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June 2012 Weddings
Need some serious advice on how to style my daughter's difficult hair
Ok ladies, I'm in need of some serious advice here.
My daughter has the most gorgeous, unique curls because of her mixed racial background but they are dreadful to deal with/do anything to.
Her hair has come in like this:
The last 2 pictures are her about 5-6 days after a washing and brush out which is why it's so messy looking. I only brush her hair once a week because it's incredibly time consuming and difficult. I'm planning in timing her weekly hair brush out for the night (or 2 nights) before the wedding, so that her curl can have the best look to them, but I'm at a complete loss on whether I should just leave her hair down and natural on the wedding day, or if I should even bother to attempt a cute hairstyle. I may even just do a plain old ponytail.
Please keep in mind that I am NOT great with hair. I am not a hair guru by any means. It has been a trial and error process as her hair has grown out and gotten thicker and I've still never attempted any kind of "style" because once it's dry, there's no chance I can get it into an elastic, braid, or anything else. Believe it or not, but her hair, when pulled, is almost down to her bum. Her ringlets are so tight though, that the bottom layer in the back is just starting the lay on her shoulders.
Also, keep in mind that again - she is 3 1/2 years old. She will NOT sit still for anything that hurts or takes too long. It's too stressful on both of us. I don't even know where to start in researching what to do with her hair... HELP PLEASE!
And to think - our son (older by 16 months) was born with stick straight hair. Go figure!
My daughter has the most gorgeous, unique curls because of her mixed racial background but they are dreadful to deal with/do anything to.
Her hair has come in like this:
The last 2 pictures are her about 5-6 days after a washing and brush out which is why it's so messy looking. I only brush her hair once a week because it's incredibly time consuming and difficult. I'm planning in timing her weekly hair brush out for the night (or 2 nights) before the wedding, so that her curl can have the best look to them, but I'm at a complete loss on whether I should just leave her hair down and natural on the wedding day, or if I should even bother to attempt a cute hairstyle. I may even just do a plain old ponytail.
Please keep in mind that I am NOT great with hair. I am not a hair guru by any means. It has been a trial and error process as her hair has grown out and gotten thicker and I've still never attempted any kind of "style" because once it's dry, there's no chance I can get it into an elastic, braid, or anything else. Believe it or not, but her hair, when pulled, is almost down to her bum. Her ringlets are so tight though, that the bottom layer in the back is just starting the lay on her shoulders.
Also, keep in mind that again - she is 3 1/2 years old. She will NOT sit still for anything that hurts or takes too long. It's too stressful on both of us. I don't even know where to start in researching what to do with her hair... HELP PLEASE!
And to think - our son (older by 16 months) was born with stick straight hair. Go figure!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Need some serious advice on how to style my daughter's difficult hair
I would probably save yourselves both the pain and stress and do a pony with a pretty ribbon or something.
ETA: Maybe look into a pretty head band and slip it in with her natural hair.
First Look
[QUOTE]I would probably let it be natural and have her wear a hair flower or headband. I think her hair is awesome. If you do a pony tail you can always add a flower to it to dress it up a little bit. I think little kids look adorable with a more relaxed hair style-kids should look like themselves.
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]
I agree with everything above!
[QUOTE]<strong>Why don't you take her to a stylist for suggestions?</strong> That is what I would do. They may also be able to help you learn how to tame it and can make suggestions for care of it. Looks like it's going to be HUGE hair when she gets older, and I mean the size of it. :) I would probably save yourselves both the pain and stress and do a pony with a pretty ribbon or something. ETA: Maybe look into a pretty head band and slip it in with her natural hair.
Posted by peachykeen26[/QUOTE]
I'm a bit leery about this. The only reason being that I have curly hair (ringlets) too - look at my avatar for an idea of what mine are like. I don't deal with the texture issues that she does, and I STILL can't find a decent stylist in my area who has any clue how to style curly hair. I'm not even picky about stuff like that either! The last few salons I've been to for cuts, the stylists actually asked ME the best way to cut it (different stylists). Doesn't give me warm fuzzy feelings inside, KWIM?
The other issue with going to a stylist is as I mentioned - nothing can be done with it until it's brushed out and fully saturated (her hair doesn't hold water like mine does). This would mean at least an hour of brushing in the salon by me before the hairstylist could even touch her.
I like the idea of a little headband, I think that might be our best option.
ETA: Typos.
[QUOTE]I would probably let it be natural and have her wear a hair flower or headband. <strong>I think her hair is awesome.</strong> If you do a pony tail you can always add a flower to it to dress it up a little bit. I think little kids look adorable with a more relaxed hair style-kids should look like themselves.
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]
So do I! It's so unique.. not too many blond fros out there :) and it suits her little personality so well.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need some serious advice on how to style my daughter's difficult hair : I'm a bit leery about this. The only reason being that I have curly hair (ringlets) too - look at my avatar for an idea of what mine are like. I don't deal with the texture issues that she does, and I STILL can't find a decent stylist in my area who has any clue how to style curly hair. I'm not even picky about stuff like that either! The last few salons I've been to for cuts, the stylists actually asked ME the best way to cut it (different stylists). Doesn't give me warm fuzzy feelings inside, KWIM? The other issue with going to a stylist is as I mentioned - nothing can be done with it until it's brushed out and fully saturated (her hair doesn't hold water like mine does). This would mean at least an hour of brushing in the salon by me before the hairstylist could even touch her. I like the idea of a little headband, I think that might be our best option. ETA: Typos.
Posted by rasp.berry[/QUOTE]
Oh goodness. That's nuts!
I see the ringlets. :)
I do agree with PP, natural is super cute too!
First Look
June 2012 Siggy Challenge - Wedding Rings
In the meantime, I'm definitely going to check out the "Just For Me" hair products, and the forums for advice. She hates having her hair up or braided, but she may need to just get used to it as she gets older and her hair gets longer if she wants to keep it. I've always kept the option open to cut it if she wants, but I don't even know how anyone from my area would be able to do that properly (and the thought secretly breaks my heart!)
[QUOTE]<strong>Your daughter is BEAUTIFUL</strong>! My two cents come from experience. I grew up with serious deep conditioning, followed by untangling in the shower to the point of tears, and then immediate braiding. My hair was never left out/loose as a kid. It'd get re-washed when the braids started to look bananas.
Posted by BrooklynNovia[/QUOTE]
Thank you :)
[QUOTE]I'm loving all of the advice ladies! We don't live in the most culturally diverse area, so like I said a lot of what we do with it has come from trial and error. There is 1 shop that supposedly sells products for AA hair, so maybe I'll stop in there at some point and see what I can find out. <strong>Anytime I've ever looked in that section at WalMart or a drug store, usually all I can see is relaxers which I know nothing about</strong>. Unfortunately, no AA dedicated salons :( In the meantime, I'm definitely going to check out the "Just For Me" hair products, and the forums for advice. She hates having her hair up or braided, but she may need to just get used to it as she gets older and her hair gets longer if she wants to keep it. I've always kept the option open to cut it if she wants, but I don't even know how anyone from my area would be able to do that properly (and the thought secretly breaks my heart!)
Posted by rasp.berry[/QUOTE]
I'm glad you are looking for help in this area, just please don't attempt to relax her hair yourself if you don't know what you are doing. After all, it is chemicals...
You said you don't know of any AA salons. Do you know any AA women? Maybe at work or in your neighborhood? I know you state it's not really culturally diverse where you are...but another option is to actually ask a random AA woman you see, whether at the mall, Walmart, at the park, etc. I'm AA and don't live in the most diverse place myself (moved to be closer to FI) and had to find a AA salon. I asked an AA customer in Walmart one day, and now I have someone I see for haircare. Good luck!
[QUOTE]I'm loving all of the advice ladies! We don't live in the most culturally diverse area, so like I said a lot of what we do with it has come from trial and error. There is 1 shop that supposedly sells products for AA hair, so maybe I'll stop in there at some point and see what I can find out. Anytime I've ever looked in that section at WalMart or a drug store, usually all I can see is relaxers which I know nothing about. Unfortunately, no AA dedicated salons :( In the meantime, I'm definitely going to check out the "Just For Me" hair products, and the forums for advice. She hates having her hair up or braided, but she may need to just get used to it as she gets older and her hair gets longer if she wants to keep it. I've always kept the option open to cut it if she wants, but I don't even know how anyone from my area would be able to do that properly (and the thought secretly breaks my heart!)
Posted by rasp.berry[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Don't be discouraged! Once you learn how to manage natural hair it really is easy. It's a lot harder for you and your daughter to keep her hair loose all the time. Especially since it's so long and she has a lot of shrinkage. I mostly buy my products online. You want moisture moisture moisture for her hair (I recommend Qhemet Biologic products) and something to lock that moisture in (olive oil and or coconut oil are good ones, Oyin makes a good oil pomade for locking in moisture too). It's also good to deep condition her hair often (I deep condition once a week by just adding honey and olive oil to my conditioner, heating it all up, then keeping it on my head for an hour.) Once you get those basics down the next step is styling her hair so it keeps that moisture in for the week, stays detangled, and her ends are protected from damage. The more curly and kinky the hair, the more fragile it is. </div><div>
</div><div>As for stylists, you don't need them. I haven't been to a salon in two years and my hair is healthier and longer than it has ever been. Wish you all the best with your baby's hair.</div><div>
</div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_need-some-serious-advice-on-how-to-style-my-daughters-difficult-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:a9fcf28c-4a89-4efb-9e46-175589d971e5Post:a8a42f38-2f61-49d6-9263-dbe6652280c3">Re: Need some serious advice on how to style my daughter's difficult hair</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Why don't you take her to a stylist for suggestions? That is what I would do. They may also be able to help you learn how to tame it and can make suggestions for care of it.</strong> Looks like it's going to be HUGE hair when she gets older, and I mean the size of it. :) I would probably save yourselves both the pain and stress and do a pony with a pretty ribbon or something. <strong>ETA: Maybe look into a pretty head band and slip it in with her natural hair.
</strong>Posted by peachykeen26[/QUOTE]
I would also recommend plaits at night before bed to detangle as much as possible with as much deep conditioning as can be healthy. With AA hair, the longer between detangling, the more difficult it is to manage.
I would also consider having it cornrowed or braided weekly if the nightly jazz is too much for her; that way it stays healthy and manageable between styles.
I personally wash my hair every three days with a deep conditioning shampoo and conditioner, braid it to dry (no heat for my hair) and use a leave in conditioner every night after braiding it. Maybe one or two nights a week I let it go, but I pay for it later...
First Look
Thank you to everyone who has given advice! It really gave me the confidence I needed to ask more questions and see what I can do to make her hair even more beautiful as she grows!
[QUOTE]It sounds like PaigeJessica has the best advice for you, but I just wanted to say that my cousin's daughter has the exact same hair as your daughter's. Here are a couple of pics of how she usually has hers. If you want me to ask my cousin what she does I can. I think I will have to tell my cousin about the resources PaigeJessica gave.
Posted by niknik15[/QUOTE]
She's such a cutie! And hers does look really similar to my daughters, even the blonde.
[QUOTE]I have no advice for you, I just absolutely LOVE that last picture of her. Too cute!
Posted by Tiffany6912[/QUOTE]
This. And all the advice was fascinating for this girl who always wanted braids like the AA girls in her class, and would get mad that my mom couldn't do it!
Can I suggest some oil to help with the taming? Garnier fructis makes some great ones; sometimes I just use olive oil though to help with my frizz. It really softens the hair and makes curlsmore defined.
I agree with PPs that a nice headband would look really great and would tame the curls while still showcasing how unique they are.
[QUOTE]Have you thought about getting her keratin treatments from the salon? My little sister (now 14) has the same hair as your daughter and it was awful combing out her hair and to this day she only washes it about once a week. It relaxes her hair so much that she can actually style her hair as <strong>anyone with "normal" hair can</strong>-but she still has her curls they're just more manageable. She has been getting these treatments once every few months (you can tell when her hair grows in that a new treatment is needed) for years now and it has been a life changer-for her and <strong>my poor mother who had to comb it out and deal with the "hair battles</strong>"! Good luck!
Posted by LoveYouB[/QUOTE]
<div>I'm sorry but your post is pretty offensive to me, a person without "normal" hair, which I assume is not nappy, black, natural hair. There is nothing difficult about natural hair with some education. It can't be approached the same as other hair types and that is the problem. The hair is not bad and there's no need for hair battles. Keratin treatments or relaxers on a three year old is really unnecessary.</div><div>
</div><div>Sorry to be off topic OP.</div>
[QUOTE]Have you thought about getting her keratin treatments from the salon? My little sister (now 14) has the same hair as your daughter and it was awful combing out her hair and to this day she only washes it about once a week. It relaxes her hair so much that she can actually style her hair as anyone with <strong>"normal" hair</strong> can-but she still has her curls they're just more manageable. She has been getting these treatments once every few months (you can tell when her hair grows in that a new treatment is needed) for years now and it has been a life changer-for her and my poor mother who had to comb it out and deal with the "hair battles"! Good luck!
Posted by LoveYouB[/QUOTE]
I agree paigejessica that this is quite offensive. Hair comes in different shades, lengths and textures. Beautiful hair comes in many varieties, and to say she gets it treat to become "normal" is insulting to many people. European standards of beauty have been engrained into people for so many generations, especially in America, that anything that is not long, flowy, blonde or bone-straight is considered "problem" hair. It is time to change this pattern of thinking. Long hair is beautiful. Short hair is beautiful. Curly hair is beautiful. Kinky hair is beautiful. As are all the women and little girls to whom the hair belongs.
Had to be said.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need some serious advice on how to style my daughter's difficult hair : She's such a cutie! And hers does look really similar to my daughters, even the blonde.
Posted by rasp.berry[/QUOTE]
So is yours! She is adorable! I love the look of the really curly blonde hair and that always tan skin. To be honest I'm a little jealous. Lol!