and my dad is a loose-lipped drinker. CN: My dad has been mentioning my wedding to an old childhood friend who works at his favorite bar. She asked me last night for an invitation. I have a hard time telling her no, even though we have no room for her or her 3 kids.
Saga: E was one of my best friends when I was in K-8, and even through HS. We drifted apart after I left for college, and I have actually only seen her once since then. We have reconnected on FB, but only on a superficial basis. She is the sweetest person in the world, and I have always had a soft spot in my heart for her. Both of her brothers are in prison, her only sister died in a car accident when we were in HS, and her mom passed away a few years ago. She has 3 kids and does her darnedest to raise them the best she can on her own, on a bartender's salary.
She happens to work at my dad's favorite bar in town (small town) and he has been talking about how he is so excited for the wedding, etc. He already invited 3 couples that weren't on the original guest list, but I added them because I really just never thought to invite them. Those were ok with me, but I asked him not to invite anyone else without asking me first.
Last night she sent me a message on FB asking about the wedding date. I knew what was coming, but I didn't want to ignore her, so I told her. Then she said, " Well send me an invitation because I really want to be there for you. I'll get there even if I have to catch a ride with your dad." This is a 6 hour trip she's talking about, in a truck with my dad and his gf. My dad likes her, and always has, but that might be pushing it. PLUS, its a holiday weekend, and I certainly don't have room on the list for her 3 kids. I should add that in our small town, its common for receptions to be larger than the ceremony because people really don't rsvp, they just show up. As wrong as that might be, its what she knows.
She struggles on a daily basis to provide for her children, and I would feel really bad if she went to the expense to come out here, no matter how much I'd really like to see her again.
I haven't replied to her message yet. I know the default answer is that she was rude to ask and I should tell her that we only have room on the list for family. Also, I dhould not be telling her how to spend her money or her time. But I just can't bring myself to do that. I know she wants to be there to celebrate with us, and to offer her support and joy, not to eat our food and drink our liquor. Here are my options, please tell me which combination I should do:
1- Tell my dad that under no circumstances is he to offer E a ride to the wedding. If she asks, he is to tell her that he will be here the whole week before. (I doubt she would want to leave her kids for a week, especially for Thanksgiving)
2- Respond to her with an "ok. will do" and send her an invitation hoping that she can't come.
3- Tell her that our guest list is small an is mostly family-only, but if we have some declines the I can invite her (she would totally not be offended by this.. at all!)
4- Tell her that the guest list is small and is mostly family and we really don't have room for any more people on the guest list, but I am looking forward to seeing her at CHristmas when I come home next. (she will then see pics on FB of 3 of our other friends who I have stayed close too all these years at my wedding, and then she'll feel like crap.)
Anything else ya'll can think of? I think I am just postponing the inevitable by writing it our here. GAH!
