Father Daughter Dance Awkwardness

krrum001 · March 2010

First time poster.

Wedding isn't for a LONG time, but I would like some honest opinions about an issue I've been having regarding my dad and the wedding.

As of right now, I think that I will be walking down the aisle by myself - if not, then maybe with both of my parents. The history between my dad and I is far too complicated to post on here, but the short version is that he has been absent, an alcoholic (now sober, however), is extremely manipulative and spiteful (guilting my mom to move or else they'll get divorced, quitting his job and not getting a new one to "prove" my mom right) and other such things. Basically, the fact that he's still living in my mom's house for FREE is driving me up a wall because he doesn't help out in any way, shape or form, doesn't see the need to, and continues to treat my younger brothers and sister and my mom horribly. My mom has talked about getting a divorce, but money has always been tight and she's too distraught over the situation. This has been going on for about 10+ years and it doesn't seem to be getting any better although things could change by the time the wedding day rolls around.

So, the actual point of this post: Father-Daughter dance? Is there any way to make it less awkward? Or even that we don't look like we want to kill each other by the end. My FI still wants to have a Mother-Son dance. His mom and him are very, very close and I know that my MIL wants to as well. My FI also thinks that it would just be rubbing it in my dad's face if there was a Mother-Son dance and I chose not to have a Father-Daughter dance. And I completely agree. Help?

britne28 · March 2010

I wouldn't dance with him. It's not mandatory. And if that were my dad, he wouldn't be walking me down the aisle either, my mother would.

TheDavis' · March 2010

I agree with the PP, if its awkard, then skip it.
You don't want to do something that is not going to be fun and worthwhile to you.

If you feel like 20 years from now you will regret not doing it, then that's different.
I tossed this one around myself as my father and I don't get along all the time (well most of the time) and I felt like it was going to be a "forced" thing to have to be nice to each other for that legnth of time.

Good luck.

cmkuno · March 2010

I agree with all the PP's - just skip the dance entirely. My relationship with my dad isn't nearly as bad as yours sounds, but I still felt like it would be a forced, awkward moment since we're not very close, so I'm not doing it. The only dance we're doing is a first dance with FI & I, no WP dance, no groom/mother dance, so I really don't think anyone will even miss it.

bethsmiles · March 2010

I had a friend who didn't want to do a father daughter dance either but her FI really wanted to do the mother-son dance and felt the same way you said your FI does. What they did was a parent dance. So they combined the mother-son and father-daughter dance then to make it even less awkward they had the DJ invite other fathers/daughters/mothers/sons to join them on the dance floor. It work really well and she said she doesn't regret it.

If you choose to do that though I would let your FI and his mom pick the song.

SarahRuthG · March 2010

Pretty much the same boat here....

I will be walking down the aisle by myself. To make it less noticiable, and because I dont want to make my friends walk with guys they dont know, the groomsmen will all be standing already and only the girls will walk down the aisle, all on their own.

I will not be doing a dance, however my fiance and his mother will be. She has said it doesn't need to be announced and everyone can join so that it won't be uncomfortable for me and my father. (The girls have already decided there will be a mandatory bathroom break so I wont be available for an uncomfortable dance in case my father thinks he is supposed to dance with me also).

I started out very stressed about this situation but now I feel confident it will all work out fine. I got into the mindset that this day is for me and my future huband, and we need to do things to enjoy it fully.

c8linr · March 2010

Although it may be rubbing it in your father's face, you could dance with you FFIL if you have a good relationship with him.

SarahRuthG · March 2010

Another note - My uncle offered to walk me down the aisle, as did my younger brother, but I am not going to do any of that. I dont want to create tension by doing that. I choose to walk myself, thay way I don't have to explain to any family or guests way my uncle walked with me when my father is sitting right there in the front row.... Basically do whatever feels best for you and your future husband.

MichelleMSRD · March 2010

I think that not dancing with him,if your FI is dancing with his mom, would be pretty conspicuous, and the easiest way out of dancing a whole song with him might be to combine the father/daughter and mother/son dance but caught both short after inviting other parent/child couples to join you after 30 sec-1 min so you can either exit or someone can cut in.....

BUT its your wedding and none of us can truly understand what your father/dtr relationship is like. If you think you can't bear even a couple minutes of dancing than you need to make that call.

Father Daughter Dance Awkwardness

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