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Kinda Hurt -Vent

PhoneCardLadyPhoneCardLady member
Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
in 40-Plus Brides
I haven't asked either of my two BFF to be in my bridal party because FI and I have not set a date yet.  I was having coffee with one of them (who's wedding I stood up in) and said that if I had her and other friend in my wedding, I'd probably forego the bridesmaid dresses and let them decide on a dress/suit in the wedding colors.  She said that she hadn't worn a dress in years and that she probably couldn't buy one because she is now umemployed.  While she is more crafty and stated she would help out with that, she would be hurt if I decided on other friend for MOH.  (FYI - her husband is working).

I was shocked and hurt.  I had planned on having both ladies as MOH's but now I am wondering if I shouldn't have either of them.  I was not about to play favorites.  I was unemployed at the time she got married and not only did I get the money for the dress, but also helped with the bridal shower.  (BTW, I was not expecting a shower in return, and I thought if they picked out their own dress/suit, they could wear it again).

I just needed to get this out....
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Re: Kinda Hurt -Vent

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    Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Good vent!  It all sounds frustrating. I can understand why you're feeling hurt. Look at it this way, you don't even need attendants, so planning various scenarios for attendants you might have, for a wedding date which isn't set, is just adding a headache you just don't deserve or need.

    Perhaps you can do yourself a favor and wait until you set a date to re-visit the topic.  Good luck!
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    Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Totally understand.  The woman I thought was my BFF deliberately booked a trip to EUROPE over my wedding date, so she avoided the whole thing.  It's harsh but a wedding really does bring out the REAL COLORS in people.  When I look back, I can see how I was doing like 76% of the friendship.  Or more...
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    S6ixS6ix
    First Comment
    Have you read The Conscious Bride? Weddings can make people go a little off, what with all of the transition and heightened emotion and all. I'm 38 and planning my wedding, and I found the book to be very helpful (recommended by a friend who got married a few years ago). It helped me understand all of the not-always-happy emotions, both mine and others'. Good luck! I'm sure it'll all work out.
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    Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Conscious Bride is a fabulous suggestion.  Really explains a lot.  Good book.
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    FreeSpirit666FreeSpirit666
    First Comment
    Weddings are stressful at the best of times & some females can go off the rails about it. Its your day and you should enjoy it.
    Daisypath Friendship tickers PitaPata Cat tickers
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    lisahlucaslisahlucas
    First Comment
    Good Luck with it, I just had to confront my MOH and finally asked her if she wanted out becuase she wasnt really doing anything.  It is now 33 days out and I am starting over :(
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    IvidianIvidian
    First Comment
    One of the few things my FI had an opinion about when starting the wedding planning was that he didn't want a wedding party, which I had always assumed I would have. After thinking about it for a day or two I realized I really didn't care, so we're not having any attendents, just me, him, and the JP up front. I am realizing from reading all sorts of WP drama that this was an AWESOME suggestion!! Maybe you could do that too and avoid the problem entirely?
    It doesn't have to be perfect to be everything I want!
    Rings2
    143 Invited image
    88 will be there! image
    55 would rather stay home :(image
    0 Are procrastinating!image
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    CassieCACassieCA member
    First Comment
    My FI also stated, up front, that he didn't want a wedding party, he hates the idea of choosing friends over other friends, and I found I was actually relieved with this as I feel the same way. I also figured it would be one less thing to deal with.  So just us walking down the aisle, and my cousin who is the flower girl.

    I have to say that I'm SOOOOO glad we did this!  My two (supposed) best friends who would have been in my wedding party (and probably only them) are causing drama right now.  I can only imagine how much worse it would have been had they actually been in the wedding, so happy not to be dealing with that!

    I say skip the wedding party ;)
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    PhoneCardLadyPhoneCardLady member
    Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kinda-hurt-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:b640bf65-6b39-4937-9e76-074a32062901Post:b8f47d24-9eef-45ed-bfc4-2f2f7549f33a">Re: Kinda Hurt -Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI also stated, up front, that he didn't want a wedding party, he hates the idea of choosing friends over other friends, and I found I was actually relieved with this as I feel the same way. I also figured it would be one less thing to deal with.  So just us walking down the aisle, and my cousin who is the flower girl. I have to say that I'm SOOOOO glad we did this!  <strong>My two (supposed) best friends who would have been in my wedding party (and probably only them) are causing drama right now.</strong>  I can only imagine how much worse it would have been had they actually been in the wedding, so happy not to be dealing with that! I say skip the wedding party ;)
    Posted by CassieCA[/QUOTE]

    I hear you!  I am having some drama problems, so I just told them "TIME OUT!" and not to talk about anything regarding FI and/or wedding until at least January.  I think they were pissed but we all need to chill out.
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