Not Engaged Yet
Should I say something or not??
Ok so my bf and I have been together for 2 years and we live together. He is a great guy and treats me wonderfully. we have a great relationship and we are happy. We have been talking about getting married for our whole relationship and now i am ready to get married. He know this and we have talked about it many times. I really would like to get married April or may of next year. Anyway every month that will pass is less time to plan. We are going to go to see his family in Minnesota in July and i would really like to be engaged this time. His family is having a huge family reunion and This time seeing all these people i would like to be his fiance not his gf anymore. His family is traditional and they make us sleep in separate beds when we visit, and they also treat me like the girlfriend. Dont get me wrong they treat me good but there is just something missing. I know that if we got engaged before or during our vacation it would really bring his family and i closer together and they would get a chance to celebrate with us considering they dont get to see us very often. I mean i could go on forever about my reasoning but its already to long. but anyway i am wondering if i should mention how important it would be to me to be engaged when we visit his family or not. I am afraid that if he was already planning to do that he might get upset because i ruined it or maybe he wouldn't do it because i was hoping for it. I really want him to know but i also know he knows how bad i wanna get engaged. what do you think i should do???
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Re: Should I say something or not??
[QUOTE]Ok so my bf and I have been together for 2 years and we live together. He is a great guy and treats me wonderfully. we have a great relationship and we are happy. We have been talking about getting married for our whole relationship and now i am ready to get married. He know this and we have talked about it many times. I really would like to get married April or may of next year. Anyway every month that will pass is less time to plan. We are going to go to see his family in Minnesota in July and i would really like to be engaged this time. His family is having a huge family reunion and This time seeing all these people i would like to be his fiance not his gf anymore. His family is traditional and they make us sleep in separate beds when we visit, and <strong>they also treat me like the girlfriend.</strong> Dont get me wrong they treat me good but there is just something missing. I know that if we got engaged before or during our vacation it would really bring his family and i closer together and they would get a chance to celebrate with us considering they dont get to see us very often. I mean i could go on forever about my reasoning but its already to long. but anyway i am wondering if i should mention how important it would be to me to be engaged when we visit his family or not. I am afraid that if he was already planning to do that he might get upset because i ruined it or maybe he wouldn't do it because i was hoping for it. I really want him to know but i also know he knows how bad i wanna get engaged. what do you think i should do???
Posted by Ward0317[/QUOTE]
1. You are the girlfriend. Who do you expect them to treat you like?
2. Just talk about getting engaged. He'll do it on his time. Rushing it because of a family reunion is very silly.
2) You should talk to him about what your joint timeline is for marriage. When does he want to be married by? It isn't about what one of you wants. It is about what both of you want.
[QUOTE]Ok so my bf and I have been together for 2 years and we live together. He is a great guy and treats me wonderfully. we have a great relationship and we are happy. We have been talking about getting married for our whole relationship and now i am ready to get married. He know this and we have talked about it many times. I really would like to get married April or may of next year. Anyway every month that will pass is less time to plan. We are going to go to see his family in Minnesota in July and i would really like to be engaged this time. His family is having a huge family reunion and This time seeing all these people i would like to be his fiance not his gf anymore. His family is traditional and they make us sleep in separate beds when we visit, and they also treat me like the girlfriend. Dont get me wrong they treat me good but there is just something missing. I know that if we got engaged before or during our vacation it would really bring his family and i closer together and they would get a chance to celebrate with us considering they dont get to see us very often. I mean i could go on forever about my reasoning but its already to long. but anyway i am wondering if i should mention how important it would be to me to be engaged when we visit his family or not. I am afraid that if he was already planning to do that he might get upset because i ruined it or maybe he wouldn't do it because i was hoping for it. I really want him to know but i also know he knows how bad i wanna get engaged. what do you think i should do???
Posted by Ward0317[/QUOTE]
You want to get engaged so you can sleep in the same bed during the reunion and have just enough time to plan a spring wedding for next year?
Hun, the main thing to remember is... if he hasn't proposed to you yet, it's not always because he just hasn't gotten around to it, yet. It could be because he isn't ready.
Instead of hitting him with a deadline, how about having a conversation with him, instead? Have a discussion that includes where you both see this relationship going.
[QUOTE]Ok so my bf and I have been together for 2 years and we live together. He is a great guy and treats me wonderfully. we have a great relationship and we are happy. <strong>We have been talking about getting married for our whole relationship and now i am ready to get married. He know this and we have talked about it many times.</strong> I really would like to get married April or may of next year. Anyway every month that will pass is less time to plan. We are going to go to see his family in Minnesota in July and i would really like to be engaged this time. His family is having a huge family reunion and This time seeing all these people i would like to be his fiance not his gf anymore. His family is traditional and they make us sleep in separate beds when we visit, and they also treat me like the girlfriend. Dont get me wrong they treat me good but there is just something missing. I know that if we got engaged before or during our vacation it would really bring his family and i closer together and they would get a chance to celebrate with us considering they dont get to see us very often. I mean i could go on forever about my reasoning but its already to long. but anyway i am wondering if i should mention how important it would be to me to be engaged when we visit his family or not. I am afraid that if he was already planning to do that he might get upset because i ruined it or maybe he wouldn't do it because i was hoping for it. I really want him to know but i also know he knows how bad i wanna get engaged. what do you think i should do???
Posted by Ward0317[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_should-say-something-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2ae794b2-974e-43da-bcb6-be3474136e2cPost:77c1faa1-5095-4972-8bf9-4d9195a8fe9b">Re: Should I say something or not??</a>:
[QUOTE]I completely agree that it shouldnt be rushed. i dont feel like im rushing anything. What i ment by his family treating my like the girlfriend is that we live together and we have stuff that we bought together and they always refer to it as his stuff and they have said that we dont have stuff together till we are married. <strong>He has been talking about it and leading me on and getting my hopes up for 2 years.</strong> Its not fair to me. I want to just talk to him about it not force him into anything. I just want to know how he feels about the situation. <strong>we have talked about a joint timeline. We have discussed that we would like to get married next year. we have been talking about getting married in 2011 for 2 years.</strong> It just kinda gets old. Whats the point of talking about it if your not ready. Thats how i feel. <strong>I figured that since we both think that next year is good then whats stopping hi</strong>m. Its just frustrating because i have been happing and waiting for a long wile. I mean if he just didnt really talk about it till he was closer to ready the it would be alot more tolerable. Idk i just feel frustrated.
Posted by Ward0317[/QUOTE]
Why is he leading you on???
I would not talk to him about it. Your timeline is out there. You've discussed marriage and you've both talked about getting married next year. You've told him you're ready. The only other thing you can do is tackle him to the ground and force him to put a ring on your finger.
If you've both discussed getting married next year all you can do is wait. Rushing the engagement to be with he family is silly and you would regret it.
Well how old are you, that could make a difference.
[QUOTE]I completely agree that it shouldnt be rushed. i dont feel like im rushing anything. What i ment by his family treating my like the girlfriend is that we live together and we have stuff that we bought together and they always refer to it as his stuff and they have said that we dont have stuff together till we are married. <strong>He has been talking about it and leading me on and getting my hopes up for 2 years. Its not fair to me.</strong> I want to just talk to him about it not force him into anything. I just want to know how he feels about the situation. we have talked about a joint timeline. We have discussed that we would like to get married next year. we have been talking about getting married in 2011 for 2 years. It just kinda gets old. <strong>Whats the point of talking about it if your not ready. </strong>Thats how i feel. I figured that since we both think that next year is good then whats stopping him. Its just frustrating because i have been happing and waiting for a long wile. I mean if he just didnt really talk about it till he was closer to ready the it would be alot more tolerable. Idk i just feel frustrated.
Posted by Ward0317[/QUOTE]
I do not see how he is being unfair to you. I do not see how he is leading you on. If it was 2012, then I could see your point.
If you have been talking about it for all two years of your relationship, I wonder to what degree you have been talking about marriage. The point of talking about marriage is to insure that both of you are on the same page. It is called communicating. Someone can know they want to marry the other person but not be ready for marriage.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_should-say-something-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2ae794b2-974e-43da-bcb6-be3474136e2cPost:3f824345-bc4f-4a5f-8b64-deb5c8305889">Re: Should I say something or not??</a>:
[QUOTE]Thats good avice. I have had discussions with him about where he sees the relationship going. He said that he wants to get married. lol. thats all he says. I mean how am i sopposed to come back at that. What am i supossed to say. WHEN?? i mean that might make him upset. I dont care about sleeping in the same bed. I want the family bonding that i dont really have with them because i never see them and because they are very old fashion about relationships. If he knows we are getting married then whats wrong with maybe getting engaged before our trip or something. I wont be mad if he doesnt. I was just seeing how he felt.
Posted by Ward0317[/QUOTE]
If he has told you that he wants to get married, that he wants to marry you and that he wants to get married in 2011, I think you are being insensitive.
There is nothing wrong with getting engaged before your trip. However, I would hate for him to propose because you set a deadline. Personally, I would want to know 100% that he proposed because he was ready, not because I felt insecure going to a family reunion as 'just his girlfriend.'
Get back to your current relationship. Enjoy it in the now. You have already started your 'forever.'
P.S. How old are you? How old is he?
Hang in there. Just enjoy the relationship as it is. He'll propose when he's ready.
[QUOTE]Thats good avice. I have had discussions with him about where he sees the relationship going. He said that he wants to get married. lol. thats all he says. I mean how am i sopposed to come back at that. What am i supossed to say.<strong> WHEN?? </strong>i mean that might make him upset. I dont care about sleeping in the same bed. I want the family bonding that i dont really have with them because i never see them and because they are very old fashion about relationships. If he knows we are getting married then whats wrong with maybe getting engaged before our trip or something. I wont be mad if he doesnt. I was just seeing how he felt.
Posted by Ward0317[/QUOTE]
When he is ready, too.
In Response to Re: Should I say something or not??:
[QUOTE]I completely agree that it shouldnt be rushed. i dont feel like im rushing anything. What i ment by his family treating my like the girlfriend is that we live together and we have stuff that we bought together and they always refer to it as his stuff and they have said that we dont have stuff together till we are married. He has been talking about it and leading me on and getting my hopes up for 2 years. Its not fair to me. I want to just talk to him about it not force him into anything. I just want to know how he feels about the situation. we have talked about a joint timeline. We have discussed that we would like to get married next year. we have been talking about getting married in 2011 for 2 years. It just kinda gets old. Whats the point of talking about it if your not ready. Thats how i feel. I figured that since we both think that next year is good then whats stopping him. Its just frustrating because i have been happing and waiting for a long wile. I mean if he just didnt really talk about it till he was closer to ready the it would be alot more tolerable. Idk i just feel frustrated.
Posted by Ward0317[/QUOTE]
Maybe his timeline has changed.
I am going through the EXACT situation that you are, and I don't know what to do. I was the one that never wanted to get married, and he was always talking about it. Always asking me if I liked this name, or that name..."would you ever do a destination wedding?" "Could we go to Jamaca for our honeymoon?" blah blah blah...Now That I am FINALLY ready to be with him and make that comitment, I feel like he changed his mind. He avoids the whole topic and its killing me because I constantly feel like I've done something wrong. Maybe I said the wrong this to his mother, and she told him I'm not good for him, maybe My cooking is bad, maybe I iron his suits wrong....I'm constantly trying to pick my brain to figure out what it was that I did to change his mind, and I can't think of anything. Things are great! We play house everyday! I just don't get it. I think I'm going to start looking for somewhere else to live. Clocks just keep ticking, and I can't waste the rest of my life hoping he'll change his mind back, or come around...=(
[QUOTE]I am going through the EXACT situation that you are, and I don't know what to do. I was the one that never wanted to get married, and he was always talking about it. Always asking me if I liked this name, or that name..."would you ever do a destination wedding?" "Could we go to Jamaca for our honeymoon?" blah blah blah...Now That I am FINALLY ready to be with him and make that comitment, I feel like he changed his mind. He avoids the whole topic and its killing me because I constantly feel like I've done something wrong. Maybe I said the wrong this to his mother, and she told him I'm not good for him, maybe My cooking is bad, maybe I iron his suits wrong....I'm constantly trying to pick my brain to figure out what it was that I did to change his mind, and I can't think of anything. Things are great! We play house everyday! I just don't get it. I think I'm going to start looking for somewhere else to live. Clocks just keep ticking, and I can't waste the rest of my life hoping he'll change his mind back, or come around...=(
Posted by WannaBe1[/QUOTE]
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[QUOTE]I am going through the EXACT situation that you are, and I don't know what to do. I was the one that never wanted to get married, and he was always talking about it. Always asking me if I liked this name, or that name..."would you ever do a destination wedding?" "Could we go to Jamaca for our honeymoon?" blah blah blah...Now That I am FINALLY ready to be with him and make that comitment, I feel like he changed his mind. He avoids the whole topic and its killing me because I constantly feel like I've done something wrong. Maybe I said the wrong this to his mother, and she told him I'm not good for him, maybe My cooking is bad, maybe I iron his suits wrong....I'm constantly trying to pick my brain to figure out what it was that I did to change his mind, and I can't think of anything. Things are great! We play house everyday! I just don't get it. I think I'm going to start looking for somewhere else to live. Clocks just keep ticking, and I can't waste the rest of my life hoping he'll change his mind back, or come around...=(
Posted by WannaBe1[/QUOTE]
Your post about this sounded different. Are things really great if you are willing to give up the relationship so quickly. Its possible that since you weren't ready he got tired of being the only one excited about it or he didn't want to make you feel pressured. I think you really need to sit down and have a serious talk with him about what you both want from this relationship and where you see it going.
Oh and how old are you?
And reallly, that just seems like such a weird reason to rush an engagement. Trust me...if you guys do get married you will have plenty of time to bond with his family.
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