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Not Engaged Yet
TaylorR2013
member
He has had the ring for over 3 months!?
When my FI first proposed it was without a ring because he thought it was the right moment. I am allergic to nickel so finding the perfect ring that wasn't white gold has been a challenge for him. Over three months ago I found the shipping box from Kay Jewelers and a packing slip for one ring size 5. Every romantic date since, I keep getting my hopes up that I will get it, but I still haven't gotten it. Even his best friend is wondering why he is waiting so long! I am tired of getting dissapointed every time he is romantic. We have a great relationship and we have even picked out a date for the wedding. So....What's the hold up?
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Re: He has had the ring for over 3 months!?
I'm sure he wants it to be extra special when he proposes (again
[QUOTE]When my FI first proposed it was without a ring because he thought it was the right moment. I am allergic to nickel so finding the perfect ring that wasn't white gold has been a challenge for him. Over three months ago I found the shipping box from Kay Jewelers and a packing slip for one ring size 5. Every romantic date since, I keep getting my hopes up that I will get it, but I still haven't gotten it. Even his best friend is wondering why he is waiting so long! I am tired of getting dissapointed every time he is romantic. We have a great relationship and we have even picked out a date for the wedding. So....What's the hold up?
Posted by TaylorR2013[/QUOTE]
Don't let this bother you. Lots of guys hold on to the ring for over a year. My FI held on to it for about 3 months. You already said he proposed and you accepted. You are engaged. A ring is a bonus.
Try not to get your hopes up at every romantic date. This will keep you from the disappointment. Maybe there was a problem with the ring, and it need to be returned, or maybe once he got it, he decided he wanted to do something else instead. The ring will come when he thinks the timing is right. Just try to sit tight :)
Good luck! And welcome to our board. Stick around and introduce yourself!
I am just at the point where I just don't think it will happen anymore. The ring is just going to sit behind that pile of xbox games (like I don't notice that?) just like it has for months. If I bought an engagment ring I probably would be so ecstatic to give it to her that I would not be able to wait until the next moment. I have counted 12 dates now. 12 opportune moments to give it to me, including valentines day and my birthday, and several dates in between. I am just extremely frustrated and tired of waiting.
Life is good today.
[QUOTE]I am just at the point where I just don't think it will happen anymore. The ring is just going to sit behind that pile of xbox games (like I don't notice that?) just like it has for months. If I bought an engagment ring I probably would be so ecstatic to give it to her that I would not be able to wait until the next moment. I have counted 12 dates now. 12 opportune moments to give it to me, including valentines day and my birthday, and several dates in between. I am just extremely frustrated and tired of waiting.
Posted by TaylorR2013[/QUOTE]
Why? You're already engaged. No one on here knows exactly why he's waiting- only he does. And honestly, if you're losing impatience over just waiting for a ring for a few months... then maybe that's something you can work on. Patience is definitely important for a person to have. Plus, it really is just a ring. Your relationship isn't on hold because of it. But if you seriously can't wait any longer, your best option is to calmly discuss it with him and be open about it.
[QUOTE]<strong>I am just at the point where I just don't think it will happen anymore.</strong> The ring is just going to sit behind that pile of xbox games (like I don't notice that?) just like it has for months. If I bought an engagment ring I probably would be so ecstatic to give it to her that I would not be able to wait until the next moment. I have counted 12 dates now. 12 opportune moments to give it to me, including valentines day and my birthday, and several dates in between. I am just extremely frustrated and tired of waiting.
Posted by TaylorR2013[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>By it happening you mean getting enegaged. So.. you aren't engaged?
</div>
Acro's DH had the ring on their dresser in plain view for a year. They still got married. : )
Just ask him about the ring if it means that much to you.
[QUOTE]I am just at the point where I just don't think it will happen anymore. The ring is just going to sit behind that pile of xbox games (like I don't notice that?) just like it has for months. If I bought an engagment ring I probably would be so ecstatic to give it to her that I would not be able to wait until the next moment. I have counted 12 dates now. 12 opportune moments to give it to me, including valentines day and my birthday, and several dates in between. I am just extremely frustrated and tired of waiting.
Posted by TaylorR2013[/QUOTE]
I understand. It's hard to be patient ALL the time. That's okay!
It's also okay to TELL your SO that the waiting is driving you crazy and ask him what's going on. It never hurts to just check in with each other. There are two of you in your relationship. I am not a believer that it's your job to just sit there quietly, wait patiently, and not say a thing.
You don't need to give an ultimatum or try to pressure, but I personally think it's okay to say "Honey, I don't understand. Can we talk about this?"
Just be calm and honest and come from a place of wanting to understand. Don't try to manipulate or control. Go into the conversation prepared to hear some things you may not want to hear, and try to just stay calm and talk logically. Try to make the conversation accomplish greater understanding and peace between the two of you and not be a fight. If you can do that, then you're probably in a healthy relationship, and despite possibly hearing your guy is just not ready for that final step <em>quite</em> yet, you're probably going to be just fine and you can relax a bit.
it will feel so much better once you get this off your chest, I promise.
GL and please keep us updated!
Edited for grammar and overuse of "just." :P
[QUOTE]You're engaged anyway, or so you make it seem - so why do you need a big bells and whistles proposal? IMHO, you gave that up when you get engaged w/o a ring. Not that there's anything wrong with that - but you seem to want to have your cake and eat it too (<strong>although why wouldn't anyone want to eat cake? Isn't that the sole purpose of it? I mean, what are you going to do if NOT eat it? I digress</strong>). Just ask him about the ring if it means that much to you.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]
GPB... This made me giggle.
b) if you are honestly, sincerely "tired of waiting," then maybe you should move on with your life and find a guy who will give you your jewelry in a more timely manner. Or, you could suck it up and talk to your FI in a calm, nonconfrontational way if that's what it takes for you to chill out. It sounds to me like you guys are waiting for the ring/second proposal to start planning your wedding. I guess. So, just sit him down and talk about when you guys want to get married and how much time you want to have to plan. Then let go.
Honestly, not the end of the world. It's just a ring. I waited over five YEARS for DH to propose. I couldn't have cared less about the ring, really- I just wanted to marry the guy!
Somebody once said, it's the soul that matters. Baby who can really tell, when two hearts belong so well?
Tale as Old as Time (Updated 11/26)
But judging by the way that you have kept count of how many times he could have proposed, I'm going to say you're being an impatient brat about it. That, and you're BSC. Really. How could there possibly have been 12 "perfect" times in 3 months? That's once week for three months you've been agonizing over it. Get hobby and distract yourself.
Also, what's the rush? Are you trying to validate your relationship or something? I mean, you already have a wedding date set, so... what would getting engaged change especially since your wedding isn't until 2013. My wedding is next year and I haven't booked a damn thing yet. Chill.
I am the type of person to maybe make a comment, say something like, "So I have been wanting that special thing I saw a recipet for from Kay, hope its sooner rather than later."
Good luck girl.
[QUOTE]I'm in your boat girl, and it sucks, so remember you are not alone haha. Mine bought the ring on Feb 15 and <strong>no proposal yet. He says I freaked him out when I said it better be a good proposal or I will say no</strong>. I am the type of person to maybe make a comment, say something like, "So I have been wanting that special thing I saw a recipet for from Kay, hope its sooner rather than later." Good luck girl.
Posted by hannahnola[/QUOTE]
I can see why that would freak him out.
Also, he called me several months prior to that asking me what my ring size was. I was suspicious but he wouldn't answer any of my questions as to why he needed to call me at work to ask me that.
Guys like to think they're sneaky sometimes.
[QUOTE]I'm in your boat girl, and it sucks, so remember you are not alone haha. Mine bought the ring on Feb 15 and no proposal yet. He says I freaked him out when I said it better be a good proposal or I will say no. I am the type of person to maybe make a comment, say something like, "So I have been wanting that special thing I saw a recipet for from Kay, hope its sooner rather than later." Good luck girl.
Posted by hannahnola[/QUOTE]
Hannah, one of our semi-regs on here has a theory that every time you mention marriage or a proposal, it delays the engagement a month. Just sayin'. You might want to cool it on the comments--it might help!
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
OP, I understand. I had to wait a couple months for my proposal and ring after my FI bought the diamond. It is frustrating and easy to become disappointed when you have numerous opportune moments in your eyes.
My best friend was with her now DH when they bought her ring at a Black Friday 2007 sale. He kept the ring at his parents' house until they got engaged in July 2009. Do the math... that's 20 months! And she knew exactly what it looked like and when he bought it because she was there with him. He just wanted to wait until he was done with school and it was the right time. They got married in September 2010 and are expecting their first baby this October
If you're already engaged, why should it matter that you don't have the ring right now? You know you'll get it eventually and most likely soon. The ring exists, he is probably waiting for you to calm down about it. I guess in my mind, the actual proposal/getting engaged part is what delays men the most, not the ring part, so I can't say why he's waiting. But I would think it would happen sooner than later.
[QUOTE]@marleylikeair WOW I am screwed then lol I will probably be 39 when he proposes then. I keep trying to tell myself, act like you arent even aware of it, it wont change a thing anyway. Every time I put up his laundry, I can see the outline of the box. But have not peeked (pat on my back) IM LIKE JUMP ON MY FINGER. Will keep yall up to date. Sorry I semi stole the thread. =(
Posted by hannahnola[/QUOTE]
why don't you just ask him to put it out of sight if it bothers you that much? it's not smart to leave something with that kind of value out in the open, where anyone who walks in the house can see it and pick it up. heaven forbid, but if someone were to break in to the house you'd want the ring out of sight at the very least.
We all dreamt of how our boyfriend would propose in the most romantic way unique to your relationship with the ring you always wanted. I didn't get that. I have always wanted it to be romantic and one of the best days of my life. I didn't get the ring and I want that romance. I mean, even both of our moms don't consider us engaged because he hasn't given me the ring yet. Our wedding is not until 2013 only because he is in the Air Force ROTC at our college. I know nothing about the military and I love him so much I am willing to be a part of this completely different life just for him. I thought at least I would have my wedding and the process leading up to it as romantic as every girl dreams it would be.
[QUOTE]We all dreamt of how our boyfriend would propose in the most romantic way unique to your relationship with the ring you always wanted. I didn't get that. I have always wanted it to be romantic and one of the best days of my life. I didn't get the ring and I want that romance. I mean, even both of our moms don't consider us engaged because he hasn't given me the ring yet. Our wedding is not until 2013 only because he is in the Air Force ROTC at our college. I know nothing about the military and I love him so much I am willing to be a part of this completely different life just for him. I thought at least I would have my wedding and the process leading up to it as romantic as every girl dreams it would be.
Posted by TaylorR2013[/QUOTE]
I think you'll find that there are only a few girls around here who had one of those super-romantic-fairy-tale-type proposals. Real life just isn't like that.
A proposal doesn't need a million candles, champagne, a 12-piece orchestra, a huge speech, or even a ring to be special. All you have to have is two people making a decision to spend their lives together. Isn't that special enough?
ETA: I would be a little hypocritical if I claimed that I <em>never</em> had thoughts about how our proposal could have been more spectacular or romantic. I would also be hypocritical if I claimed I had never daydreamed about an over-the-top surprise before it happened. But I've come to understand that that would not have represented us at all, and I'm happier with something that's a little more personal.
[QUOTE]We all dreamt of how our boyfriend would propose in the most romantic way unique to your relationship with the ring you always wanted. I didn't get that. I have always wanted it to be romantic and one of the best days of my life. I didn't get the ring and I want that romance. I mean, even both of our moms don't consider us engaged because he hasn't given me the ring yet. Our wedding is not until 2013 only because he is in the Air Force ROTC at our college. I know nothing about the military and I love him so much I am willing to be a part of this completely different life just for him. I thought at least I would have my wedding and the process leading up to it as romantic as every girl dreams it would be.
Posted by TaylorR2013[/QUOTE]
A, no, actually, the WAY my H proposed and the ring didn't matter to me. All I needed was "Will you marry me?"
B, your moms don't get to determine the status of your relationship. YOU do. No one else can dictate the reality of your relationship. If you say you're engaged, you're engaged.
C, If the wedding is not until 2013, I don't see why you're in such a GD hurry for your ring.
D, I don't think that committing yourself to a lifestyle you know nothing about demonstrates how great your relationship is. I think that's just naive. You need to know what you're getting into. You need more than love to make a life together work, and you need to know what a military life means before you commit to it.
Honestly, OP, I'm glad you're waiting another 2 years to get married. I think you need the time to grow up a bit.
Just want to pipe in and represent my Det, I'm an AFROTC cadet too!!
Other than that, I have nothing unique to add...
2013 is a pretty long time from now! He might not thing a 2+ year engagement is appropriate or necessary.
Also, your mothers are not the ones in the relationship or deciding it's status.
As far as being unsure of military life, you should see if your school's detachment has a Silver Wings chapter. If not, you can start one. It's for cadets and civilians, and if you're looking to spend the rest of your life with someone whose planning on entering the military (in particular, the Air Force), Silver Wings is a really great idea.
[QUOTE]We all dreamt of how our boyfriend would propose in the most romantic way unique to your relationship with the ring you always wanted. I didn't get that. I have always wanted it to be romantic and one of the best days of my life. I didn't get the ring and I want that romance. I mean, even both of our moms don't consider us engaged because he hasn't given me the ring yet. Our wedding is not until 2013 only because he is in the Air Force ROTC at our college. I know nothing about the military and I love him so much I am willing to be a part of this completely different life just for him. I thought at least I would have my wedding and the process leading up to it as romantic as every girl dreams it would be.
Posted by TaylorR2013[/QUOTE]
I yelled at my FI when we proposed. Trust me, in my 30 years of dreaming of the proposal, I never thought it would involve me telling him that he was doing it wrong... But, looking back, we crack up at our proposal, because it is totally us. It doesn't have to involve romance for the engagement to be valid.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He has had the ring for over 3 months!? : D, I don't think that committing yourself to a lifestyle you know nothing about demonstrates how great your relationship is. I think that's just naive. You need to know what you're getting into. <strong>You need more than love to make a life together work, and you need to know what a military life means before you commit to it. Honestly, </strong><strong>OP, I'm glad you're waiting another 2 years to get married. I think you need the time to grow up a bit.</strong>
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
THIS. All of it.
A military lifestyle isn't something to just jump into. It's difficult and demanding and not fairytale like or romantic. You need to know what that is before you get into it.
[QUOTE]If our proposal story isn't romantic, does that mean that my baby is a b*stard?
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]
Unfortunately, you're still unofficially engaged if that's the case.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He has had the ring for over 3 months!? : A, no, actually, the WAY my H proposed and the ring didn't matter to me. All I needed was "Will you marry me?" B, your moms don't get to determine the status of your relationship. YOU do. No one else can dictate the reality of your relationship. If you say you're engaged, you're engaged. C, If the wedding is not until 2013, I don't see why you're in such a GD hurry for your ring. D, <strong>I don't think that committing yourself to a lifestyle you know nothing about demonstrates how great your relationship is. I think that's just naive. You need to know what you're getting into. You need more than love to make a life together work, and you need to know what a military life means before you commit to it.</strong> Honestly, OP, I'm glad you're waiting another 2 years to get married. I think you need the time to grow up a bit.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
Cosigned, Bren
(except I don't have an H or a proposal. But no, I don't care much about dreaming up my perfect proposal because it won't go like that. Whatever he does will be perfect for me).
I also want to really re-emphasize the bold part. That doesn't sound like "true love" (or "to blathe"...anyone? Anyone catch that?), but naivety.
And I still feel like you disregarded the advice to talk to him about it or just cool your jets for a bit.