Help! Totally lost!

JesssiLynne · January 2012

I have only been to 2 weddings at an old enough age to understand what is going on around me. Now that I am engaged myself, I have no idea what I'm doing. What are some of the main, average traditions and customs to follow? ie. Who pays for the honeymoon, dress rehearsal, etc.? No ringbarer, so who holds the rings? Do I HAVE to play the wedding march song for walking down the isle or can I play a more personal song? Help!

toothpastechica · January 2012

play with the knot

hahahah look through the different sections and you'll find some good advice/guidlines etc....also if you hit search on a topic it will take you to posts about that topic before you post your own if you have no idea! Its hard to give specific advice to something as broad as "i dont know what to do at a wedding', do some research and then ask specific questions (one question at a time and one topic at a time) and im sure folks will be happy to help!

Kate61487 · January 2012

Definitely peruse the boards a little and pick up a book. I got a Martha Stewart planning binder that had some interesting info in it.

Basic guidelines to get you started:
1) aside from an officiant and a marriage license, everything else is gravy
2) don't ask anyone for money - if someone wants to contribute to the wedding budget, throw you a shower, throw a bachelorette, or anything else, they'll offer. Otherwise you and your FI pay for the wedding and you don't have any extra parties.
3) Be nice to your guests. this means they get invited to the ceremony and reception, they get to bring their bf/gf (even if you don't know them), they don't pay for anything (food or drink) at your reception, etc.

Beyond that, like PPs said the church might have specific requirements (like pre-marital counseling, music selection, etc.), but they'll lay it out for you. Oh, and the rings can be held by the ring bearer, MOH/BM, or by you and your FI if you choose not to have attendants.

Good luck!

Sydney91 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_totally-lost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:35b58125-2099-42cd-b688-b373c3e49ee7Post:63b5c5b6-c717-447b-9f6a-46a50a9251c0">Re: Help! Totally lost!</a>:
[QUOTE]Definitely peruse the boards a little and pick up a book. I got a Martha Stewart planning binder that had some interesting info in it. Basic guidelines to get you started: 1) aside from an officiant and a marriage license, everything else is gravy 2) don't ask anyone for money - if someone wants to contribute to the wedding budget, throw you a shower, throw a bachelorette, or anything else, they'll offer. Otherwise you and your FI pay for the wedding and you don't have any extra parties. 3) Be nice to your guests. this means they get invited to the ceremony and reception, they get to bring their bf/gf (even if you don't know them), <strong>they don't pay for anything (food or drink)</strong> at your reception, etc. Beyond that, like PPs said the church might have specific requirements (like pre-marital counseling, music selection, etc.), but they'll lay it out for you. Oh, and the rings can be held by the ring bearer, MOH/BM, or by you and your FI if you choose not to have attendants. Good luck!
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]
This is true about the food. You can have a cash bar however, but I wouldn't have a full price bar. Toonie bars are the norm in Canada. I was in much the same position when I started planning. I hadn't been to a wedding since I was 10 or 12. The knot is helpful!

toothpastechica · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_totally-lost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:35b58125-2099-42cd-b688-b373c3e49ee7Post:288391e6-dd8d-41c5-bc63-91971ea5aa1b">Re: Help! Totally lost!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! Totally lost! : This is true about the food. You can have a cash bar however, but I wouldn't have a full price bar. <strong>Toonie bars are the norm in Canada.</strong> I was in much the same position when I started planning. I hadn't been to a wedding since I was 10 or 12. The knot is helpful!
Posted by Sydney91[/QUOTE]

hmmmm..the NORM???....since when??? I'm pretty sure i have been to many a wedding lately and they have ALL been in Canada....have not seen toonie bars at any of them...usually either open bar or no alchohol or just wine for toasting here....

jennipea382 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_totally-lost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:35b58125-2099-42cd-b688-b373c3e49ee7Post:288391e6-dd8d-41c5-bc63-91971ea5aa1b">Re: Help! Totally lost!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! Totally lost! : This is true about the food. You can have a cash bar however, but I wouldn't have a full price bar. Toonie bars are the norm in Canada. I was in much the same position when I started planning. I hadn't been to a wedding since I was 10 or 12. The knot is helpful!
Posted by Sydney91[/QUOTE]

While I'm ok with cash bars, this is an unpopular opinion and does technically go against etiquitte. So be careful saying that around here ;-)

That being said, I probably wouldn't do a full cash bar. Around here the norm is hosting beer and wine, and cash bar for liquor (PS - I say "around here" because I've been to numerous weddings that have done this and the B&G haven't known any of the other B&Gs, so it's gotta be regional for the most part). But it's ultimately up to you and what's normal in your area/group of friends.

caitlinc09 · January 2012

Here's what I'm doing (I've only been to 2 weddings also but am totally obsessed with them - shows, my sister's wedding, research, everything!)

1) Talk to your parents. I am still in college and my parents paid for my sister's wedding, so it was kind of assumed that they would pay, but I sitll asked my mother what was going on and she gave me her budget, etc.

2) Fiance's parents may want to pitch in as well! Luckily mine were more than willing. However, do not ask!! My future in laws offered when I invited them to an open house to look at venue and vendor options. MIL then started spouting off everything she wanted to pay for - rehearsal dinner, flowers, grooms outfit, and part of the wedding bands. I think this is fairly close to traditional, depending on your cultural background (we're more southern than anything).

3) Decide what you want to do for a ceremony, a church? Ceremony and reception at one place? This is really the pivotal decision you make when first engaged! Everything else should follow - it's exactly what I did. Several venues also offer all inclusive packages of some sort (in my experience this is a HUGE money and headache saver!) and this will determine what other vendors you need.

Good luck! My other recommendation other than browsing the knot is to start watching wedding shows on WE and TLC! You'd be amazed to see what other brides and guests like/dislike and will get some great ideas.

Help! Totally lost!

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