Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?

chels31691 · June 2010

     My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. We've both known that "this is it" for about 22 months of these 2 years, and have been talking about marriage and our future for 18 months or so. Ever since, I have been just waiting for those four words that every woman wants to hear. We already have a general date picked out, and I'm already thinking up plans for the wedding.

     Our two year anniversary is in 2 weeks. Just about a month ago we went to a jewelry store and I tried on rings. The man who throws everything away still has not thrown away the business card from the jewelry store. He has been cutting back on expenses and giving up time with his friends to spend more time with me, and even with my friends.

     All of the signs are pointing to a very important question being asked on our anniversary (in TWO WEEKS!!!!!

). EXCEPT:

When he realized today that our anniversary was in two weeks, he was genuinely surprised, worried, and said he hadn't planned anything and that I should put something together for us to do. Now I've known this man for 5 years, and we've been dating for 2 years almost. He is NOT a good actor/liar.
I SO CONFUSED.

What do ya'll think? I know that he's going to pop the question; that's obvious. But do you think it will be on our anniversary?

bethsmiles · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-love-of-pete-can-engaged-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0870927a-f280-4a05-9844-8b704b48f348Post:2a09e8dc-e3ea-4115-bd8a-4539b2946d17">Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?</a>:
[QUOTE] My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. We've both known that "this is it" for about 22 months of these 2 years, and have been talking about marriage and our future for 18 months or so. Ever since, I have been just waiting for those four words that every woman wants to hear. We already have a general date picked out, and I'm already thinking up plans for the wedding. Our two year anniversary is in 2 weeks. Just about a month ago we went to a jewelry store and I tried on rings. The man who throws everything away still has not thrown away the business card from the jewelry store. He has been cutting back on expenses and giving up time with his friends to spend more time with me, and even with my friends. All of the signs are pointing to a very important question being asked on our anniversary (in TWO WEEKS!!!!! :) ). EXCEPT: When he realized today that our anniversary was in two weeks, he was genuinely surprised, worried, and said he hadn't planned anything and that I should put something together for us to do. Now I've known this man for 5 years, and we've been dating for 2 years almost. He is NOT a good actor/liar. I SO CONFUSED. :/ What do ya'll think? I know that he's going to pop the question; that's obvious. But do you think it will be on our anniversary?
Posted by chels31691[/QUOTE]

Just stop. If you keep trying to guess when he will propose then you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. You need to take a step back from all of this and just relax. He will propose when he is ready. You have talked about a timeline, looked at rings, and seem to be on track. So now what you need to do is be patient, enjoy your relationship as it is, and stop trying to figure out when he will propose.

Also something that worried me about your post is that has stopped hanging out with his friends to hang out with you and your friends and you seem really happy about that. Why is that? Do you not like his friends?

nda_roxybabe · June 2010

Do not think about it too much, you willdrive yourself CRAZY. T and I have been together 4 years and we are not engaged. We've tried on rings, talked dates and plan but we're not engaged yet. I have driven myself nuts obsessing over it and it's not worth it. It will happen when it happens.

Simply Fated · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-love-of-pete-can-engaged-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0870927a-f280-4a05-9844-8b704b48f348Post:2a09e8dc-e3ea-4115-bd8a-4539b2946d17">Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?</a>:
[QUOTE] giving up time with his friends to spend more time with me, and even with my friends. All of the signs are pointing to a very important question being asked on our anniversary (in TWO WEEKS!!!!! :) ).
Posted by chels31691[/QUOTE]

Do you equate being engaged and married with him giving up his friends to spend all his time with you and <span style="font-style:italic;">your</span> friends?

I'm not sure how you came to the conclusion that this is a sign that he is going to propose to you in two weeks, but if I was his friend, I'd be thinking you are a psycho girlfriend right now.

chels31691 · June 2010

He's not giving up all of his time with his friends to spend with me and my friends; but he's making an effort to get to know my close friends and spending time with them. And he's not spending almost every other night gaming with the guys anymore. He's maturing and taking better care of himself rather than staying up all night video gaming all the time.

JadziaDax · June 2010

Yeah, relax a little. It will happen when it happens. Don't get stressed out. I was with my fiance for 7 1/2 years when he proposed and it was the perfect time for the both of us.

zitiqueen · June 2010

How old are the two of you?

quotequeen · June 2010

Did you have some reason to think it was going to be on your anniversary in the first place?

[Deleted User] · June 2010

I think you just need to chill, otherwise you're going to drive yourself crazy wondering when he'll propose and find yourself very disappointed every time it doesn't happen when you're expecting it to. H and I were together 3 years before he proposed, and honestly, every time it was brought up (mostly by friends and family), it made him want to ask less because he felt like he was being pressured.

Just leave him alone about it, stop trying on rings and wondering about your anniversary and planning wedding dates, and just enjoy being together. He'll ask when he's ready to ask.

NcsuPsych · June 2010

Agreeing with PP. . you're going to drive yourself batty. He'll propose on his own time and thats how it should be, otherwise you could have the feeling that you pressured him into it and thats not something you want to live with (my sister kind of did this. . )

Also, trying to figure it out takes away from the surprise. DH has a REALLLLY hard time surprising me, but somehow he managed to catch me by complete and absolute surprise when we got engaged and I'm so very glad I hadn't figured out 'when' he'd do it.

Also. . .looking around is fine, but I wouldn't start planning/paying deposits quite yet.

Enjoy this time, its exciting and will be wonderful!

)

GreenPepperBurger · June 2010

Calm down. He's obviously considering proposing to you. It will happen in its own time. I'm not engaged yet either, and I've tried on rings and my BF kept the business cards from the store. I even think he went back to one store that I loved. But he still hasn't proposed. It might take months, or even years. Just enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend right now - waiting for a proposal can be fun and exciting.

AdeleDazeem · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-love-of-pete-can-engaged-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0870927a-f280-4a05-9844-8b704b48f348Post:2a09e8dc-e3ea-4115-bd8a-4539b2946d17">Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?</a>:
[QUOTE] Ever since, I have been just waiting for those four words that every woman wants to hear.
Posted by chels31691[/QUOTE]

This sentence kinda makes me want to stab my eyes out.

Honestly - just relax. I realize that this is exciting for you, but you are going to drive yourself crazy wondering "is it going to be now? No, wait... maybe it will be now?"

Some of the best proposals (in my mind) are not choreographed events requiring meticulous planning. My fiance and I went for a walk around a place where we both have a lot of good memories. He asked me at the end of our walk.

Good luck and just chill. If you really are going to be together forever, don't begrudge the guy a few months to save and figure out how he wants to do it.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

90% of ppl i know (including myself) were surprised by when it happened. i knew we were talking about it and it would EVENTUALLY happen, but wasn't expecting it when he did it.

if your boyfriend is smart/maturing he knows that a wedding costs money, as does the ring, and a future together - my fiance bought a house and first took care of financials before he bought the ring (even then he had a nest egg in the bank). give him some credit for thinking ahead.

sometimes girls dont care about the after, they just want that darn ring. you must first take care of yourself before you can bring somebody else into your life and maybe he's just thinking realistically. (i dont know either one of your situations so for all i know your both millionares and have nothing to worry about)

ohwhynot · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-love-of-pete-can-engaged-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0870927a-f280-4a05-9844-8b704b48f348Post:2a09e8dc-e3ea-4115-bd8a-4539b2946d17">Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?</a>:
[QUOTE] Ever since, I have been just waiting for those four words that every woman wants to hear. Posted by chels31691[/QUOTE]

"I cleaned the bathroom"?

vanessa7889 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-love-of-pete-can-engaged-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0870927a-f280-4a05-9844-8b704b48f348Post:32aaef5e-c07a-4726-8e22-ae04f8b7a6d6">Re: Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET? : "I cleaned the bathroom"?
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

haha that made my day <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

JenGin74 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-love-of-pete-can-engaged-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0870927a-f280-4a05-9844-8b704b48f348Post:32aaef5e-c07a-4726-8e22-ae04f8b7a6d6">Re: Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET? : "I cleaned the bathroom"?
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

The seat is down

BecW2be · June 2010

Go buy yourself shoes.

emarston1 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-love-of-pete-can-engaged-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0870927a-f280-4a05-9844-8b704b48f348Post:5a4d2d72-c267-422b-ac22-ec7c50d1899f">Re: Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?</a>:
[QUOTE]How old are the two of you?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

I'm guessing 19 based on the screenname. And if you are 19, you are too young to get married. Especially after this post. If you have to ask a bunch of internet strangers when you will be engaged versus your boyfriend, you are too young.

Calm down, relax, and let the moment happen and enjoy it. Don't stress about when it will come/if it will come.

AmandalovesAl · June 2010

U have to chill as pps said. Don't you WANT to be surprised?!? You are settting it up so high you will end up being disappointed when he does propose.

Mioh1 · June 2010

Just relax.... because you might not be as surprised once he does ask you. Go with the flow....it'll happened so enjoy it don't be all stressed about it.

jedaniel · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-love-of-pete-can-engaged-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0870927a-f280-4a05-9844-8b704b48f348Post:953fd385-140f-4444-8023-3c8a9a0c2461">Re: Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET? : I'm guessing 19 based on the screenname. And if you are 19, you are too young to get married. Especially after this post. If you have to ask a bunch of internet strangers when you will be engaged versus your boyfriend, you are too young. Calm down, relax, and let the moment happen and enjoy it. Don't stress about when it will come/if it will come.
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

I don't think people should be the judge on when other people should get married. I am 22 and getting married.

AmandalovesAl · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-love-of-pete-can-engaged-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0870927a-f280-4a05-9844-8b704b48f348Post:106257b9-44fc-42f5-be02-5fda6f52dfaf">Re: Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET? : I don't think people should be the judge on when other people should get married. I am 22 and getting married.
Posted by jedaniel[/QUOTE]

I agree on principal, but if this is an issue (watching a tv show as a test) then it sounds like it sounds like this couple is too immature to be married. If they were 35 and dealing with this i would say the same thing.

jenn.daniel · June 2010

You sound almost exactly like one of my BMs. She's sure he'll propose on their anniversary because he isn't very creative. The anticipation is pretty exciting.

One the other hand, my FI had the ring for about 4 months before he proposed, so just because he has the business card and is saving money doesn't mean he's going to propose as soon as he gets the ring.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

I also vote on the "dont judge a person because of age" issue here.

I'm 23 and feel like i'm too young to be getting married but if somebody were to tell me i was i'd get mad. My fiance is 32 so we're not two stupid kids getting married - just one - he's the stupid and i'm the kid
Honestly, we're both in a good place in our lives and now's "the time" for us.

Age isn't the issue - i believe the maturity - or lack of it - is. This whole "whaaa i want to get married NOW" rant would be immature at age 19 or at age 39.

megk8oz · June 2010

"The dishes are done"?

Anyway, I don't really see why you're driving yourself nuts with this, since it's serving no other purpose than to drive yourself nuts. If he's going to propose, he'll do it when he's good and ready to. Relax, and just be surprised when the time comes.

debdebdol · June 2010

You need to relax. Let him do it when he is ready. Does it really matter if you get married right now? You don't need an engagement ring as proof that he loves you and wants a future with you. I waited 10 years for my guy to ask me, so 2 years is hardly waiting long.

BecW2be · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-love-of-pete-can-engaged-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0870927a-f280-4a05-9844-8b704b48f348Post:931d8fef-634a-477b-b595-bbe1f27effa2">Re: Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?</a>:
[QUOTE]Go buy yourself shoes.
Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

EDIT: This is my favorite 4 word phrase from a man, not my advice to OP.

LoveBugBaby · June 2010

I have to agree with mostly everyone else... just RELAX. Stop stressing the issue. I waited 4 years for my ring while a lot of my other friends got married in the mean time. I'm so glad I was patient because FI surprised me with the best proposal and I honestly had no idea it was coming! I would have waited as long as he wanted (I mean, reasonably that is), because I love him and would never want him to feel like I was pressuring him.

Your BF will propose when he's ready and when the timing is right, and then you'll laugh at yourself for stressing out so much over it! If he hasn't proposed yet, it could mean he's just not ready or he's trying to plan something special... freaking out over it will only damper the situation. You've only been together two years, it's not like its been 10 years and your patience is wearing thin...

Sloane99 · June 2010

Sloooooow down, this includes getting involved on a 2012 wedding board where you've already tentatively picked a date and colours. Stop daydreaming this time of your lives together away.

Wait until he proposes, you seem sure that he will so trust in that. Putting the cart before the horse is only going to lead to disappointment, plus you'll miss the fun of actually planning these things WITH him, since you know, the wedding is for both of you.

emarston1 · June 2010

Yes, I do think 19 is too young to get married. You can tell me I'm judgemental or wrong or that you are a unique case because you are mature for your age but I still will say you are too young to get married.

There are so many life experiences you just haven't had by 19 and I don't see any point in rushing to the altar. You can gain so much by waiting but you can also lose a great relationship. I do know couples who got married at about 19 and 20 and they are divorced. They simply didn't know themselves enough to realize they were making a mistake.

Science has shown that the brain is not fully developed until the mid-20s. You are still growing, learning, experiencing life and it's opportunities.

Are there couples that get married in their teens and live happily every after? Absolutely. Do I hope OP (and others) get divorced? Absolutely not. I wish them every happiness and hope they prove me wrong.

megk8oz · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-love-of-pete-can-engaged-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0870927a-f280-4a05-9844-8b704b48f348Post:980418ee-4adb-42ab-8200-b7a9aeda9123">Re: Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET? : EDIT: This is my favorite 4 word phrase from a man, not my advice to OP.
Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

It could double as advice, lol. Shoe shopping is very theraputic, Bec.

Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?

Re: Oh for the love of Pete, can I be engaged YET?

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