Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridesmaids and Jail!!!

So, here's a good one I haven't seen yet. I invited this girl I worked with at a previous job to be a bridesmaid(when we very first got engaged). I also asked another girl who my fiance works with. Well, my fiance works at a jail. The first girl recently was arrested for DUI and resisting arrest. My other bridesmaid was the officer that booked her in, and had to physically restrain her because she was fighting everyone. They have not otherwise met and I feel this could be somewhat awkward. The arrested female has hardly spoken to me since I got my new job, and hasn't asked about anything for the wedding, including her dress. I feel like if I didn't say anything she wouldn't even remember about being a bridesmaid. Should I ask her to step down? Or just not say anything about the wedding and play it off and say I'd forgotten I asked her? My fiance and the other officer really aren't supposed to associate with inmates outside of the jail anyway.... Hmmmmm. This is the most odd predicament I could've possibly imagined! Advice??

Re: Bridesmaids and Jail!!!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmades-jail?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:92b050d2-5844-4413-8241-e4f1774dfd0cPost:efc0fd88-897e-4672-abf9-615e3a77d17b">Bridesmades and Jail!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, here's a good one I haven't seen yet. I invited this girl I worked with at a previous job to be a bridesmaid(when we very first got engaged). I also asked another girl who my fiance works with. Well, my fiance works at a jail. The first girl recently was arrested for DUI and resisting arrest. My other bridesmaid was the officer that booked her in, and had to physically restrain her because she was fighting everyone. They have not otherwise met and I feel this could be somewhat awkward. The arrested female has hardly spoken to me since I got my new job, and hasn't asked about anything for the wedding, including her dress. I feel like if I didn't say anything she wouldn't even remember about being a bridesmaid. Should I ask her to step down? Or just not say anything about the wedding and play it off and say I'd forgotten I asked her? My fiance and the other officer really aren't supposed to associate with inmates outside of the jail anyway.... Hmmmmm. This is the most odd predicament I could've possibly imagined! Advice??
    Posted by gin00021[/QUOTE]


    I have no clue what advice to give...that's a completely unfortunately series of events though...
  • I think it's kind of funny. I mean, there are a lot of people who screw up now and again. But, she just did a WOW mess up. And what are the odds! At least it wasn't my future hubby that booked her in.... I knew it was coming though. I'd been working in dispatch a few times when I knew it was her vehicle people were calling in.
    Frankly, I don't really know what I was thinking when I asked her. We weren't even that close then. I think I was just so excited, having JUST got engaged. I guess let that be a lesson to other newly engaged women!
  • If you aren't close, barely talk and wouldn't care if the friendship completely died off, I would just let it go, not contact her and hope it goes away.   Some people take this line of "Once you ask they HAVE to be there or the world will end" but you also have to account for common sense.  It sounds like you all barely even interact.  Why WOULD you persue this?  She probably doesn't want to do it anyways.  Being in a wedding can be a pain in the butt, I can't imagine being gung ho about standing up for someone I barely talked to.  She'll probably be relieved, just like you. 

    image

    "Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
  • Maybe DUI girl will be to drunk to come to the wedding? Seroulsy though, that really sucks! Good luck with this one.
  • I think you need to talk with her about the fact you two have lost contact, lack of communication about the wedding, it should not be about her DUI.  I don't think you can just hope she forgets about it, I think that is tacky.  Maybe she has not mentioned it because she does not want to be in your wedding. 
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    I think its fne to just let it go and not say anything to her and hope it just goes away. It sounds like the friendship is dying out and that you're OK with that scenario. There is nothing wrong with that.

    If she asks about it, though? I think it would be kind of mean to be like "What?! I asked you to be a BM? Noooo, for reals!?" So, pretending you forgot you asked her seems a little cruel.
  • I don't think you can say you forgot you asked her. Who forgets that kind of stuff? It sounds like the friendship is dying anyway. I would just let it go. If you ask her to not be in your wedding party anymore, the friendship will essentially be over anyway. If it comes up, I would say that there doesn't seem to be much interest and you'll understand and no hard feelings if she would like to bow out.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmades-jail?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:92b050d2-5844-4413-8241-e4f1774dfd0cPost:fd54eb51-c249-4474-9c6e-dc35ee9b4e47">Re: Bridesmades and Jail!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmades and Jail!!! : I have no clue what advice to give...that's a completely unfortunately series of events though...
    Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

    Lemony Snicket would agree completely.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • are you still going to invite her to the wedding?  Seems like there's still some chances for majorly awkward situations.  I mean, I have never personally been in line for the bathroom next to someone who was the arresting officer in my DUI, but I can't imagine that there wouldn't be some uncomfortable moments. 
  • And just to clarify....it isn't the DUI part that makes it so awkward. It's the fact that she physically FOUGHT the officers and had to be "subdued".  She actually texted me the other day, asking about her invitation. She didn't mention the BM thing so I just said, "Yeah, I need your address". We'll see if she RSVP's! Should I remind her those officers will be at my wedding? It should be obvious, but who knows.
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