. But that also now has me wondering how my Godmother was able to be my godmother because she was excommunicated way before I was born. Hmmm, another question for mom.

betrothed123 · January 2010

I always understood it to be more about the religious aspect as well. My siblings and I each had different godparents, but if something had happened to my parents we all would have gone to live with my one aunt, who was not a godparent to any of us.

Stackeye210 · January 2010

I am my nephews Godmother and if something happened to both of his parents I am written in the will to raise him. However, Jocelyn's God father that we have chosen would not be the one to raise her, but we have asked that he be a religious inspiration to her if something were to happen to us.

I think the roles of God parents have changed and mean different things to different people.

lpstl · January 2010

I don't have godparents, since they aren't something that's done in the Presbyterian denomination. Technically, if you had someone in a godparent role at the baptism, they would be called a sponsor. It's weird. But, Pete's catholic, and even though we're going to raise X Presbyterian, we're kind of playing by our own rules.

So, a godparent to us is someone who acts as a mentor and spiritual guide. If something were to happen to pete, X's godfather would help me out, and if something happened to me, the godmother would step in. We still need to establish who would be the guardian if something happened to both of us, but we haven't gotten there yet, and the situation I posted about has thrown a wrench into things.

beatlesgirl25 · January 2010

This is a really enlightening thread, ac. I admit that my familiarity with godparents comes from an entirely non-religious stance. My bff asked me to be unofficial godmother when she was pregnant with her first son (her H was deployed in Iraq), and at the time she was not religious (and I am not at all). So she meant that if something happened to her or her H in Iraq, that I would be a part of her son's upbringing and help raise him right. It never got as far as legal guardianship arrangements, so I wonder what that would have looked like. I don't have godparents, but my friends that have mostly seem to view them in a close aunt/uncle role, and who they could always go to if need be.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2010

My godparents were also my would-be guardians, but that's because they are my aunt and uncle. In my dad's family (his father had 10 siblings) it was tradition to name an aunt an uncle as godparents to sort of single them out. My aunt and uncle were nominally Catholic and I wasn't, so there wasn't really a religious component.

However, my parents compromised and my brother's godparents are friends of my parents. Whom they aren't that close to anymore.

I'm also Presbyterian, but was baptised in a different church. Weird. FI is Catholic.

What is the "rule" for naming someone outside your faith as a godparent? We won't be raising our kids Catholic, so I'm wondering about other denominations. FI's best friend is Jewish. And his wife is Jewish-but-really-atheist.

ggmae · January 2010

I have godparents (my mom's brother and sister), but N does not. They were there for my baptism and from my understanding, if something had ever happened to my parents then one of them would have taken me in. My parents aren't very religious, but it was my mom who most likely insisted on the godparent thing for us because it's what was expected of her. My brothers and I have never had one religious conversation with any of our godparents.

So, I guess I am coming from Beatles' stance. Now, N doesn't believe in baptizing babies (or choosing godparents for them) and so we are going to butt heads when it comes to our future children and godparents. I have always envisioned my brothers' being godfathers to my children.

pooh8402 · January 2010

I don't have godparents and they're not common in my family, but I share beatle's view on them. they are the people who will step in and raise your kid(s) if something happens to you. that's why if someone asked me to be a godmother, I would sit down with FI and discuss the decision with him, and probably think long and hard about it, because I don't consider it to be an honorary or religious title. if I were to name godparents for my future children, those people would be added to my will as the child(ren)'s legal guardians.

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