honoring mother instead of father/daughter dance

spelkey19 · February 2010

Okay... So my fiance will do his mother/son dance (his mother would probably die if that didn't happen..) But I don't have a father in the picture. And it's not that I think it's inappropriate to dance with my mother instead of a male figure... it's just that i don't want to. I don't want to have a mother daughter dance. I want to do something different... But I don't know how to make it sweet or special enough.

I was thinking a slide show but I'm afraid I won't be able to find enough pictures of her and I. And I was also thinking of donating money to a battered women's charity. But the problem with the second one is I don't know if my mother would want her abuse broadcasted for the entire wedding. So I'm kind of stuck on what to do that is meaningful and sweet... But not a dance.

Help?!

trix1223 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_honoring-mother-instead-of-fatherdaughter-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:51460a0f-55ae-41b7-b15c-05332aee7c29Post:bd8d4fa7-bf2a-40b0-90d2-dca64bf8dd3b">honoring mother instead of father/daughter dance</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay... So my fiance will do his mother/son dance (his mother would probably die if that didn't happen..) But I don't have a father in the picture. And it's not that I think it's inappropriate to dance with my mother instead of a male figure... it's just that i don't want to. I don't want to have a mother daughter dance. I want to do something different... But I don't know how to make it sweet or special enough. I was thinking a slide show but I'm afraid I won't be able to find enough pictures of her and I. And I was also thinking of donating money to a battered women's charity. But the problem with the second one is I don't know if my mother would want her abuse broadcasted for the entire wedding. So I'm kind of stuck on what to do that is meaningful and sweet... But not a dance. Help?!
Posted by spelkey19[/QUOTE]

Well, you can certainly donate to the women's shelter, without broadcasting it to your guests. I'm not even sure how that conversation would go "Instead of a dance with her mother....the bride is donating money to a shelter for abused women." I'd be confused as he!! about that.

And I haven't been in your mom's situation, but I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't want it announced at my DD's wedding that I had been an abused wife. That just seems to be awful timing, don't you think?

I'd also skip the slide show. IMO, they're just not all that fascinating for the vast majority of your guests~particularly your FI's family.

You don't have to have any dance at all. Just skip it. Let your FI and his mom have their dance, and then move on. People won't miss it, and they certainly won't miss having to stand through another dance.

If you must do something, instead of tossing your bouquet, present it to your mom and say a sweet little "thank you" to her.

aintmeamanatee · February 2010

Oh, I REALLY like the bouquet idea, if you were excited to do the bouquet toss, presenting your mom with something else would be neat too.

I agree that the slideshow might be a bit boring and your gut sounds right about leaving out the details of your mother's personal life.

I will be dancing with my mom and inviting all of my other guests to join in with their mothers/daughters so all eyes will not be on us.

spelkey19 · February 2010

That's definitely an idea. If i could just skip it all... I would. But I can't not do anything for my mother... Especialy if my fiance is going to do the dance with his mother. And I think, knowing my mom... she'd be a little heart broken if all I gave her was a "thank you." I'm looking for a grand gesture I think... I just haven't put my finger on it. I'm just thanking my lucky stars that i have such a long time to think about it! Thanks for your advice, though!

spelkey19 · February 2010

hmm.. I really like the idea of inviting all of the other mother/daughters to dance with you! that makes me feel better about it.. I just feel like even if I had a father I wouldn't want that extra bit of attention (even though it is my day) of people just starring at us for 3ish minutes while we dance. But like I said.. I certainly have to do something for my mom since she's done so much for me.

amandajean36 · February 2010

could you talk to your mom about it? if you're uncomfortable with the attention a dance would give you, even if it was a father/daughter dance, then maybe she would be uncomfrtable as well. expecially since its not really 'traditional' so i don't think she's expecting anything.

maybe instead of a grand gesture at the reception, would could give her a special gift the morning of the wedding. a photo album of special moments you've shared, or something else that is personal.

or, you could simple make a toast of some sort, letting your mom know how much she means to you.

i'm with the others though - i wouldn't do a slide show. i don't like slide shows at weddings. most guests aren't interested, espcially when the pictures are really old and you can't tell who anyone in the picture is.

kbevers · February 2010

I also don't have a father in the picture. I am thinking of making a toast to her and giving her a gift... something personal. I haven't decided on exactlly what, but I am thinking of a picture of us when I was a child with some kind of inscription with my wedding date on it...or something along that line.

CA2MT4EveR · February 2010

A toast sounds nice! No need to make a big fancy crazy ordeal

honoring mother instead of father/daughter dance

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