Hello All, I have never before posted here. If this topic isn't appropriate to this forum please let me know and I will change it. I wasn't sure where else to post it. Ok, here is the issue, my future sister-in-law really seems to dislike me for some reason and I don't know how to handle their impending engagement and wedding. I would really appreciate some advice. I apologize in advance for this taking so long to explain.
Here are the details. I married my husband 12 years ago. We are very happy together and mostly stay to ourselves when it comes to family issues. My DH has a brother who is 5 1/2 years younger than him. They have never been close but we all live in the same town as their parents. So, we see one another out and about as well as family gatherings. The girlfriend before the one my b-i-l is currently with had some major emotional/drinking problems that caused all sorts of family drama. I did not get along with her at all. Even though my b-i-l broke up with her for having so many issues, he still doesn't like me all that much due to the family drama that occurred all those years ago.
About 5 years ago, b-i-l found his new girlfriend and started bringing her around. She seemed nice and I tried to get to know her slowly over the last 5 years. About two years ago I figured she didn't have much of an interest in me so I backed way off. Then one night my husband went down to our local firehouse bar to play poker. Since my b-i-l and his girlfriend are EMT/Firefighters they were their playing poker as well. When it was time for my husband to leave my future s-i-l insisted on walking my DH out to his car and there she proceeded to tell him that she really wanted to be friends with me and then gave DH a banana bread she had specially made for me to take home. She was drunk when she told him all of this but I still thought it was really nice and decided to try to reach out to her again.
So for the next two years I have sent her nice message on FB and invited her over for coffee a few times. The response I have gotten from her every time I see her is just ....well, I don't know how to describe it but rude. She acts totally annoyed by me and highly irritated that I bother her on any level. Normally, I would have tried to talk to her about the mixed message I was getting from her but I don't for two reasons:
1) I tried that with the previous girlfriend and that started WWIII, which is why my b-i-l doesn't like me now.
2) My future s-i-l has been fired from two separate jobs because of she is a "bully";. I kid you not, she was really fired from two separate jobs due to her being a bully. Now, I have never seen her display this kind of behavior but I have seen her act completely overly emotional at the drop of a hat. Due to this, I will refer you back to point #1.
The last straw for me came two weeks ago. She started posting some really crazy, over-emotional things regarding her relationship with my b-i-l. I was literally worried for her. So, I emailed her basically saying that I didn't want to intrude on her personal life but it was obvious from her posts that she was upset. And, if she needed a ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on I would happily be there for her. She totally blew me off. Ok, I get the message loud and clear. I am totally backing out of her life and her business. The issue is that they are getting engaged in the next month ( or so). At this point, I don't even know if it is appropriate to get her an engagement card and/or gift. I feel guilty not getting them anything but I also don't really need to feel like a door mat again. Can someone please give me some advice? Thanks!