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African American Weddings
Another one bites the dust...LONG
Well ladies, I lost another bridesmaid (the first one lost was FI's baby sister who said she couldn't afford to be in the wedding and be a senior in high school). Now I have not only lost a BM but a friend as well (although she wasn't a good one).
A little history:
I have known this BM since we were young... like eight or nine. So we basically grew up together and spent so much time together that she became a like a little sister to me and we considered each as sisters. People even thought that we looked alike. Over the years, this BM has had several issues from her father and grandmother dying to getting pregnant early, going to juvenile as a child, etc. And for all of those traumatic events and more I have gone to great lengths to be there for her, even when others weren't. I have several people in my life that disapproved of this friendship because she is a trouble starter. I once took her to a birthday dinner for one of my friends which ended with us getting kicked out because she got to arguing with my friend on her birthday! My fav cousin and grandmother have never liked her... and when my cousin found out she was in the wedding she was kind of upset.
Fast forward to now:
She was the last person I asked to be a BM because our friendship wasn't very strong at the time. From the day that she became a BM she has been arguing with me and debating with me about everything. For example, she only wears black nail polish and was upset when I told her no black at my wedding, we argued about hair, make-up, shoes, even the bachelorette party which she decided she wouldn't attend because she feels like my MOH stole the idea from her (even though my MOH and I have been talking about this for years!), and the latest argument was about her getting drunk the night before the wedding in the hotel room that I am paying for! I wasn't even upset I just told her what it was and asked that she respect that for just the weekend... she can get drunk the weekend or day after the wedding for all I care. So she basically tells me that she will not be staying at the hotel Friday night and will see me on the morning of the wedding. First of all, the wedding is an hour away from where we live, second, she would have missed the rehearsal dinner, bridesmaids' luncheon, etc. So I told her that if she doesn't feel like she can be unselfish for one day than not to come at all, cause you can't just show up the morning of the wedding and expect for everything to be good to go. So she basically decided that I was disrespecting her by not allowing her to drink the night before my wedding in a hotel room that I am paying for and that not only will she not be in the wedding, she also wants to end our friendship cause she has too many issues with me that she doesn't feel like working out. IDK what kind of issues she could possibly have when I have been the one dealing with all of her mess for years, but it is what it is. I have feeling she would have gotten into it with my MOH or cousin or someone and messed up the wedding anyway so I really do feel like this is for the best. She is out of the money she spent on her BM dress, maybe she can return the shoes. As far as the gifts I got for her some can be returned and the personalized stuff that can't be returned will just be used by me since our names start with the same letter! WINNING!!!!
A little history:
I have known this BM since we were young... like eight or nine. So we basically grew up together and spent so much time together that she became a like a little sister to me and we considered each as sisters. People even thought that we looked alike. Over the years, this BM has had several issues from her father and grandmother dying to getting pregnant early, going to juvenile as a child, etc. And for all of those traumatic events and more I have gone to great lengths to be there for her, even when others weren't. I have several people in my life that disapproved of this friendship because she is a trouble starter. I once took her to a birthday dinner for one of my friends which ended with us getting kicked out because she got to arguing with my friend on her birthday! My fav cousin and grandmother have never liked her... and when my cousin found out she was in the wedding she was kind of upset.
Fast forward to now:
She was the last person I asked to be a BM because our friendship wasn't very strong at the time. From the day that she became a BM she has been arguing with me and debating with me about everything. For example, she only wears black nail polish and was upset when I told her no black at my wedding, we argued about hair, make-up, shoes, even the bachelorette party which she decided she wouldn't attend because she feels like my MOH stole the idea from her (even though my MOH and I have been talking about this for years!), and the latest argument was about her getting drunk the night before the wedding in the hotel room that I am paying for! I wasn't even upset I just told her what it was and asked that she respect that for just the weekend... she can get drunk the weekend or day after the wedding for all I care. So she basically tells me that she will not be staying at the hotel Friday night and will see me on the morning of the wedding. First of all, the wedding is an hour away from where we live, second, she would have missed the rehearsal dinner, bridesmaids' luncheon, etc. So I told her that if she doesn't feel like she can be unselfish for one day than not to come at all, cause you can't just show up the morning of the wedding and expect for everything to be good to go. So she basically decided that I was disrespecting her by not allowing her to drink the night before my wedding in a hotel room that I am paying for and that not only will she not be in the wedding, she also wants to end our friendship cause she has too many issues with me that she doesn't feel like working out. IDK what kind of issues she could possibly have when I have been the one dealing with all of her mess for years, but it is what it is. I have feeling she would have gotten into it with my MOH or cousin or someone and messed up the wedding anyway so I really do feel like this is for the best. She is out of the money she spent on her BM dress, maybe she can return the shoes. As far as the gifts I got for her some can be returned and the personalized stuff that can't be returned will just be used by me since our names start with the same letter! WINNING!!!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Another one bites the dust...LONG
same exact thing happened to me except i kicked her out and then paid her back for the dress she purchased along with the money she gave towards my bridal shower
her dad and grandma and brother died and she's pretty much gone off the deep end!
she wasn't arguing with ME she was arguing with my other bm's and was quite rude and ridiculous to my mother. I SHUT IT DOWN
you made the right decision. sometimes we THINK b/c people have been in our lives for so long that they should have a permanent position but that's not the case bc ppl change and grow up! needless to say she is single and has been for some time while all of us are married engaged or committed.
bitter people will do the darndest things
keep your head up mama!
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Planning Blog Updated 6/2/11
I also have a friend that has been in my life for years and i will always care about her but I keep her at a safe distance away from my "normal" friends. I will never invite her to a dinner party because she doesn't censor herself. She is also one of those friends that you don't want her getting too close to your man. I know she has a good heart but right now she has issues she can't get through.
I hope you two can make up and she will come to your wedding as a guest.
[QUOTE]WOW! To say that I thought we had the same friend from the beginning of your post same exact thing happened to me except i kicked her out and then paid her back for the dress she purchased along with the money she gave towards my bridal shower her dad and grandma and brother died and she's pretty much gone off the deep end! she wasn't arguing with ME she was arguing with my other bm's and was quite rude and ridiculous to my mother. I SHUT IT DOWN you made the right decision. sometimes we THINK b/c people have been in our lives for so long that they should have a permanent position but that's not the case bc ppl change and grow up! needless to say she is single and has been for some time while all of us are married engaged or committed. bitter people will do the darndest things keep your head up mama!
Posted by A&M_Abyss[/QUOTE]
OHHHH SO TRUE!!! Good response A&M.
Not everybody deserves a front row seat in your life.....no matter how much you may think they are supposed to be there
[QUOTE]awwwwwww I'm sorry, but you have to do what is best for you. Good for you....My classmate told me <strong>Not everybody deserves a front row seat in your life.....no matter how much you may think they are supposed to be there</strong>
Posted by BluIvory82[/QUOTE]
Love this!!!
R.S.V.P Deadline April 30th!!! SMH!
On the other hand, it could be that she's scared, jealous and still hurting. Maybe she's scared that the only person she had through all her ups and downs is leaving her/being taken away from her. She's probably jealous that you've accomplished so much and she hasnt really done so much for herself.
I'm thinking her issues stem from her own insecurites. Its so sad though. Sorry ur going through this.