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Moms and Maids
VTHOMPSON1989
member
How not to upset all my bridesmaids?
So my future mother in law likes to make things diffiucult for me in backhanded ways. This is the latest problem she has created:
One of my bridesmaids is my fiancee's brother's girlfriend (lives with my mother-in-law). Earlier in my engagement I let my mother in law be in charge of my bachelorette/bridal shower party to smooth things over with her when she demanded a part in my wedding. She then decided that my bridesmaid who lives with her would "host" the party and she would fund it. Since this bridesmaid was hosting my bachelorette party now, my mother-in-law told her that I had made her my maid-of-honor (which I had not, since I already had a matron of honor and only three people in my wedding party, but I couldn't tell her that because it would hurt her feelings). So now my bridesmaid is all excited that she gets to walk down the aisle with her boyfriend (the best man/my fiancee's brother).
The problem with this is:
I wanted my matron of honor to walk first (therefore with the best man). I don't want to hurt my bridesmaids feelings but also I dont want to hurt my matron of honor's feelings by demoting her to walking second to appease the in-laws. I don't know how to handle this situation.
One of my bridesmaids is my fiancee's brother's girlfriend (lives with my mother-in-law). Earlier in my engagement I let my mother in law be in charge of my bachelorette/bridal shower party to smooth things over with her when she demanded a part in my wedding. She then decided that my bridesmaid who lives with her would "host" the party and she would fund it. Since this bridesmaid was hosting my bachelorette party now, my mother-in-law told her that I had made her my maid-of-honor (which I had not, since I already had a matron of honor and only three people in my wedding party, but I couldn't tell her that because it would hurt her feelings). So now my bridesmaid is all excited that she gets to walk down the aisle with her boyfriend (the best man/my fiancee's brother).
The problem with this is:
I wanted my matron of honor to walk first (therefore with the best man). I don't want to hurt my bridesmaids feelings but also I dont want to hurt my matron of honor's feelings by demoting her to walking second to appease the in-laws. I don't know how to handle this situation.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How not to upset all my bridesmaids?
With that said, if shes already been asked you are right to say you cant demote her. To solve the walking thing...have the girls walk in one by one for the processional (therefore alllowing your matron of honor walk in right before you to be able to recess first) without the groomsmen. We did this for our wedding...and for the recessional just have everyone walk out alone or the girls together then the men.
Personally, i dont see why its a big deal to just tell them your matron of honor is walking first therefore walking out with the BM...its just the logisitics and not really a huge deal (either way for that matter).
I am sorry you have to deal with this, but unfortunately its also a mess of your own making by letting your MIL bully you...Your going to have to stand up to her eventually and not always do things just to appease her...otherwise your setting a bad precedence for future problems in your marriage
If you don't want this girl to be your MOH then don't have her be your MOH. It was not your FMIL place to "promote" her.
As for the walking in and out of the ceremony, just do it the way you want. It takes all of 5 seconds to walk in and out and if someone gets their panties in a twist over the fact that they aren't walking with their boyfriend then oh well, they will get over it.
that said, while I think it's not a big deal for them to walk together, I DON"T think you should call her MOH just b/c your FMIL is overbearing. You need to put your foot down, your FI needs to be prepared to back you up. Not that you should be mean to BM about it - it's not her fault so let her down gently; just explain that you apologize for the confusion, but you already have a MOH.
[QUOTE]I am a little confused how you 'let' FMIL be in charge of parties that are supposed to be optional and thrown in your honor. But that's a whole different thread. <strong>Has this girl mentioned anything directly TO YOU about being upgraded to MOH? If not, when she does, just tell her that you aren't sure how that misunderstanding came about, but you were just having your matron of honor.</strong> As for who walks with whom, I agree it's a silly thing to get worked up about on her part, but it's also not a hill worth dying on. It's a 30 second walk and if walking out with the BM is that big of a deal to her, then let her. We let the Best Man walk out with one of the groomsmaids because they were married and they wanted to, and it just wasn't worth worrying about.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
The bolded is how you should handle the upgraded BM. Make sure your FI is on your side. When FMIL finds out you "demoted" the brother's girlfriend, she will probably have a fit. It's her fit to throw because she overstepped a boundary big time!
As for processing out of the church, just have your real MOH walk out with the BM. As they are announced during the reception, you can switch it up so that the Best Man walks in with his girlfriend, the bridesmaid.